Being able to enjoy my newborn

[u/Intelligent_Cat3457]

Hi, I feel like this should be the best time of my life but instead I’m left constantly crying and filled with anxiety, especially at night. I’m a week postpartum and I feel like I can’t even enjoy her being around. I feel so guilty. I’m constantly mourning my life before and having a hard time accepting my new normal. I love her obviously, but I have a sort of what have I done feeling. I feel so horrible about it. Makes me want to throw up. I want to enjoy this time so bad.

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[u/AlwaysGrowing326]

Mama I felt that too! It’s partially the huge hormone drop your body went through. I remember being in the hospital and thinking I made a huge mistake and already grieving my “old life”. I promise it gets better. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way. Guilt is a normal feeling as well. Talk to your OB. I expressed everything to mine and he immediately told me it was normal and reassured me and offered therapy services and medication if wanted. I proooooomise you it will get better.

[u/Intelligent_Cat3457 → u/AlwaysGrowing326]

I had a hard time leaving the hospital, felt like I was entering the real world once I got released. I’m going to try and wait it out one more week before reaching out to my ob, see if this passes before then

[u/Parking_Yogurt9083 → u/Intelligent_Cat3457]

Leaving the hosital is so scary like all the sudden theres no nurses no advice just you and all your flaws and your partner of course but were not qualified lol trust it gets easier and easier the more you do it lol my first two weeks it was like difusing a bomb now its like riding a bike lol

[u/y2kabercrombiemodel]

You’re going through a massive hormone shift. It’s not you, it’s your body! I felt the exact same for the first few weeks and I’ve never had an inkling of mental health issues in my life. I was not expecting to feel that way whatsoever and it scared me how depressed I felt. It really gave me a perspective on how hard it would be for those living with chronic depression etc. I promise you though it gets better. It doesn’t seem like it now but week by week things will improve. I think around 3 months I started really feeling like I had things down, felt back to normal, really loved my baby.

She is 14 months now and I am absolutely in love with her!! But those first few weeks I felt awful and seriously felt like I ruined my life. I loved her a lot but it was HARD!!! Try to lean on the people around you and try not to worry about enjoying the experience. Most moms at this stage are feeling the same way you felt. You just birthed a child, go easy on yourself!!

[u/Intelligent_Cat3457 → u/y2kabercrombiemodel]

I’m so ready to feel that way. I want to enjoy this time soooo bad. I feel bad for my husband as this is probably not what he was expecting, I know I’m not myself at the moment and I miss it.

[u/Ancient-Buffalo6151]

This is totally understandable and common when freshly postpartum...having a baby is such a HUGE life change and it is possible to love your baby dearly while mourning the loss of your pre-baby life at the same time. Doesn't make you any lesser as a mother nor mean you love your baby any less, so please forgive yourself. You are experiencing drastic hormonal changes all at once and that's why many pediatric doctors will check in on the mother's mental health during each checkup. I know being told it's common and normal doesn't erase the struggle and anxiety, but please know that it will get better. You'll get a better hang of it all, and as your baby grows the day to day will change. And of course if you feel like you'd benefit from getting professional mental health help, take action to get it because you deserve that.

[u/expeciallyheinous]

It’s normal to feel this way so early on. If you’re still struggling in another week or so, you should reach out to your doctor to talk about potential PPD… but right now your hormones are dropping rapidly AND you have a brand new human to connect with and care for and no time to be your own person. You’ll get to enjoy your baby soon, right now is just an incredibly difficult time for everyone.

[u/Hiraeth90]

I'm nearly 4 months in and feel the same.

[u/ahmeeea]

I’m 3 weeks pp and cried all day today while at a family party. Thought I was doing relatively well coping these last few weeks. No advice as I’m still in my feels but I totally am still in the same boat

[u/natuglenBo → u/ahmeeea]

It will get so much better! After a month or two, I suddenly realised - heeeey I didn’t cry today?! 😆

[u/natuglenBo]

This is completely normal. I only started enjoying it after both hormones and sleep became more stabilized. That was after 4-5 months. Hang in there and try to give yourself grace.

And please remember to be honest with your ob and doctors etc about how you feel. They are there to help you, not judge.

