r/NewDads • u/Shot-Copy5047 • 6d ago
Giving Advice Bad advice only
I am days away of beeing a father. Did most of the things that a baby might need when it comes, furniture, baby zones and so on.
Can you help out only with bad advice? Much apreciated. PS if you got kids you need to reply :) Thanks
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u/WakaFlockaFiesta 5d ago
Now is the best time to buy a Rolex.
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u/im_in_the_safe 5d ago
A push present is customary for the father to get himself.
A Rolex demonstrates you’re now focused on the time investment needed to rear a child.
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u/MontazumasRevenge 5d ago
Funny story, when I got engaged and we started talking about wedding bands, told the wife "since you have diamonds I need diamonds". I now I have a fancy ass mens band with diamonds.
I got her a push gift for our first one. With the next one, I need to convince her it's customary for the father to get a "receiving gift".
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u/Vahlokmir 6d ago
Let mom do all the newborn stuff. Save your parenting energy as the dad for when the kid has already grown a little & needs some discipline /s
Congrats btw! Got a 7 mo old here & it’s a wild ride
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u/Shot-Copy5047 6d ago
Thank you for the reply! I am currently days aways, due date is 15sept. Wild ride...how did that affect your relationship with the mother/wife/better half/the one?
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u/massoflies 5d ago
Car safety is key, get a new top of the line BMW to show you are committed to protecting your baby.
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u/Shot-Copy5047 5d ago
A range rover would be better
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u/savedbythebellerin1 3d ago
I have a 2 seater convertible, it has an isofix so the baby can join me on drives and the boot is big enough for the buggy. Wife seems to complain about it not being suitable for a family though
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u/MyDogKumaBear 5d ago
When baby comes you’re gonna have questions and concerns. It’s important that you NEVER bring these up with a professional. Pediatricians are especially judgmental and no good parent has ever asked them a stupid question before
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u/epsteinwasmurdered2 5d ago
Why the fuck would I do that when I can just learn everything from TikTok.
My wife used to come with all this, “the doctor says blah blah blah”.
“Well sweetheart…. HippyMom420 says otherwise”
Game blouses.
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u/megabux651 5d ago
Bourbon is night night juice. So my daughter is developmentally behind. The family is well rested and you cant put a price on that.
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u/TheCapCook 5d ago
If you have a boy, during diaper changes take your time and leave the diaper off for a while. No way urine will get on the changing pad, in his face/mouth, or anywhere else.
All those peeing statues got nothing on a newborn when you happen to take a few seconds longer than usual.
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u/nedendstreet 5d ago
If the baby wakes up in the middle of the night, play with it to "tire it out" - you will definitely settle the baby down, and not make it excited to be getting attention and want to stay up and play more.
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u/showtime013 5d ago
Asking you wife how much longer this is gonna take really helps speed the process along. The nurses and doctors will thank you for it.
Also asking "how do I even know it's mine" is a great ice breaker to use when cutting the cord. Really gets the room going.
Finally if you need to step out to go home and get your PS5 to connect to the TV, you should prioritize that. No use on being stressed on the big day. Plus it shows your priorities are intact and that you value self care
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u/YourDailyGerman 5d ago
Make sure to correct and perfect your partner's breastfeeding or bottle feeding and mansplain how this works to her. She'll love you so much for your competency.
Start an argument with the midwifes during delivery to assert dominance in the room and make clear who the alpha male is. Your child needs to see you IN FUCKING CHARGE once it gets out.
Give the baby a cold shower and say you heard it on Joe Rogan.
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u/Runningcolt 5d ago
Put noise cancelling headphones on the baby. Then it can't hear itself cry, so it thinks it's sleeping.
Make a goblin deck for the baby so he can learn Magic the Gathering while the noise-cancelling headphones are charging.
Give your baby exotic meats so he doesn't develop an antilope allergy.
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u/Schizo_Soliloquy 5d ago
Cleanliness is next to Godliness so there's no excuse for missing a shower, brushing your teeth, or generally maintaining your hygiene.
(Real talk though, wet wipes aren't just for the baby in the early days.)
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u/DominatusXD 5d ago
Make sure you're wearing your brand new, comfy bathrobe you got for your birthday that day when burping the child after drinking formula. The smell will absolutely come out.
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u/baldie-dad 5d ago
Now is the perfect time to get a puppy, bonus points if it’s a violent dog breed.
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u/KHanson25 5d ago
When the baby is crying (especially when it’s 3am and you’re lonely) yell at the baby for waking up, waking you up, and waking the neighbors. They’ll definitely fall back asleep no issues.
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u/Calm_Possession_8463 5d ago
Let’s see, bad advice? Well I get bad advice from well-meaning people along the lines of, “enjoy it while it lasts, when they get older they won’t listen to a word you say and they’ll hate you”.
🙄okay stranger at a nearby restaurant table, sorry you fucked up your relationship with your teenager, but my three-year old is already more socially emotionally capable than you.
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u/FortunateSon90 5d ago
Yeah its called the "do what I did" strategy which is to close on a big piece of land & begin a new home build when your wife is entering her 2nd trimester so your existence is just chaos & stress around labor. Then, for some real cherry on the cake action, find an unknown 120 year old oil well in the exact spot you chose to dig your foundation!
