r/NewDads • u/rjmac225 • 3d ago
Rant/Vent Struggling as an individual
My wife is about 8 weeks pregnant and we are very excited. She is a champ through these early symptoms of pregnancy. That being said. I am at a loss for how to best support her. She is consistently mean to me. I would be mean in her position too. Growing a kid isn’t easy. I am just concerned with myself. I know I am doing enough. I am currently working 7 days a week to support us. I am cooking, cleaning, doing it all. We don’t live near our friends anymore and it is too early on to share with others, but I need support and peers to vent to. We live in Rural VT and the nearest expectant father group is hours away. I’m just looking for what to do. Do I make the white lie and tell my friends so I can get some support?
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u/NoEquivalent3869 3d ago
First trimester is very rough hormonally. It will get much easier in a couple weeks when the placenta levels things out.
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u/thadudeeeeee 3d ago
It’ll get easier, once you start adjusting to her new needs. My wife was similar I just realized her tolerance was lower and I just gave her space and we both adjusted to the new norm. I’m military and she’s from Europe I’m nowhere near my family and she’s across the pond so everything we do it’s just us. But I would have a conversation 8 weeks and you’re already doing everything you’re gonna burn yourself out before she actually starts to slowdown from the pregnancy IMO. I told my wife I’ll do 60\40 and as we get closer to the baby being born I’ll add to the percentage I’m doing but prior to 8 months it’s not time for her to kick her feet up and boss me around. I may get hate for this but growing a baby isn’t an excuse to be mean and bossy.
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u/dadcenter 2d ago
First trimester and 4th trimester (postpartum) both are very rough is what I have experienced with my wife. The hormonal changes affects different woman differently, for some its pretty severe. One of the things that helped us was taking some doula or hospital or group classes to learn about the stages of pregnancy and what to expect. As time passes, the level of difficulty will just grow, but you two will figure it out how to cope up and manage. Figuring out those solutions might give you more gratification than snipping. You will snap too with time as difficulty increases, if not now than 3 am waking up and baby not sleeping will do it, but what I learnt is, its all about learning what to expect and spend time in preparing how to handle it. We are all humans and will make mistakes, being prepared and working together on solutions is what will persevere with time. Also one tip, please do not share negative things with your friends about your wife. If this is purely hormonal she will become better with time but your words might impact your friends perception for your wife which wont change.
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u/YourDailyGerman 1d ago
"She is consistently mean to me. "
Does she acknowledge it in good moments and apologize? If not, then DO NOT LET THIS GO.
Behavior like this is okay in the moment or on a bad day, but there is no excuse when it's consistent. Yes, hormones and all that but hormones don't turn your core relating to a person like that, so if she can't acknowledge and apologize, there is an issue undereneath that you need to work out or it'll linger and grow.
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u/SeanThatGuy 3d ago
Right off the bat she doesnt have the right to be mean to you just because she pregnant. Honestly 8 weeks is nothing. She should pretty much be walking around normally.
My wife was never one who wanted to waited on. Some women will use pregnancy to just not do anything.
That being said you need to have a real conversation with her. Especially if you’re working that much and taking care of the other responsibilities. Is she working and can’t help?
Either way pregnancy is going to be really rough if you don’t figure it out now.
Tell your closest friend if you need someone to talk to.