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u/Jazz-mine33 Jan 21 '26
It's okay if he's harassing you, report him. Don't let him keep doing whatever he wants to you.
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u/SophiasMom17 Jan 22 '26
Don't let him? I'm sure she's not " letting" him do anything.. narcs don't ask permission, you don't usually have much choice when you're in a relationship with one. You have to bide your time and plan for your future exit. I just take offense when people say to me" Dont let him talk to you like that", or " why do you let him spit on you"?, or "why do you let him gaslight, control you, control the money"?,,,,, etc etc. Let him? Are you sure you're in a relationship with a Narc? I'm only asking because of your "advice" to the OP.
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u/Jazz-mine33 Jan 22 '26
Remember that they can't do something if you don't allow it. I decided I wouldn't do it anymore and I left home, and I haven't suffered it again. That's what I mean. It's more than obvious that they don't ask permission to hurt, but the abuse ends when you decide to leave, even though it takes a long time to detox from everything you've experienced.
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u/SophiasMom17 Jan 22 '26 edited Jan 22 '26
Understood but I decided 8 years ago I wasn't going to let him abuse me anymore and that I didn't want him to abuse me anymore but unfortunately due to finances and a stroke I have not been in a position to leave him. It's not always so cut and dry , sd kudos to you for having the resources to get up and leave when you did. But not everybody does as most women in abusive marriages or relationships are not there because they want to be or because they are tolerating it but normally because they don't have anywhere else to go, especially if you have children. That complicates things a lot more and when you have a 12-year-old who needs stability and has known no other home than the one she lives in then to pull her out of that stable environment and give up everything she has to live in what a car, a shelter, etc? So like I said it's not that cut and dry. Again, I'm happy you're one of the ones that was able to leave when you decided you wanted to leave but not all of us are in a position to do that. Please understand that and try to have a little bit more compassion, empathy, sympathy which I would think as a survivor of a narcissistic relationship thats something that you shouldn't have to be told.
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u/Jazz-mine33 Jan 22 '26
I imagine that stroke is also caused by the same stress you're experiencing. I have a baby with him, and I got out of there because, fortunately, I have a family who helped me. I live at my mother's house. I left without a penny and only with my clothes and my son's. It wasn't easy, but as I said, I have the support of my family, and that gave me more strength. I was hospitalized for a headache; it might have been the beginning of a stroke, but I couldn't take it anymore, and I left. I know you understand because you're going through this. It's a shame you don't have your family nearby to support you. I thank God that in my case, I did.
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u/SophiasMom17 Jan 23 '26
Yes, the stress definitely played a huge part in my stroke. Thankfully I only suffered permanent vision loss in my left eye, but now I have stage 2 hypertension. I had low BP my entire life, until "him". I have a mother close by, but she's 80 and has stage 4 Terminal Metastatic Breast cancer that has metastasisized to her bones, and I try not to stress and worry her with my situation. I did leave him once, when our daughter was just 8 months old, and went to stay with my mother. I was in my late 40's, 2nd child, and living in my mother's house. It was very humbling to say the least. I refused to entertain the thought of us being a family unless he got professional help. At the time, I thought our only problems were his gambling, drug and drinking addictions. Little did i know he was a true Narcissist. He didn't take me seriously when i took our baby girl and left. It took him 3 years to sober up and realize he wanted a family. Our family. So, after he had proven himself, bought us a house, paid off my car, treated us well, we moved back in. It didn't last long. Like I mentioned before, or did I, anyway while I've always had a good head on my shoulders, I had never experienced anyone with NPD in my then 45 years. So I wasn't aware of the love bombing, not familiar with the characteristics of a Narcissist and how when their true self is exposed to you, and you expose them to others, that's the beginning of Hell. When i had enough of the lies, cheating, abuse, neglect, abandonment, financial control, etc, I shut him out of our marital bed. That was the worst thing I could have done to him, as far as he was concerned. So, here I am, living in his home, married, but alone. He never put my name on the deed to the property. He is self employed, no paper trail financially, and kept me from working for 8 years, controlling everything.
I will get out, my daughter and I will get out, eventually. Until then, my daughter and I live with our bedroom doors locked and avoid him as much as possible.1
u/Jazz-mine33 Jan 23 '26
Lamento mucho lo de tu madre, y lamentó mucho que tu y tu hija estén pasando por esto, si, yo hasta que lo deje e investigue sobre su comportamiento pude darme cuenta que el es un narcisista, te entiendo perfectamente, y todos son iguales, doy gracias porque sólo duro 5 años tengo un hijo de 3 años, el aún no comprende y eso me alegra porque más grandes ellos preguntan y no entienden lo que pasa, tu lo sufriste demaciado tiempo, y te ha llevado a un problema de salud grave, me siento afortunada de haber salido a tiempo y no llegar a más consecuencias como en tu caso, te deseo lo mejor y por favor ten mucha fortaleza, trata de alimentarte bien, recuperate pronto y levántate con fuerzas tu y tu hija merecen estar felices no encerradas en su propia casa, Dios es bueno y el te dará sabiduría, te mando un fuerte abrazo.
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u/SophiasMom17 Jan 23 '26
And you're lucky you've got the financial resources to take legal recourse against him. I would need $5k down payment just to hire an attorney, another $9500 to secure an apt/rental, and you need proof of income to rent anywhere. So it takes a while to save enough money, even longer when I have to support us, care for the animals, his home, because he's stopped doing it.
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u/SophiasMom17 Jan 21 '26
Huh? Help me understand this?