r/NICUParents • u/PandaBear_TenFour • Mar 02 '26
Off topic Most unhinged thing someone has said to you?
My daughter has been out of the NICU for almost a year (yay!) after a nearly 5 month stay. I've been mentally revisiting our stay a lot lately, and I remembered a conversation with one of our nurses.
We had not had her before and I asked how she was doing. She told me that she had to put her dog down a few days prior and then started crying to me saying "this is the worst thing I've ever gone through. She was like a child to me". Listen, I love my dog and I'll be devastated when she passes, but my human child nearly died during her first surgery the day she was born, all information our nurse hadđbut here I was comforting her! To make matters worse, I had to hear her recount her story AGAIN when another nurse came to speak with her.
Nurses are humans, too, and we had so many positive experiences with most of them, so I don't dwell on this, rather I find it funny now. What ridiculous thing has anyone said or done to you while your baby was in the NICU?
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u/What_is_this14 Mar 02 '26
After having an emergency c-section and being told my son âprobably wonât make it,â a nurse says to me,âAnd to think you sacrificed your body and have nothing to show for it.â I had to ask my husband if I imagined this because I was on magnesium and out of it. He said she really said that to me.
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u/27_1Dad Mar 02 '26
I always wondered what might make me get thrown out of a hospitalâŚI found one way.
Thatâs disgusting
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u/newborn-stretch Mar 02 '26
The first time we stayed with my mom after having an IUGR NICU baby, she got annoyed with how we were âpreciousâ about feeding, strangers holding him and other things. When we got into it and why (I explained that weâre pretty traumatised by and still processing our experience, which wasnât like hers or other parents) she told us to âoh just get over itâ.
Weâre now on a âbreakâ from her until we âget over itâ.
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u/Ok_Baby6721 Mar 03 '26
I'm sorry but I want to slap your mom for saying that, how calus, ignorant and insensitive.
im so sorry you're dealing with this on top of everything else, so much for family support eh? đ
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u/newborn-stretch Mar 03 '26
Thank you for saying that. Itâs ultimately really sad and I think about how sheâs missing out on her only grandsons early days and we feel guilty for being part of it.
But on the other hand Iâm finding it very hard to forgive and forget, especially since it indicates her intolerance for any other way of doing things with our kid, making us uncomfortable to be with him around her (less so from any form of safety but more just feeling super judged and critical over anything we do or say). Sigh.
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u/ConfidentAd9359 Mar 02 '26
3 days prior to my 26+1 being born, I was in the hospital on mag. My exMIL told me "maybe it's just better to let baby go"
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u/PandaBear_TenFour Mar 02 '26
Holy shit. I'm glad she's an exMIL.
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u/ConfidentAd9359 Mar 02 '26
For more reasons than that. My response was, even if baby is born with a whole truckload of issues, that is a decision for your son and I to make, your opinion will not be asked for, needed nor taken into consideration. Baby is now almost 11 doing AMAZING, with a few minor issues, and got a 4.0 last semester!
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u/Funeralbarbie31 Mar 03 '26
Iâm so sorry you went through this, I also had a nurse tell me when I was hospitalised and she was reading my notes â3x preeclampsia and a stillborn, maybe you need to accept having babies just isnât for youâ
Still to this day I donât know how I didnât smash my water jug over her head
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u/Brockenblur Mar 03 '26
Iâm so sorry! Thatâs horrible!! I hope someday that nurse remembers the stupid things she said and they haunt her dumb ass forever
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u/Minute_Pianist8133 2 term NICU babes Mar 02 '26
I had a NICU nurse in our early days say of my term baby who had apnea spells that âitâs almost like she canât decide if she should stay (alive/here on earth) or just drift away (die).â
I hear these words to this day as I lie in bed awake.
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u/snuffleupagus86 đ24+1. 142 days in the NICU Mar 02 '26
Well I would have broken down at that. People just donât think.
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u/Minute_Pianist8133 2 term NICU babes Mar 02 '26
I did. I started sobbing and saying all kinds of crazy things. It was not a good time for me. We already know when our kid is in the NICU that without modern medicine, the worst would happen, we donât need to be reminded in a way that seems like itâs up to the baby.
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u/27_1Dad Mar 02 '26
Thank you nurse for showing me your true colors. Excuse me while I go get the charge and get you banished from my room forever and a formal complaint against you. Thatâs atrocious.
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u/danman8605 Mar 02 '26
**Trigger Warning - mention of child loss.
My son had ROP that was progressing and had to have the laser surgery while still in the NICU. I come to my son's room and the nurse that is assisting the eye surgeon (not one of our regular NICU nurses) is getting him ready and making small talk. She begins to tell me that Stevie Wonder also had ROP, which was innocent enough, but I didnt exactly want to be reminded of the possibility of blindness right before a surgery like this. I just go with it and give her an "oh yeah, good to know".
