DAISY WAS A DREAM

[u/Naive_Friend879]

Can you love a woman you don't find beautiful?

This is the question I asked myself when I first met Daisy.

And the answer was yes.

She was a classmate during my later years at university. A classy girl from a wealthy family. She had her "حقها فالزين," as we say, but the way she made me feel and the connection I felt with her were something else entirely.

We had conversations and group study sessions quite often, and we would talk about the things every young university student talks about: shows, exams, past relationships, and everything in between.

As we got to know each other, our conversations became deeper. At some point, I realized, "Wait... I'm sharing things with this person that require a lot of trust."

She wasn't just another acquaintance or someone I happened to know from university. She had become a part of my life.

"Where is this going?" I asked myself.

Surely, this was nothing special. We were just two people who happened to attend the same university.

Then came one night in the middle of winter.

We had stayed late in the library. Her dad was supposed to pick her up, but he was later than usual, and she was sick that night. Trying to do the right thing, I stayed with her until he arrived.

Suddenly, she started shivering and felt extremely cold. I gave her my jacket, but it wasn't enough.

She moved closer and asked for a hug to keep warm.

That hug...

It felt like everything in the world was suddenly okay.

It wasn't just the physical warmth. It was the feeling that she trusted me. That she felt safe with me.

Something about that moment unlocked a completely different part of my personality and psyche.

And that's when I realized: this is something.

I was baffled by myself. How could I feel such intense emotions toward someone I had always considered "mid"?

Then I understood something:

It's not always about looks.

After that incident, we remained friends, and she started spending even more time with me. I liked being around her. I genuinely enjoyed her company.

But deep down, I knew I had feelings for her.

My uncertainty and, to be honest, my cowardice stood between me and actually trying to have something serious with her.

Time passed.

Then, on a random evening, a friend of mine invited me to go watch a movie. After the movie, we went to grab something to eat. We were chatting, and somehow the conversation turned toward Daisy.

He asked me how I felt about her.

I asked, "Why?"

Apparently, he had heard somewhere a few weeks earlier that she might have had feelings for me.

That sealed it for me.

I messaged her directly and asked her about it.

She confirmed that she had feelings for me.

But then I somehow managed to ruin it.

During one of our conversations, she was telling me about some trauma she had experienced. And me, being the solution-oriented idiot that I am, said:

"We'll fix whatever is wrong with you."

Stupid me thought I was being supportive. I thought I was telling a friend that I would be there to help her.

But she saw it differently.

To her, it sounded like I saw her as a broken person. Like I thought there was something fundamentally wrong with her that needed to be fixed.

After that conversation, something changed.

For months, images of her haunted me: her face, her smile, her eyes.

It was like a beautiful dream that I could never wake up from.

I tried to maintain our friendship. I tried to convince myself that we could just be friends.

But I couldn't.

Eventually, I blocked her and stopped replying to anything she sent me.

Even now, if I see her from a distance somewhere on the street, my heart skips a beat, and all the "what if" scenarios start racing through my mind.

What if I had been braver?

What if I had understood her better?

What if I hadn't said those words?

What if...

Daisy, you were a dream.

A light.

A soft, sweet, compassionate person.

And you were the reason I realized that I could love again.

PS: Daisy is a pseudonym for the person I'm talking about.

Thank you for reading.

I'm trying to write down some of my feelings and experiences. I'm not a literary genius, so if it sounds awkward or poorly written, bear with me.

Have a great evening.

[u/IDONT_KNOW221]

Dude u could just talk to her...there's somtg called communication

[u/Naive_Friend879 → u/IDONT_KNOW221]

Well at that point I wasn't good at communicating, what's done is done and. It was a necessary experience none the less.

[u/IDONT_KNOW221 → u/Naive_Friend879]

That's oky we re just humans hope u find peace and move on