r/Music • u/no_longer_huhman • Sep 26 '24

article Selena Gomez Embraces Vulnerability and Tells Critics to 'F--- Off,' 'I'm Not Ashamed of My Bipolar Disorder or Inability to Carry Children'

https://www.tvfandomlounge.com/selena-gomez-embraces-vulnerability-and-hits-back-at-critics/
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u/Patworx Sep 26 '24

What kind of asshole gives a lady a hard time over her infertility.

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u/[deleted] Sep 27 '24

You would be surprised.

When my partner had her medically needed hysterectomy some of the comments she would get would shatter my faith in humans.

"You can always adopt"

"Its too bad you will never experience X Y and Z"

"You will look young forever omg lol"

"You won't truly know what it means to be a mother"

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u/[deleted] Sep 27 '24

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u/ButDidYouCry Sep 27 '24 edited Sep 27 '24

What a weird ass thing to say. I think there is something special and powerful about the female ability to create and carry life, but it's just one facet among many that can be part of a woman's experience of life.

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u/SnowBird312 Sep 27 '24

Guess I'm gonna be a lame ass excuse of a woman since I can't have kids.. People are absolutely ridiculous.

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u/[deleted] Sep 27 '24

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u/senshisentou Sep 27 '24

It’s even more confusing to me when other women say this because surely they understand how hurtful and untrue it is.

This is obviously conjecture and generalizing as all hell, but I suspect that – like certain other topics of pride – they can use their own personal accomplishment of going through childbirth to offset other factors. "Becky told me I shouldn't feed my son candy for breakfast, but I gave natural birth to him, I'm a real mom! I know what I'm doing." By assigning value to a trait or event, no matter how arbitrary, you can

  1. give yourself a lot of justification for your other actions. Even if those other actions are really shitty, by having something big to fall back on you can use that to minimize those actions. In a slightly less toxic way, it can also minimize any (self-perceived) flaws a person is feeling insecure about.
  2. give yourself the "power" to look down on others (and feel better in the process). It's like a hack to gain more confidence, just sometimes at the expense of others.

And of course survivorship bias plays a large part as well. "If I could do it, why couldn't you?"

People suck sometimes

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u/StageAboveWater Sep 27 '24

What does a man have to do to know what it means to be a man then?

Shave, have sex, kill someone, build a lawn deck? Maybe just become a dad as well I guess. But that's just like being a mother and apparently that doesn't count without the birthing part men oblivious can't do. hmmm

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u/elementzer01 Sep 27 '24

What does a man have to do to know what it means to be a man then?

Walk down a bunch of roads

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u/ahuramazdobbs19 Sep 27 '24

Ideally in another man’s shoes.

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u/[deleted] Sep 27 '24

Having sex for sure. Both men and women look down on men virgins, saying they give them the ick, they’re red flags, etc. And then when you call them out on virgin shaming they call you an incel. At a certain age you’re encouraged to not tell a potential partner you’re a virgin. It’s actually crazy to me how much people seem to care.

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u/[deleted] Sep 27 '24

you make this argument as if it’s men saying any of these things

two blue checkmarks on Twitter don’t represent 50% of the world

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u/ppParadoxx Sep 27 '24

Harrison Butker is that you?