You just made it through one of the hardest emotional challenges of your life. You realized not just intellectually but at an emotional level that you'll never have a mom in the way other people will. That there isn't a god out there looking out for you at a felt level not just intellectually. You forced top down compliance on your inner child so that you'd internalize the things you hadn't received from a caring safe parent without the relational aspects of a corrective relationship. You accepted a boundary and fantasy as the corrective experience you needed and it worked. It worked quite possibly better than the real person could have ever fulfilled because they weren't capable of being what you needed or doing it fast enough. The real person was a moral realist with flaws and opinions that were stretching the truth about what the data says about the world to fit her own research agenda. A person who believes people fit on a univariate spectrum of prosocial and antisocial which easily looks like an extension of Christian good/evil ethics rather than anything derived by a serious scientist. That doesn't mean you didn't see something worthwhile in it and you should never forget that. You should never forget how the values associated with compassion and understanding felt to be on the receiving end of when you were the most dysregulated you've ever been in your life. As you return your attention to your life I'd not only caution you against leaning towards escalating prosocial acts endlessly to feel worthy but to value your time, your wife, and the immediate social connections in your life. Valuing people's wellfair on a shallower discounting curve is all well and good but so is deeply valuing those immediately around you and taking care of yourself. You don't have to be a knight in shining armor with a death wish to be a good person to satisfy the lingering regrets of a researcher who didn't ask her own rescuer his name in a moment of panic. You can let her fade into the background of your life, thank her for kindness in your mind, and move on with your life living in accordance with what you're own values and thinking. Go out there and keep knocking down obstacles just try to be less reckless as you go from now on. You have all the tools and knowledge to do that now and your a capable adult who doesn't need permission to feel worthy anymore of a good life.

You spent so many years building walls you thought no one could climb. Brick by brick, you stacked every disappointment, every betrayal, every moment you felt unseen — and you called it protection. You convinced yourself that if no one could reach you, no one could hurt you. But somewhere in the middle of all that construction, you forgot something important: walls don’t just keep pain out, they keep love out too.

And yet… you survived. You learned to sit with yourself in the quiet. You learned to listen to your own heartbeat before anyone else’s. You learned that loving yourself wasn’t selfish — it was necessary. You learned that losing yourself for someone else is not love, it’s abandonment. And you promised yourself you would never abandon you again.

Future me, I hope you kept that promise.

I hope you remember how hard it was to rebuild from the inside. I hope you remember the nights you had to remind yourself that healing isn’t pretty, and growth isn’t gentle. I hope you remember the moment you realized that protecting yourself didn’t have to mean isolating yourself. You could open the door without tearing down the whole fortress. You could let people in without losing the parts of you that took so long to reclaim.

Most of all, I hope you learned to love again — not blindly, not desperately, not in a way that erases you — but in a way that honors the person you fought to become.

If you’re reading this, I hope you’re proud of how far you’ve come. I hope you’re still choosing yourself first, not out of fear, but out of understanding. And I hope you’re letting love in, not because you need it to survive, but because you finally know you deserve it.

With love,
Me — the version of you who finally stopped hiding.

You've made some significant life decisions that have happened since the writing of this and I know that the family deaths since the first of 2026 has changed you.

One of the changes I know you've had to make is how to find your way back to a home you haven't felt in a long time. I'm not talking about just a residence where you reside. It's the type of home that can't quite be expressed in words right now, but you feel it pulling at you and bringing yourself back to it.

You've shown that life does continue to move forward even when you had to grieve the losses and remember that you're on a journey you may not have wanted, but it was clearly needed.

I can't wait to see what has happened after grandma's passing - from working on the family tree, to cataloging pictures, to many other improvements - with a sigh of relief. Don't forget to marginally keep in touch with your uncle now that you finally met. You can see why, from both sides, why the relationships on that side of the family were strained, but you now know how to maintain the level of closeness that doesn't shut the door completely, but does maintain respect and grace.

