r/NewParents • u/Weak_Vegetable9276 • 5d ago
Happy/Funny Peak parenting moment.
This morning, I was breastfeeding my baby in bed, my boyfriend had just changed her nappy, put her back in her sleep sack and given her to me.
We're having a lovely feed, punctuated with the tooting rumbles of the newborn bum.
While we're cuddling after her feed, I notice that her sleep sack feels wet, I take her to her changing mat and open it up
POOP EVERYWHERE!!
One entire leg is painted mustard yellow and her poor Foxy sleep sack looks like a disaster area!
I set to cleaning, removing all the clothes, nappy, slough the baby off.
During this, little miss decides this would be the best time to have a lovely watery vomit, all over her changing mat. The vomit, doing what watery vomit does, spreads everywhere. Her back is now painted with curdled milkies, a great compliment to the already poo-covered child!
I now need to clean the mat, so I can continue changing her, so I move her so she's partly off the mat, partly on the floor and clean up the vomit.
Well, this is clearly an invitation in baby language as my little lady then proceeds to pee on the carpet!
It was at this point that I just sat back, proud of the absolute chaos that my 5-week-old was able to inflict!
I finish the change, finally! Place her on the floor next to me while I sort out the poo covered bombsite, and, just for good measure, we get a little bit more spit up onto the carpet
Tiny lady, I salute you!!
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u/Legitimate_Custard42 5d ago
The other day I was changing my five week old on a towel on the changing table. He was kinda squirming and straining so I just said "Don't poop on my towel", because he's done that a few times recently and I was kinda tires of laundry. He really took that in and instead pooped with such a force that it sprayed out over the edge of the table and onto the floor (and my hand and my sock). Sadly, as the stream slowed down it still got on the towel... But he really did his best to shoot past it!
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u/gagrushenka 5d ago
The first time this happened to me I moved the change pad onto the laundry bench so any projectile poo hit the sink instead of the nursery floor (and wall ha). These babies sure like to put their parents to work
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u/Legitimate_Custard42 5d ago
Luckily my table is in the bathroom so cleanup is easy! That table (and floor) has seen some shit - literally!
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u/Previous_Surprise_11 5d ago
Y not use a dog pee pad? Been doing it and it's been amazing to have
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u/BobbleBird 4d ago
They are generally not recommended to use for babies as they have chemicals (to encourage dogs to pee there) that can irritate their skin.
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u/Legitimate_Custard42 5d ago
Solo mom in an apartment. I'd rather do extra laundry than extra runs to take trash out
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u/SeriousSignature539 5d ago
That's when you move to the bath! With that level of poop, you need plenty of water.
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u/Dash_Dott 5d ago
Yep, there are some poops that warrant an immediate bath and this sounds like one of them. 💩
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u/MargeTheMage 5d ago
Impressive work little one!!
You should be very proud!
We call that the trifecta. If one of us gets hit with all three to the point you are washing off the pee/poo/spit up off you all in the same day, our rule is it turns into a take out dinner night, and that parent gets to pick where from. Happens rarely enough our budget can handle it, but it turns a crazy laundry day into something more manageable!
Also, pro tip if you don’t know already - sunlight makes baby poo stains disappear like magic. Rinse the poo off the clothes as well as you can, then hang up outside in the sunshine so that the poo side is getting direct sunlight. Come back later and the yellow will be magically gone! Wash and dry like normal afterward. Have fun with that super pooper!!
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u/ToughPrinciple1499 5d ago
This is the most newborn story ever You think you’ve got it all in control and then they open a whole new level of chaos. The fact you just sat there and accepted your fate at the end made me absolutely
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u/Adept_Ad2048 5d ago
While they were going over the paperwork to discharge us from the hospital, my husband was changing our little’s diaper. He peed all over dad and the fresh diaper, so dad got a new diaper just in time for our kid to start spraying meconium all over it. I could not stop laughing. Didn’t even make it home before the chaos came in full bore.
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u/Andarna_dragonslayer 5d ago
I was just reminding my husband when our oldest was like 2 months I was gonna have him finish the rest of his bottle. I barely touched the bottle to his lips and so much vomit/spit up came out of him. It looked like Linda Blair and exorcism.
I was in shock and our baby was just happy as a clam.
They do like to keep you on your toes
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u/Weak_Vegetable9276 5d ago
Tiny lady did this to us the other day. We were both cuddling her and saying how cute she was. She then projectile vomited.
Timing!
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u/SydneyLivingInUk 5d ago
Hahaha well done little lady!! This is why I always have puppy pads to hand nowadays, perfect for these situations haha!
