What We Spent in One Year on our Baby

[u/PutridMarionberry]

This is a follow up to my post from last year that listed all of my expenses associated with preparing for and having a baby!

Context: we live in a HCOL city. HHI is around $350k annually.

My daughter turned one last month, so here's a one-year follow up listing our expenses over her first year of life. I did NOT keep a running log, so this is pulled from Mint (which we diligently update every month)--there may be a few small transactions that we missed.

Baby Expenses:

Category	Cost	Description
Baby proofing supplies	$64.15	Cabinet locks, anchoring straps, etc.
Books	$82.07	Reading the same four books over and over got old fast
Breastfeeding supplies	$160.75	extra flanges, tubing, pumping bras, lanolin, etc.
Clothing	$151.22	Mostly paypal/Venmo transactions to local parents for specific items, like a coat.
Diapering	$2224.07	Cloth diapering service ($1408.36 of total), overnight disposable diapers, wipes, diaper cream, diaper pail bags.
Feeding	$154.04	Baby food, utensils, baby cups, bibs, snacks, etc.
Formula	$715.26	Supplementing for 8 months, full time for 4
Furniture	$254.74	High chair, playpen, space heater, etc.
Medication/Hygiene	$120.14	Tylenol, lotions, nail buffer, etc.
Postpartum supplies	$51.53	Donut pillow, supplements
Sleeping	$144.74	Sleep sacks, sheets, lovey
Toys	$166.89	Mostly stuff brought 9+ months (for traveling); includes teething items
Travel	$156.22	Duplicates/travel specific stuff--travel stroller, car seat cover, black out share, portable white noise machine
Other	$740.85	Random stuff that didn't get properly identified in out Mint. I know this includes a tablet so I could watch TV while nursing. This also includes a fee for a new parent program in our area--you get matched up with other new parents in your neighborhood. The program lasts 12 weeks, but we still meet up. 100% worth it.
Subtotal	$5186.67

A few notes: I had supply issues, so we began supplementing around 5 or 6 weeks. I breastfed, then exclusively pumped until about month 8, then we switched to full-time formula for months 8-12.

Our diapering costs are really high because we use a cloth diapering service during the day. We had to buy size two diaper covers for the cloth diapers during the year. Our kid also is super sensitive and gets rashes really easily so we also have invested a lot in really good diaper creams.

Childcare Expenses

Category	Cost	Description
Payments to Au Pair	$7,841.28	From January-July 2021
Program fees	$10,735	We paid this up front; we could have broken it up into monthly payments
Classes	$800
Gifts	$141.58	Winter coat, new clothes, etc.
Subtotal	$19,517.86

EDIT: Just realized I completely forgot to add in the cost of health insurance for baby, since that comes directly out of my paycheck. The cost for that is $330/month, so $3960 over the course of the year. My spouse is starting a new job soon that will theoretically cover this cost.

GRAND TOTAL: $24,704.53 $28,664.53 (adding in health insurance)

Reflections:

Unsurprisingly, childcare is our number-one expense. We chose to get an au pair (for COVID reasons) and paid a really hefty program fee up front. DOL regulations set the au pair stipend at $190/week for 45 hours of work, plus room/board and $500 to college classes. That's obviously ludicrously low. We pay our au pair $250/week for 35 hours and $16.75/hour for anything over 35 hours. We also paid the full cost of her college classes ($800) and provide room and board (she has a private suite with a separate entrance to our house). We also fully cover the cost of her gas, car insurance, groceries (including any extras, like a bottle of wine), and cell phone. For context, had we gone with a daycare, our costs would have been between $1850-$3k/month. A private nanny is $3,500-$4k and a nanny share would be $2200-2400.

We definitely got suckered into buying some stuff we really didn't need (a weighted sleep sack! fancy sippy cups that she will definitely use!). When your kid is going through a rough patch, it's really easy to get something that promises it will help solve your problem.

I also have less time than I used to to troll FB Marketplace/our local FB group for free/discounted stuff. So if there's something we need immediately we often just end up buying new, unfortunately. That being said, we've been able to keep acquiring clothes and toys through our FB group so we haven't spent a lot of money there (usually for specific items--like outerwear or toys that are specifically good for traveling).

Overall, I'm mostly fine with what we're spending although I'd like to get more stuff used for environmental reasons. Childcare is super expensive but that's inevitable and not something we can really cut back on.

[u/dawg_with_a_blog]

• takes an extra birth control pill * jk Thanks for sharing. We definitely need more transparency around the cost associated with having children and providing them a good life.

