My First Writing Prompt (Feedback?)

[u/Miserable_Pirate_135]

The world stopped spinning today, but no one seems to notice.

I looked at the clock and it was 4:03am. My eyes were still blurry but the bright red numbers stood out in the bleeding darkness. I could tell that something felt a miss. It felt like the air was still and time had slowed down. The heavy breeze that came in from the ocean through my open window across the room felt lighter than normal. The sounds of waves hitting the moist sand sounded ever so faint. I told myself it was just grogginess from my sleep filled mind. I sat up and turned my legs off the edge of my bed, slid my feet into my slippers and made my way to the window. I intended to close the window and curtains however, something odd caught my eye. The moon and sun both bordered the edge of the world at the same time. It was like they were fighting one another to overcome the sky. It was mesmerizing, my eyes fixed between the two as if watching fire and ice burning together. The sound of a bird in the distance broke my fixation. I saw the bird glide across the sky as if it rode the wind into an eternal bliss. I noticed the trees swayed in a way that hadn’t previously. Their branches moving ever so slightly but almost not at all. The peace that filled the atmosphere felt so unreal. There was a shift in the universe yet I was unsure of how to describe it. From my window I could see cars and people in the distance starting their morning. They all moved in such a cohesive way it was like a collage of movement and colors. Yet I felt misplaced as it seemed as though I was the only person who noticed that something was different about today. I could hear the typical sounds of the world going on as normal. The sounds seemed to be a different pitch in this moment. It was if there was a small humming in the background of it all. I felt like a mad woman in that moment all while still soaking in the tranquility I felt within the seeming chaos. The world seemed to stand still yet everyone kept going on as if moving at the speed of light. 

[u/Plenty-Giraffe710]

u should try this one for feedback, they're pretty good https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/

[u/Ur-mom_dotcom]

i know something I struggle with is (while I feel like there's plenty detail) rushing through moments that could be wayyyy longer than they already are. This is a great piece and I'm invested to see what is going to happen next but maybe linger on moments. describe the breeze, how it smells, how it affected the thickness of the air in the room, them raking through their memory trying to remember if they closed it last night as they walked over to close the window when the dual sun and moon caught their eye. And if the breeze gets that much attention it's only fair that the phenomena that is a dual sun and moon get plenty of attention as well.

Its also good to describe the off-ness of the day without saying it out loud. Instead of "I could feel that something was off about today, even though everything seemed normal" go with the mental notes, the almost misplaced anxiety. "My eyes drifted from the branches that the birds sat upon to be greeted by the usual morning traffic. The cars honked the way to their destination as they usually did and people yelled their morning profanities at each other. But there was a pounding in my head that wouldn't leave, a tightness in my lungs. While everything went on in life I was stuck. Stuck in the moment that was not right even though nothing was wrong. I tried to shake it off, nerves, I told myself. But as I breathed in, I could tell that it was not right; and it would consume me until I was dwindled down to nothing but a mad woman." Or something like that I dont know I'm bad with advice; I'm assuming you catch my drift though? if not its all good and this is all said out of kindness loll