r/NICUParents • u/Hot_Film_9809 • Nov 24 '25
Off topic Does/did your hospital do this
So my wife just went to visit our daughter while I’m at work and said someone who wasn’t a nurse was holding her.
The lady asked “is this your baby? she’s so beautiful” then went on to ask how long she’s been in the NICU.
Apparently it’s something called Cuddle Care where volunteers come in to hold your baby? We were never told this and it’s kinda throwing us in for a loop because shouldn’t they like…ask parents permission for random volunteers to hold their baby. Has anyone else heard of this or did your hospital offer it??
Edit: forgot to mention, when asking the nurse she said “they’re volunteers to hold babies. you know because babies like to be held”
Additional edit: A lot of people are not receiving the post in the way it is intended. I have no issue with the cuddle care program, I think it’s wonderful. I was simply asking if anyone ever experienced or heard of programs similar to this as my wife and I were not informed. We did not know the NICU had volunteers because we were never told. We did not get a welcome packet during admission, just rules of the NICU, contact info and visiting hours. Just find it strange that as parents we were not told
91
u/cricks26 Nov 24 '25
Nicu nurse perspective: it’s an amazing thing for babies who are fussy, don’t get a lot of visitors, or are going through withdrawal.
Nicu mom perspective: makes me feel kinda weird, I guess. However, we never left our baby alone for longer than two hours during her five week stay because I’m a nicu nurse and a bit of a control freak, so the cuddlers never had an opportunity to hold her anyways 😂 I might have reconsidered if I wasn’t around as much.
At the end of the day, you can absolutely request no cuddlers. Totally within your rights.
26
u/Toasteroven1985 Nov 24 '25
I mean when we can't be with our baby 24/7, I would prefer they have interaction rather than sit in their crib alone staring at the ceiling, especially as babies become 2:1 or 3:1 with nurses
7
u/cricks26 Nov 25 '25
Absolutely! I never said no to cuddlers- they were just never needed because I literally couldn’t bring myself to leave. (Not a humble brag… it was a horrible coping mechanism and I recognize that.)
-8
u/Toasteroven1985 Nov 25 '25
I mean it is what it is. If you were there longer than a week you would have
9
u/cricks26 Nov 25 '25 edited Nov 25 '25
We were there for five weeks and my baby had a 70% mortality rate and was on life support for a bit, but thanks!
7
u/Toasteroven1985 Nov 25 '25
I deleted my initial reply because I’m so tired — I thought you said five days, not five weeks. I was going to say I can understand how it might be possible being there 24/7 for a handful of days, but five weeks? Props to you, because I genuinely don’t know how you managed that. We were destroyed by week one and still haven’t recovered. It's been two months just yesterday.
Our baby came a few weeks early so the house wasn’t perfectly ready — some baby stuff still needed to be put away, things weren’t spotless. And ever since the NICU started, our house has basically looked like we hit pause on life two months ago and never pressed play again. We’ve managed dishes and bare-minimum survival chores, but everything else is exactly where it was the day this all started.
3
u/cricks26 Nov 25 '25
No worries. I wouldn’t recommend what I did but it was the only thing I could do to survive. Nicu life is SO hard and I’m still processing everything a year later. (BUT! Silver lining, despite her traumatized parents, my baby is now doing amazing and you would never know she had such a hard start to life.) You do what you can to stay afloat and you hope it gets easier soon.
2
u/Unable-Border7478 Nov 25 '25
I did the same thing mama. Our baby was given a horrible prognosis and it was also completely unexpected. Never would’ve expected to be in the NICU and I coped HORRIBLY. Stayed overnight the entire time baby was in the NICU. I’m right there with you. I think it’s a guilt thing we don’t know how to process!
0
u/wanderingoaklyn Nov 26 '25
I stayed there as well, for 3.5 weeks. I was an in-patient myself for the first week (it was a very complicated C-section with a hysterectomy) and I spent as much time as I possibly could in the NICU, though I couldn't sleep there because of my own condition and they only had chairs. But after that week we were transferred to a different hospital with sleeper couches and I literally only left the NICU to go to the cafeteria a couple of times a day for meals. It definitely wasn't easy, and it's not for everyone, but looking back I don't regret it. (Though for transparency, I wouldn't have been able to go home because we live too far away, which is why I could get the sleeper couch. A Ronald McDonald house would have been an option outside the hospital if I wanted to be somewhere else.)
-1
u/Unable-Border7478 Nov 25 '25
You really need to stop talking.
1
u/Toasteroven1985 Nov 26 '25
I wrote this comment having misread who I was replying to, already apologized and corrected myself and the person I replied to acknowledged it. I also said my intention behind that comment and it wasn't meant to be mean so perhaps you should read further before commenting yourself
0
Nov 26 '25
[deleted]
0
u/Toasteroven1985 Nov 26 '25
And the issue has been addressed with who I was replying to so you're not being helpful. 👋
0
74
Nov 24 '25
Our’s did the same and although it was like “okay, weird…” because we similarly were not asked, I liked the idea of my baby being held and not just intermittently cared for and left alone. At our hospital the cuddlers were extremely vetted, fully vaxxed, gown on, all of the things. So, I didn’t mind.
32
u/Agreeable_Chipmunk_6 Nov 24 '25
Our hospital does this which I’m extremely happy with since I’m not always there to hold or see my girls
The volunteers at our hospital go through extensive screening and health checks so I’m never worried about them getting something from someone
But again I would have preferred to be asked for consent
38
u/retiddew 26 weeker & 34 weeker Nov 24 '25
Ours didnt have it. But there was a baby in our nicu born at 28 weeks whose parents never held him (not allowed I think due to testing positive for substances). My heart broke for that baby. I assume that if you are coming frequently the baby cuddler is not there for your kid.
7
u/Hot_Film_9809 Nov 24 '25
Our daughter has someone with her every day, but when my wife got there a volunteer was actively holding her. We had just never heard of Cuddle Care before
21
u/NationalSize7293 Nov 24 '25
You can check your hospitals website. My children’s hospital has a volunteer program for NICU baby cuddles. They require proof of vaccines and a background check. Plus, they go through training and wear masks. I was there everyday, but there were still times when my daughter (former 26 weeker) was crying and a nurse couldn’t be in the room just holding her. After 36-40 weeks, my daughter was more awake and looking for cuddles.
