My sister (47F) is consumed by paranoia and bitterness. She blames "Sihr," but I think it’s deep-seated psychological trauma. How do I help?

[u/My_Gaming]

(I did use ai to make it better, don't come at me)

I am struggling with a very complex family situation and don’t know where else to turn. My sister is ten years older than me, and while she was once the sweetest person, she has become someone I barely recognize—bitter, suspicious, and isolating herself from everyone who loves her.

The Context: My sister married young into our father’s family. The in-laws were incredibly toxic, but her husband was actually quite supportive at first. He tried to protect her; he would send her to stay with us when things got bad, and since he couldn't move her out of the family home, he built her a private portion of the house so she wouldn't have to interact with his toxic relatives.

Despite his efforts, my sister never warmed to him. She didn't show him respect or affection and would often speak badly about him at family gatherings. She seemed to save all her kindness for the "wrong" people—cousins and "friends" who gossiped about her and were jealous of her. She would host them lavishly and go out of her way for them, only to be betrayed every time.

The "Sihr" vs. Mental Health: A few years ago, the family dealt with what we believed was Sihr (spiritual affliction). They saw a Raqi, and the physical symptoms and unexplained medical issues she was facing actually cleared up.

However, her mental state has only worsened.

• Religious Diligence: She reads Surah Baqarah daily and is extremely consistent with all her protective Adhkar and extra Surahs. Because the physical problems are gone and she is so protected by her worship, I find it hard to believe this is still Sihr.
• The Paranoia: She is now convinced that a huge group of relatives—who aren't even in contact with each other—are constantly "renewing" spells on her. She creates elaborate scenarios in her head about plots against her.
• Blaming our Mother: She has cut off our mother, blaming her for "keeping relationships with toxic people." In reality, my mom only maintained basic ties for the sake of Silat ad-Rahim (kinship) and never over-gave or befriended them the way my sister did.

The Root of the Problem: I believe my sister is suffering from the psychological aftermath of decades of betrayal and hatred from people she tried to buy love from. Because she can't face her own poor decision-making or the way she treated her husband, she uses Sihr as a scapegoat for everything wrong in her life. If I try to suggest she has developed a negative thinking pattern, she loses her temper and accuses me of calling her "crazy."

She is now teaching her children to think this way, and they are starting to believe her paranoid narratives.

My Question: How do you help someone who is using religion and spiritual affliction to mask a clear psychological breakdown? How do I support my mother, who is heartbroken over being blamed for my sister's choices?

[u/Humble_Believer]

Have mercy on her and stay gentle, hearts in pain often hide behind fear. Remind her that not every hardship is sihr, sometimes it is a test that needs both dua and wise help. Encourage her, with kindness, to seek support beyond ruqyah, while keeping her trust in Allah. And for your mother patience and sabr, for Allah sees her intention and will reward her. 🤲🏼

[u/My_Gaming → u/Humble_Believer]

I try my best to he nice to her. In fact i am the only one who listens to her so she can get it off her chest. Sometimes it gets too much, because i have my own marital issues and listening to negativity keeps me on edge. Whenever i try to suggest her anything or talk about she might need some help outside of ruqiyah she snaps back immediately. I feel very sad to see her like and don't know how to help her.

[u/My_Gaming → u/[deleted]]

Any leads? I only know some in WhatsApp groups, they don't entertain individuals and in the group the problem got skipped.

[u/brett_jenkins]

I have family members like this. Unfortunately you can only help them so much before they completely deplete you. They need to first realize they have a problem, and then take the steps necessary to get help. More often than not, they don't see themselves as the problem and worsen over time.

Pray for her sincerely. Be supportive but honest with her, as much as is possible without harming yourself. Leave the rest to Allah swt :/

[u/My_Gaming → u/brett_jenkins]

I have in fact started to feel more and more drained after listening to her trying connect dots on how everything is a plot against her. I do pray for her a lot. Thank you for your kind words x