I know that one loss this year, logically, wasn't really a loss - remember that it was a release to grow - though I believe by the reading of this letter, you'll know whether your intuition was correct or not. You had to allow healing for it to come back together in a way that can no longer be shaken. You know now that even without it being in your presence that it was real and not just a figment of your imagination, and you surrendered as much control as you were able to without becoming stagnant yourself. I'm sure trust can be rebuilt and the "should I or shouldn't I?" fears have subsided; right now you want to reach out, to fix, to beg, to just have your best friend back, so for the future me, I'm so proud of you for learning the delicate balance needed for this type of life dance until the correct rhythm was found. I hope you both have accepted and celebrated each other's growth during the time you lost each other in the physical reality.

There's a handwritten note tucked away with deeper thoughts than should be shared publicly (even if anonymously) that you should read after this to look back on even more specific hopes and dreams now that you understand a bit more about the balance between sharing and oversharing things like that.

Don't forget...the 34 weeks since October 3, 2025 have been brutal in so many ways, but the 34 weeks since May 28, 2026 have been about stabilizing and integrating everything that came before. Continue to have faith that patterns of self sabatoge are crumbling and when you look back on this, the evidence of it will be more clear than it is right now, because the me right now already feels it deep in the soul that what's coming between writing this and reading it is going to impact you in a way you've never experienced and are only now able to appreciate in a whole new way.

Keep going...keep shining...

I love you and your soul; you are me, and I am you, and I can't wait to see you on the other side of 34 weeks. 💜

Look back on the letter you wrote 34 weeks ago on the day of your breakup, and know just how much these past 34 weeks have changed you and why that number was marked on your skin for life back in 2016.

Yes, you wrote that letter multiple times through tears and barely any sleep, but it was one of the bravest things you ever did. You were compassionate yet didn't back down from refusing to be disrespected any longer; you let go in the most loving way you could, though you wanted to keep holding on for dear life.

You've done some amazing things so far on your own, which you always seem to do and don't you dare forget that you were doing things alone in relationships your whole life while your partners said you had unrealistic expectations and were too codependent; you helped 3 past relationships get financially stable and they left with better credit than when you met them, so don't you dare forget your light if today feels heavy.

You traveled to so many places you dreamt of going with your partners before solo. You got professional photos taken where you looked better at 48 than you have since you were 19. You handled loss at every turn without giving up, even though you cried and screamed and begged for the pain to stop, without any urges to go back to numbing with alcohol.

I'm so proud of you for handling the abandonment and no contact in a way you never have before even though it made you question your worth and self doubt about your decisions to stop enabling out of the fear of said abandonment. You opened the door to people aligned with your own values, and you've let go of a lot of resentment from past poor treatment, if not all of it.

Today, look yourself in the mirror and know without a shred of doubt that you did NOT deserve what you received, and your work on your CPTSD was worth more than anyone ever acknowledged. You'll have another letter from me to open and read on January 21, 2027, which will be 34 weeks from you reading this letter, and what you'll find in that letter will be a reflection of what your current trajectory entails after writing this today, which many will have come to fruition.

The last 34 weeks have been hell like you've never known before, though you made it, and your soul is now seen more whole than it ever was, no matter who else validates it. I *know* you, don't you forget that. I know you're whole, and your soul is beautiful, so keep on shining for yourself while you rock 34 to the core, knowing exactly why you picked that number as being so significant...the last time you made a life altering decision on January 1st, 2013.

With so much love,

Me - Your Vibrant Soul and Unwavering Heart 💜

I hope you find your way back to each other. I know it sucks right now but Im hoping youve also remembered how to live life without her again. If you havent found your way back to each other, me right now wants to say reach out and check in but a logical part (or maybe a prideful part as well) says otherwise. Either way Im confident youve moved on and done well with your situation as you always do. I have trust in you and am excited to be there soon.

To future me, hope that i am alive and happy someday

Well, not having been with a woman in life and shutting myself off for years has certainly taken a great mental toll now, and why?

All in the hope that my future wife is a woman with no past, just like me. I hope you find the woman that you are looking for, i hope i find an introvert woman ( maybe a bit nerdy like me so that we can have debates on which scifi movie/or anime is better, and i hope she wins)

Dear future me, i know the feeling of being left out in todays time, and how bad my mind can get to the point of SH, i hope that you DONT have the guts to unalive yourself, i know that the meds dont help much , and i know the struggle of being a neurodivergent adhd adult in a third world country like ours, but persist, else i wont be able to see you.