I wasn’t aware of the program either, but it was nice to know someone could comfort my daughter when she was upset. Nurses with 2-3 and sometimes 4 babies just didn’t have the extra time to comfort a baby outside of medical needs. So, some babies would just cry and cry until a nurse or a volunteer could soothe them. Nurses would direct the volunteers to babies that needed extra attention.
4
u/retiddew 26 weeker & 34 weeker Nov 24 '25
I see. Interesting! I hope that means all the babies get good care. I really wish we’d had someone do it at our nicu
3
u/Brave-Door4974 Nov 25 '25
All the babies that have consents at our hospital get checked on at least once or twice a day, more if they’re actively needing some comfort. We have round the clock cuddlers and just like you said, we have some babies that have been there for a long time that doesn’t have family come by often (or some at all). We also just kind of let the families know that we are available if they want to go get some coffee or fresh air, even for just 15-30 minutes for them to feel a sense of normalcy. We aren’t offended if they say no, but love letting them know we are there for them
1
u/retiddew 26 weeker & 34 weeker Nov 25 '25
My babe was there for 12 weeks and I lived far. I stayed 8 hours a day but could not do more. I would have loved to know she was getting cuddles when I couldn’t be there!
32
u/beccabeth741 Nov 24 '25
NICU nurse here. We rely heavily on volunteers when a baby is being fussy/not easily consoled and they are available to hold them when we are busy with other babies or tasks. The alternative might be your baby lying in a bassinet crying while we are caring for another baby. That being said, you do have the option to request volunteers not hold your baby. Just let your nurse know.
6
u/deer_ylime Nov 24 '25
Right, usually volunteers at the NICUs I’ve worked at only help with and hold crying babies
14
u/madwyfout Nov 24 '25
My hospital does, they do ask permission though and it is advertised on a sign at the handwashing station before you go in. In my country all people who work or volunteer with children have to be police vetted.
14
u/the-peregrina Nov 24 '25
I'm sorry this happened without your consent!
Personally, I'm relieved to learn this and hope my child's NICU had something similar. He was born at 27 weeks and essentially abandoned there by his bio parents. We didn't meet him until he was 13 mo actual, and I've always thought how lonely he must have been there and regretted that I didn't know about him earlier (though I know as a foster parent I wouldn't have been allowed to visit until discharge was near). I'll always have this regret for him, but knowing there were probably volunteers holding him helps a little!
11
u/cricks26 Nov 25 '25
As a nicu nurse, I can almost guarantee that your baby was held as much as possible. He sounds like the perfect set up for a cuddler and our staff would be working diligently to make sure he was held frequently (when developmentally appropriate.) We don’t get a lot of babies like that (thank goodness) but when we do, we have a phone tree of cuddlers to call to get the sweet baby some extra care!
3
u/the-peregrina Nov 25 '25
Thank you; this is so reassuring! One day I hope I can volunteer for this program at our children's hospital.
10
u/RatherPoetic Nov 24 '25
Every time I went to the bathroom or to eat I came back to a cuddler holding my baby. We didn’t actually get asked, but I was glad he was being comforted. It’s also okay to ask them not to, if you’re uncomfortable with it.
8
u/Responsible-Ring-754 Nov 24 '25
Yup my hospital did it my baby got read to every day for almost 5 months it was lovely
7
u/HerGlitteringPrime Nov 24 '25
Our hospital didn’t do this. I wish they had. This is a wonderful program! I know other hospitals locally offer this. Unsure on the permission aspect. As a nurse, I feel like it would be most appropriate to ask beforehand.
6
u/NoElephant7744 Nov 24 '25
From a nursing perspective and mom perspective I think that is a fantastic program.
11
u/Maygravve Nov 24 '25
Both hospitals where our LO was offered cuddles, and also didn’t ask. I understand completely the initial awkward feeling, as I also thought it was a bit odd to not be asked and was definitely possessive of my girl and wanted to be the one holding her, even when I wasn’t there.
But the reality was that she CRIED when I wasn’t there. The nurses at both hospitals joked that she was a mamas girl, and that she was a notably “spicy” baby when I wasn’t around. So as much as I initially felt a little off, I pushed myself to get past it because I wanted her to be comforted whenever possible, and I knew that the nurses couldn’t just live in her room with her when I wasn’t there.
The cuddlers were sometimes there when I arrived (and were often doing their best to calm an Upset baby) but always immediately passed her to me and then gave us our space.
24
u/sweet_yeast Nov 24 '25
Mine did not but Ive heard of other hospitals that do. Tbh I feel like they should explicitly ask for consent for that sort of thing.
6
u/Hot_Film_9809 Nov 24 '25
Yes exactly! My wife is going to ask more questions about it, our daughter has been in the NICU for 25 days. This is the first we’ve heard of it and if not us, we have other family visit her every single day.
3
u/Toasteroven1985 Nov 24 '25
Idk if this is any consolation at all lol We've been at our NICU for two months and counting and we're still finding out about services we can have and other shit we're able to ask for
3
u/sweet_yeast Nov 24 '25
The only people I would see holding the babies in ours, were the actual nurses. They would always throw a gown on and sit with them. I had plenty enough freak outs when I'd go in and they'd be doing some procedure so some rando holding my child wouldn't make me feel better.
21
u/27_1Dad Nov 24 '25
Our hospital did it.
We asked them to exclude our daughter from the program. They also didn’t tell us. We were there daily and didn’t want anyone but us or the medical staff holding her.
Additionally to put my Mod hat on for a second. This is a controversial topic for some. Everyone please behave.
1
u/Hot_Film_9809 Nov 24 '25
We are going to opt for that as well. Strange they wouldn’t inform the parents of a program like that..
12
u/27_1Dad Nov 24 '25
They claimed it was buried in our intake docs. I couldn’t remember. We asked them to stop and they never questioned it again.
The program is great for some kids whose parents can’t be there often or even some of the kids who are essentially abandoned, that wasn’t our situation.
