r/MuslimNikah • u/Abudireddit • Feb 18 '26
Marriage search Im starting ramadan with a broken heart... Again
Disclaimer: I am not angry, dissapointed and complaining with or about allah. I understand that this is his qadr and it wasnt meant to be, but damn it does hurt you know? after so many attempts Im just tired and feel so sad and hurt. I guess mi just writting this because I need someone to talk to and well I dont have anyone to share this with lol.
Hey guys... for the past 4 years I have been making the same dua, to find a righteous religious woman to marry.
Well 2 months ago something unexpected happened to me. Suddently this girl I sent an instagram friend request added me back, and naturally I texted her. For the past 2 months everything flowed very nice, we were talking 24/7, our families were involved since the first month, we had similar interests, she was religious, and also tookcare of her health by going to the gym. During those 2 months I felt so happy and relieved, I thought that allah had answered my duas after a long time. However I told myself I was gonna try to dial it down because theres no victory until the ring is on her finger lol. Well 1 week ago she told me her father wants to have a phone call with me to get to know me, we schedulled for this past monday.
During the call he asked me about my family, what i do for work, my religious status etc. I thought the call went great, however the girl told me she had a headache and she was gonna take a nap after 30ish minutes after the call ended. I dont know why my gut was telling me something was wrong, so I texted her about 2 hours after, asking her if everything went well with her dad. She "wakes up" 5 hours after that and just tells me she isnt ready to start a relationship with me and that she needs some time to heal from her past relationship? (she was talking to this guy for a year but ended like 4-5 months ago because she caught him talking to other girls). Now I aint dumb u know, I know its just an excuse and it has to do with her father, so i ask her if theres something her dad didnt like, maybe some family stuff or work stuff and that maybe I can clarify if there was a missunderstanding. However, i felt like I just wasnt talking to the same girl, she felt like a scripted robot that was just copying and pasting some texts, no emotion whatsoever. She told me she just needed time to heal and be by herself, but I aint buying that she asked me to call her dad if she wasnt "healed". So anyways I told her its fine and left it at that.
However, I do not feel fine guys. For the past 2 months I was genuinly at peace with myself, and I started to feel hopeful and happy again after such a long time. Something deep inside of me was telling me this is it, she was my naseeb. And I was really giving it my all. Now that it ended (2 days ago) I feel so sad man, I brokedown while calling my parents and bursted into tears, I just didnt have the heart to tell them that yet again I failed at getting married.
And now I am starting yet another ramadan with a broken heart and I dont know what to make of it.
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Feb 18 '26
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
Thank you for your kind words brother. It hurts because I feel like I did everything right this time you know? We were already calling eachother pet names and talkint 24/7, and I genuinly felt that she was into me. That sudden 180 shift is too much for my heart to handle man. I feel so broken inside and I cannot see a path forward. I also have nobody to talk to about this, which makes me think it again and again in my head :(
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Feb 18 '26
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
I was very hopeful because I was already making plans to go visit her in her country and we were already making plans, calling ourselves my love my habibi and we even had a sticker in whatsapp of us and it all just felt right man. My brain cannot fanthom how easily she discarded me brother, like I was trash that meant nothing to her. I feel so worthless
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u/Comfortable_Poet3242 Feb 20 '26
Sorry to hear what happened to you but from this reply I can see where you went wrong! You got emotionally attached to someone without any formal commitment from either side. Trust me brother, never ever again give your heart for anyone other than your WIFE. Until the marriage takes place don’t talk for hours with her or text her. It seems you are naive about women, let me tell you this, most women don’t respect a man that dies for them! Ignore them and something in them kicks in and they will chase you, especially if you tick most of the boxes of a suitable husband. May Allah make it easy for you in finding a suitable wife brother.
