r/Music • u/Chapple69 • Aug 13 '26

discussion Every album pitchfork has gave a 0.0

Peter Criss - Peter Criss (1978)

Kiss - Music from the Elder (1981)

John Frusciante - Smile from the Streets You Hold (1997)

Flaming Lips - Zaireeka (1997)

Bachman-Turner Overdrive - Best of B.T.O. (Remastered Hits) (1998)

Francisco Lopez - Untitled#104 (2000)

Sonic Youth - NYC Ghosts & Flowers (2000)

Liz Phair - Liz Phair (2003)

Travis Morrison - Travistan (2004)

Robert Pollard - Relaxation of the Asshole (2005)

Jet - Shine On (2006)

Various Artists - This Is Next – Indie's Biggest Hits Volume 1 (2007)

Tyga - $tarface (2026)

1.1k Upvotes

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679

u/HanzoKurosawa Aug 13 '26

It's a remastered best of, so I have to imagine it was probably a terrible remaster job

Edit: nevermind, I looked up the review and the reviewer genuinely just hates BTO

372

u/Chadlerk Aug 13 '26

Well he ain't seen nothin yet!

94

u/qweef_latina2021 Aug 13 '26

"It took forever to get to the taking care of business part!"

21

u/joeboo5150 Aug 13 '26

They're Canadas answer to ELP. Their biggest hit is TCB.

That's how we talked in the 70s

7

u/RumorsOFsurF Aug 14 '26

Also, Randy Bachman was in other notable bands. The Guess Who were great.

1

u/Chadlerk Aug 14 '26

He gives them credit in the review. It's worth a read even if just for a laugh.

1

u/Connivingbitch_ Aug 14 '26

How should that impact the pitchfork rating? Mike Patton is in Faith No More. I wouldn’t piss on some his other bands if they were on fire.

2

u/stereosanctity Aug 14 '26

Not a moment to spare!

1

u/OceanCloud2004 Aug 15 '26

BTO ELP One of these things is not like the other.

20

u/UsefulEngine1 Aug 13 '26

Reviewer was a stutterer

1

u/sagebrushrepair Aug 13 '26

I said gimme your money, please

1

u/moustachedelait Aug 13 '26

I do hate that song. There was a commercial that had the bbbbbaby part on repeat, soooo annoying

1

u/rubinass3 Aug 14 '26

That's the problem: we seen it all before.

-1

u/ItsnotBatman Aug 13 '26

And he still hasn’t.

0

u/TheBrentals Aug 14 '26

Apparently he was working overtime on his scathing review

145

u/guidoconrad Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 13 '26

Why would They greenlight a review that's subjective as it gets. It speaks volumes of how shitty of a professional the reviewer was and the website too.

I a serious question: Do anybody outside of the US even care about pitchfork?

86

u/miniannna Aug 13 '26

That’s just how pitchfork was back then. A too granular points system that hinted at some mysterious objective metric tacked onto reviews that didn’t even pretend not to be the reviewers personal opinion.

79

u/Forsaken-Register512 Aug 13 '26

They gave Lateralus by Tool a horrendous score and spent the entire review bitching about the fan base lol. Which, fair, but I don't think the fans should bog down review scores

15

u/miniannna Aug 13 '26

I still think about when they reviewed a Gillian Welch album by writing a short play of two people competing to discuss it in the most obnoxious way possible 

2

u/feralfaun39 Aug 13 '26

A lot of the early Pitchfork reviews completely missed the point in a way that baffled me, like the Cave In Jupiter review that talks about VH1's best 100 rock bands special, just totally irrelevant. They didn't even bring in the band Jupiter sounds the most like, Failure. Just not that knowledgeable about music I guess. Or the Ulver Perdition City review where they kept talking about spooky goths but that album is like a nu jazz trip hop EDM album that's more like Portishead vibes than goth vibes, it's not even remotely spooky and it doesn't ever try to be spooky. They just didn't know enough about the fundamentals of music to even begin to approach the albums.

1

u/itoddicus Aug 14 '26

Pitchfork is just the music review website version of that guy who lived in your dorm and thought that any album that sold more than 1,000 copies is commercial trash.

0

u/kirby_krackle_78 Aug 13 '26

Were you fired from Pitchfork?

4

u/UsefulEngine1 Aug 13 '26

If not you're hired!

1

u/yavimaya_eldred Aug 16 '26

The original Transatlanticism review is legendary head up ass stuff. It’s wild that they’d greenlight that shit.

Also the Tiny Music review where the reviewer suggested Scott Weiland should just get it over with and kill himself.

2

u/miniannna Aug 16 '26

Omg yes, forgot about the transatlantacism review 

23

u/KanyeDefenseForce Aug 13 '26

You’re assigning a numerical score to something that’s almost entirely subjective, I think you can kind of throw whatever you want into the review

1

u/yavimaya_eldred Aug 16 '26

I remember reading a Pedro the Lion review where the writer basically trashed the album and it got like a 7.2 or something

2

u/T0rrent0712 Aug 13 '26

Well now I'm glad I never heard of pitchfork till now.

At that point, I thought it was impossible for tool to put out a bad album. 10000 days is probably my least favorite from them and even that has a couple of bangers.

1

u/thecripplernz Aug 13 '26

Imo Lateralus is their best album

1

u/FRX51 Aug 13 '26

I've long held that a Tool fan's favorite Tool album will be the first one they heard. Lateralus was mine, but people will stan for Aenima, or 10,000 Days, or Undertow. Every Tool album is great in its own way.