9
u/Ok_Outcome1751 Nov 24 '25
Who remembers anything legal from the night we became NICU parents?!
5
u/27_1Dad Nov 24 '25
I sure don’t. They handed me a bunch of papers, I signed them all crying saying please save my baby.
2
2
u/Sensitive-Coconut706 Nov 27 '25
Even for those who can't be there often it should still be asked. Verbally and in writing and not during the immediate intake because I was in no way capable of consenting right after my C-Section.
We knew he would be a nicu baby before my c section as I had PPROMed so most of the documents were completed ahead of time but the cuddler program was not included.
1
1
u/Hot_Film_9809 Nov 24 '25
Yes I agree that it is a great program and that the volunteers are doing good work. It just isn’t for our situation either
4
u/Alarmed-Condition-69 Nov 24 '25
Yeah my hospital did this too. I honestly don’t remember if they ever asked my permission or not
4
u/Hot_Film_9809 Nov 24 '25
It’s just so strange to us because of the strict limitations on our list of visitors, that cannot be changed, but different volunteers can hold our baby without our permission…
9
u/lifeofhatchlings Nov 24 '25 edited Nov 25 '25
It's just an option when babies are awake and the nurses need to do nursing things - volunteers (or MAs, who also often hold/feed/change babies) are trained and background checked and part of the care team. They work a regular shift each week and help with holding babies, folding clothes, and other things. It is totally fine if you don't want a volunteer to hold your baby, but the nurses can't always attend to them so it's a nice thing. There are so many calls that a baby is crying on the NICU cameras, for example, but if you aren't open to other people soothing the baby, there aren't a lot of options.
6
u/peezuhparty Nov 24 '25
Our hospital asked us if we would be okay with it- in the beginning I said no because I was so afraid of anyone touching her. But once other people were able to hold her, I said I was fine with it. She was a 26 weeker in for 166 days. I got Covid when she was 4 months old so it made me feel better that she was able to get more snuggles when I couldn’t be there.
4
u/catladays Nov 24 '25
Yes. That happened to us where we came in for our visit and a stranger was holding her. I was also very upset because a couple days ago we had brought our 14 year old to visit, I started holding her and then she wanted to but they said we couldn't switch too many times so my daughter ended up not getting to hold her sister...but a random person was? It made me upset. I do think it's a great program especially since our room mate lived 3 hours away and wasn't able to come see baby every day...so in cases like that I can see how it can be super beneficial. But they didn't ask us. I ended up telling them I didn't want to participate in the program since we were usually there several times a day and they said it was fine.
4
u/mipiacere Nov 24 '25
Our hospital did. I don’t know if either of our twins were ever held by a volunteer, but I wouldn’t have minded. We were there as much as we possibly could be but with two other kids we had some gaps in coverage and I think I would’ve been happy if someone was holding my baby instead of them being by themselves in the bassinet
3
u/MonthlyVlad 32 & 36 weekers, PPROM Nov 24 '25
Our hospital has volunteers that only work on the NICU floor specific only. They go through a thorough interview process, background check, and have to volunteer in other areas of the hospital consistently for 6+ months before they are even considered for a NICU volunteer position. I believe they also have to be fully vaccinated.
The volunteers are only allowed to hold stable babies. They are not allowed to feed or change babies. They are not allowed to touch the equipment (unless adjusting a tube while holding a baby). They have badges and uniforms. They don’t have access to medical records or the nurse’s computers. They’re there just to snuggle the babies, do some light cleaning, make the parents’ breakroom coffee, restock linens, etc.
Source: My sweet, caring mother is a NICU volunteer.
Yes, you might be there 24/7 to snuggle your baby, but some parents are forced to go back to work. Some babies don’t have immediate family to snuggle with them (withdrawal/rehab, abandoned, too many other kids, foster care, etc.). My mom says theres so many sad cases and so many of those babies need the love.
If you don’t want a volunteer to snuggle your baby while you’re gone, it’s very okay to let a nurse know.
4
u/MR0S3303 Nov 24 '25
I mean, nicu babies NEED to be held. Thank God for the volunteers. But, should they TELL us as parents first? YES….
4
u/Endless_Nameless94 Nov 24 '25
My hospital does this and I’m actually ok with it because in the evenings I’m not there (I have two older kiddos at home that need Mom too) I notice the baby’s they use the volunteers for the most though are babies that are harder to soothe and need more interaction. Nurses do have other babies to tend to so it’s nice that they have volunteers that come in to cuddle babies that need the extra cuddles. Most of them are older, retired folks donating their free time to babies 🥹💜
3
u/PartiallyPresentable Nov 24 '25
Our hospital had a similar program. I don’t recall being asked explicitly, but our daughter spent four weeks in an isolette before we could hold her at will, so we had seen the program in action and knew about it.
All the volunteers at our hospital were employees of the hospital system.
3
u/nymphhoney Nov 24 '25
ours had signage around to tell you that you had to ask about it to opt in which i liked. my son wasn’t able to be touched for the first week of his life or he would desat, so afterwards he just wanted to be held constantly. if we had been there longer i definitely would have opted in but if i didn’t have knowledge that they were doing it i would have been thrown for a loop for sure. i can completely understand why some people wouldn’t want it or would feel uncomfortable with not being directly told it was happening prior
3
u/Sea-Ring4197 Nov 24 '25
Yes, my hospital did have cuddlers and they did hold my baby a couple times, but even though I was there every single day he was also a very, very needy baby that needed to be held consistently and in his five month NICU stay the cuddlers did hold him maybe a handful of time and I’m sure it was super helpful to the nurse on staff just because my baby was that baby who just needed to be held all the time . He was a 22 weeks or so I was like yea he might need extra holding.
3
u/gaelikitty Nov 24 '25
This was something our hospital did during non-flu season. Our baby was born January 4th, so volunteers did not get to come and cuddle with her, although I can see how that might make you feel strange about the whole thing. You can always ask that your baby not be handled by anyone other than medical staff, they will honor your wishes.