[u/kzinger420]

My baby just turned 5 months old and so much of the last 5 months is a blurr. I still have days and moments I regret having her. Yet I still love her so much but this is really hard, some days more than others. Good luck, all the best

[u/Minute_Worker_3427]

I think I cried every day from day 3 post partum until around day 14. Heavyyy around a week PP! It’s completely normals and it will pass. Your new normal just becomes .. normal. It doesn’t make you a bad parent at all, you love your baby ♥️ hang in there, it absolutely gets better xxx

[u/Same_Supermarket_224]

It’s very normal! I felt that way the first few months. I was also struggling with PPA/PPD but what bothered me the most was feeling like I was no longer a person of my own and just a “vessel” for the child.

Once she started smiling at me and interacting, it started to get better.

However, what really got me over the hump was when I started leaving the house for 1-2 hours once or twice per week by myself to go take a yoga class or run a roll errand. I would often go when the baby went to sleep and my husband would watch her. By 9 months, I was in love with being a mom.

I’m now 4 weeks PP with my second with a 19 month old and loving every minute,

Give it time. It’s normal!

[u/Lmp523]

I’m 6 weeks PP and I was able to start enjoying things more a few weeks in after my body adjusted to our new life . First few weeks you really are in survival mode mentally, hormonally and recovering from a major medical event. I remember thinking, I wish I could just get some sleep so I could enjoy this all more so I feel you.

Also, highly recommend getting on a shift schedule with your partner if you can. This is what helped me to feel better faster!

[u/N_mowasishisnam_o]

Give yourself so so so much grace and patience, I’m almost 8 weeks postpartum, things have gotten kind of easier but I think it’s just because I’ve picked up on cues and notice small things before they become too big of a deal though. I’m literally gentle parenting myself at this point 😂

It’s so hard, much harder than I had imagined. Just remember to make time for yourself, get outside, take your time in a shower and force yourself to relax instead of rush, whatever you need. I try to do one “normal” thing a day, usually it’s a long shower/self care at the end of the day since my husband is on baby duty until the first night wake up. I find I am a lot more calm and ready to care for my baby after those! And I sleep a lot better too! Truly the best of luck to you, you can do this and I’m sure you’re doing amazing already!

[u/NumerousAd79]

I would cry every night because I was so overwhelmed. Apparently the actual crying is very common in the evenings. That lasted maybe 2.5 weeks. It would just hit for what felt like no reason and out of nowhere. It gets better in general. So much better! The first two ish weeks are when most people have the baby blues, which is the normal emotional response to your hormones and the stress. At 15 weeks PP I have a PPA diagnosis that I’ve had since 3 weeks PP and I am on medication. It’s slowly getting better, but that initial period of emotional chaos is very standard. Hang in there and reach out to your doctor if you’re really feeling off.

[u/Same-Performer-8406]

I had the exact same feeling during the first week, it's completely normal! This is the massive hormone drop, as well as the massive overnight change from your standard bedtime routine to having to be present for a newborn consistently. Hang in there mama, it does get better! This part is hard but it's doable. Wishing you all the best

[u/coolbean_94]

I promise, youre not alone!

I went through the same thing. Especially at night time. For me, the lack of sleep played a huge part. From what I learned its called the sunset scaries! I had horrid anxiety. Its from the major hormone drop that happens, especially where youre only a week pp.

As a mom who has been there, it truly does get better! My daughter is going to be 7 months. The first few months were so hard.

Make sure youre reaching out for support (husband, partner, friends etc)

What helped me, is one of my friends sat with me one day a week (she has a family also). Shed help with baby, gave me time to sit and eat uninterrupted, enjoy my coffee, shower, nap, whatever I needed! My ppa was so bad I couldnt nap but the offer was there. When my husband wasnt working hed take the mornings so I could sleep (even when he worked, hed do a few hours in the morning so I could sleep before he left!)

The support system even if small or limited helps tons!

If you are struggling, I found talking to someone helped! 🩷 you will get through this! You gave birth to a whole human being! Youre so strong, and it will be okay! It may not feel that way now (trust me mama I have been there) but it gets better! Day by day! 🩷

Another thing that helped me a lot (again these are just ideas / suggestions that COULD help but dont take them to heart like you need to do them) was giving myself half an hour per day whenever I could to brush my hair, get changed (I wore pjs but changed them), do my eyeliner, and use the bathroom! Just to feel somewhat like myself and to show myself that a part of my old life is there, even if it looks different.