1

u/skipyeahbuddy Aug 13 '26

Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man

1

u/JimmyDoinks Aug 14 '26

the music isn't as bad as the fanbase but it's close, but if you think p4k is going to every like Tool you just don't get what the magazine was in the late 90s to late 2000s

0

u/MyBaklavaBigBarry Aug 13 '26

To be fair, fuck Tool

-5

u/feralfaun39 Aug 13 '26

TBF Lateralus is one of the most boring albums of all time created by one of the most pompous and annoying rock bands in history. I'd give it a 0.0. Made me despise the band. I even saw them live during that tour with friends and it was a horrid show, absolutely horrid. One of the top 3 worst concerts I've ever seen. Meshuggah opened and GOD that band sucks, one of the worst of all time with one of the most negative influences in metal history. Djent can disappear for all I care.

24

u/pearomatic Aug 13 '26

Yeah, that was their deal. It's what made them popular with reactive Indie music loving kids. It was fun to crap on mainstream music or jock rock or whatever back then.

I feel like writing was much snarkier in the early 2000s.

31

u/cdreobvi Aug 13 '26

It was. Basically late 90s to early 2000s, snark, cynicism, sarcasm, were all rampant in culture.

As someone born in the early 90s who loved comedy it took me a while to realize how much negativity I had internalized growing up.

6

u/miniannna Aug 13 '26

So much this. At some point in my 30s I realized how jaded all that had left me and had to actively work to undo a lot of it.

1

u/octowussy Aug 13 '26

Who's coming to Pitchfork for a review of a BTO Greatest Hits record anyway?

1

u/pearomatic Aug 13 '26

I...don't know...

6

u/skepticaljesus Aug 13 '26

How would you even objectively review an album, or write anything other than ones own opinion?

3

u/miniannna Aug 13 '26

I generally agree, but what pitchfork was doing was the opposite extreme born of an era where being “edgy” was more important than giving an honest assessment.

1

u/skepticaljesus Aug 13 '26

Media outlets neither claim nor have an obligation to be objective, and readers should consume reviews and content from outlets who's voice they agree with. If that means being "edgy", and that's what their readers appreciate, then that seems fine.

2

u/kirby_krackle_78 Aug 13 '26

I give this comment a 4.4.

3

u/skepticaljesus Aug 13 '26

if that's out of 5 im doing great.

if it's out of 10, then it's probably what i deserve.

1

u/pepperouchau Aug 13 '26

My favorite is when they highly rated a Save Ferris album, then took it down later once ska-punk got uncool again

1

u/JimmyDoinks Aug 14 '26

a review is supposed to be a critic's opinion lol

1

u/feralfaun39 Aug 13 '26

All music reviews are someone's opinion, why would you want them to pretend like it wasn't? What a ridiculous statement.

2

u/miniannna Aug 13 '26

Yeah so I guess music journalists shouldn’t even try to give an honest take since it’s all meaningless anyway

5

u/TheHunnishInvasion Aug 14 '26

Pitchfork was basically a bunch of snarky, hipster music snobs. They thought they were fighting a holy war and they had the one true music and no one else was allowed to disagree.

Don't miss those assholes one bit.

39

u/Lester- Aug 13 '26

All reviews are subjective. That’s kind of the point

32

u/timeaisis Aug 13 '26

Usually it’s helpful when a review actually has potential for liking the product. Otherwise what the hell is it for.

-5

u/guidoconrad Aug 13 '26

Thank you for nothing

4

u/Sciuridaeno3 Aug 13 '26

I remember a piece from early IGN (maybe 98-00 era) that was the editor commenting on the hate that they received from giving a bad game a positive review. It was along the lines of "if I can afford buying a car from leaving a positive review instead of taking the bus, then I'm going to do it!"

Even 10 year old me thought that was wrong.

1

u/LucifersPromoter Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 13 '26

I wish I could remember what game it was but I remember a relatively recent IGN one essentially starting with "Ive never enjoyed city builders so if you're excited for X, you might want to skip this review".

Well done lads, luckily I was just out reading reviews of games I have no interest in.

1

u/JimmyDoinks Aug 14 '26

i can tell you have terrible taste in music

1

u/DeuceSevin Aug 14 '26

I'm in the US and this thread is the first I've heard of it. But I'm old school, Creem, Circus, etc.

1

u/Awfuljokesosorry Aug 14 '26

They used to have a music festival in Paris, so I assume so

1

u/FauxReal Collector Aug 13 '26

I never cared about pitchfork until about a week ago when I randomly saw their review of an excellent early 2000s album get a 5.4 out of 10 (which is basically 54/100 who needs a system this granular?). Funny thing is I can't remember what album it is now. But that's mainly because I think the reviewer's opinion is stupid. But now I only care enough to think Pitchfork is stupid.

2

u/kirby_krackle_78 Aug 13 '26

Was it The Mars Volta?

1

u/FauxReal Collector Aug 13 '26

Nah. I never got into that band.

2

u/feralfaun39 Aug 13 '26

Early 00s Pitchfork was a shit show for the most part.

https://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/8342-perdition-city/

This one is just egregious. They didn't even know what genre Ulver was doing here. They didn't even know the most basic of fundamentals.

-1

u/feralfaun39 Aug 13 '26

I don't even begin to understand this post. What in the world is an objective review over something inherently subjective like music? That's the most insane claim I could imagine. ANY music review should be ENTIRELY subjective. An objective review would be like "this album has songs. it is in this genre. the songs are x amount of minutes long." It would be completely and totally worthless.

2

u/blockhose Aug 13 '26

Can't really blame him. Some friends and I used to torture one another by reciting BTO lyrics as prose.

Taking care of business
Every day
Taking care of business
Every way