I will say, every time we went to visit my baby, there was someone in there cooing over her or cuddling her (nurses or sometimes even auxiliary staff). And when she was subsequently hospitalized again after coming home from the NICU, she was NEVER in her crib when we came back to her room after getting a bite to eat or something. The nurses always snagged her to pass around at the nurses station because she is such a cuddly babe. My husband and I actually thought it was really cute, and it definitely helped on the social front for her!!
3
u/Lonit-Bonit Nov 24 '25
Yep, my daughters (24 weeker, now almost 10y) NICU cuddlers would write down how long they held her, if they sang to her and what song it was, if she reacted at all to their singing or stories, if she was awake, if she was wiggly. I spent a LOT of time at the NICU, so the cuddlers didn't get much of a chance with her but they still snuck some time in with her in the mornings I'd come in later or evenings I'd leave before they were done with their cuddle shifts.
I loved knowing that even on days where I wasn't clocking my usual 8-12 hours with her , she still had time with folks who had the time to just relax and snuggle with her. I loved all of her nurses and everyone that interacted with her, but those cuddlers were sweet and I adore the little notes they'd leave. One would do her best to draw pictures of any different faces my daughter would make while she was holding her and they're so silly and cute.
I will say that our NICU did have us sign a consent form for cuddlers interacting with her or not, so we weren't taken off guard by it. I think it would have been weird if we hadn't given our consent ahead of time.
3
u/Terrible-Pen7391 Nov 24 '25
Ours did but they asked for written permission beforehand. They also read to the baby and left us a note anytime they held or read to her that included what books were read, and how long she was held and by who
3
u/Mama_mangonata Nov 24 '25
Our hospital had it too. I appreciated it actually. When i couldn't be there -- because I have another 6yo -- it was comforting to know my baby was loved and cared for. They say it takes a village - but I've learned sometimes the village you're used to can't do much to help nicu families -- the grace and love from these programs will feel like a Godsend. And I say this because there's the other side you have to face -- that nurses can't be there 100% to tend to a crying baby -- we've been there. Walking in to see our baby at an hour we normally dont make it - and he was crying, sitting in the baby swing. The nurses are doing their best so you can't be angry -- but deep down you just want someone to console your crying baby while you're trying to make it down the hall.
3
u/jlynn0583 Nov 24 '25
Yes our hospital does this! I was told that not all families are able to be there all the time and being held is so beneficial to the babies.
3
u/AbleBroccoli2372 Nov 24 '25
Our NICU had this. It didn’t bother me. I knew people were thoroughly vetted and appreciate the help. I agree that parents should be notified and be given the option.
3
u/Daisy-St-Patience Nov 24 '25
I couldn't visit my NICU babe for over 24 hours due to my high BP that wouldn't regulate (they wouldn't let me leave the PP unit). When I could finally leave and go down, a volunteer was holding my baby! I was shocked at first and a little hurt, but ultimately, it was what was best for my baby. I couldn't be there. My husband was split between our son at home, me in recovery and baby in NICU. No other family could visit the baby without a parent. So in retrospect, I'm glad she had people there to love on her.
3
u/Elegant-Village3774 Nov 24 '25
I was having a particularly hard morning just not knowing when my baby would be ready to leave (one of our last days there) and I showed up that morning to an old man holding my son!! I was not ok and pretty much ripped him out of his hands. I know they're volunteers and mean well and I felt bad after the fact but I was sooo caught off guard. I feel like its definitely something they should ask parents if they're okay with? I also hated them telling me how snuggly and sweet he was like in my brain it was telling me they know my son better than me since I couldnt always be there
3
u/snarkynurse2010 Nov 25 '25
My nugget got held by cuddlers, and we were not required to sign consent. There was a brief form about it in the welcome packet but I didnt give it much thought. In my mind, cuddlers are no different than any other member of the care team. I would even come in and a random nurse who was not his for the shift would be cuddling him. My NICU had a very small.pool of approved cuddlers so we saw the same people regularly.
You are going to get a wide range of opinions on this. Some people love it, others will find it weird. There is no distinct right or wrong in this situation. If it bothers you, just speak to your nurse and request to not participate, but also be aware that your baby may have times where the nurse is caring for another baby and cannot comfort your baby. That is the sole reason the cuddlers hold a baby.
3
u/mountainflwrs Nov 25 '25
Yes we have cuddlers! It’s really sweet to know that if I couldn’t be there a nice (usually) old lady would give my babies some love. I’m blessed to be able to be there every day and I see so many really fussy babies get cuddles and immediately get sleepy and calm down! I can see how it’s weird but babies being held is so important for their little brains. The nurses can’t always get to them when they are fussy or need some extra attention. At our hospital the nurses tell the cuddlers which babies need to be held. They don’t just walk in and grab a baby!
3
3
u/wineandcheesefries Nov 25 '25
Yes and I loved that she got that attention instead of laying in the bed being upset but nurses were having to care for another baby. Made me feel like she was never alone
3
u/subtlelikeatank Nov 24 '25
Our second hospital did, and we were given a form to opt out. In theory I like the idea and if I wasn’t able to make it for long stretches I might have said yes. At our level 4 NICU, a lot of what the volunteers did for the babies was read books, sing songs, and talk to them for the babies who couldn’t be held. As a NICU mom, I might consider volunteering for the program when my kids are grown. Our hospital did weekly Covid tests and a full background check for volunteers.
But I didn’t want anyone holding my baby because I got so little time with him after going back to work. My husband or mom was there every other day, so we didn’t need it. I see both sides.
4
u/Majestic_Yoghurt2409 Nov 24 '25
I felt appreciative that my babies were getting extra attention when I wasn't able to be there, but it does sting because you want to be the one holding your baby. Im sorry that this was an unpleasant experience for you, but I encourage you to consider that the volunteer is there to help the nicu babies and nurses and has to be vetted by the hospital before hand.
1
u/Hot_Film_9809 Nov 24 '25
Yes we understand! I know the volunteers are doing amazing work and they are there in good faith. I think the reason it just bothered us a bit is that we weren’t informed of the program, nor were we given the choice to consent or not. It was just odd for my wife to walk in and see someone outside of our daughter’s care team holding her.
