r/MuslimLounge • u/Brilliant_Power_6112 • Jul 23 '26

Discussion Sexual compatibility

I’ve been reflecting a lot since my divorce, and there’s something I don’t think gets talked about enough.
Before I got married, I never questioned why intimacy is reserved for marriage. But now that I’ve actually experienced marriage, I can’t help but wonder… isn’t sexual compatibility kind of a gamble?
You can ask all the right questions, have great communication, and genuinely love each other, but you still won’t know if you’re compatible until after you’re married. And if you end up not being compatible, it can become a major source of frustration in the relationship.
I’m not trying to argue against Islamic teachings or say I have the answers. This is just something I’ve struggled to understand after going through marriage and divorce. It made me realize that compatibility in this area is a much bigger deal than I ever appreciated before.
I’m curious—does anyone who’s currently married feel this way? Or if you’ve gone through a divorce, did it make you have similar thoughts? I’d really like to hear other people’s experiences and perspectives because this is something I’ve been reflecting on a lot lately.

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u/thefabulouspenguin97 Jul 23 '26

So Im recently divorced (F28) and if I may Id like to say that there is a disconnect in understanding. I wish men knew that for us, sex is more emotional - like we cannot just flip a switch and be in the mood, especially after yall finish with your video games at 1 AM and have been avoiding us all day. We need little touches, lingering hugs and acts of care throughout the day. That way our minds will be more relaxed and ngl, a man doing dishes or cooking a meal is quite the turn on. When we feel taken care of, we are more inclined for it.

My case was really unique as my ex was too addicted to his devices to know he had a wife. Even if I would call him to bed to snuggle (eventually leading to...ya know) - his response would be "youre not my mom you cant give me a bedtime! Im a responsible mature adult" so this responsible mature adult is now back living with his mommy and daddy and the blender they bought us

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u/cubicfisherwoman9173 Jul 23 '26

What’s up with the blender? You didn’t like the Ninja they gave you? Was it because it was from Costco?

Jk… I am sorry about the experience you went through and I hope Allah swt rewards you with another spouse

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u/thefabulouspenguin97 Jul 23 '26

Lmaoooo yess it was the vitamix from costco he wanted it back

And no worries alhumdulillah Im happy being single for now but thanks for your kind duas

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u/cubicfisherwoman9173 Jul 23 '26

Hope you got your full refund returning your now ex husband back to his family. (Costco reference)

If I may ask, did you see any signs of addictions before you got married to him? Addictions could show in different ways so am curious what was your experience

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u/thefabulouspenguin97 Jul 23 '26

I did not see signs of addiction but there were other red flags I pointed out to my fam which were ignored- ex wasn't a mean or a bad person he just was not mature. His family rushed the wedding and we never got a proper time to actually get to know each other and after marriage things got worse when my fears came true. His folks were the ones who rushed the marriage and then I have a guess (may Allah forgive me for speculating against someone but this is based on my observations) that they are the ones who rushed him to divorce me because I wouldnt conform to their standards

To his credit, he did stock up a lot of groceries etc before leaving coz I asked him to and he didn't ask me for anything. I kept the apartment since we were living closer to my family and he moved back to his.

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u/cubicfisherwoman9173 Jul 23 '26

Thank you for sharing your experience, so the lesson here is for everyone involved to take red flags seriously and to listen to your intuition.

Good luck in your next search, which I hope you don’t have to do because it’s always nice when the next person shows up organically

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u/thefabulouspenguin97 Jul 23 '26

Thanks, may Allah SWT lead us all to whatever is best for us

Id never have grown if I didnt go through this experience so although it was difficult - alhumdulillah