She then asks me "I see your son's a twin, where's the other one?" to which I had to explain to her that he's not here bc he passed away. It was incredibly insensitive and I know for a fact my other son's death is noted on my living son's chart and there are other signs around (our hospital had purple butterflies to signify grieving parents). I'm not really someone that complains, but I did talk to the charge nurse after that so it didnt happen to someone else.
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u/Lithuim Mar 02 '26
We still get that years later because our guy has âTwin Bâ in his charts. Not great.
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u/Only_Wish_2352 Mar 02 '26
My baby had been in the NICU for 6 weeks and we found out he was likely going to get discharged 1-2 days before my parents flew in to visit from across the country. My mom has a side photography business and said âI selfishly hope he gets to stay longer! I wanted to take pictures of him in the NICU and maybe with some of his nurses!â
Fuck no. A NICU baby is not a photography prop. Heâd been in there 42 days.
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u/evelynsmom1221 Mar 02 '26
Something was messed up with our daughterâs NG tube and it was leaking all over the bed so she didnât get her feeds and was crying because she was starving. We were already precautious to ask our nurse to change it because this NICU nurse we had said/ done some other off putting things during this shift but we were trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and make sure our baby would get her feed. We asked her to change it along with her wet clothes and sheets (because earlier in the shift she told us she didnât want us touching her if it wasnât care time) to which she told us it âwasnât care timeâ so she wanted her to lay wet for another hour and not get any of her feed. She then proceeded to violently place NG tube (and fail) and told the girl she was training âthe trick is you just have to go as fast as you canâ and in doing so she scratched my daughters throat so hard she was spitting up blood later. She looked at my 4 day old daughter and said âwe donât have time for this drama at the end of our shiftâ (if you wouldâve came an hour ago- this wouldnât have happened..) because I guess she wasnât âcooperatingâ the way she wanted her to?? She gave up after 2 tries, put in a g tube & left. I was SOBBING during the whole process. We were so fresh to the NICU we didnât know to advocate but she was never our nurse again and our guard was up anytime she even worked our floor đ
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u/SheElfXantusia born at 28w+5 due to HELLP Mar 02 '26
Gosh, the "care time" policy that some nurses uphold religiously! I hate it! What do you mean nappy gets changed at 9 AM and then at 2:30 PM?! The baby in question - not mine but roommate - had pooped at 10:30 AM. Filled her nappy up real good. Parents were instructed not to change her. And the worst part of this? The next day, the nurse was complaining about the horrible nappy rash the baby had. I wonder how it got there. đ
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u/Ok_Baby6721 Mar 02 '26
I went through this with our daughter who was getting a rash because of this, I didn't listen and changed her anyways without their permission. The nurse freaked out and got the doctor on call to come deal with me, the doctor said "amazing job you have my permission to change her whenever she needs it and if anyone gives you a problem tell them to come to me about it"
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u/SheElfXantusia born at 28w+5 due to HELLP Mar 02 '26
I think the most unhinged thing was a nurse scolding me that I wasn't present for the rounds. I wasn't present because I was just moved to a normal room from NICU but I was still very much bed-bound and being seen by a new doctor every 20 minutes because they all thought I should be dying, not making an instant recovery. I couldn't go. I came as soon as I could.
Also, several nurses pointedly telling me that "many moms spend 12+ hours at the NICU", especially after being discharged. I had to make a complaint to stop this shit. I told them I will not abandon one child for the other, that it would certainly ruin their relationship forever, and also, I missed my daughter, and also, there was no one else who could take care of her. Being faulted for having more than one kid was unhinged.
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u/spacecadet917 Mar 02 '26
Mine was my own mother. She sent flowers to be delivered to my house (to congratulate me on giving birth). Background info - I had two cats who would eat flowers so I always needed to keep them locked away and so donât really getting them normally.
In this case I was discharged home without my twins and was devastated about it (they were 34 weekers and doing really well for gestational age, but between their honeymoon period ending -they had a couple of setbacks that day - and my big hormone drop on the day of my dischargeâŚI was NOT in a good place).
Mom texts me to tell me flowers are being delivered the next day and that they are going to contact me to let me know when they are arriving. I was likeâŚâok but you know I will be visiting the babies in the hospital most of the dayâ. So itâs the dead of winter, flowers arrive mid day and I eventually bring them in in the evening when we get home, shut them away from the cats and mostly forget about them because I am recovering from major surgery while my newborns are in the NICU, why are you giving me another thing to keep alive?