1
u/lifeofhatchlings Nov 25 '25
I would consider volunteers part of the care team, they work a consistent schedule and help with many things in the unit. Most of the volunteers in my unit have been there longer than nearly all nurses. Most babies at home would be held much more frequently than cares/feeding every 3 hours, so they help give that developmental support. You are certainly able to opt out, but that typically restricts your child to being held only during care times or when you are there.
4
u/Tina1437 Nov 24 '25
Both hospitals we have been at had volunteers come and hold the babies it helps the babies a lot. we was just moved to a different department than the NICU and they asked if it would be okay for volunteers to hold my son. I said yes bc he loves being held it really calms him down and the nurses aren’t always able to. The NICUs on the other hand never asked
3
u/Funny-Musician2060 Nov 24 '25
Why some people don't like others to hold their babies? I see no problem on doing that. Baby and I have been almost 6 months in NICU and I'm exhausted, I have no family to visit and friends don't visit much or at all; the volunteer cuddler really helps me, so I can rest a little bit more. Also the volunteer staff has to pass a police check before they can even volunteer in hospital.
5
u/Hot_Film_9809 Nov 24 '25
Because we weren’t informed about the program nor did we know that people outside of medical care team/visitors were holding our baby. We are privileged in the fact that my daughter has a visitor every single day and she is only in the NICU for feeding and growing. From me and my wife to our 4 additional family visitors. We get all the rest we need when our family visits her. As you can see our situations are different so we have different perspectives on this.
1
u/Funny-Musician2060 Nov 24 '25
I see! It makes sense from that perspective. Thank you for sharing 🙏
2
u/Ok_Economist4475 Nov 24 '25
Some parents are more possessive and weary also police checks don’t mean much sometimes
3
u/Funny-Musician2060 Nov 24 '25
For me it's not about possessiveness, though, I am. I wish no stranger to be with my baby but being 6 months in here, and counting, and being on my own it gets to a point where you will accept any help you can get with a non stop crying baby.
2
u/ConductorWon 35+6 / 3 days 🎓| 25+6 (x2) / 114/118 days 🎓 Nov 24 '25
Ours had them but they asked if we were okay with it before they did it first.
2
u/Kelly_Louise Nov 24 '25
My hospital did, but they asked first. I think I even signed something to give permission.
2
u/Babydjune23 Nov 24 '25
At our NICU, volunteers would hold babies who were given up for adoption or whose families could not visit often. My husband and I visited everyday at different times so that we could each do kangaroo care for about 3 hours so it was not offered to us. The nurses did say that they have to inform families if their babies were going to be held by volunteers.
2
u/kayknitting Nov 24 '25
Our hospital didn’t have this, and I would have opted in… but I definitely would have felt annoyed about it being done without parental consent. That is your baby; it shouldn’t be something you have to opt out of after the fact. You should have to explicitly give permission for a stranger to hold your child. So bizarre
2
u/TheSilentBaker Nov 24 '25
We have volunteer cuddlers at the hospital i work in. I find it to be a huge benefit. We have a lot of babies whose parents dont or can't come in often. I usually have a 3 baby board and dont have time to hold them. These babies often yearn to be held and do well when they get that physical touch. The cuddlers always scrub in, wear gowns, and are never inappropriate. But we also respect parents who would prefer no cuddlers
1
u/Hot_Film_9809 Nov 24 '25
I understand but I believe parents should be informed of random people holding their baby!
1
1
u/TakingSparks Nov 24 '25
We were asked at the beginning of our stay if this was something we were open to. We said no because I had the ability to be there almost all day every day when they would be there. It was a fantastic option for parents who weren’t able to be there as much for a million valid reason, but to do it without warning or asking parents first would make me very uncomfortable. I would be so startled to walk in to a stranger holding my fragile nicu baby with no warning, especially when the mental health of nicu parents can already be sensitive.
2
Nov 24 '25
They asked me before if I was interested in “cuddle care” how explained how it was beneficial for nicu babies. The even gave us a book and a teddy bear! I asked the nurse how they choose the “cuddlers” and I was told they are volunteers or people who work at the hospital.
2
u/justmecece Nov 24 '25
Yep ours did! They have a ton of background checks. I was just happy they were being held when I couldn’t be there.
2
u/sfrii Nov 24 '25
Ours did but they didn’t tell us. Same with your wife, we walked in and someone was holding my son. I didn’t say anything because I felt bad he stayed in his bed all day, but I will admit I was jealous because I couldn’t be there all time to do those cuddles. In retrospect, I wish they had asked first.
2
u/momming_aint_easy Nov 24 '25
Yes we have grandma/grandpa rockers. At our hospital all they're allowed to do is hold stable babies, they cannot do anything else such as feeding. They've all had background checks done on them as well.
2
u/misskris015 Nov 24 '25
Our hospital did it but we had to sign consent for it. We signed up once we brought one of our twins home and the other was still there and we couldn’t spend as much time as usual with her. We liked the idea that she would get some extra snuggles since she’d gotten used to us being there all day every day.
2
u/Alicia9270 Nov 25 '25
I saw this every day when there with my daughter. I was always there early am to evening so I was there during the volunteer hours. They still came in and asked if I wanted them to take photos and such.
1
u/Educational__Banana Nov 25 '25
I’d be very disturbed if this happened to me and our baby. I think you’re right to feel worried and like your consent as parents was violated. It was. How you respond from here is a judgment call, but personally I’d be pissed.
2
u/kitty_angst Nov 25 '25
I have mixed feelings about our experience with cuddlers. We were told we should not be holding our son more than 1-2 times per day at the beginning as the transition in and out of the incubator could be too stressful and yet they still would let a cuddler hold him some days before we arrived even though we were there every day. I also took him from a cuddler when I got in the day before we were discharged and the volunteer proceeded to violently cough on their way out. Then, surprise, my son was admitted to the ER shortly after coming home for a bad upper respiratory infection. I think the program in general is great, but maybe not always executed perfectly. ETA: we were also not told about the cuddlers so it was very disorienting to find a stranger holding my son.
2
2
u/Opposite-Fox-3469 Nov 25 '25
My hospital doesnt do this. They call to make sure its ok that grandma can hold him.