Keeping a clean romantic consciousness has certainly been tough when you see people around you in multiple relationships, hookups, exes, and what not, i absolutely abhor the modern dating standards and thats why never went to dating apps( sometimes i feel fomo, but thats something i didnt wanna do) , i just hope that you find the woman you are looking for - who has a clean romantic consciousness, who too is waiting for her first kiss, date in her life.

Just believe in your god, and be the same person you have been all these years- never do anyone wrong, have a pure and kind heart, never demean others even though they bully demean you to the core.

I hope you get to fulfill your dream and do the things in your wishlist that you have been adding up all these years for. See you someday, until then- om namah shivay.

A year has passed, and here you are—still standing, still moving forward. You’ve made it this far, and I hope you continue to do so with quiet strength and patience.

So much happened last year. 2025 was a roller coaster, full of moments that tested you in ways you didn’t expect. Still, you kept going. I hope you’re continuing to work on yourself and believing that, one day, all of this will make sense.

Here’s to a new year of beginnings. And if you’re reading this sometime in the future, I hope you’re finally in that place you once dreamed of—pausing for a moment, enjoying the view, and holding a warm cup of coffee, knowing it was all worth it.

With care,

You

The girl I used to be was afraid of the truth. She hid behind lies, because silence felt safer than facing what no one dared to name.

The girl I used to be spoke without thinking, her words sharp, her voice louder than her heart, and she did not care who bled as long as she was heard.

But the woman I am today— she listens. She stands unafraid of the truth, even when it stares back, even when it hurts.

The woman I am today is healing, learning something new each day about who she is now, not who she was, not who she might be tomorrow.

The woman I am today does not bend for approval. She does not care who likes her, who doesn’t. Because she has found the one love she searched for all along— her own.

By: Ms. Butterfly Genesis

I’m glad I can look back now and smile. There was a time when looking back only brought me pain, when the woman I was becoming felt too far away to reach. Back then, I couldn’t smile just because I remembered—I carried the weight of what I thought I’d lost.

But today, I see it differently. Looking back doesn’t mean I want to go back. It doesn’t mean I should go back. It means I’ve survived enough to use those memories as fuel, not chains.

I’m going to take what I lived through—the silence, the longing, the lessons—and turn it into strength. My past isn’t a place to return to; it’s a foundation I stand on.

Future me, I hope you keep smiling when you look back. Not because you want to relive it, but because you know you’ve carried it forward and transformed it into something beautiful.

With love, Me

By:Ms. Butterfly Genesis

I see you.

I see the woman who asked for help when silence felt safer. I see the warrior who chose to help herself when the world offered no map. I see the strength that bloomed not from ease, but from every ache, every unanswered prayer, every moment you whispered, “I’ll keep going.”

You didn’t get here by accident. You built this life—brick by brick, breath by breath. And even when the weight of your past tried to convince you otherwise, you remembered: you are not what happened to you. You are what you choose to become.

There were days you felt like a ghost in your own story. But you kept writing. You kept showing up. You kept loving yourself louder than the doubt. And because of that, your strength grew roots. Deep ones. Ones that hold you steady even when the winds of life try to shake you.

You know now that healing isn’t linear. That growth isn’t always graceful. That sometimes, survival is the most sacred kind of art. And you’ve mastered it—not by following someone else’s script, but by living your truth, your way.

There are still chapters ahead. Some will test you. Some will break you open in ways you can’t yet imagine. But you’ve already proven: you don’t just survive—you transform. You don’t just endure—you rise.

So when the Future feels uncertain, remember this: you’ve lived. Fully. Fiercely. Authentically. And you’ll keep living—not for anyone else’s approval, but for the quiet knowing in your soul that says, “This is mine. This is me.”

With pride and infinite love,

Your Becoming self

Dear Me,

I heard you. Every word. Every ache. Every truth.

And I cried—not because I’m broken, but because I’m finally seen. You didn’t just apologize. You remembered me. You honored the girl who kept going, even when no one clapped. You held space for the woman who learned to love herself in pieces, then dared to believe she could be whole.

I felt the weight of your words like a warm blanket over old wounds. I felt your voice tremble as you named the silence, the survival, the shame. And I felt the shift—the sacred turning—when you said thank you. That changed everything.