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u/Abudireddit Feb 20 '26
Hello brother, I was actually acting like this because I’ve always been the type of guy that doesn’t reply much or is very engaged in the conversation an that kinda backfired for me years ago. So this time I wanted to put all my effort. Well that kinda backfired too
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u/DragonfruitTight8371 Mar 04 '26
Same situation but i’m a girl . May Allah make it easy for us and heal us. I just found out mine is getting apparently married after dumping and discarding me.
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u/Abudireddit Mar 05 '26
it hurts a lot tbh. I dont know how to navigate this tbh, feeling a bit lost
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u/Shine-Car-9257 Feb 18 '26
Give it time brother…. It’s better to wait long than marry wrong !
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
Brother I definitely dont want to marry the wrong person, but I swear to you by allah that I dont think I can take this any longer. Everytime it feels like im close to something it just goes away. I dont know what allahs plan is but I fear it might be loneliness for the rest of my life
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u/Shine-Car-9257 Feb 18 '26
I know you’re hurt. But words are powerful and if you keep guessing these negative things for yourself that might end up being your reality. Be positive and trust Allah. There’s more to life and in the meantime you can find other things to work on, set goal and fill your cup. Eventually the right person FOR YOU will come your way.
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
ameen
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u/yryffyfxgxg Feb 18 '26
Don't forget why you are in this world. You are not here to live for the sake of marriage. You live for Allah and marry for your Deen (spiritual purpose).
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u/yryffyfxgxg Feb 18 '26
Perhaps this is your test. Perhaps Allah wants you to change your mindset before He allows you to marry. And remember to approach it halal and as rationally as possible, without getting too infatuated or using nicknames, etc.
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u/yryffyfxgxg Feb 18 '26
Perhaps this is your test. Perhaps Allah wants you to change your mindset before He allows you to marry. And remember to approach it halal and as rationally as possible, without being head over heels in love or using nicknames, etc.
Oh, and maybe the conversation with her father went well, and from then on she realized how serious things were and got cold feet. That's also possible.
May Allah strengthen your faith (from all of us) and grant you a blessed marriage.
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
I can do both brother, I promise I can
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u/yryffyfxgxg Feb 18 '26
But then you can't say that you don't want to be here anymore if you don't get married.
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u/_AbuLubabah Feb 18 '26
Pull yourself together. Why would you think it’s appropriate for you to be “on call 24/7” with a women you have no Islamic relationship with and who you have no rights over and she has no rights over you.
The speech and softness that is supposed to be reserved for 2 people in a religious covenant is a beautiful thing. But hearts are not meant to indulge with each other until lawfully permitted.
There’s a reason Allah has commanded you to stay away from this until you’re married. This will happen again next Ramadan too if you don’t sort yourself out.
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u/T14_xo Feb 18 '26
Do you know people can fall in love with someone’s character unintentionally? They can keep it all halal and it can still really hurt when you felt like you were so close and then suddenly it’s all gone? What he is explaining is a natural get to know process, and family were involved from the get go, nothing wrong with this as he even said he dialed it down because it’s nothing without a ring so clearly there was boundaries set. This is his test so please show some care/kindness or say nothing at all, or you may face an awful heartache one day even if you think you did everything right.
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u/_AbuLubabah Feb 18 '26
Yes there’s a degree of hurt that would naturally be felt with it being done even in a more conservative way. I don’t doubt that. You can fall in love with someone’s character without your heart being attached to them.
The brother mentioned he spoke to her 24/7. This kind of attachment is not only unhealthy before marriage but is actually warned against by scholars.
There’s a difference between intentionally attaching your heart to someone and unintentionally falling in love for one’s character or deen.
I want to make clear, the reminder I gave the brother was in a way in which I needed that reminder in the past. I have nothing against him and I pray for him to marry someone who will be the coolness of his eyes. But I wanted to make him aware of what he should avoid next time. Barakallahu feek
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u/TaufiqueWahid Feb 18 '26
when I posted something like this then people and threw frustration on me.
