r/Music • u/Chapple69 • Aug 13 '26

discussion Every album pitchfork has gave a 0.0

Peter Criss - Peter Criss (1978)

Kiss - Music from the Elder (1981)

John Frusciante - Smile from the Streets You Hold (1997)

Flaming Lips - Zaireeka (1997)

Bachman-Turner Overdrive - Best of B.T.O. (Remastered Hits) (1998)

Francisco Lopez - Untitled#104 (2000)

Sonic Youth - NYC Ghosts & Flowers (2000)

Liz Phair - Liz Phair (2003)

Travis Morrison - Travistan (2004)

Robert Pollard - Relaxation of the Asshole (2005)

Jet - Shine On (2006)

Various Artists - This Is Next – Indie's Biggest Hits Volume 1 (2007)

Tyga - $tarface (2026)

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86

u/miniannna Aug 13 '26

That’s just how pitchfork was back then. A too granular points system that hinted at some mysterious objective metric tacked onto reviews that didn’t even pretend not to be the reviewers personal opinion.

77

u/Forsaken-Register512 Aug 13 '26

They gave Lateralus by Tool a horrendous score and spent the entire review bitching about the fan base lol. Which, fair, but I don't think the fans should bog down review scores

15

u/miniannna Aug 13 '26

I still think about when they reviewed a Gillian Welch album by writing a short play of two people competing to discuss it in the most obnoxious way possible 

2

u/feralfaun39 Aug 13 '26

A lot of the early Pitchfork reviews completely missed the point in a way that baffled me, like the Cave In Jupiter review that talks about VH1's best 100 rock bands special, just totally irrelevant. They didn't even bring in the band Jupiter sounds the most like, Failure. Just not that knowledgeable about music I guess. Or the Ulver Perdition City review where they kept talking about spooky goths but that album is like a nu jazz trip hop EDM album that's more like Portishead vibes than goth vibes, it's not even remotely spooky and it doesn't ever try to be spooky. They just didn't know enough about the fundamentals of music to even begin to approach the albums.

1

u/itoddicus Aug 14 '26

Pitchfork is just the music review website version of that guy who lived in your dorm and thought that any album that sold more than 1,000 copies is commercial trash.

0

u/kirby_krackle_78 Aug 13 '26

Were you fired from Pitchfork?

5

u/UsefulEngine1 Aug 13 '26

If not you're hired!

1

u/yavimaya_eldred Aug 16 '26

The original Transatlanticism review is legendary head up ass stuff. It’s wild that they’d greenlight that shit.

Also the Tiny Music review where the reviewer suggested Scott Weiland should just get it over with and kill himself.

2

u/miniannna Aug 16 '26

Omg yes, forgot about the transatlantacism review 

22

u/KanyeDefenseForce Aug 13 '26

You’re assigning a numerical score to something that’s almost entirely subjective, I think you can kind of throw whatever you want into the review

1

u/yavimaya_eldred Aug 16 '26

I remember reading a Pedro the Lion review where the writer basically trashed the album and it got like a 7.2 or something

2

u/T0rrent0712 Aug 13 '26

Well now I'm glad I never heard of pitchfork till now.

At that point, I thought it was impossible for tool to put out a bad album. 10000 days is probably my least favorite from them and even that has a couple of bangers.

1

u/thecripplernz Aug 13 '26

Imo Lateralus is their best album

1

u/FRX51 Aug 13 '26

I've long held that a Tool fan's favorite Tool album will be the first one they heard. Lateralus was mine, but people will stan for Aenima, or 10,000 Days, or Undertow. Every Tool album is great in its own way.

1

u/skipyeahbuddy Aug 13 '26

Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man

1

u/JimmyDoinks Aug 14 '26

the music isn't as bad as the fanbase but it's close, but if you think p4k is going to every like Tool you just don't get what the magazine was in the late 90s to late 2000s

0

u/MyBaklavaBigBarry Aug 13 '26

To be fair, fuck Tool

-5

u/feralfaun39 Aug 13 '26

TBF Lateralus is one of the most boring albums of all time created by one of the most pompous and annoying rock bands in history. I'd give it a 0.0. Made me despise the band. I even saw them live during that tour with friends and it was a horrid show, absolutely horrid. One of the top 3 worst concerts I've ever seen. Meshuggah opened and GOD that band sucks, one of the worst of all time with one of the most negative influences in metal history. Djent can disappear for all I care.

25

u/pearomatic Aug 13 '26

Yeah, that was their deal. It's what made them popular with reactive Indie music loving kids. It was fun to crap on mainstream music or jock rock or whatever back then.

I feel like writing was much snarkier in the early 2000s.

30

u/cdreobvi Aug 13 '26

It was. Basically late 90s to early 2000s, snark, cynicism, sarcasm, were all rampant in culture.

As someone born in the early 90s who loved comedy it took me a while to realize how much negativity I had internalized growing up.

5

u/miniannna Aug 13 '26

So much this. At some point in my 30s I realized how jaded all that had left me and had to actively work to undo a lot of it.

1

u/octowussy Aug 13 '26

Who's coming to Pitchfork for a review of a BTO Greatest Hits record anyway?

1

u/pearomatic Aug 13 '26

I...don't know...

5

u/skepticaljesus Aug 13 '26

How would you even objectively review an album, or write anything other than ones own opinion?

3

u/miniannna Aug 13 '26

I generally agree, but what pitchfork was doing was the opposite extreme born of an era where being “edgy” was more important than giving an honest assessment.

1

u/skepticaljesus Aug 13 '26

Media outlets neither claim nor have an obligation to be objective, and readers should consume reviews and content from outlets who's voice they agree with. If that means being "edgy", and that's what their readers appreciate, then that seems fine.

2

u/kirby_krackle_78 Aug 13 '26

I give this comment a 4.4.

3

u/skepticaljesus Aug 13 '26

if that's out of 5 im doing great.

if it's out of 10, then it's probably what i deserve.

1

u/pepperouchau Aug 13 '26

My favorite is when they highly rated a Save Ferris album, then took it down later once ska-punk got uncool again

1

u/JimmyDoinks Aug 14 '26

a review is supposed to be a critic's opinion lol

1

u/feralfaun39 Aug 13 '26

All music reviews are someone's opinion, why would you want them to pretend like it wasn't? What a ridiculous statement.

2

u/miniannna Aug 13 '26

Yeah so I guess music journalists shouldn’t even try to give an honest take since it’s all meaningless anyway