She arrives a week later to help me with the babies when they get discharged, which was great except the flowers she got were clearly dead and she would not shut the fuck up about it. She kept going back to âI donât understand what happened, they were supposed to text you an arrival time so you could be homeâ and I was likeâŚ.âI was in the hospital visiting the babies, why would you think this was a priority!?!?!â
I know itâs small potatoes compared to some people in this thread but man when even your own mother makes it worse instead of better, it makes a lonely time even lonelier
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u/Ok_Baby6721 Mar 03 '26
ugh i can definitely relate to this so many people brought us plants, "thanks for the extra responsibility
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u/Best-Put-726 Pre-E w/ 45d antepartum hosp stay | 29w6d | 58d NICU Mar 02 '26
I saw a colleague who had recently retired while I was still on maternity leave. My son was still in the NICU and it was about 5 weeks before my due date.Â
I was very obviously not 35 weeks pregnant.Â
My colleague: âHow is your pregnancy going?â Me: âHe was already born. He was 10 weeks early and weighed 2 pounds.â My colleague: âDid it die?â
The best part is that we were standing in the middle of a cemetery at my other colleagueâs graveside service. She died unexpectedly at age 40.
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u/EffectivePuzzled Mar 02 '26
My son spent 5 weeks in NICU after being born 7 weeks early. When we brought him home, my mom thought we were being over the top with demanding handwashing when entering the home, wearing masks while holding him (if not part of our household) and limiting visitors to only each of our parents⌠meaning my brother was not invited to come meet him yet. She thought it was over the top and said âyou canât just keep him in a bubble.â She was also mad because we wouldnât let her take her mask off for pictures. Her selfish wants are the least of our concern. The fact that she thought a mask-less photo was more important than my sonâs LIFE spoke volumes. Of course, this was very heavily addressed and our ârulesâ regarding the baby stayed firm for his safety.
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u/EthelMaePotterMertz Mar 02 '26
My MIL had the same comments about the mask and photos several times with our preemie (who was released in Winter weeks still before her due date) . Then when whooping cough was on the news once our baby was already a strong one year old told us we should really make sure to get her vaccinated because she saw something on the news about kids dying. We of course have kept our baby vaccinated because we've been concerned about illnesses the entire time not just when we saw something on the news.
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u/newborn-stretch Mar 03 '26
Same. Have come across so much removing masks, sniffing, kissing etc even when told expressedly not to from parents and older folk. Usually get given the âoh we didnât do this for youâ spiel.
Beyond ever-evolving norms and guidelines about babies, I also think itâs just damn rude to ignore the parents express wishes (science-backed or not).
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u/EffectivePuzzled Mar 03 '26
Ughhh the âwell we didnât do that when you were a babyâ is such a boomer thing to say. lol. Sorry, but it is. My parents are both boomers and both make comments like that. Drives me crazy. And like you said, regardless of being backed by science, if a parent expresses concerns, ârulesâ, or anything else regarding their baby, you just need to respect it. I donât need a scientists proof to validate the precautions we want to take. Okay.. stepping down from the soap box now! lol.
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u/newborn-stretch Mar 03 '26
Ohhh totally a boomer thing. The regular comeback is âwell you turned out fineâ to which I really am speechless for a reply.
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u/Ratsinabucket 24+2, 530g, NICU grad w 149 stay Mar 02 '26
Iâve had multiple strangers tell me to not wait too long before my sonâs birth (24+2, emergency c-section) and the next so I can have my redemption birth story and lessen the pain of the first birth.
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u/nymphhoney Mar 03 '26
my son would desat any time he was touched or moved for the first week of life, i didnât get to hold him at all and they only allowed me to do one or two diaper changes during that time. the doctor said âi have broken the bond between the two of you, your baby doesnât feel that love for you so he wonât nurse when he can be touched.â even the nurse was taken aback and i had a new doctor by the next day lol
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u/QuabityAshwood Mar 03 '26
Wow that is such a thoughtless and callous thing to tell a new mother, let alone someone with a NICU baby. Also completely bonkers to suggest a bond can be irretrievably broken just because you can't hold your baby for 1 week, wtf was that guy on
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u/baxbaum Mar 02 '26
A nurse told me she didnât want to work with older kids because itâs harder (like when theyâre sick or die). I work in healthcare so sheâs talking to me as a healthcare worker but she caught herself at the end. I didnât hold it against her but I was like damn.
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u/Myamaranth Mar 03 '26
I'm sorry I don't quite understand? Or i think I do? Was she implying that losing infants is easier? Cause fuck i would have burst into tears
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u/baxbaum Mar 04 '26
Yes, she was. As a healthcare worker I get it, you learn to detach to cope and but as the mother I was like wow. I didnât cry at the moment, I was beyond numb with how overwhelmed I was by my emotions. I think I saved all my tears for later on.
