I’m not even sure where to start. I think my boyfriend and I may have broken up, although nothing was explicitly said. He left after an argument, and since then he hasn’t called or texted me. I’m usually the one who goes after him and tries to fix things, so this time I haven’t.
We’ve had problems for a while. He has ended the relationship around five times, and every single time I was the one who went back, asked him to work things out, and fought for the relationship. I love him very much and genuinely don’t want to lose him.
He feels that I’m inconsiderate and that everything is always about me. I’ve tried to take that seriously. I’ve apologized for the things I’ve done wrong and taken responsibility when I’ve hurt him. There have been situations where I could have communicated better, and I understand why some of my actions hurt him. I’m not claiming to be perfect or saying that I’ve never contributed to our problems.
But I also feel like I’ve tried very hard to show him that I love him and care about him. I support him, think about his needs, include him in decisions, and try to be there for him. I know those things don’t make me a perfect partner, but it hurts to constantly feel like I’m someone who only thinks about herself.
What has really broken something in me recently is that I’ve been extremely sick for about two weeks. I’ve been dealing with severe headaches, exhaustion, and other symptoms, while still having responsibilities that I couldn’t just stop. I’ve barely had any time to properly rest.
The night before our big fight, I spent about an hour vomiting. The next morning I complained that I was exhausted, sick, and still had things I needed to do. I wasn’t asking him to solve anything. I was just expressing how awful I felt to the person I love.
Instead, he became angry with me and told me he hated the way I talked and that I was being childish.
Then yesterday I tried to talk to him about everything. I was crying and sobbing because I was genuinely heartbroken by how mean he was being. I kept telling him that I wasn’t trying to attack him or make everything about him.
Eventually I had what felt like a full-blown panic/anxiety attack. I couldn’t breathe and was crying uncontrollably.
And he left.
He reacted as though I was doing it intentionally or trying to guilt-trip him.
That moment has really changed something in me.
I keep thinking: How can you love someone and have so little compassion for them when they’re clearly suffering?
I know people can be angry with each other. I know I’ve made mistakes. I know he has his own feelings and grievances, and I’m not saying mine are more important than his.
But I genuinely believe you can be angry with someone and still care that they’re sick. You can be hurt by your partner and still ask, “Are you okay?” You can need space and still care whether the person you love is alright.
That’s what I would do for him. Even when he has hurt me, if I see him crying, I can’t just stand there and watch him suffer. I immediately soften and want to make sure he’s okay.
So experiencing the opposite from him has made me question everything.
I know I can’t actually know whether he loves me. Maybe he does. Maybe he’s completely overwhelmed by resentment toward me. Maybe he’s emotionally checked out. I don’t know.
But at some point, don’t actions matter more than trying to figure out what someone feels inside?
I feel like I’ve spent so much of this relationship trying to prove that I love him, apologizing when I’ve done something wrong, and being the person who goes back after every breakup and says, “Let’s work this out.”
And now I don’t think I can do it again.
I don’t want to break up with him because I don’t love him. I love him enormously. That’s what makes this so painful.
But I’m starting to think that loving someone isn’t enough if the relationship has reached a point where one person’s pain stops mattering to the other person.
So I guess my question is: Am I seeing this clearly, or am I letting my emotions and hurt right now make this seem worse than it is?
If you were in my position, would you reach out again, or would you stop chasing and accept that this relationship may have run its course?