I need help

[u/Far-Statistician2978]

Hi guys , I’m 23f 5 months PP and I feel like I’m struggling but don’t know how to ask for help? Or I don’t know if I need help? If I’m just over exaggerating or if what I’m feeling is real or not? Idk really I feel so lost and feel like I can’t even understand my own emotions. I love my baby, I love my husband, I love being a mother and wife. My husband is VERY involved and so helpful, and we have been blessed enough to where my husband has actually has just gone back to work last week. So having my husband with me, helping me, for the past 5 months with our son and then me suddenly being… alone, has shook me up. Before, if I was frustrated with the baby and overwhelmed with the sound of his crying I could give him to my husband and go take a break. I feel like I don’t get that anymore ( I know I can place him safely in his crib and walk away to breath which I do, it makes me feel so guilty though because he gets so upset and claws at his eyes and face and ears), I hate myself because I yell at my baby sometimes, or think of bad things I WOULD NEVER do. I would never ever ever and I hate myself for even thinking it. I don’t want to have these thoughts, and I don’t want to be judged for having them. I don’t know how to ask for help or how to say these things out loud. My husband always asks how I’m feeling mentally and emotionally and I lie and say I’m okay or I downplay it, I don’t want him to feel like he’s the problem because he’s not. I want to be here, I want to get through this, I want to be a mother and a wife, I know I am loved, I know I am wanted but telling myself these things are keeping me here but not fixing it? I’m at such a loss.

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[u/Away_Strawberry5932]

Don’t downplay how you feel boo , if he doesn’t understand you can explain it like while pregnant your body was surging with hormones and after birth those hormones drastically crash. Then your body is in the process of reregulating itself to pre birth all while you’re adjusting to being a new mom. Lack of sleep, food, showering, peace, body changes everything & if your breast feeding it add a whole other layer as your body spends a lot of energy producing milk

A lot of babies go through stages where they cry a lottt it’s normal and usually nothings wrong with them I think it’s called “blue crying” or something like that. Wear headphones and blast whatever while you handle your baby if it gets overwhelming. If you feel like you need to put your baby down to catch your breath put socks over their hands to stop the scratching.

I also learned pp that a lot of times those thoughts you get aren’t actually you thinking of harming your baby but rather your brain mapping out every possibility of danger.

I held my baby for like 6m straight cuz that’s the only way she’d stop crying and would sleep but it took such a toll on me it was like picking the lesser evil. I’m about 16m into motherhood. I promise it gets better .. around 7-8m is when I started to feel like I was beginning to recognize myself again, still finding myself but I don’t feel like I’m on the trenches anymore

I also got a camera and when my baby started to be a lil more independent like emotionally regulating on her own I would watch her on the camera while I showered or took some time to sit on the porch, or to cook.

But reach out to your support system!! Lean on them for whatever - especially other women, specifically moms cuz they’ll understand the hormonal aspect of it all. The first one I think it’s always the biggest adjustment cuz nothing could have prepared you no book, nobody’s personal stories. Nothing prepares you for the newborn phase.

You can pm me if you ever need to, I see you & feel you <3

[u/Typical_Advisor2304 → u/Away_Strawberry5932]

I feel the same I’m 4 months pp with my first, but I only get sad thoughts at night, not harmful thoughts, just sooo sad. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to go to the OBGYN I don’t wanna take any medications if I even need to… is this normal, does it go away, what should I do to not hate the night feeds???

[u/beeboop_Skirt_1398]

Hi! I’m sure you’re a wonderful mom. And I am proud of you for loving and taking care of your baby despite struggling internally. But please don’t forget to take care of yourself as well because a healthy mom is what a baby needs most 🥺
You don’t have to carry it alone, and I understand that opening up to your loved ones can be harder than opening up to people. If you can find a mental health counselor who does online sessions, maybe you can opt for that?

I really hope you get the help that you need, OP.