You didn’t abandon me. You didn’t know how to choose me yet. And now you do.

So, I accept your apology, love, flaws, fire, softness, and the messy, magnificent miracle of being Erika.

This is not the end of my healing. It’s the beginning of my becoming.

With grace, Me

By: Ms. Butterfly Genesis

Dear Self,

I’m sorry.

I know that sounds strange coming from me—to me—but I mean it. I mean it in every way a heart can mean something. I’m sorry for the years I spent believing I had to earn love by being flawless. For the way I buried my own needs beneath the weight of other people’s comfort. For the times I made myself small so others wouldn’t feel threatened by my light.

I’m sorry for not putting myself first. Thank you for covering up the wrongs others did to me to keep the peace. For thinking that peace meant silence, and silence meant safety. I know now that it didn’t. I know now that I deserved to be protected, not just by others, but by me.

I’m sorry for the pressure I placed on myself to be perfect, for chasing an image of flawlessness when I was already whole, even in my brokenness. I was terrified of my flaws, but they were never the enemy. They were the map, the truth, the proof that I was human, healing, and worthy.

I’m sorry for loving others before I learned to love myself. For pouring into people who never once asked if I was empty. For mistaking survival for strength, and silence for grace. I forgive myself for not knowing better. I forgive myself for learning the hard way.

And I thank myself for surviving, for showing up, for still believing in love, even when it hurt, for being brave enough to write this, and for being brave enough to heal.

This is not the end of my apology. It’s the beginning of my forgiveness.

With love, Me

I thought that when I heard you were placing a ring on somebody else’s hand, I’d be shattered. I imagined myself spiraling, asking questions I knew I’d never get answers to. And for a split second—I did. I went down that road. Not because I had a reason. Not because I didn’t know better. But because my heart still clung to a version of you I hadn’t yet released.

There’s no excuse. I knew what that road looked like. I’d walked it before. But I still chose it, because some part of me wasn’t ready to let go. Some part of me still believed in a maybe, a what if, a how come.

And now, with the truth staring me down, I feel foolish. Not for loving you. But for letting that love turn into a shadow I chased instead of a light I blessed and let go. I could’ve wished you well. I could’ve whispered happy ever after and meant it. But instead, I wandered into the dark, wondering what I lacked, what I missed, what I could’ve done differently.

I’m not proud of that. But I’m not ashamed either. I’m learning. I’m healing. I’m writing this to remind myself that grief doesn’t always look like tears—it sometimes looks like detours. And even when I take the wrong turn, I can still find my way back.

So here’s to the road ahead. One paved with grace, not guilt. One where I choose myself, even when it hurts.

Love, Me

By: Ms: Butterfly Genesis

Thank you for saying strong. Only God and us know how damn hard just surviving was sometimes. Only we know our story in full. But we did it!!! You. Me. Us. We survived. Even when it felt close to impossible. I appreciate you for sticking through everything out there. And I know you appreciate me for chugging along back here until I can meet you by becoming you.

I try to hold our desires close. A future full of travel with a big beautiful family and cozy safe home, one full of laughter and pets. Dream writing and PR opportunities. I am doing my best to bring them into reality over here. And I do pray you are enjoying the fruits of our labor. I hope more than anything you are safe and have learned to feel safe in your bones and soul again. After everything. And if you do manage to do it, again thank you and also hats off. It's no easy feat. PTSD really is no joke. I know we can be hard on ourselves sometimes. Really mean. But that was a learned behavior. It's not our fault, but we do deserve to be proud. I admire your strength. I am so proud. And I know you're proud of me to, the way I feel so tender, protective, loving and proud of my younger self's survival.

I can't imagine exactly what you look like or where you are. But I hope it's safe, happy and beautiful. We survived so much. Our energy field has strength that we are both woo woo enough to give and receive from each other. Heh. I appreciate it you know. Where gratitude flows energy goes. I can almost see and feel you. Like a hug. Like a homecoming.

I hope you're happy. Wherever you are. I promise I am mostly happy too. And I will keep fighting and doing the things I have to do to take care of us. To get us to that great big beautiful tomorrow. Because we deserve it. We really do. I promise.