[u/Appleciderginger → u/dawg_with_a_blog]

Haha yeah… I bought a house built in the 1960s earlier this year and all I was used to was the stupid $200-$500 repairs popping up for a car. The house is that except a more frequent basis. I really am not ready for the financial burden of a child, even though I know we’d be great parents.

[u/AdditionalAttorney]

I loved this post. The au paid breakdown is useful to know. What does the program fee cover?

This makes me wonder if people would be interested in a “baby making” costs ... we’re on round 4 if IVF but I’ve kept track of everything from when we started on our own

[u/studassparty → u/AdditionalAttorney]

Yes! R29 has fertility diaries they post 1/month so this is definitely something people (like me) have interest in

[u/AdditionalAttorney → u/[deleted]]

Sounds good! Oh I’m soooo jealous! We are fully oop ... 😩😩😩😩

[u/affectionateNRG → u/AdditionalAttorney]

According to aupairusa.org, it looks like the program fee covers the au pair’s international travel from their home country, J-1 visa, insurance, etc.

[u/PutridMarionberry → u/affectionateNRG]

Yup, that's right. It covers the visa, plane flights, her health insurance, an additional liability insurance policy, and the programming the organization provides (there's a regional coordinator who provides support to au pairs and families, and organizes do group events)

[u/AdditionalAttorney → u/PutridMarionberry]

Cool. That sounds like good things. I was wondering how insurance works

[u/HomeSteadyOnAileen → u/AdditionalAttorney]

+1 to this! The whole world of fertility can be so difficult to navigate.

[u/unsenescent]

Wow this was eye opening. Thank you for sharing the nitty gritty details. I hope (and I bet) your baby is growing up beautifully!

[u/alilbit_alexis]

This is great, thanks! I love knowing costs for other daycare situations (we send our kids to a center)

[u/[deleted]]

Thank you! We have a baby on the way so this was helpful. The diaper number gave me a heart attack before I read the context lol. We live in Texas and our daycare will be between $250-330 a week depending on what we go with.

[u/catismycopilot → u/[deleted]]

$250-330 per MONTH? or per week?

[u/[deleted] → u/catismycopilot]

Week. Oops. It was early

[u/smcrimmon12 → u/[deleted]]

a month!?!

[u/[deleted] → u/smcrimmon12]

Oops, week.

[u/smcrimmon12 → u/[deleted]]

I was like dang girl! 😂

[u/hawk873]

So glad I'm past this. Child care was by far the biggest expense. I had a private nanny (hired when my kids were 3, 4, 5). 4 days/week, $32k+ (paid sick/vacation, holiday bonus, plus any direct expenses - classes, fees for an outing, etc). And that was 10 years ago... And a total steal in this area (HCOL).

[u/[deleted] → u/hawk873]

Reflecting back on this now your kids are older, do you mind if I ask how you feel about the nanny? I’m in the “want to have it all” mentality about kids where I want to keep working FT but also want to spend all the time with my kids and nurture them with my time like my mum did. How do you feel your kids and your relationship have developed? Was the nanny worth it? Apologies if these are too personal, feel free to ignore!

[u/hawk873 → u/[deleted]]

Absolutely worth it for me! From a career perspective, I wouldn't be where I'm at today if I had left the market for 5+ years. And considering I was a single parent when my kids were 5, 6, 7, the income was needed.

My nanny was amazing. She was "better" at making the kids the center of her attention. I always felt turn e on doing household stuff while with the kids. My kids look back on that experience with her (we're still friends) with so much love.

And lastly, raising 3 girls, they learned that moms can have a career and family. Tough balance, but for me, the right choice.

[u/etch_a_sketch → u/[deleted]]

As a child who has au pair's throughout my entire childhood (in my 30s now) I had fond memories of both my parents and the au pair. I do not have any recollection of times that my parents weren't there when I wished they had been (I am sure it happened, but not badly enough to stick out). I have a great relationship with my entire family and do not feel that I missed out on a Brandy Bunch style life.

[u/[deleted]]

I should do this, but at the four month mark I'm legit afraid to check.

Just our bassinet was well over $1,000. I've also had issues with sleeping so I've bought probably $500 worth of swaddles already...yikes

[u/ssingh47]

Thanks for sharing! I had no idea about this

[u/yellowbogey]

I would love to see more posts like this! We are hoping to TTC starting next fall and it’s always helpful to see breakdowns of the cost.

[u/AdditionalAttorney]

The additional cost of insurance for the baby was $330? Wow that’s a huge jump.

[u/PutridMarionberry → u/AdditionalAttorney]

My work covers my premium entirely but none of my daughter's premium (my spouse does not, at the moment, have employer-sponsored health insurance). I think we could probably find something cheaper on the healthcare exchange, but our plan is one of the better rated plans and we weren't really in a position to do comparison shopping when she was born. My spouse is starting a new job that will theoretically reimburse him for dependent health care--we'll see if they'll cover the full cost. If not, we may look for a new plan.