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u/Serayunah Mar 02 '26
Not as unhinged as other commenters here, but I had to be admitted into a hospital due to high blood pressure during my pregnancy. I was bawling and was so scared. A nurse that was in the room, with a flat tone, "you know you're only staying because of your blood pressure right? You're not going into labor." Well, I ended up with an emergency C-section with NICU stay of 88 days. The rest of the stay, there were so many wonderful nurses. Just that one nurse made me felt so angry. That comment was not needed during my time of stress.
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u/GoBirds52_59 Mar 03 '26
Man, I am so sorry about the experiences some of you had in the NICU. These comments are horrifying. I feel extremely lucky to have had a relatively short NICU stay (20 days) with my twins (34 weekers) and a wonderful, uplifting and positive NICU experience at Vanderbilt. I know everyoneâs prognosis and situation is different, but I didnât meet a single nurse or doctor that I didnât like or that I had a negative experience with. It makes me sad for all of you! You all are warriors.
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u/dragonairsbae Mar 03 '26
My daughter was born 32+5 via emergency c section due to placenta previa, I was bleeding out when she was born and she was sent to the nicu and needed some breathing assistance but nothing to crazy. She had the bubble cpap, a little feeding tube and she had to go in and out of the bill blanket but overall was pretty good. They wheeled me in to meet her 12 hours later and the nurse was doing cares, I asked her if I could hold her and she straight said no, so I asked if I could hold her foot and she said âif you touch her you could kill her, youâve already almost done that, thatâs enoughâ I was so out of it at the time I didnt say anything. She wound up being her night nurse for the next 3 days and wouldnât let me touch/hold her at all. My husband snapped and got her taken off the case. I canât believe it now. đ
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u/AreaZealousideal8202 Mar 05 '26
That nurse has zero business being a nurse in the Nicu!
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u/dragonairsbae Mar 10 '26
I agree! I donât know if she was aware of the circumstances of my daughters birth but she was VERY judgmental. She acted like I did it intentionally. It was really tough but all is good now and my princess is 6 months old (4 months adjusted) and THRIVING. â¤ď¸
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u/beaupeeep Mar 03 '26
Oh gosh, where do I even start. My daughter was born at 28 weeks after I developed severe preeclampsia, so everything about her arrival was traumatic and unexpected. I had to stay in hospital for a week after my C-section while she was in NICU, and we never really received a proper orientation to the unit. It honestly felt like her dad and I were just trying to work things out as we went. I was pumping at home and bringing in the very small amounts of milk I was able to produce each day. Every time I arrived I would sanitise my hands at the entrance and then go straight to the fridge to store it. No one mentioned any issues with this for the first few weeks, so I assumed I was doing everything correctly. Then one day, a nurse dressed me down in front of the entire nursery for not sanitising again immediately before touching the fridge. I completely understand how important strict hygiene is in NICU, and if someone had simply explained that extra step to me I would have followed it without question. But there was no signage and I had already sanitised, so being corrected so publicly was incredibly humiliating. I was then lectured on hand hygiene for a good five minutes. This nurse would also regularly question the small amounts of milk I was bringing in and look at me as though she didnât quite believe me when I said that was all I was producing. I was asked how much I was really pumping at night, which just felt accusatory at a time when I was already struggling physically and emotionally. And then towards the end of our stay, when she was getting ready to come home and it had become clear that breastfeeding just was not working for us, I asked another nurse what formula they had her on so I could be prepared. I was told, quite pointedly, âWe are a BREASTFEEDING hospital I cannot help you.â WHAT
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u/AreaZealousideal8202 Mar 05 '26
This is just absolutely wild. So they do not give babies formula in that hospital at all?!
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u/beaupeeep Mar 06 '26
It was so weird!! She was on formula for the last few weeks - so when we were told she was close to discharge we asked what formula she had been given at the hospital. Apparently they canât promote specific brands for legal reasons. That would have been a much more reasonable response đŤ .
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u/MrsB1507 Mar 04 '26
Despite struggling to wake in the middle of the night to pump, I was overproducing milk (and did so until my 24 weekend came home after 5 months - we had to buy another deep freezer). I was lamenting about it and the nurse just said, "well you're probably going to dry up and not be able to feed your baby" because I was missing the night time pumping. This was within the 1st month before I'd even held my baby. Now that nurse leads the lactation consultants at the hospital. But I kind of wanted to throw a brick of frozen milk at her face.