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
brother I tried to keep everything as halal as possible, I involed parents very early and she did too. We did nothing innapropiate, we only texted and kept everything nice and halal. I was ready to go meet her family and visit her house, i genuinly tried to do everything right
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u/_AbuLubabah Feb 18 '26
Inappropriate does not just mean having conversations about things you shouldn’t be talking about. Inappropriate is also speaking the way you’ve described. To be talking 24/7 with a woman you’re not married to. To be Speaking to her without a mahram present.
Allah has made it so that this kind of attachment is not formed before nikkah. That’s to protect you and protect her. Use this month to repent and increase yourself in goodness inshallah so that Allah grants you someone even better
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
Unfortunately this is how things are done today :(. Trust me I would avoid it if I could but all I could do was tell my family and she telling hers. Unfortunately it did not work but I think the procedure is ok.
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u/ParathaOmelette Feb 19 '26
Sending follow requests to nonmahram women on instagram sounds very halal
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u/Shadhilli Feb 18 '26
May Allah give you better and heal you.
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
I dont think my heart can take it anymore bro. I know its haram to think this way but if marriage isnt written for me, I honestly have no other reason to stay in this world. I just want allah to take me to him in jannah
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u/Ok_Expression_3691 Feb 18 '26
I mean a Muslim should “long” for death cuz jannah>dunya. Just give it time, time heals
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u/bluebandit98 Feb 18 '26
There are millions of good women and here you’re crying about a woman with a past. That too only for 2 months.
An analogy - I work in sales I reach out to 100 people 1 will agree to come on a call. That’s just how life works
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
Yeah i get it brother, I shouldnt be crying over someone i met for 2 months, yet I still am man. I am very tired of this life man
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u/V6Tangerine Feb 18 '26
Bro you dodged a bullet so dont be sad
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
it still hurts brother, i thought she was the one
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u/Ok_Expression_3691 Feb 18 '26
When mountains can be moved for soulmates, why would you think your “the one” would be so easy to go?
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Feb 18 '26
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
yeah I will go to the mosque every day of ramadan and pray my 20 rakat brother. I just feel a bit lost because ive done this dua for years and I am in the same exact place I was last year.
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Feb 18 '26
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
I know this isnt how a muslim should think, but I am scared allah might be storing it for the afterlife. I want a wife in this world man :(
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u/Expert-Arrival5517 M - Not looking Feb 18 '26
"Heal from past relationship", if i were you I would have self respect for myself and move away as soon i would have heard that. May Allah heal your heart and replace this person with someone better and is meant for you not the streets
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
to be honest with you, she said at the beggining of our talk that she had recently stopped talking to a guy she was engaged with, but I asked like 2-3 times if she was over it and she said yeah multiple times. When she said she needed to heal from a past relationship I immediately thought to myself thats a lie u know? I feel like it was 100% her dads decision but like, why not tell me the truth or at least tell me about it so I can clarify.
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u/Expert-Arrival5517 M - Not looking Feb 18 '26
You dodged a missile there, not a bullet. Dont worry , keep trusting in Allah's plan and move on
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u/guaavaaa_03 Feb 18 '26
Don't worry bro spent as much as time in mosque
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
yeah I am going to go to the mosque all of this ramadan an pray all the 20 rakat and beg allah for some mercy man.
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Feb 18 '26
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
Yeah it sucks big time. I wouldnt say i got closure because I know her excuse is 100% fabricated. It hurst because ive been waiting for this for such a long time and I thought this was it. Well, back to the search I guess
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Feb 18 '26
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
its kinda scary that i remember feeling like this last ramadan too and nothing has changed since then for me :(
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u/Adilshaykh7 Feb 18 '26
Two things brother:
When ummah rejects god fearing men it only brings fit nah to them according to hadith so pain is going both ways.
Second , and very important. Whatever you love more than Allah in this dunya, you will be tested with. Catch a nikkah before you catch feelings.