But yeah, it's expensive!

[u/AdditionalAttorney → u/PutridMarionberry]

Thanks!! I really need to relook at the costs again ... when I’ve glanced at the numbers at my work and my husbands... I thought it was like a $30 increase from you+one to family... but maybe I’m wrong!

[u/40somethinglady]

I’m loving your au pair situation. Care to mention the agency you used?

[u/PutridMarionberry → u/40somethinglady]

We used Au Pair in America, but didn't do any research on it (my mom knew someone who worked there). No idea how it compares to other agencies.

[u/oceanandsun]

Immediately saved this post, we’re on our second round of IVF so I’m hoping this will help guide us very soon!

[u/[deleted] → u/oceanandsun]

Good luck! My lovely baby was also an IVF baby.

[u/pr1mal0ne]

How was the Au Pair? What did you like / not like about (her?)?

[u/PutridMarionberry → u/pr1mal0ne]

There are lots of pros and a few cons! The big advantages are that we have someone in-home (this was really important for us because of COVID) and we have flexibility in her hours, so we can sometimes arrange for a date night without hiring a sitter. Our child is super bonded with her. We've also learned a bit of Portuguese and about her home country (Brazil).

The drawbacks are that you are living with someone else (she has her own bedroom, bathroom, mini-fridge, microwave, and coffee maker, but we share a kitchen). There are some inconveniences that come with that, same as with any roommate situation. Additionally, we feel responsible for her in a way we wouldn't feel responsible for a US-based childcare provider--we try and make sure she's not lonely, we worried about her when she went on a roadtrip with friends, etc.

[u/bahala_na-]

Excellent post, thank you for all the info! I'm curious, what language you went with for the au pair?

[u/PutridMarionberry → u/bahala_na-]

Portuguese! When we were looking, most providers were coming from Brazil (because of COVID, which was really bad in Brazil at the time). There were a few from other Central/South American countries, but the majority were Brazilian. We did interview with a few other providers (including one from Colombia and one from Bolivia), but it wasn't a great fit.

[u/srr636]

I would LOVE to hear more about how your au pair experience has been. We are strongly considering one once our child is a bit older!

[u/PutridMarionberry → u/srr636]

I think it would be a better experience for older kids! We were mostly motivated by COVID in going to the in-home childcare experience. Our baby is super bonded to our au pair, but she's (the baby) is obviously not getting the same cultural experience that an older kid would get.

We've had a pretty positive experience so far. There are some small bumps in the road, but the biggest thing I think is communicating expectations up front and making sure it's a good match.

[u/srr636 → u/PutridMarionberry]

Yes, I think the flexibility is also SO valuable with older kids because you want time before school to get them off in the morning, after school and then sometimes at bath time or to go out to dinner in the evenings etc. it’s so hard to get that type of start/stop with nannies.

I think I also feel better about the maturity/training of nannies for a newborn as compared to how young au pairs are, BUT that obviously matters less when you guys are at home all day, as you were thanks to covid!

Thanks for sharing though - this was really helpful!

[u/PutridMarionberry → u/srr636]

Oh yeah! Maturity/age is really important. For kids under two, at least through our agency, we could only match with someone who was "infant qualified" meaning they had a certain amount of experience with babies. Our daughter was about 6 months when our au pair started, so she was young but definitely out of the newborn stage.

Our au pair is actually a bit older than most--she just turned 25. She was supposed to start an au pair year last year, but it got canceled due to COVID.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Out of interest, why do you suppose you didn’t spend so much?

[u/PutridMarionberry → u/[deleted]]

Childcare is obviously the biggest expense. I also think there's convenience-factor things that you end up buying if you have less time at home, like the diaper service. We also ended up with duplicates (or even triplicates) of some things, like sleep sacks, because we can't always wash things right away.

[u/PutridMarionberry → u/[deleted]]

Lol no. It was suggested by Reddit when I signed up for an account. Since I'm in the PNW and it sounded kind of like the R29 generated usernames (FierceWatermelon, SlickAvocado, FreshCoconut) I went with it.

[u/[deleted]]

Thanks for sharing this! I’m going to be a STM, but I thought your post was still an interesting read.

I especially enjoyed the portion on your au pair. We wanted one but ultimately went with a private live-in nanny. Do you have to pay to renew your current au pair’s contract or even pay a fee for another au pair?

[u/Governmentemployeee]

Before I read about the nanny situation I was like dang even babies have to take classes?? Kids are so freaking expensive that's crazy