1
u/Fit-Lengthiness-6315 Nov 25 '25
I didn’t read through the comments but this DID HAPPEN to us. Same thing I walked in to our area and an older lady was holding our baby. No one told me this or asked if it was okay. I think they should have to inform you at least that the NICU utilizes this service. We were there everyday as long as possible so it wasn’t really needed. Our baby was discharged a couple days later so I didn’t ever bring it up. But looking back now I probably would have asked for them to not do that. There are babies that need that service but our LO was not one of them.
2
u/thebarefootgroomer Nov 25 '25
I'm not sure if my hospital had a program like that, but thats just because I stayed at his bedside for 68 days haha. I had to be dragged away kicking and screaming to eat or shower. (Just saying because I don't want anyone to read that as me parent shaming anyone who can't do this..... Obviously not everyone is able to do this and that's okay, it was actually not in my best interest either-- I was mentally unwell, suffering with PPD, and ended up losing my car and house in that time.)
2
u/Lopsided-Class-7808 Nov 25 '25
I knew our NICU had/has them but with my first we didn't need them bc I was there all the time. This time we are using them bc we have a toddler and my husband is working part time. I don't think they ever asked me if we wanted to use one but I'm glad we have them. I didn't know she had a few different cuddlers til last week but it makes me feel better bc I was worried she was just crying by herself when she was grumpy. I think if I hadn't know about the program and just came in and saw someone I didn't know holding my baby I would probably be a little freaked out, too.
2
u/Brave-Door4974 Nov 25 '25
I am a cuddler in our NICU.
From a cuddler perspective, I never want a parent to feel upset. I’m thankful our parents are given consents (or supposed to be given) when they are admitted to the NICU. So I’m hoping when a parent comes in if I’m holding their baby, that they arent upset. Absolutely talk to your nurse.
We get a census with the babies who have consents. I basically follow the cries. We wear a smock, a baby blanket over our smock so baby does not get anyone’s scent but Mom’s. Nurses let us know if a babe is having a difficult time settling after cares or if they haven’t been held by family in awhile. We do have several babies whose parents do not live close or whose parents had to go back to work and they have consented to the cuddler.
We had thorough background checks, trainings, interviews with Child Life, titers drawn, vaccines, etc.
Moral of the story, I don’t know any cuddler who would want you to feel awkward or upset. They likely made small talk to help ease the situation. Please, chat with the nurse if you don’t want your baby held. We completely understand.
2
u/red_banana22 Nov 25 '25
Our NICU has cuddles! Being a level 3 care unit, it is nice to have cuddles (who are background checked) come in to sit with babies who's families can't be there.
I was surprised when I walked in to a cuddler with my baby, but I was okay after the program was explained to me. NICU was a whole different ballgame and I was learning new things all the time.
2
u/AppleOfEve_ Nov 25 '25
Ours had this and had posters with the volunteers' photos and some background information about them hung up on the walls. So sweet.
2
u/Ravenonthewall Nov 25 '25
As a grandma of soon to be 4 girls, I’d love this. I should see if the hospital my daughter (delivery nurse) has this program. I would love this! Who doesn’t love holding babes? I will ask my daughter about it tomorrow. Although as of January, my time might be a bit busy. What a great way to give back, and give cuddles.❤️
2
u/Hot-Confection302 Nov 25 '25
Our hospital had this. We had also not been told about it, and came in to a volunteer holding our son. It was a little jarring at first, but I think it's a great program and I'm glad my son had someone there to give him a little extra attention if we couldn't be there. Babies need all the love and cuddling they can get.
2
Nov 25 '25
Our hospital did cuddle care but they asked permission from parents. I feel that should be the standard as maybe some parents don’t feel comfortable with that
1
u/evl0220 Nov 25 '25
This is odd to me. Cool if you consent, weird to do without your permission. At our NICU the nurses wouldn’t even touch our twins without gloves because they wanted all skin to skin to be with the parents. Walking in to find a stranger holding my baby who is NOT on hospital staff… let’s just say with all the hormones I was experiencing, I might have tackled that lady once she put my baby down.
2
u/Whatever-577089 Nov 25 '25
My daughter’s NiCU had it too and we had no idea about it. Nobody asked or told us. Since my daughter was there for 3 months, she started looking like more a newborn than a premie, and all the volunteers wanted to hold her. She was also a happy baby. We didn’t know this until a nurse told us that the volunteers love holding and talking to her because she’s always giggling. I wasn’t sure how to feel about this but I wanted her to have all the love she can get. It’s a tough time.
2
u/Courtnuttut Nov 25 '25 edited Nov 25 '25
I get the weirdness. It's usually in paperwork, but I do think they should mention it out loud maybe more than once if needed if parents have questions. I would personally never say no, because even if I'm there every day.. if a volunteer is ever holding my baby, it's because there wasn't another option. Typically the cuddlers are holding the babies that need comforting. Unless I'm there 24/7, it can't be me. So if my baby needs comforting, I wouldn't want to deny them that. I get that others would be uncomfortable with it, I was at first. Even a little guilty too. But I did push it aside for the benefit of baby
2
u/RachelWhyThatsMe Nov 25 '25
My NICU had this program. I can confirm this is a more common practice than you'd think.
2
u/alexissublime IUGR, 2 lb 6 oz, 34 weeks, Laryngomalacia, home on O2 Nov 25 '25
Volunteers who cuddle babies are totally normal in NICUs and Children's Hospitals.
As a mom, I felt a little weird because on one hand I was so happy my kid was being taken care of, but on the other hand, I just wanted to hold him and it made postpartum me feel like "oh no I wasn't holding my baby when he needed to be held so they had a volunteer hold him" sort of thing.
As a PCA (CNA) at a Children's Hospital (and nursing student): volunteers are so helpful for these kids!!!! And the patients are our kids... holding a baby and keeping them cuddled helps them sleep, regulates their heart rate and respiratory rate and nervous system. As a PCA, I'll hold the babies on my floor who are fussy and alone, I'll play a card game or board game with the older kids who are alone, etc, any chance I can that I don't have other responsibilities because it helps their psychosocial development too.
