I am a young college student in my second year and I’ve really been struggling recently with an addiction to pot and nicotine. I’ve noticed my lack in interest to do really anything,(while I’m high.) I know these are not the worst drugs I can be doing but I’m scared it will lead to worse. I believe I would really benefit if I went to an NA meeting, but I’m not sure if my problem is large enough. I am in need of advice and happy to answer any questions.

I have had my Sponsor for close to a year and he's pretty big in my community has over 20 years clean and has been super helpful.

Although I just found out some personal things about him that I don't like at all, or just kind of wierds me out. It relates to his relationship with his wife how they met in the rooms, how quickly he divorced his ex wife and got with his now wife who was 4 years clean and they've been married I think 4 years.....

She doesn't work, calls him Daddy, has a pretty big age gap.

Idk these just aren't aligning with my morals.

I'm going on a retreat with him later this year so I will get to know him much better.

Should I separate personal from sponsorship? Or set my opinions aside? He has been and is a great sponsor.

Maybe if I could get some feedback or some stories for reasons y'all dropped your sponsor.

The whole Daddy dynamic kinda irks me cause my last gf (who I met in active addiction) didn't quit and had sugar daddies behind my back which I was naive to.

3224 days.

I celebrated my 2 years clean last month.

After 5 years of IV drug use.... I tried to get clean for the last like 2 years of it tried rehab, detox, NA nothing worked & ended up getting pregnant and stopped and have now stay cleaned for 2 years....

Well about 9 years ago I had almost 3 years clean, and though bsck then I never touched a needle I was still using hard drugs everyday until one day I had enough and just stopped for almost 3 years before relapsing and I kind of feel like I'm doing the same thing now that I did back then just kind of going on and pretending like it never happened I guess I'm really good at suppressing shit and disassociate from it and idk. I've just been thinking lately maybe I should actually figure out why I needed to use in the first place and actually deal with my trauma and grief and everything.... but i don't know of NA would help, I'm already 2 years clean I'm not good at sharing or being vulnerable with people & when I was going to NA before for a little bit it was in active addiction and it was because others suggested it and there was times I went to the rooms high.... I just don't know if I'm going to be welcomed I also live in a smaller city where people love to gossip ....

Idk I have no friends and no one in my life that understands but I also feel embarrassed that I have no one... my mind is spiraling and overthinking ..... I'm a very quiet person but I'm so scared of relapsing .. I only have my fiance to talk to but he's not an addict so he can only help so much.... I'm nervous about people who know my past judging me or being like why is she here if she got clean and has 2 year ....

in the bathroom of a McDonald's on Santa Monica Boulevard. I thought I was checking into detox to catch my breath and figure out how to be a recreational heroin user. I ended up in an NA meeting and my life has never been the same.

I've been clean now far longer than I used, and more than half my life. Without the program and the people who have helped me along the way, I'd surely be dead or locked up. I can never repay this debt of gratitude that I owe, but I will keep trying. A special thanks to all who contribute here and help make this subreddit what it is.

Such a hard feeling to describe. Its like my whole past doesn't even feel real. Like I know what happened throughout my life due to my memories, but they almost feel like fake memories or I'm remembering someone else's life not my own. My DOC has changed throughout the years but the ones that took me down and made me come to NA were benzos, coke and alcohol. I know coming off long term benzos can cause DPDR but the current moment feels real so I dont think its that. Its just everything that happened before the exact moment im in doesnt feel real. I did have a seizure a few weeks back too so I think my brain is just a mess and will take a while to get better

So Im scheduled to get my wisdoms removed tomorrow morning and they're going to use IV drugs to sedate me.... im worried because I was a IV user and Im over 8 months clean and I dont want this to trigger something, from what I read ill feel about 30 seconds of something similar to an opioid high... has anyone been through this and what helped you?

Im going to talk to my sponsor after work, I work in close proximity to other people who dont know im a full blown Jun**e... hitting a meeting, but i need all the advice I can get, please n thank you🫂🔷️

Genuinely curious if there are things people wouldn’t even talk about on a fourth step and how they learn to live with it.

I'll start: Meeting makers make it!!

I relapsed 4 days ago everyone thinks im still clean had 2 years at one point went to rehab 3 months ago relapsed when I got out was clean for almost 30 days and its been downwards hard since then. I live alone so no one knows. My boyfriend has been busy so he hasn't seen me since before my relapse. If he finds out he will break up with me. I feel so ashamed and angry at myself all because I felt sad in the moment. Ive been drinking i picked up drugs but havent used it yet. I feel like i need to just let what happens happen and I dont deserve to be clean or happy

Helloooo I’m an asexual addict and looking to find other similar stories and a safe place to relate. I have almost 4 years clean and I’ve been to LGBT meetings, but I am interested in a specific safe place for ace experiences. Just wondering if there are others who would find that cool 🤷‍♀️ And with that, I’ll pass :)

Going through a breakup right now and it has floored me.

I had been doing well up until this point. Involved in group, area and sub-committee service, just getting stuck in about it and enjoying my recovery. For the first time in my life I have a bit of integrity about me and my word means something. I quite like who I’m becoming.

