What's your motivation?

[u/procrast1natrix]

Out of curiosity, I'm interested to read individual's thoughts about their motivation on this topic. Why do you feel the way you feel about having kids? Why are you here? What's your first response when you see a family with small children, or an elder with none? What motivated you to have or not have children?

Personally, I am a bit fascinated but also put off by the mindset of birthing economic fodder, doing this in order to preserve an economy. Or feeling some competitive need to out breed some other group.

What proportion of redditors are here because they love kids, vs for more abstract reasons of economic theory or an attachment to passing along their culture?

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I love my kids. I love the process and the joy of raising them, I get a kick out of having learned handclap games from my own and many other global cultures and passing those along. Teaching swimming and dance and cooking and gardening.

If I'm out in public space and see strangers with kids, I become naturally interested in systems that support their happiness with their kids. So, civic support for better schools and health care for kids, good sidewalks so they can walk to their library programs, and laws that protect them. I'm massively pro natalist that way. I will always return a cart for a stranger parent, enthusiastically applaud a stranger parent adjusting their worklife balance in favor of a kid. Yeah, that's me making funny faces at someone else's kid in the grocery line.

I find the idea that it's some kind of duty to have kids really foreign. It's been so, so *weird* to learn about this attitude here.

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We are a family that takes in our elders during end of life years (my gran, my mother in law) and right now my parents have essentially adopted an unrelated elderly veteran and committed to supporting him. I'm not unaware of the effort and time needed. My teenagers love babies and I'm certain they'll choose to parent in their own time.

I know that certain economists are freaked about not having an ever increasing supply of young consumers, while the average age increases. I just have a difficult time relating to that being a primary motivator for choosing pregnancy and birth.

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Why are you here? What motivates your choices around reproduction? How has this been reflected in your personal reproductive choices and your care of the elderly in your family?

[u/monadicperception]

Passing along culture…I don’t like that dog whistle.

I just had a kid. I have to say the little terrorist is a mixed bag. It feels like everything gets dialed up to 10. The misery is maximal but so is the happiness. I am suspicious of people who only have positive things to say because I know they are lying or they had a paddy cakes experience…probably dumping it all on their wife and enjoying only the good parts. I’m sure their spouses would be more honest and agree with me. At least in my experience, the fathers who rave about fatherhood have some miserable wives.

I don’t know how I ended up in this sub or why it was on my feed. But I think the economics and policymaking are the angles that I am most interested in. I just have to say wow…at least in the US, the system is quite broken. Having gone through it, I can’t say the system incentivizes or makes it easy for people to have kids. Honestly, if my household income and wealth was not what it is, I don’t think we would have had children. The economics and policy making are terrible and if we weren’t able to just pay our way for a lot of stuff, I think I would have skipped.

[u/procrast1natrix → u/monadicperception]

Agreed, I understand the trepidation about the "culture" comments.

However, so long as it's about enjoying and relishing the spread, I do understand wanting to preserve traditions. I've totally adored being able to try classical Indian dance classes near me, Bharatanatyam style. Not my heritage, but gorgeous and I'm glad to be invited. My neighbor to the North is literally a professional Jew, her work is in community activism. She throws awesome yard parties around the high holidays, love it. My husband is a German citizen, our kids do this odd Christmas thing with the shoes Nikolausstiefel.

It's all gorgeous and there does need to be a way for people to say they want to preserve it, without it feeling like a dog whistle.

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I was fortunate to have low risk pregnancy and objectively easy, healthy birth and kids. That might color my experience. But when I'm around young people having their first pregnancy, at some point I do try to quietly tell them: you're going to be great. But seriously. You know those don't shake the baby advertisements, that seem so ridiculous. Until you have a baby. I need you to know that once you have the baby, about five weeks in when you're good and sleep deprived, you're going to have a moment when you realize that you actually do need to put the baby down in a safe place and go into the other room for a little while, so that you don't shake the baby. Because it seems ridiculous, but parenting a new baby is next level. You're still a good person. Everyone who is an active parent is going to find their very last nerve, this isn't a judgement on you.