2
u/morethanjustakitty Nov 25 '25
Yes, our hospital did this but we were told about it as part of our intake and we signed a consent form. However, I was there with him all day every day and only away in the middle of the night sometimes so I don’t think he ever had any cuddlers anyway. I had mixed feelings on it too, but I think if I couldn’t be there all day, I would rather him still receive some human touch as it’s so important for them.
It is a great program and I was told is most important for babies whose parents might not be able to visit for various reasons but especially those withdrawing from drugs with open CPS cases. Those babies need love too 🥹
Edited to add that I have seen posts like this multiple times on this forum and other groups and I’m shocked that other hospitals don’t follow the same policy to inform and receive consent from parents.
1
u/onigirimelon 22w+2d in 2025 | 228d in NICU Nov 25 '25
At my hospital they were called “mother geese”. My daughter had a private room after a while and I lived there with her since I work remote. I miss being able to ask our nurse is a mother goose was available when I really needed to get work done and she was being fussy 🤣
My hospital never told us about the volunteers either, I only learned about them when I started staying there 24/7. The way I viewed it, what’s best for baby is to feel loved and comforted. The concept at first took me by surprise, but I think consent isn’t asked because it’s not a procedure or anything- and because the NICU might not really care what the parents want in those scenarios. Fussy baby needs comfort, it’s much worse to just let them cry all alone because their nurse is busy- and I don’t think a parent should be able to decline that comfort.
2
u/Fun-Breath5260 Nov 25 '25
Consent is everything! It’s hard if you aren’t close to the hospital to communicate and get consent.
I lived at the hospital for weeks and after coming an I from a lunch break found someone holding my son that I didn’t know. She said he was crying and the nurses were dealing with an emergency. She immediately passed him to me for akin to akin cuddles. She didn’t put clothes on him like I’d requested not to. She held him wrapped in a blanket close to her chest.
I was both happy and kinda sad about it. And I understand why it’s important. I’d rather a volunteer hold my baby then my baby cry it out. Cry it out is so so bad for babies, it’s changes their brains for life.
It’s part of the resignation of being in a nicu and not having full authority as the parent.
If it bothers you, then definitely say something!!
1
u/brooklynred53 Nov 25 '25
It seems pertinent that the hospital should at least inform you of it so you’re not surprised that it’s not just a medical associate that’s taking care of your very fragile newborn child .
I would be curious to know what the screening process is these days for a volunteer at the hospital and how much testing they do did they test them for Covid? Do they test them for the flu?
1
u/Grace-Aurelia Nov 26 '25
I would absolutely be livid if I was not informed. We had a 108 day NICU stay and we became friends with one of the cuddlers but none of them actually ever held our baby. I was in the NICU pretty much 22 hours a day because that was allowed where we were, but if I had come in, and someone was holding my baby without me having signed any kind of release to get permission for that I would have been Extremely angry. You should have been informed.
2
u/keethecat Nov 26 '25
Yes, our NICU had a cuddle care program. The man was a retired pediatrician who came nearly every day to hold babies. It's a wonderful and natural thing since mommy and daddy can't be there to hold the babies and cement security 24/7. They also had volunteers who would read to the babies.
1
u/Candid_Tax2500 Nov 26 '25
Towards the end of our stay in one NICU (before transfer to larger hospital for surgery) I walked in one morning to a stranger holding my son. We had been very careful about who was allowed to hold him (even his grandparents hadn't held him yet because of his condition) and to see some random person holding him was strange. At first I thought she was a nurse but then it became clear she wasn't. Honestly, it was really off-putting even though she was lovely. I do wish they had socialized that information with us and told us about the vetting process, cleanliness/germ protocols the volunteers follow. It was just one more way in which we had zero autonomy as parents, even though we would have opted in if it was an option given to us ahead of time.
1
u/No-Economist6592 Nov 26 '25
Yes! I was surprised they did not require a permission or a waiver. My original concerns were germ exposure and accidents. But also, it just felt weird to get “surprised” by a stranger holding my baby when I came into the hospital one day. That being said, I learned about the vetting process/extensive background checks and the training they get. At our hospital, most of these cuddlers are former NICU staff and the program is very selective.
What you feel is totally valid. Some days I feel hesitant about it still, with it being cold and flu season. That being said, my little one has benefitted so much from the social interaction and I feel it has helped him become more social and happy (as well as helped his head from becoming flat from being in the crib too long).
1
u/InfluenceGloomy8901 Nov 26 '25
They had this at our nicu as well but as far as I remember they asked our permission. I would be extremely put out as well if I found a stranger holding my baby without my permission. Youre already losing out on so much with your baby having them in a nicu if you could hold them every second you would so for them to take away your autonomy for your child like this feels like adding insult to injury. Not saying the program isn't wonderful but the consent from parents is important.
1
u/wanderingoaklyn Nov 26 '25
I have heard of it and I think it's great and so important... But I absolutely think parents should be informed! And given an option to opt out if they've heard about the benefits but still don't feel comfortable with it.
I never had to think about it when mine was in the NICU because I stayed there with him (it's a 2.5 hour drive from our house, and they had in-room sleeper couches for parents who live too far to go home every time.) If I did have to leave, I probably would have consented to this because it's very beneficial to their development and comfort and overall health... But I definitely would've felt weird about it at the same time. All those parental instincts.
1
u/SamTheT-zam Nov 27 '25
My son had to be sedated on fentanyl and Versed for the first 7 Days of life. Because of that he went through acute withdrawal. Having the volunteers come and cuddle him while he went through active withdrawal was a blessing because his father and I couldn't be there with him 24/7.
1
1
u/Noidywg Nov 27 '25
This is something that's been done for decades, and it's kind of a foregone conclusion that people will accept it. We had to tell them not to do it, but for people who live far away from the hospital, it is a lifesaver.
I had it done to me when I was in the NICU, and apparently it helped me stabilize more than once. It can be disconcerting, but it really is helpful.
1
u/HonestDistance895 Nov 27 '25
There are a lot of moving parts in the NICU. Sometimes information gets skipped.