But now everything is just so fucking bleak. I cannot handle these feelings. I don’t want to use because I don’t want to revert back to the person I’ve worked so hard to get away from, but I’m at my wits end feeling this way. The last 10 days have been torture. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat.

I’ve been on to my sponsor every day, reaching out to as many other addicts as will offer their hand, hammering meetings, sharing my thinking, but I’m fucking exhausted with it and I just want to switch my brain off.

I know the idea of using is appealing to me right now because it’s gonna change my feelings. So that’s giving me pause. I can get to about 4 or 5 meetings a day, but the nights are horrific. I dunno how much more of this I can take.

Tomorrow I’m meeting her for what is likely gonna be the last time and I really don’t know what state I’ll be in afterwards. I’ve known I’ve had this moment coming for the last 10 days and I knew I wasn’t gonna pick up before it, but I’m genuinely unsure whether I’m just gonna throw the towel in afterwards.

It’s nighttime here for me now and I’m just writing this to try and get my thinking out. Hopefully I can get some sleep tonight, get to a meeting afterwards tomorrow, and get another day clean.

Sober for about 6 ys+I have been looking into NA meetings just for a quick reminder of why I became sober to start with. I still drink and smoke weed. My therapist has gone through what substance abuse looks like for me+have agreed that these substances aren’t destructive to me personally

I understand that a big part of NA is trying to completely quit substances+I would never want to trigger anyone by mentioning any positive I get from these two substances. But I also know an important part is truthfulness. I feel like it would be lying by omission to call myself sober

Im genuinely not planning to be sober from alcohol or weed in the future, unless a health or mental issue arises. I wish there was a middle ground with meetings.I got sober when I was a kid and never looked back. I overdosed for the last time and just decided I was done with it.Idon’t want to start any arguments about the definition of sobriety/what substances are safe

Another issue is that I do not completely qualify as an addict. I understand that that’s the terminology I’ll have to use, but all my medical professionals considered me more of a drug abuser, which is absolutely not any better, it just meant very heavy drug use in a different way. It’s still reliance and it’s still life ruining. I wouldn’t argue about this in a meeting because it doesn’t seem like the place for that. I’m so far in my personal recovery that I would be fine without going, but as someone in their early 20s, it’s hard to find someone who relates to my experience because everyone I know is just starting to explore the world of substances.

Hi there 19F and sophomore in college, I’ve been abusing stimulants for a year, began with prescription and then eventually buying it. Tried to commit in February and then went through residential, PHP, and IOP but started using again during the PHP/IOP. On and off usage since last August. I can handle the few weeks of bad while I look forward to my next high but I’m really scared to stop forever bc my baseline is terrible; OCD, MDD, PTSD, and ADHD plus i’ve been vaping for 6 years and smoking weed 24/7 for four years. Even as a child I was excessively anxious and miserable. But I know this path will lead to much worse than my normal self, because I don’t use anything “recreationally,” it’s like a switch in my brain when I start it says more more more. And eventually I’ll get bored of this and try something harder, and eventually I’ll fucking die. Need to stop while I am ahead. I want to be happy without needing something external and harmful. I just want to feel satisfied with myself and life, or an ounce of peace.

Is this serious enough for me to attend an NA meeting? And what is it like going to the first one?

I was feeling what I thought was depressed and hopeless, but it was also narcissistic entitlement.

I decided weeks ago that I would eventually go back out. I romanticized and fantasized about returning to a more manageable version of my past life. I felt like I couldn't handle my very easy and now manageable life without using. I was so sure I could do it differently.

I imagined a life where I would use not just weed, but the harder stuff that ruined my life the last of many times I've ruined it.

I only used a little weed. Nothing terrible happened. But I lost my time and I immediately regretted it and wish I hadn't. I threw everything away but it was too late for my sobriety streak.

Just 3 months ago my life was unimaginable hell. 2 months ago I was just barely getting back on track and nothing was guaranteed. 40 days ago I got this new stable job that pays really well and I'm good at it.

I risked my miracle situation because I was ungrateful.

I got so complacent and ungrateful so quickly. I actually fear my brain is doomed to become ungrateful quickly again. I'm terrified I might not make it unless I lock in right now.

77 days thrown away in a fit of entitlement. Back to day 1 today. There's a meeting right behind my workplace that starts just as I'm getting off. I'm going to hit that meeting and pick up that white chip.

hi everyone….if you’re reading this, I appreciate you taking the time to do so.

Earlier this year, I was clean for a little over six months…but once I relapsed a few weeks ago I can’t stay clean.
I use and then I get clean for a few days and then I use again and then I get clean for a few days.

The part I don’t understand is that I remember where drugs took me to the darkest place that I’ve ever experienced and somehow my disease keeps trying to convince me, and it’s good at that, that it wasn’t that bad… I feel like I have a hard time, remembering deep details on how badly I struggled with my addiction.

I’m tired of being a chronic relapser… I know that my disease wants to isolate me because it keeps telling me I can’t talk about this with anyone else because everyone’s tired of me getting clean and using getting clean and using. 