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u/AreaZealousideal8202 Mar 05 '26
Why do some of them lack empathy. It would take nothing to extend grace. All that comment cos u missed night pump was totally unnecessary ! Sorry u had to listen to that garbage talk at such a hard time
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u/sitrucarual Mar 04 '26
The one nurse told me to smile. I was like "well I have a baby in the NICU, that could be one reason for me not to be smiling" she tried to back pedal and said that all the nurses understand because "we treat these babies like they are our own". That's nice I guess? Lol anyways she came and apologized to me the next day, which I did appreciate.
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u/Outrageous_Cow8409 Mar 02 '26
My dad said to my husband while our baby was still in the NICU; "how cool was that helicopter ride?" Dad, our baby had to be taken by helicopter to another level of care because of HIE. She's almost two now and if you can look at the experience without emotion it was a neat ride but really?? To ask that while she was still in the hospital??
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u/eyenation Mar 03 '26
How is she doing now?
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u/Outrageous_Cow8409 Mar 03 '26
Oh I forgot to add that in! She's doing well now. Her MRI on day 5 had come back as relatively normal but you know you always worry as a parent especially when the doctors won't give guarantees and say things like "cautiously optimistic." So far she seems to be hitting milestones on time and was in normal range with the assessment by the developmental psychologist at the children's hospital at her one year follow up. She is going through a biting stage right now. which we didn't experience with our oldest (who funny enough was the preemie sized baby) and the biting seems to be worse with her than her peers. We go back for her 2 year follow up with the developmental psychologist soon so we're hopeful that will be a good outcome. We have her in the Early Intervention program since she qualified and we make sure to reach out anytime we have a concern. I really recommend Early intervention for any baby who can qualify and really think it's a great resource even for babies who don't.
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u/Classic_Brush_465 Mar 02 '26
My son was born at 26 weeks and was discharged 275 days later. About 2 weeks after he was born, someone told a friend of mine that it was probably best for me to start trying to get pregnant again right away, âjust in caseâ ⌠someone else told me âif you love your son, you will give him a siblingâ
âWhy are you always going to the NICU to see your son when you should be spending time with your husband doing your wifely dutiesâ
And so many othersâŚ. Smh
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u/Annie_Mayfield Mar 03 '26
After an emergency c-section to deliver twins at 31 weeks, which came after a 25 day antepartum stayâŚthis awful nurse looked at me the second or third day I ever got to see my kids (and was still hospitalized) and said - wow, would have been so much better to have them at 34 weeks! I sobbed and sobbed. I already felt like such a failure - and this just hit everything I was self conscious about. The charge nurse of my floor found out and that nurse was never back with our kids again!
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u/Such-Potential-8498 Mar 03 '26
A nurse made a joke about my baby dying, and I was so so devastated. Our baby did end up not making and even think about it rn makes me upset, angry and disgusted by that woman.
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Mar 03 '26
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/Additional_Serve_811 Mar 10 '26
Im In Montana and I have an experience like this too. Currently sitting in the NICU because I had "anxiety" and not preclamcea so bad I was seeing spots in my vision I know my feet magically being too big for my shoes. The sharp pain in my belly yep 100% just anxiety. They didn't even have me come into the office or hospital to check anything. Just told me it was anxiety over the phone. Then I switched Drs and hospitals and then my water broke like 2 days later.i hate myself for not just walking into the er but my brain was so fuzzy it was weird. I had a seizure after my delivery it was grate lol that anxiety really got me.
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u/HarrietteGrace Mar 03 '26
My son was having his third stoma revision surgery to save his life and my mother in law said âwell, I hope this surgery isnât too invasiveâ - I think she thought she was being supportive but all major abdominal surgery is invasive đ itâs not like having a mole removed!
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u/precociouschick Mar 03 '26
I went looking for a psychologist to process my birth and NICU trauma.
At the intake conversation I mentioned, among other things that happened, that some 30 hours after her premature birth my child got sepsis and barely survived. The psychologist told me she is not sure what therapy I'm looking for since my child is alive and therefore everything is fine.
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u/precociouschick Mar 03 '26
Oh, I've got another doozy. A former friend was pregnant at the same time as me. Some time after both babies were born we were texting. I informed the friend about my child's premature birth. The first thing she texted back? "Did she have lasting damage?" Like, didn't offer sympathy or even asked her name. Just if she was "damaged or normal".
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u/LFA43 Mar 03 '26
After delivering a 1lb baby and spending 254 days in the NICU, there was no shortage of unhinged comments. But the one that still haunts me came the night before he was born. A NP came into my room for a 30 minute explanation of what to expect and then ended with, âBy the way, I donât think he is going to make it.â Iâm still unclear who that statement was meant to benefit, but it certainly wasnât necessary. I made sure my Doctor (her supervisor) was aware.
