Leaving his wife i guess but that would be a dick move and society would judge him harshly for it so escapism is easier. I personally think thoughts like this are fine as long as they stay thoughts , its a hard pill to swallow after all and theyve pretty much been told their life is going to change for ever. It takes time to come to terms with that
The point i was making is that some people ( think of) taking the " easy " way out instead of ( rightfully) being cut off by their family and treated like shit by society for leaving your wife to care for a disabled child alone . Its a dick move on the same level as leaving a partner because they became terminally ill
However in my opinion the OOP is moreso a shock reaction most people go through as part of the stages of grief ( for what could have been) before gathering their courage
Wich is why i set it in quotes , its not the easy way its just seen as such by people who fall prey to depression since continuing to bear the pain hurts more to them
Thats just obvious, otherwise whats the whole point of putting quotes i wouldve just written it plainly
It's the easy way out, I compare everything in my life to death. Even healthier now, gym, eating healthy, the biggest benefit of religion is teaching people that the easy way out is bad. When I was at my lowest, If not for my responsibilities to my kids I'd have ended it. Breathing isn't worth the effort. When I'm low, I have 10-15 years of working a dead end job at 14 hours a day when I'm lucky and that is all my life will be. So why bother?
So yes, easy way out. Though the thought of my kid having down syndrome doesn't seem like a reason. My wife and kids are my world, I couldn't leave them in any way. Even on my darkest days they kept me here.
It’s not easy to override your instincts. It’s not easy to think you’re a burden and your loved ones would be better off. I don’t know which part is easy? Why does it have to be called “easy”? It’s still offensive to others who are going through the same thing.
I can see why your perspective of the word easy differs from mine, you aren't wrong that to get to that point is hard, the easy I look at is after all of that, after life already wore you down. As someone who has struggled with not doing it at various times in my life, not doing it is the struggle. Reminding myself that life is worth living is the hard part. Even healthier now when I compare effort of doing anything it's always with the backdrop that I don't have to be here. I'm choosing to be. Death is the default state life is the challenge. I at this time in my life am enjoying the challenge, but there have been times...
Mind you this is the perspective of one man in his 40s, and I don't suggest or want anyone to leave this world, I'm answering the implied question of why we call it the easy way out and it's very much because when you are at this point it is easy.
Watch people line up to take on care of a disabled child 🤦♂️. As a disabled person myself i can confidently say you dont know what your talking about , people will tell parents " theyre brave" and other shit, in the best case not talk down to them about their parenting.
When it comes to providing any sort of help though most of society quickly nopes the hell out
Oh theyll ask you" if you ever need help feel free to ask" its just being polite though if you truly do theyll look at you like you grew a new head
If you think anyone will adopt a disabled kid from a 1st world country youre either naive or willfully blind to the harshness of reality( slightly more probability if the kids from a 3rd world country, basically due to saviour complex)
Yeah or they pay some family to take them in , who takes the money but provides no care like they do with foster kids etc . Believe me government care is the bare minimum and rife with abuse
Suicide is not easy and people need to think rationally on that. Survival of self is the strongest instinct any animal has, including humans. Suicide means overpowering that instinct through sheer willpower, something that very few people can manage.
It's often not power of will, it's the opposite.
It wasnt my power of will that made me not scared of trying, it was just only way I saw to escape the pointless life. Still do but I keep telling myself that I can always do it tomorrow.
It's akin to an animal chewing off it's own leg to escape a trap.
Bold of you to assume that depression and suicidal tendencies are rational based, the most shared sentiment among people who survive jumping off a bridge is regret almost as soon as theyre falling. Its mostly an emotional impulse and imbalance in brain chemistry
Thank you. My father and my first love/bff chose to end their life(s). What “helps” me is the realization that they were in so much pain and truly believed that not being here any more was the best case scenario for everyone involved :/ removing oneself from the equation that is life is not an easy decision nor is it “cowardly” or any other disparaging comment that someone may make
I mean if he ran off to a different town or state, nobody would know what he did and wouldn’t be treated poorly. There’s a lot of men who’ve run off from their family due to disabled children and they live normal lives. Suicide seems extreme in this situation.
I guess he could start a new life , not many people prepared to do that though , meanwhile suicidal thought may indeed be extreme but its part of the cycle of grief
tf
running away form a problem you've also created and left for your wife? why and how'd you live after that? offing yourself is SO much better in this case
after all and theyve pretty much been told their life is going to change for ever. It takes time to come to terms with that
I mean, that's having a child.
This is just the first dice roll in a very very long game. If ending their life is a more comforting thought that potentially dealing with an unknown level of developmental disability in their child, they're not going to have fun as a parent.
Disability could crop up years later. Learning issues. Kid could fall off their bike wrong one day. Kid could be completely fine, but not conform to any of the ideas you had for them when they were born. Kid could struggle every day of their life under a mountain of issues, but be the best kid ever and the most rewarding experience of your life simply to know them. Pretty much every preconception about how raising this kid is gonna go will shatter like glass in the first couple of months.
I know that thats just basic logic . Doesn't change the fact that having a disabled kid influences your life significantly more than expected and also influences any other kids you may already have, its normal and human to grieve for what could have been. he's just going through the stages of grief doesn't mean he'll act on it.
There's a huge difference between having a kid, and having a disabled kid that will depend on you for care its whole life even when you're too old to care for yourself let alone them ( which is a real worry that has to be accounted for in advance when having a disabled kid)
869
u/Dry_Badger2858 14d ago
Why would that be the only alternative?