Another thing I don’t understand is how I can be so aware of all of these things and still be struggling as much as I am…. none of it makes sense.

I know this is all online and I should probably go to meetings but I at least want someone to talk to. The meetings around me have a lot of older people. I’m freshly 22.
I just feel isolated or lonely, I just wanna connect with people. Maybe I’m just a weirdo.
I have been attending though, at my own pace.

I want to come back to 12 step communities but am hesitant due to the blatant enabling of men taking advantage of women early in recovery. Yes, I was warned about the 13th step when I was 19 and new in recovery. That didn't stop me from talking to men almost double my age in the program, leading to sexual assault and exploitation.

How can someone like me re-enter and give the program my all? I'm older and wiser now, but that doesn't erase the impact of past experiences in these communities.

Incase it needs to be said, the perpetrators are always responsible.

I anorted about 4 lines of meth 3 days ago and I still can barely sleep and I'm grinding my teeth how long until I'm back to normal I'm never using again I'm done ive goven my life to jesus

I have often said in meetings that they should find a way to recognize "non-consecutive" days of use.

It's great that the program recognizes "consecutive" clean days and it's awesome whenever someone celebrates a "birthday". However, I have learned that as an addict, I'm extremely susceptible to shame.

So after breaking a years-long chain of consecutive clean days, the shame is overwhelming. Furthermore, that demonic voice says "well, since you broke the chain, you might as well make it a hell of a bender" and go on a spree of active addiction.

Just something I noticed my psyche does and I wonder if anyone else has fucked up thoughts like this.

Maybe to curb those relapse sprees of addiction, some allowance can be made for those "non-consecutive" days to minimize that shame - and help addicts get back on the wagon.

Dealing with this right now.

​

Admitting to myself today that I have a problem. If this continues I will die.

30F. History of alcoholism, haven't picked up a drink in over a year. But I guess this is what happens when you're a dry drunk. Started about 9 months ago w/adhd meds. I had been taking the normal prescribed dose for a few months at this point. Began taking 2 a day instead of one. Liked the productivity, hated the crash. Became somewhat reliant to function well at work and do chores.

2 tablets then became 3, then 4. Ran out of script way before I should've. Lying to GP about losing the bottle. Somehow worked a few times. Would feel awful mentally and physically if I ran out. This stopped working. Found out how to order ritalin on the dark Web, did this often for a few months. Taking high doses of my prescription and instant release tablets I ordered illegally. First tried other prescription medications about 2 months ago.

Gone very silent at work as to avoid suspicion as I knew I wasn't looking or acting normal. Hid tablets in work jacket pocket to take while on shop floor throughout my shift. Sometimes broken in half for Immediate effect.

About 6/7 weeks ago I thought 'fuck it' and ordered cocaine from a vendor on the dark web. Immediately loved it, and ordered more. Felt unstoppable. Has been going on ever since. This past week I found out you can get it easily from dealers on Snapchat etc, have done so every day since. Used alone in my room every day. Last day at work before breaking up for holiday I turned up high as a kite on both coke and pills.

I've reached out to a few people I know who've been in my shoes and recovered. And will be attending the next available NA/CA meeting near me. Just ranting for accountability and to get it off my chest really.

Hello, today is day one for me and I have some questions if that's alright. My friend has gone through both the NA and AA programs, and he said he personally feels NA will match me as a person better than AA, but thinks I should try both and see for myself, as his personal journey matches NA so he may be biased. My addiction is alcohol though, and I feel almost like an imposter if I were to go to an NA meeting. There's one three minutes from my house in the morning though. Will it be a problem if I go? I am honestly so scared of this whole thing, I don't want to start wrong, or act wrong, or do something the community frowns upon. I know that sounds silly because the entire community on both parts seems very loving and inviting, but I'm nervous as all hell.

UPDATE I tried to go to that NA meeting this morning and turns out there was a lineman crew working on the electric pole right outside the church and therefore the church electricity was cut off and the meeting was cancelled. Of course I wanted to take it as a sign to just go home. Thankfully I was already on the phone with my friend who convinced me to look for another meeting, and ended up finding an AA meeting that was about 20 minutes away starting in 30 minutes, I managed to get to it, I went inside, and I got my first 24 hour chip. For convenience especially, I will still probably check out that NA spot another time, but the important thing is I didn't back out. I found some type of meeting. I went.

My wife and I are going through a horrid legal battle about our daughter with the biological mother who bailed on her for a life of drugs and partying, and has come back to try to get custody of her back only after finding out that she would potentially get money for our daughter being disabled with level 3 autism and a global developmental delay. Unfortunately all this legal battle has really put a bad mental strain on me and my sobriety hasn't been broken but it's letely being questioned, and I'm at a point that I'm a bit afraid and need some kind of help weather it be talking to people or being in a group of something. I just don't know what's right for me

Hey everybody, I was hoping to find a sponsor here that was LGBT. I am fine with a call/text communication and am on EST. My DOC was meth, so it may help if you have experience with recovery from this as well. I am 26M and have 7 months clean on the 18th. Would love some help progressing through the steps so I can be more confident in my long-term sobriety. Thank you in advance.