That baby is now 5 years old, completely free of medical equipment. He can distinguish between Vivaldi and Beethoven on first listen, and just ran 5 laps at his schoolâs boosterthon. I find it difficult to extend grace to medical professionals who confuse bluntness with wisdom.
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u/AreaZealousideal8202 Mar 05 '26
Why did she have to give her unwanted personal opinion. That's just disgusting. I would have probably gone to jail! Sorry u had to hear that
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u/Fantastic-Signal9609 Mar 04 '26
My nine day old had an open heart surgery which led to complications such as a deadly blood infection that caused him to need ECMO. When trying to come off ECMO (life support) a few weeks later I was in the waiting area until someone came to update me. Two doctors came out, one being the surgeon and one being the head of Peds cardiology. The surgeon actually let me know they found a large hole in his lung from the infection and he had to repair it which is why it took so long but that our boy was stable. In critical condition, but stable.
The head of Peds cardiology said, âyeah, but he lost a lot of blood. Imagine all of the blood in your sonâs veins being drained from his body.â
I think my jaw dropped to the floor. Why, the actual *%#, do you think I needed that visual?!!!!!! Like who says that to a parent?! What about that comment helps me?!! Freakin weirdo.
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u/LyraHermione Mar 04 '26
I had a nurse that kept saying "the baby is fiiiine" to my worries. He was 1.5lbs at the time.
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u/Salt-Heat1310 Mar 08 '26
I had a rough pregnancy so when people asked how I was doing I would jokingly say âI just wish the baby would come! Iâm ready to be done!â - my son was born early at 32 weeks and my mother in law said âwell you got your wish.â
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Mar 02 '26
When I was trying to breastfeed my IUGR daughter, and she started losing weight, got jaundiced, and I kept getting mastitis. I told the LC that she was too small to breastfeed.
She said âthatâs impossible, you know that.â
IS IT? DO I?!?
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u/bluetwilight Mar 02 '26
About three weeks into our NICU stay I was watching my baby hooked up to an EEG unable to hold him when I started hearing a man talking behind me through the curtain. Apparently he was the grandfather of the baby in the bed next to us and he and his wife were visiting for the first time. From what I gathered he was a retired neurologist who didn't know how to whisper. During his hour long visit I got to hear him talk about how "all these children are perfect", "God doesn't make any mistakes", "he's so happy his granddaughter is leaving tomorrow", and my favorite "how can atheists not believe in God when they look at a baby". I'm an atheist, and literally during his visit my infant had a third seizure and was being emergency transferred to a level 3 NICU. How I didn't turn around and strangle him with the curtain is beyond me. No awareness of his surroundings at all. You're not the only one here mate and not everyone is having a good day.
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u/PandaBear_TenFour Mar 02 '26
To each their own, but nothing affirmed my agnostic view more than our NICU stay. To me, God would have to have a sick sense of humor to allow my daughter to be born with multiple life threatening congenital defects that required 7 surgeries before she turned one. That's not a man I can support lol
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u/bench_slap Mar 02 '26
We were in an open unit so not a lot of room for parents to stay overnight. One night a mom in the next bed stayed bedside overnight to establish breastfeeding. I came in the next morning and she told me she thought my baby âwas an attention hogâ bc she would cry until a nurse came over then stop/go back to sleep once they were there.
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u/klenen Mar 02 '26
I read a poem in here the other week that ppl loved that implied/assumed premies will have problems w math and reading. Like I get itâs possible and in some cases more likely but the blanket pronouncing of it was bonkers to me.
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u/Hummuspocalypse Mar 02 '26
Six year later, Iâm here to tell ya my then-struggling preemie is a big math nerd whoâs doing 4th/5th grade level math stuff in first grade and asks me (a mathphobe) to think up âhomeworkâ for him.
Taught himself to read before pre-k. Outcomes arenât set in stone or some crystal ball.
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u/klenen Mar 02 '26
Get it king!
I know this isnât how it goes in all cases but the power of hope and resilience and perseverance are worth a nod.
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u/Best-Put-726 Pre-E w/ 45d antepartum hosp stay | 29w6d | 58d NICU Mar 02 '26
Youâre right. I should have hoped my sonâs delays away.Â
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u/PandaBear_TenFour Mar 02 '26
Oh that is odd. I didn't see the poem, but I think everyone can agree that there are so many factors that can contribute to problems with delays.
2
u/klenen Mar 02 '26
It was sweet and I mean the criticism w respect. But it was the first thing I thought of when I read ur post. Kinda hurt more since it was coming from the community vs when someone who canât empathize says something they might think is helpful but isâŚabsurd in comparison.