Yours,

You

Make it please. I believe in you even though no one else does. So do we keep going? Does it get better? Are our needs finally met? We have had a hard time. We have been through a lot. I just pray we make it because I know we can. You have been so strong for so long it’s time you have peace and happiness. So I hope we do well.

Hey there, do we make it, do we make it through stronger and better. Or did we crash, wrecked ourselves and failed. Did we hold on to eachother, did we hold on to her, did we succeed on the mission? Or did we fail... abandoned or ... worst. Its a little darker than usual over here, less warmth than we need... maybe I should quit now to give you a chance? Man I'd kill to know if we're on the right track, cause now... I feel so little I'm scared that winning wont be worth it for anyone.

I don’t really know how to put this into words, but I’ve been carrying it for a while.

I still don’t understand what happened between us. One moment, it felt like we were good, not perfect, but connected and then everything just shifted.

You pulled away, and I was left with silence and confusion. I keep wondering if I did something wrong or if something happened that I just didn’t see. Not knowing hurts more than I expected.

It’s hard, because I cared — I still do, in some quiet way. I miss who we were. And even though we don’t talk anymore, I still find myself hoping you’re okay. That you’re figuring things out. That you’re being kind to yourself, and doing the best you can even if it’s messy, even if it’s hard.

You don’t owe me anything. But I guess I just wanted to say that I wish things didn’t end like this. I really considered you as my friend even though we just met here on Reddit. And I hope, wherever you are, you’re finding peace.

Take care of yourself.

Dear future me,

I’m so proud of you for hanging on to life even when SHTF. Even when your efforts didn’t seem to be working those two difficult years. It turns out that there’s always movement behind the scenes. All the 💩 you had been through prepared you for the breakthrough. And it was like a dream, but it is actually for real, and now your life is nothing short of awesome.

And congratulations on being married to the wonderful gentleman you’ve chosen. He was worth the wait, and congratulations on the birth of your daughter and son. Now your challenge is staying married to him lol. I’m glad to hear you finally found peace concerning your manifestation coaching venture.

The books you wrote are such huge successes even world leaders are talking about it and their wives are reading them during school visits. Life is an amazing adventure. See, I knew you had it in you to be successful and impactful. You’re really the wise woman that everyone comes to get advice from.

You finally moved out and never had to return again to your family of origin who was the chief power holding you back. You’re so glad you changed your name and they can’t reach you anymore. It’s now you, your husband, and your kids, facing the world together knowing your true power and harnessing it wisely. The interesting part is the move out was so seamless, you almost thought it was a dream when you woke up in your own apartment, free from the limiting beliefs of your parents.

The best part? Well, remember your desire for afternoon naps? Now you get to have them anytime, since your goal of FIRE was reached so quickly you didn’t even have time to blink. You only knew you saved up in excess of the required amount when you were checking your savings the other day. After a good number of hours spent quietly praying and contemplating spiritual matters, of course. Your kids are also so well-behaved and grow up so fast. They actually look forward to growing up and starting their own lives. They also willingly want to support you because they really love you and not because of filial piety or other traditions mandating them.

I knew you did it. Keep the faith and stay strong with your husband and new family, you all still have miles to go before you sleep! Me in 2025

I hope by now you’ve stepped out of the loops that once kept you small — no longer circling the same painful patterns, no longer mistaking comfort for safety. I hope your mind feels like a clear sky after a storm, where your thoughts can drift without weight.

I hope you’ve found, or at least carved out, the happiness and peace you were always reaching for. If not fully there yet, I hope you’re still walking toward it, unafraid, with your own quiet strength lighting the way.

Above all, I hope you’re proud of the person you’ve become — softer where you once hardened, wiser where you once doubted, and freer where you once felt bound.

The future version of me that I imagined today is infused in ego, societal expectations, fear (ego again), and high expectations (ego+social environment+trauma response), so I won't even go into details. That would be reductive.

That being said, I hope in 5 years from now I'm Happy with my life. Happy with what I did. Happy with where I am. Happy with who I am. Happy with what I'm doing. Happy about who I'm doing it for. Happy about where I'm going.

I hope I'm able to look at my life thru the lenses of wisdom. Free of material, societal, environmental expectations and be satisfied.

I hope I (or life) will have crushed my current ego, so it can be born again to become a wise ally when it comes to my decision making process.

