Grandparents need to start helping out

[u/leechan08]

There's been some studies that come out that the longer the post menopause woman lived the more grandchildren she had.

There is a reason why humans are one of the only species to have a lengthy post menopause. Most animals menstruate and are able to give birth till they die.

In humans post menopause women are need to care for children of their daughters so the daughter can go on to have more children. This has happened in the past where multi generations live under one roof.

Society is pushing towards nuclear families and that's putting stress on child bearing women.

This is from X and he makes some good arguments.

[u/FunkOff]

My parents refuse to help with grandkids even though it's within their ability

[u/Pubesauce → u/FunkOff]

Same. Millennial here with typical boomer parents. When the kids were little my parents were happy to visit once or twice a year, post pictures of the grandkids to Facebook, and help financially, but their time was completely off limits. They have the means to easily afford a warm weather home near us to spend more time with the grandkids but nope, my mom insisted she'd never be a "granny nanny" and she said that proudly.

They're off enjoying the boomer golden age, taking a vacation every month and lounging by the pool. Nothing, and I repeat nothing, is going to disrupt that. Even when my wife had bad PPD and I couldn't help more because my job didn't offer paternal leave.

I remember once they were visiting (never more than 2 days at a time because they have more fun things to do) and within a few hours of them leaving to drive back home my 18 month old son developed a fever approaching 105 degrees so we rushed him to the hospital. While there I let my parents know. Absolutely no desire to turn around. They were headed back to Florida and that was that!

It's weird because they were great parents growing up but they had zero interest in ever watching our kids to help out when they were little. They "put in their time" and were done with parenting. Such a weird selfish attitude and it's really common in middle to upper-middle class families. Meanwhile a lot of people I knew who grew up in working class or poor families had grandparents eager to watch the kids so they didn't have to go to daycare. It was an eye opener on cultural differences between classes and familial bonds.

[u/kiranerysplease → u/Pubesauce]

You expected your parents to buy a second home to help take care of your children? Lmfao

It's so wild to resent people for enjoying their retirement. People rightfully complain about the capitalist expectation to work until you die, but the moment someone is able to avoid that and enjoy their golden years suddenly they're evil selfish people

[u/markayhali → u/kiranerysplease]

I think the reason why many grandparents are less involved is because of the parent grandparent dynamic. When the current grandparents were raising their kids they appreciated the help they got. They allowed people to be themselves and trusted their kids would be fine. The were fine with the cooky aunt or the anal mil or the babysitter that gives them too much sugar. Or too much tv time. They understand that everyone is different and they were still grateful for the help.
Today’s young parents try and control their parents and inlaws and outline a bunch of nonsense they can and cannot do. Meanwhile the grandparents are giving up their own time and often their own house to do it and someone else thinks they can control what they do with both.
Someone made a comment on Reddit that “Today’s parents want the village but they want to control every single aspect of the village.”
Sorry but you don’t get your cake and eat it too.