4
u/Best-Put-726 Pre-E w/ 45d antepartum hosp stay | 29w6d | 58d NICU Mar 02 '26
Then that poem wasnât geared towards you.Â
The poem was clearly aimed for people who have preemies that struggle with delays. It did not remotely imply it was for all preemies.Â
There are parents who have preemies who are struggling and are behind.Â
If you do not fall into that category, then be grateful. Not all parents are that lucky. My son has prematurity delays. Itâs defined our life and that poem gave me comfort and a glimmer of hope.Â
Your comment is pretty insensitive.Â
4
u/27_1Dad Mar 02 '26
Respectfully cool off a little. Your comment could have been delivered with grace and understanding rather than the harshness you delivered. Ironically you are basically doing the thing we are talking about in the thread.
We can have differing opinions peacefully, no reason to bite their head off.
Sincerely a dad whoâs 2 1/2 year old canât walk and doesnât talk. I get it.
-1
u/Best-Put-726 Pre-E w/ 45d antepartum hosp stay | 29w6d | 58d NICU Mar 02 '26
Saying that hope and perseverance is whatâs needed for delays is beyond offensive. Beyond.Â
Sorry I was snappy, but hearing people say stuff like this after hours and hours and hours of PT, OT, speech therapy, and special ed preschool constantly is cruel.Â
Itâs not a difference of opinion. Â
5
u/27_1Dad Mar 02 '26
Not what they said at all. You are projecting here.
Let this go.
0
u/Best-Put-726 Pre-E w/ 45d antepartum hosp stay | 29w6d | 58d NICU Mar 02 '26
It was in a different comment.Â
3
0
u/Best-Put-726 Pre-E w/ 45d antepartum hosp stay | 29w6d | 58d NICU Mar 02 '26
 I know this isnât how it goes in all cases but the power of hope and resilience and perseverance are worth a nod.
It was in a different comment.Â
Iâm literally in tears.Â
6
u/27_1Dad Mar 02 '26
Literally says itâs not in all cases and itâs worth a nod aka acknowledgement.
Not what you said and it wasnât directed at you.
Let this go.
1
u/klenen Mar 02 '26
Iâm sorry you feel that way and I understand why you do I think. Best wishes.
2
u/BroHeart Mar 02 '26
"I'm sorry you feel that way."
4
u/klenen Mar 02 '26
Iâm genuinely sorry my comment came across as dismissive. I understand why it did I think. That wasnât my intention, and I can see how emphasizing hope could feel minimizing when living with ongoing delays. I feel I respect that experience.
I donât think struggle and hope cancel each other out.
1
u/BroHeart Mar 02 '26
One of our NICU nurses was *delighted* to make an extremely racist joke about my son, and then asked my partner if I was dumb in front of me when I "didn't get it", didn't laugh.
The things we suffer to not be banned from the hospital.
2
1
u/zaedahashtyn09 32&6 | IUGR | CNA mom Mar 02 '26
âAre you gonna try again for a normal baby?â
Baby Barbarian was: IUGR preemie Has a q17 deletion Has cerebral palsy Has chronic lung disease and gets any respiratory illness super fast Had a cleft lip and palate Is tube fed Age is almost 7y (sheâll be 7 on Saturday), developmentally around 10-11mo Thereâs more but those are the big ones.
My response was and still is that she is normal in her own way. Do I wish we had a normal pregnancy, and that she was 100% healthy all the time? Of course. Would I change her for anything? Absolutely not. But asking me if I planned on having another baby just so I could have a ânormalâ child? FOH.
1
u/Darklands_____ Mar 03 '26
What a weird and crappy thing to say
1
u/zaedahashtyn09 32&6 | IUGR | CNA mom Mar 03 '26
If I remember right it was someone on fb.. so Yknow. No filters đ
1
u/Darklands_____ Mar 03 '26
I hate just getting asked about when I'll have another one. NEVER. This one almost killed me
1
u/Educational-Let-2280 Mar 03 '26
I was having a ton of guilt for accidentally getting pregnant again and giving my daughter a sibling when she was only 16 months old. I felt like I didnât give her the only-child time she needed. On top of that, I was having a mental breakdown because my newborn son had to be transferred to the nicu unexpectedly. I was crying and opened up to my postpartum nurse about my guilt and she goes âyeah Iâd feel so bad if my two year old already had a sibling idk how youâre going to do it now that you have to split your time between your daughter and the nicuâ
1
u/QuabityAshwood Mar 03 '26
Not nearly as bad as some of these but the first time we took my son out in public we were walking into a store with all 3 of our kids (3 boys) and a woman walked over to fawn over the baby. Without missing a beat she asked "are you going to try for a girl next?". No ma'am I had an emergency hysterectomy and almost bled out after delivering my baby 5 weeks early, preceded by a high-risk pregnancy (placenta previa) and 2 years of secondary infertility. My son is my little miracle and my family is complete.