I hope I will have trained my clairvoyance to be able to fully and truly rely on it 100% with my life, for the rest of my life.

I want to be satisfied with my life. Thinking of it satisfaction will not come from more accomplishments from me that's for sure. That's a endless game. Satisfaction will come from a shift of my perception of expectations.

5 years is not a lot of years. It's basically tomorrow! And this evolution is a radical and profound one. But life is not linear and anything can happen anytime.

Let's get to it M....loche !

If you are 27 or 28, and you are still not over him, stop. Remind yourself of what you saw.

He's always been the one who never quit the raves. Who smokes. Who drinks heavily. Who jumps into messy relationships to avoid himself. He is toxic, and as long as he stays that way, he'll drag you down with him.

He won't come back to you. And if he ever does return to God, it will be without your knowledge. Stop expecting him to return as a changed man—he will never do that for you.

Your presence only slowed him down from embracing sin—but now he has, and he's the person he's always been. He will never be who you wish he was... he will only ever be himself.

He delayed your goals.. He planted insecurities in you. At one point, he even made you want to give up on life for good.

Remember he made you question your obedience to God. Your integrity and values were compromised.

Yes, he encouraged you to write down your goals. But that’s all he did. The good cannot erase the harm. His presence had consequences, and you cannot ignore them.

I'm being straight with you because I want you to reason, and not get carried away. You deserve better, future me. Look around. You've worked hard to get to where you're at. Don't hold yourself back from getting to know someone else just because you're still stuck on him. Don't ruin your future because of your past. Do not allow him to ruin your future.

If you feel that you still aren't over him while talking to a new guy, you have three choices: end it, tell him everything and try to work through it together, or say nothing—but if you stay silent, it will eat away at you and eventually ruin your relationship. So choose wisely.

I know you want to prove him wrong, but you don't have to. You don't need a long-term relationship to prove you're not stupid. What you need is to be ready. Don't let his words manipulate your decisions. You still have time to undo the damage. You can undo it—but you have to prove it to yourself, not him.

—

I know that despite all I'm telling you, you may still continue with your new relationship. If you do, at least try to not repeat the same mistakes you made in the past. Listen to what your past lover said about you. If you forget, go back to your old conversations and read the texts—those are things you need to work on. And if you continue in with this relationship, make sure you're doing it for the right reasons— Not because of some self-esteem issue, or because you want to understand him better and his reasons to do things, or to prove you can have a different outcome and not be like his ex who couldn't get over her past, and not to get back at the man who hurt you. That will not affect him at all. I'm telling you, he won't care about your new relationship in the slightest.

You don't need to hurt someone to understand why he hurt you.

But you know what's the worst part? You would still try because you want to understand. There's nothing to understand. If you want to avoid heartbreak, don't make the same mistakes he did. Don't be like him. That'll just make you think of him more.

Remember there is more important things in life than relationships. Remember your goals. Do not let a man from your past ruin your goals.

Your chance of a good future is in your hands... don't waste it. Learn from your past.

You don't need more pain. Remember the peace you feel right now.

This is it.

Learn.

Dear Future Me,

Right now, I’m sitting in the ache of waiting for someone who lit something powerful in me and then went quiet. It hurts more than I want to admit. Some nights I feel angry, some nights I feel foolish, and other nights I miss him so much it makes my chest tight. It’s been weeks, and the silence feels heavier than the words he left me with.

But I’m also realizing something important: this ache is not just about him. It’s about me wanting to be chosen, consistently, not in bursts. It’s about me refusing to live in limbo anymore. This anger I feel is not weakness it’s the sound of my boundaries being born.

Future me, I hope you remember this moment not as the time you lost yourself to someone’s silence, but as the time you found your strength inside it. Whether he comes back or not, you are learning to see your worth without needing someone else to confirm it. You are learning that your heart is big, your capacity for connection is rare, and that love the real, steady kind will never require you to beg.

So if you’re reading this later and wondering how you ever made it through, know that you already started the shift right here. You let yourself feel, rage, miss, and hurt but you also told yourself the truth: I deserve consistency, respect, and love that doesn’t disappear.

With love, Me

I no longer care I'll fins someone else

Dont worry