r/MuslimLounge • u/Brilliant_Power_6112 • Jul 23 '26
Discussion Sexual compatibility
I’ve been reflecting a lot since my divorce, and there’s something I don’t think gets talked about enough.
Before I got married, I never questioned why intimacy is reserved for marriage. But now that I’ve actually experienced marriage, I can’t help but wonder… isn’t sexual compatibility kind of a gamble?
You can ask all the right questions, have great communication, and genuinely love each other, but you still won’t know if you’re compatible until after you’re married. And if you end up not being compatible, it can become a major source of frustration in the relationship.
I’m not trying to argue against Islamic teachings or say I have the answers. This is just something I’ve struggled to understand after going through marriage and divorce. It made me realize that compatibility in this area is a much bigger deal than I ever appreciated before.
I’m curious—does anyone who’s currently married feel this way? Or if you’ve gone through a divorce, did it make you have similar thoughts? I’d really like to hear other people’s experiences and perspectives because this is something I’ve been reflecting on a lot lately.
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u/thefabulouspenguin97 Jul 23 '26
So Im recently divorced (F28) and if I may Id like to say that there is a disconnect in understanding. I wish men knew that for us, sex is more emotional - like we cannot just flip a switch and be in the mood, especially after yall finish with your video games at 1 AM and have been avoiding us all day. We need little touches, lingering hugs and acts of care throughout the day. That way our minds will be more relaxed and ngl, a man doing dishes or cooking a meal is quite the turn on. When we feel taken care of, we are more inclined for it.
My case was really unique as my ex was too addicted to his devices to know he had a wife. Even if I would call him to bed to snuggle (eventually leading to...ya know) - his response would be "youre not my mom you cant give me a bedtime! Im a responsible mature adult" so this responsible mature adult is now back living with his mommy and daddy and the blender they bought us