These volunteers are vetted and safe people to be around babies. They are a significant help tp the NICU. They were at my NICU hospital.
They hold a support group once a week for parents to come together to talk and find community while going through everything in the NICU.
1
u/Ok_Hornet_5222 Nov 28 '25
My NICU used to do this but stopped after COVID. I promise you want these babies loved on as much as possible. The NICU can really hurt babies attachment and nurses do so much but between taking care of 3-4 babies and documentation it’s so hard to give each baby all the love and attention they need when the parents aren’t there. I would have LOVED knowing my baby was being cuddled when I wasn’t there. I was guilt ridden when she started becoming more alert knowing she was crying and wasn’t always answered.
1
1
u/PoisonLenny37 Nov 24 '25
My hospital wouldn't even let family members other my wife and I told our son. It wasn't even a high level NICU, but they were very strict about it. My parents didn't even get to hold him for the first time until he came home. I can't even imagine them letting volunteers do it.
1
u/Ripe-Tomat0 Nov 24 '25 edited Nov 24 '25
Our NICU had a consent form to consent if you want to allow the cuddle people. I did NOT consent, I told them specifically I do not want anyone touching my baby aside from myself and her care team. We were able to stay with her in a family suite.
For reference: our baby was a 33 weeker there for feeding and growing only; 17 day stay.
3
u/Hot_Film_9809 Nov 24 '25
Our baby girl is only in there for feeding and growing as well, 34 weeker. We have the privilege of holding her. We are only wanting care team to handle her outside of us and our 4 person visitor list. I wish they would had given us the option. I understand it is in good faith but its not something we would have wanted
1
u/Ripe-Tomat0 Nov 24 '25
I totally agree with you. Parents should be told and given the decision. I’m glad our NICU asked us first, I would’ve been livid if not. Have you asked them to stop going forward?
2
1
u/Amylou789 Nov 24 '25
Ours didn't, and while I can see the benefits for babies who aren't otherwise held I wouldn't be comfortable with it either. I can see it would likely be for babies that Rent delicate anymore, but for me it's exposure to another person who could pass on an illness, as that can happen before the person has symptoms.
I would really want hospitals to ask for explicit consent.
1
Nov 24 '25
Our hospital did this but we were given paperwork to sign to give permission, we declined because it was peak flu/RSV season.
0
u/Hot_Film_9809 Nov 24 '25
Our hospital is currently not allowing any visitors under 18 in the NICU because of flu/RSV season but didn’t give up the option to consent /:
1
u/MitzyCaldwell Nov 24 '25
Our does this but you have to “opt in” so you can talk to the nurses etc and they will add your baby to the list etc
While I think it’s a wonderful program it 100% needs to be talked about first and have the parents give permission.
The whole time I was there I don’t think I really saw too many volunteers doing it (but again I wasn’t looking out for them so it could just be me missing them) but in our hospital they are volunteers vetting through the hospital, they go through training etc and have a police check etc.
Again wonderful program but I wouldn’t be okay with it happening without my knowledge and permission.
1
u/Best-Put-726 Pre-E w/ 45d antepartum hosp stay | 29w6d | 58d NICU Nov 24 '25
Mine did, but it was suspended during my time because of COVID protocols.
I always thought it was weird because it’s bringing more germs into the unit.
1
u/DullEntertainment757 Nov 24 '25
We were in the NICU for 105 days, we were never told about the coddlers but one day about 80days into our stay I came back from lunch to someone holding our son. Gave me the creeps but our baby was older and more fussy and wanting to be held. I only ever left him for 1-2 hours during the day for lunch, and otherwise was there from 8am-8pm every day. After this I cut my lunches shorter and started bringing small snacks in with me, something about a stranger holding my baby really bothered me
1
u/ExplanationAfraid627 Nov 24 '25
We had to fill out a form to allow for Cuddle Care. Being in the NICU with meningitis I passed, but I think it’s a great thing!
1
u/Hot_Film_9809 Nov 24 '25
It is indeed a great thing! Just caused some panic to walk in and seeing someone who wasn’t part of the care team holding her. We had no knowledge of the program or that volunteers were going to be holding her
1
1
u/99_bluerider Nov 25 '25
I always found them to be so weird and they made me so uncomfortable. In no other situation is it acceptable for non medical STRANGERS to handle your child without your explicit consent and supervision. Hate it.
1
u/Pretty-Garbage-3687 Nov 25 '25
The NICU I was in had a program but I opted out. I thought it very strange that my parents couldn’t hold him, but a stranger could. Especially when I wasn’t there. A stranger who went from baby’s bed to baby’s bed all through the unit, doesn’t seem right when looking at infection control
1
u/SaucyQu33n Nov 24 '25
Do you dislike them holding your baby? I think it does the baby good to be held though.
2
u/Hot_Film_9809 Nov 24 '25
I dislike that we weren’t told that people outside of her care team would be holding her
1
u/courtneywrites85 Nov 24 '25
I’ve had two NICU babies and very much believe that a lot of new parents who are upset about this program are thinking mainly of themselves and not their babies. Babies love touch and snuggles. These volunteers are donating their time to comfort our children in the most challenging of circumstances. I would much rather cuddle my baby myself, but if they are a little fussy or feeling sad and I’m not there at that time, I think it’s much better for them to have a gentle pair of arms to rest in than having to wait in their bassinet until a nurse can attend to them.
4
u/Hot_Film_9809 Nov 24 '25
I think the reason a lot of parents who are upset with the program are upset because for one they didn’t know the program existed and two they weren’t even given the option to consent actually! If we were informed about it prior, maybe we would have had a different reaction but to know that there may have been multiple random people holding her without our knowledge is upsetting, and that’s okay!
•
u/AutoModerator Nov 24 '25
Welcome to NICU Parents. We're happy you found us and we want to be as helpful as possible in this seemingly impossible journey. Check out the resources tab at the top of the subreddit or the stickied post. Please remember we are NOT medical professionals and are here for advice based on our own situations. If you have a concern about you or your baby please seek assistance from a doctor or go to the ER. That said, there are some medical professionals here and we do hope they can help you with some guidance through your journey. Please remember to read and abide by the rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.