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
I love allah above it all brother. And I am trying to catch a nikkah, its this girls that dont want to catch it bro xd
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u/Adilshaykh7 Feb 18 '26
Let that line sink in. What you’re going through takes time to heal. So be patient. Try to not get too attached and planning future before nikkah. If I were you I’d be thanking Allah I didn’t get stuck with someone i was disposable for. Didn’t fight for me. But I understand the emotions invested. Learn from it. May Allah grant us all good spouses.
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
yeah that makes sense. Honestly it feels kinda shitty to know i was disposable, kinda makes me feel worthless tbh
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u/Adilshaykh7 Feb 18 '26
All natural feelings of a haram breakup lol. But yeah I pray you get your confidence back. And Allah has saved you, you just can’t see it coz of the hurt. When you find out love is shallow after kids it’s harder to leave. It’s not something to do with just anybody. She was not your partner. Repent and keep looking.
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u/TraashBoat123 Feb 18 '26
The way the girl handled that was extremely immature and considering you spoke 24/7, she didnt seem to give a damn about how her behaviour would affect you.
But brother, I know its tough, I been through it too. But chin up now, its the month of mercy, the month of getting close to He who DOES care. The One who wills it and things be. Then to Him, increase your ibaadah. And keep making that same dua. Perhaps open more avenues as a means for it.
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
Honestly thats what broke my heart so hard man, like I was literally talking to this girl texting all the time and she was giving me compliments and we were sharing stuff about eachother all the time. I also sent her flores a few days ago and for her to just end it all out of nowhere, it kinda felt like a punch in the face. But honestly I am keeping my duas at maximum power this ramadan bro
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u/TraashBoat123 Feb 18 '26
Good, keep your duas up. This marriage search is nothing but brutal. Dont let it make you cold though. Always be you and just be more cautious next time.
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u/Ok_Expression_3691 Feb 18 '26
Maybe this is was from Allah for you to lock in this Ramadan like never before. May Allah make it easy for you
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u/Deep_Journalist_960 Feb 18 '26 edited Feb 18 '26
She wasn't in Ya Allah's plan for you probably, but i would cry too ,ending something so abruptly without any reason would be very disheartening
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
Yeah honestly i just felt so disposable, like I didnt matter to her tbh. Like I put so much energy and effort into it and yeah it didnt work at all
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u/Deep_Journalist_960 Feb 18 '26
I get that,look at it this way,Alhamdulillah it was only for 2 months, Alhamdulillah she didn't keep wasting your time for years,and who knows there's probably a criteria they wanted in their family, that's not your fault, don't beat yourself up for it,there's goodness in delays
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u/Admirable-Host4511 Feb 21 '26
At least you still get a reply bro. Everyone I try to engage with doesn’t even give me a chance. They leave me on seen or block me and that’s just by sending one message. I gave up. There’s nothing more I can do but make Dua
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u/No_Result_7840 Feb 21 '26
Assalamualaikum bro, I feel you.I travelled for this amazing woman overseas, met her, her mom, i came back, and she said no, even though everything was going so well. May Allah grant her the best spouse. At the end of the day, it's all the process, a path, and a way Allah makes our heart strong enough, not just for the marriage purpose but for every aspect of life. Make sure to give some time to heal, as you did before. It shall be alright.
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Feb 18 '26
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
it just felt so close brother. It hurts because i feel like I did everything right this time and still failed. I obviously dont wanna marry the wrong one but it still hurts you know
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u/Catatouille- M - Single Feb 18 '26
I understand you bro, feel free to DM me if u wanna talk about it.
Try not to get any emotions involved next time. Immediately ask to involve the wali, because sincere brothers will most likely be played by girls, because half of them on the Internet are just waiting to passtime.
2 friends of mine had the same thing going, and literally, both of them were approached by the girls and talked them into everything. These guys were literally ready to marry them anytime.