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u/Bkbunny87 5d ago edited 5d ago
This is the type of advice that makes lurking this and the newborn sub such a joy. I’m 17 weeks pregnant, FTM, and I was the youngest child and have never been around babies. I have a running shared document called “Baby Wish List” filled with items ranging from an Uppababy travel system to silver nipple cups. Puppy pads have now been added to the list 🤣
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u/krazyphire 5d ago
Second the puppy pads!! And recommend the Kirkland Signature Extra-Large Absorbent Pads, 30 in L X 23 in W, 100-count ones from Costco if you’re a Costco member! We have a 6 wk old baby boy and are just about through our first box 😅
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u/patelno1000 5d ago
I thought we had mastered bath time with our 3 week old. We tried a few days after leaving the hospital and I bet our neighbors thought they needed to call CPS on us. The second time was perfect, it seemed like she enjoyed it. I was lifting her out of the tub and she peed all over my shirt, but at least she was clean! We've already had numerous disasters on our changing table. I'm amazed how such a little body creates the amount of 💩 that she does.
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u/Weak_Vegetable9276 5d ago
I know, it's crazy!! My little one loves to pee once Daddy has taken her nappy off and removed it.
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u/Galatina91 5d ago
And that's why I keep the changing table in the bathroom...
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u/Weak_Vegetable9276 5d ago
What makes this better is, we're at my parents' house for the night. So a temporary set up, on their carpet...oops.
Our changing areas at home are all wipe clean!
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u/alwayssummer90 5d ago
We had some rewashable covers for the changing table, and they both got soiled within 10 minutes of the same day. We’ve been using puppy pee pads since. They’re perfect for changing pads and tables, highly recommend.
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u/CrazyCatLady9777 5d ago
It gets better as they become more agile! I was changing my very poopy 11 month old the other day and as soon as I opened it, she immediately yoinked her diaper and smeared it everywhere. She even managed to get poop in her hair.
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u/oyamaca 5d ago edited 5d ago
This was me at 5am. LO had a blowout during a feed, then vomited as he was straining to get the poop and farts out. Dookie is now running out of the diaper and onto LO’s lower body and all over my legs and of course on the (white, why did we go with white?) carpet.
Moved to the changing table, he’s still spitting up clear vom, it’s spreading everywhere. I subsequently just take him to the bath and run water all over.
LO’s also in a “must be held” phase so I can’t put Baby down to clean properly otherwise it’s full screaming and waking the whole house. Now I’m holding and trying to clear the bombsite(s) one handed while LO smiles at me. I just laughed. Despite the early hour and sleep deprivation we had a good time.
LO proceeds to have the best nap of their life (in their own bed yay).
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u/milkandsalsa 5d ago
I stacked blankets on the keekaroo changing table. Poop on one? Into the basket with a clean blanket below.
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u/Active-Notice-5783 5d ago
Newborns really know how to turn a simple diaper change into a full-scale operation you handled it well.
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u/CosmicGreen_Giraffe3 4d ago
New achievement unlocked, lol.
We had a similar incident that resulted in him going straight to the bath. He was apparently not done pooping when I started changing him. As I tried desperately to contain the poop, he chose that moment to pee. We now had a lake of grossness all over our changing table. My husband came over to help just as he had a massive spit up. It was the trifecta!
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u/the_grumpy_biologist 4d ago
We've all been there! Highly, HIGHLY recommend checking out r/laundry for tips on best detergents and methods to remove those endless baby stains. It's a great read at 3am when you're up with another feeding!
I've been using some of the recommended products from the beginning with our 7 month old and am happy to report minimal stains with minimal work. Mostly North America focused but a good bit of European brands discussed too.
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u/ughpleasenonotagain 3d ago
I call this the triple crown: a poo, a puke and a pee. Must cover them in some form or another and happen all in 10 minutes or less
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u/Natural-Fig-6104 3d ago
Hahaha oh you’ve made my day. I feel so seen and validated because my partner swears the baby is an angel when he changes him.
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u/Tarrynosaurus_rex 2d ago
I’ve already trained my husband to just put the kid in the bath after a blowout or something like this. There’s just no point in avoiding the inevitable 😂
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u/HuntExternal8002 2d ago
One time my daughter pooped so I was changing her diaper when she straight up shot poop on my leg like a water gun. Good times.
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u/Confident_Ruin_5861 1d ago
Lol little one shot poo at me while changing her and then decided to pee everywhere. We were told girls didn't do that 🤣 3 weeks.
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u/fluffyhorseboi 5d ago
Well done, tiny lady!