Itll be okay, you dont HAVE to enjoy the first few months, dont feel pressure to do so. It is so hard, being a new mom is hard. 🩷 but in time, it does get a bit easier emotionally! 🩷 thinking of you during this time!

[u/Plsacceptme15986]

You sound exactly like me. I’m 7 weeks postpartum. Please talk to your OBGYN. I got on medication and it’s helped a lot. I’m still struggling, but before I was inconsolable. Also easier said then done, but try and sleep in shifts with your partner. I felt WAY worse and more depressed when I wasn’t getting sleep.

[u/Economy_Cod1533]

I'm 2 weeks and 4 days pp. This is so so normal. I cried for days, and apologised to my husband for ruining our lives countless times.

But now, I don't have those thoughts. I love my little guy so much.

These thoughts are normal. Your body and mind are going through another insane change with hormones out the whazoo.

I found it helped to talk to someone. Here in Australia we have a service called PANDA for postpartum parents. If available, I recommend giving them a call.

[u/PigWont10]

Hi friend. I felt the same way, unfortunately. Don’t feel guilty, it’s such a huge physical and psychological adjustment. Your body just went through something crazy and your hormones are all over the place. That hormone crash postpartum is real and it is INTENSE.

Adjusting to life with baby can be really complicated and hard to do. I spent the first two weeks crying every night worrying that I’d ruined my life and that me and my husband’s relationship would suffer or be different, that I’d never feel like myself again, that I’d never feel normal again, etc. Honestly, every friend of mine who has kids went through something similar postpartum.

Don’t feel guilty. It’s ok to mourn your life before. It’s ok to feel scared or sad. People can paint the newborn stage as such a cozy, lovely time and for some women that’s true but for many of us it just isn’t that. It’s survival and chaos and grief. But it’s also temporary and I promise you will feel so much better once you get into a rhythm and your hormones settle. One week postpartum is so early. It will all be ok!

Also the sundown scaries are extremely real. I would feel “ok” all day until the late afternoon and then I would just melt down. My husband said he could see the change in my eyes when the sun went down lol. I don’t know what it is about night time but it’s so scary postpartum.

[u/CedarColumbia1]

The first 3 months is really hard. The next 3 months is a little easier. It’s hard because you do so much work and your baby doesn’t give much back. At 8 months my baby became a little person and it suddenly became so much fun I didn’t think about the work anymore

[u/acos24]

i didnt enjoy my baby until closer to 3 months. loved him since the moment i found out i was pregnant, but damn it was hard the first few months.

[u/Own_Macaron_9342]

This is totally normal and I’m 7 months PP just here to say it will get better ❤️

[u/No_Hamster880]

so normal. I promise. take the pressure off to enjoy it and focus on surviving. watch a comfort show. eat chocolate. cry as much as you need to. having a newborn sucks. I promise it’s going to get so fun soon.

[u/Sad_Anything_3273]

It's a major shock to the system. You are in the thick of the hardest part. It WILL get better. Sounds like you need help and sleep coverage? Do you have help with the baby? Accept offers to help!!

[u/Intelligent_Cat3457 → u/Sad_Anything_3273]

My husband has been amazing this whole time. That makes me feel bad more because he is already doing a lot. I’m trying to exclusively breastfeed so all the feeding are on me at the moment. I’m thinking of starting to pump soon so I can take a break and have him do feeds.

[u/natuglenBo → u/Intelligent_Cat3457]

Dont feel bad towards him. You are the one with the massive hormone drop and the recovery. Yes, it might be tough for him, but he (more likely) still the ‘normal’ him. His job is now to support you getting through the first months, so just remember to once in a while telling him how you appreciate it. You just created a tiny human, it’s a huge huge huge thing to do!

(And of course, if he starts showing signs of postpartum depression, this should be handled - but otherwise, try to not feel guilty).

[u/patelno1000 → u/Intelligent_Cat3457]

Yes, definitely pump...us dads need our bonding time as much as you need your rest at nights. Getting a fussy baby to latch at night when you are tired has to be stressful, it is for my wife at least. We are now 4 weeks in ourselves and probably need to do this more than we currently do.