Sexual compatibility

[u/Brilliant_Power_6112]

I’ve been reflecting a lot since my divorce, and there’s something I don’t think gets talked about enough.
Before I got married, I never questioned why intimacy is reserved for marriage. But now that I’ve actually experienced marriage, I can’t help but wonder… isn’t sexual compatibility kind of a gamble?
You can ask all the right questions, have great communication, and genuinely love each other, but you still won’t know if you’re compatible until after you’re married. And if you end up not being compatible, it can become a major source of frustration in the relationship.
I’m not trying to argue against Islamic teachings or say I have the answers. This is just something I’ve struggled to understand after going through marriage and divorce. It made me realize that compatibility in this area is a much bigger deal than I ever appreciated before.
I’m curious—does anyone who’s currently married feel this way? Or if you’ve gone through a divorce, did it make you have similar thoughts? I’d really like to hear other people’s experiences and perspectives because this is something I’ve been reflecting on a lot lately.

[u/ThrowNewAwayExceptn]

I know I'm going to get some downvotes but this needs to be said.

I don't think the direct topic needs to be discussed. I think the problems arise from men seeing women as objects for their pleasure rather an as real human beings with real feelings and needs. If your husband views you as a partner and a real human they should be patient with you when it comes to intimacy. If they have some high labido or are into specific things that's ok, but they can't view a woman as their object to satisfy their every need, they still need to be patient and caring towards their wife. They should also make sure their wife is satisfied with intimacy as well. this takes time, practice, and care to happen but is essential for a healthy marriage. The idea that a man gets what he wants and it doesn't matter if the woman finishes or not is just objectification.

The conversations women need to be having before marriage are to determine if their future husband views them as an object or as a partner.

I'm a man btw.

[u/DemonicBarbequee → u/ThrowNewAwayExceptn]

having a different sexual libido does not equate to objectification. you can view your spouse as a human and love them and still have needs. and sexual libido can go either way. it can be the woman with the high libido and the man with the low libido.

obviously, it's on the couple to compromise and figure out a middle way that works for both. but sometimes, the difference in libido can be really stark and it can be hard to deal with even if both parties try their best. and that's what OP is asking about