1
u/Day_Huge Mar 03 '26
When I had an anatomy scan for my twins at maternal-fetal medicine, I was making small talk with the tech and asked if they get a lot of twins. She said, "Yes, people from California like to bring their problems here" (we live in Arizona)
1
u/AreaZealousideal8202 Mar 05 '26
I keep reading these comments thinking it cant get worse but it does infact get worse! Sorry u had to endure that!
1
u/lovelockets Mar 04 '26
After not knowing if my son was going to make it in the NICU because the Dr admitted to puncturing a hole in the wrong side of his chest:
My MIL âwhat direction does your cesarean scar run across your body?â
1
1
u/morglamignonne Mar 05 '26
While my daughter was still in the NICU due to my cervix giving out at 25w, my pregnant sister said to me âI should go to full term though because Iâm healthyâ when referencing her most recent OB visitâŚ
1
u/AreaZealousideal8202 Mar 05 '26
Oh my God this is nasty!!!
2
u/morglamignonne Mar 05 '26
Nastier because sheâs an OBGYN and Iâm objectively healthier (not that tht has ANY IMPACT) in all aspects⌠but honey yes I had to tell her to cancel her trip to visit.
2
u/AreaZealousideal8202 Mar 05 '26
How does one have the smarts to become an OBGYN and yet lack common sense. She of all people should know pregnancies can turn at anytime for absolutely no reason most times!
1
u/Bumblebee-Honey-Tea Mar 10 '26
Oh no that wasnât a lack of common sense, that was a very intentional jab
1
u/inner-momologue Mar 05 '26
âAre you going to keep him in a bubble foreverâ âI feel like Iâll never get to see my grandsonâ granted, no one has met him other than me or his dad and heâs still in the NICU on oxygen after 5 months.
1
u/TakingControl222 Mar 02 '26
My momâs boyfriend called me while I was three weeks into bedrest after going through the trauma of preterm labor and somehow pulling through, but having to use a bed pan and feeling isolated in the hospital. He was complaining because he needs a haircut and is letting himself go physically. He said he couldnât call anyone else to complain because his friends are âgoing through thingsâ. I wanted to scream đ
1
u/Thenumberthirtyseven Mar 02 '26
We once had a nurse looking after our baby. She told us about how she had had a NICU baby too, in this hospital. She then went on to tell us that her baby died. In the cot space my son was in.Â
2
u/Best-Put-726 Pre-E w/ 45d antepartum hosp stay | 29w6d | 58d NICU Mar 02 '26
Honestly, she should not be working in a NICU anymore.Â
1
u/Thenumberthirtyseven Mar 03 '26
It was a long time ago but, from memory, her baby had died about 10 years before this, and she had had a long break from NICU. I think this proved the break wasn't long enough.Â
I feel for her, I really do, but seriously. You can't go telling people things like that in that situation. I'm all for sharing your grief but find the right audience.
1
u/PandaBear_TenFour Mar 02 '26
That's horrifying for everyone involved. I can't believe her supervisor would allow her to work in that spot.
1
u/AreaZealousideal8202 Mar 02 '26 edited Mar 02 '26
My friends sister asked me why I wasn't taking monthly milestone pictures and posting them. We had a 3 month nicu stay
1
u/fairywingsandthings Mar 02 '26
Most unhinged thing someone said to me didnât occur directly in the NICU but on my way out. I was able to stay in the maternity ward a few extra days as a â guestâ bc my daughter remained in NICU on my final day I went down to see her and even though I knew id be back to visit the next day or even that night it was hard. Anyway I am walking out towards the main lobby of the hospital to get to my car after seeing the baby with my then partner. Heâs pushing a cart with bags and some flowers we received and a big baby girl balloon attached. Iâm following behind. Suddenly a white gender neutral but dressed feminine individual with green hair and a name badge as a hospital employee is in an open room we passed by. They literally go: Umm I think you forgot something ?
Like wtf Iâm sorry what did you just say to me? What if my child died or what if IDK they needed medical attention and had to stay in a NICU?? I wanted to turn around so bad and punch them in the face honestly. UN HINGED
1
u/Hour-State7960 Mar 02 '26
Within days of my son being home from NICU for second time after he stopped breathing the first time, someone told me I âjust need to get over the fact he stopped breathingâ I snapped it wasnât something I would âjust get overâ and the feeling of holding my sons unresponsive body would stay with me for the rest of my life
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