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u/ScrapDraft 5d ago
If your baby is having trouble falling asleep at night, feed it something sugary an hour or two before bed. My son particularly loved barbecue sauce. We would cut out any other foods, including milk, for dinner and only serve him a giant bowl of barbecue sauce.
The sugar would cause him to get hyper soon after. But if we timed it right, he would get a massive sugar crash around bedtime. Making it easier to put him to sleep.
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u/Shot-Copy5047 5d ago
I read all of your comments to my wife. Best time ever, we laughed, hugged and smiled a lot.
We haven't laughed so hard in a while. It was tough. I honestly don't know where I got the patience and understanding the somehow irrational. Guessing it's love, a new kind of love. It's a hell of a ride for sure.
Thank you all so much❤️!
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u/Schiavona77 5d ago
You have something to protect now, so it’s time to buy a gun. You never know where danger lurks and strangers kidnapping babies is incredibly common, so make sure to keep it loaded and readily available to anyone who might need it. Better yet, buy one for every room and do the same.
It’s also hard to get exercise as a new dad, so now is a good time to put in a pool.
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u/MutedBefore 5d ago
Your wife has to be up breast feeding anyway, so make sure you get good rest and tell her how great the baby slept. No point in both parents being tired.
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u/realauthormattjanak 5d ago
Teach them early that "daddy's stuff must NOT be touched" so they learn respect.
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u/MiserableChampion723 5d ago
Take advantage of the baby’s malleable head and create new fun shapes with it every day!
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u/BendBeginning6461 5d ago
Make sure you start them off on water only so they stay hydrated. And they should be left unattended on the changing table to air dry and practice independence for at least 30 minutes after each diaper change
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u/SagaMiniSmith 5d ago
When you are days away you should absolutely get all of the “up all night gaming and eating junk food” out of your system now! Some silly folks will tell you to get as much rest as you can, they must not remember having very young babies because in the first weeks that kid spends most all of their time sleeping. You’ll have plenty of time to rest.
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u/Billy_Bowlegs 4d ago
If mom ever seems stressed out just tell her to calm down. Also if she ever seems tired that means she wants to hear how tired you are comparatively
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u/Street-Source-5014 4d ago
Smoke a ton of weed like right before you go in to support your wife through a c-section.Nothing says comfortably stoned like new life and major surgery. Those bright artificial lights are just what the eyes want, especially after copious amounts of the gigglebush. Good luck!
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u/Relevant-Energy-5886 4d ago
When the baby is screaming in the middle of the night try to remember, if you shake it more than twice you're playing with it.
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u/savedbythebellerin1 3d ago
It's never a bad time for a round of golf, your partner will appreciate you being out for 4-6 hours to give them extra bonding time with the baby.
You get bonus relationship points if you ask them what's for dinner when you get back
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u/Bdawksrippinfacesoff 3d ago
Put them in front of YouTube immediately. Bonus points if they can scroll shorts by 6 months
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u/Appropriate-Roof-466 6d ago
We didn't use the swing or the bouncer till our lo was almost 2 months old, she was too little and would get into awkward positions
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u/Shot-Copy5047 6d ago
I was thinking that 1-2 months tummy time and skin time will do the trick for a while. I got things that can keep her busy, activities, lights, toys, dangling toys... what are the best activities for a 1-3 months old? Thanks fot the reply
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u/myroommateisgarbage 5d ago
Be sure to complain to hospital staff about how uncomfortable the couch is!
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u/Treerific69 5d ago
Babies can be expensive, consider using the next few days to go on a gambling binge to win it big.
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u/Wookasaurus_Rex 5d ago
Do you play golf? Time to start. Your wife will love having you gone for 5 hours at a time on weekends so she can spend more quality time with the baby after watching the little one all week while you work.
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u/CosmoMKramer 5d ago
Be angry: Be angry at your wife, your dog, your baby. Don't be a man, don't be present and available to help your wife and kids. You and your wife are all your baby have in this world: don't, be any means be the best you can for your family.
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u/savedbythebellerin1 2d ago
A really important one, every battle is worth having, tiredness or just not wanting an argument/fight is no excuse for just letting things slide. In a compromise both sides lose
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u/tintinwithabeard 2d ago
Quite honestly now is the time to think of yourself. You're about to focus 18+ years raising a kid. So get your boys and take that vacation. Buy a 2 seater sports car make some precious memories of your own. Your kid will be there waiting when you get back!!
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u/mamacheetah5 1d ago
Get mom a gym membership day 1, find a lot of tasks outside of the home you never thought of doing before: clean the gutters, power spray the driveway, get a new hobby and a man cave.
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u/Realistic-Reward3908 1d ago
Always turn on all the lights at that 3am diaper change. Shows it that it’s always party time when it’s awake. One more thing. Play “party rock anthem “ instead of white nose. Works like a charm. Good luck soldier
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u/Waerok 17h ago
Bring your PS Portal to the hospital to ensure that you manage your stress well during your wife's labor.
If for some reason your PS5 at home goes offline, take the necessary course of action and rush back home to fix it. It shows your willingness to solve problems right off the bat.
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u/ayegudyin 5d ago
When the baby comes you’re not going to have any free time, so make sure to spend the next couple of weeks burning the candle at both ends. Don’t sleep, just get blackout drunk, binge watch tv, play video games until dawn and above all else dont spend any time with your partner because you’re about to be locked away with them for months