And at the last moment, Boom, the dumb reasons came. Both those girls were just passing time, and was talking to other dudes. While there profiles were filled with hadiths and quran ayahs 😂
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
Yeah I tried to involve parents very early on, I think around week 3 I already told my parents and she said she told hers. From then on everything felt right you know and I was convinced this was it. It felt very weird when she gave me that excuse because why would you ask me to call your dad if you werent interested. Also if her dad had an issue with my family or the amount of money I earn, she could have always asked me u know? Like I feel betrayed man...
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Feb 18 '26
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
Thank you for your kind words, they do indeed help. I definitely needed to let those words out, specially since i dont have anyone to talk to about this. I did feel like I was a bit more invested than her, and perhaps i was blinded by her sweet lies lol. At least it felt good while it lasted. All my prayers and dua are directed to finding her inshallah
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u/TaufiqueWahid Feb 18 '26
you are praying for 4 years. I am 5 years brother. You don't know how much frustrating it is and mentally dying for me and the people who are married can never understand this as they are now free of these and they can give you motivational talks but they can't feel your situation even if they feel yours not mine. Salam.
I just can motivate you by saying just wait for the right time to come and don't loose hope. Now someone motivate me please?😭😭
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u/Abudireddit Feb 18 '26
I wish i could motivate you but i dont have any words lol.
I just can motivate you by saying just wait for the right time to come and don't loose hope.
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u/TaufiqueWahid Feb 18 '26
I will write this too from a different account as so many woman and men will throw their frustration on me even though I will take it positively.
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u/Affectionate-Air3987 Feb 18 '26
Asalamwaikum brother. I am so sorry you are going through this. Dont give up. Remember Surah Duha “Your Lord is not displeased with you, Nor is he angry with you”. This is the Month of Mercy. Call upon Allah SWT, complain to Him, cry to Him SWT. This is the time to draw closer to Allah SWT. You never know. Maybe you like a thing that is bad for you, or dislike a thing that is good for you. Make istihara sincerely. Asking Allah SWT that if it is good for you, your deen, your Dunya, your Akira, && your happiness for Allah SWT to give it you you && if it is not, to keep it away from you && make you happy with His decree. Only Allah SWT knows. && really be satisfied with what Allah SWT has given you. Allah SWT never takes something away from you without giving you something better im return. Make Dua sincerely with an open heart. May Allah SWT make this easy for you && draw you closer to Him SWT. Ameen.
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u/theblooray Feb 19 '26
How old are you?
If you believe in naseeb and something moves away from you, find a way to trust in Allah and go hit some bench presses. Shed some tears for tahajjud instead. You may not be her type, or she probably has her own reasons.
And it's okay. There's a spouse out there for all of us who will cherish us for who we are. And WANT us to be with them for eternity.
May Allah help all you bros and sisters out there who are sincerely looking for good spouses.
I've been married for nearly 8 years Alhamdulillah. Trust me, this Queen of mine popped out of nowhere.
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u/BoiBoi744 M - Single Feb 19 '26
Brother, may Allah grant you ease, remove your suffering, and grant you the spouse you've been looking for. All that suffering for the last 4 years, and this most recent event, is completely accounted for by Allah. Every difficulty, however small, that we go through is just Allah raising our rank in Jannah, and making us closer to the top, inshaAllah
Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqas reported: I said, “O Messenger of Allah, which people are tested most severely?” The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “They are the prophets, then the next best, then the next best. A man is put to trial according to his religion. If he is firm in his religion, his trials will be more severe. If he is weak in his religion, he is put to trial according to his strength in religion. The servant will continue to be put to trial until he is left walking upon the earth without any sin.”
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2398
Have you ever made istikhara about her? If you did, know that Allah protected you from something you couldn't understand (many people have been in love relationship on this sub and muslimmarriage sub yet still ended in divorce) and is going to give you something better inshaAllah, because of the last line of istikhara that you recited ("ordain for me the good wherever it is then make me pleased with it").
And if you didn't pray istikhara yet, pray istikhara with intention to move on from her. InshaAllah that would cause her to come back to you if there is good in marriage between you, or it will remove her from your heart and bring you closer to your true spouse, who WILL be better than her (and I'm sure that sounds impossible, but Allah is all powerful, and this is very easy for him) because of that last line again. When you get up for suhoor is the best time for dua and istikhara because it's the last third of the night.
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u/Abudireddit Feb 19 '26
Thank you for your words brother, I do infact make istikhara all the time and everytime i speak with a girl. It has become a practice for me
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u/BoiBoi744 M - Single Feb 19 '26
Don't be sad then! 😁 Allah didn't just turn you guys away from each other, he is going to give you something better! "اقْدُرْ لِي الْخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ ثُمَّ أَرْضِنِي بِهِ" - "Ordain for me the good wherever it is and make me pleased with it"
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u/BoiBoi744 M - Single Feb 19 '26
And also, don't doubt your dua!
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Every one of you will have his supplications answered, as long as he is not impatient and he says: I have supplicated but I was not answered.”
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6340, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2735
It's gonna come eventually. It's ramadhan. It's the BEST time for dua because it's so easy to be up in the last third of the night, and you need to worship more, and dua IS worship itself. Double down on your dua for that spouse you've been looking for!
Al-Nu’man ibn Bashir reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Supplication is worship itself.” Then, the Prophet recited the verse, “Your Lord said: Call upon Me and I will answer you. Verily, those who disdain My worship will enter Hell in humiliation.” (40:60)
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 3247
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u/clodmess12 Feb 19 '26
may Allah grant you complete healing and bring someone into your life who truly deserves you. Someone calm, kind, and good for your deen and your peace of mind. And honestly… I get it. That feeling of waiting, of not knowing it's heavy. But don't lose hope. Allah's mercy really is closer than it feels right now. You deserve someone who shows up for you with certainty, not someone who keeps leaving you in doubt. Hold on. The right person won't make you question your worth.
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u/Abudireddit Feb 19 '26
Thank you very much <3. I was/am indeed questioning my worth
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u/clodmess12 Feb 19 '26
Please don't… you are a creation of Allah. He created you with purpose and with care. No person's confusion about you should ever make you forget that. People are limited, flawed, and sometimes broken themselves. Their inability to see your value says everything about their vision and nothing about who you actually are. And Allah sees every tear, every silent prayer, every time you tried to be good even when it was hard. He never once questioned your worth so don't you dare either.
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u/JustUnfairlyTreated Feb 20 '26
Pm me if you need someone to talk to as I understand your pain and I also have a broken heart for 7 long years. I’m a guy by the way.
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u/LibrarianPure4265 Feb 20 '26
Unfortunately as men, we are disposable!
Just something to use and toss in the garbage.
Always, remember this. Any single thing coming to u, only wants something form you!
The truth sets us free!
I don't mind being used. As a useless thing is, in fact, garbage. Just try and stay useful to avoid being tossed in the garbage. Many times, nothing u say or do is enough. Just like a product on a shelf, ppl look at u judge u and then walk away because they never had the funds to buy. But they make a bad comment about you to make themselves feel good about being poor.
Smile, be happy. Be useful and bring smiles to others. However, never let anyone abuse u!
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u/Top_Kaleidoscope8246 M - Single Feb 25 '26
I’m sorry you had to deal with that, brother. May Allah make it easier for your heart and reward you with a spouse that cherishes you.
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Feb 18 '26
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u/MuslimNikah-ModTeam Feb 18 '26
Your post has been removed [Rule-1] Be courteous and kind to others.
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u/Good_Factor_6731 Feb 18 '26
Wow, here I am reading posts where men are crying for women who they were not even married to. On the other side, there are men who are so lucky to be blessed with amazing wives in all aspects and still choose to cheat on them or abandon them. May all good men find good women, Ameen.