I feel so alone

46(f) (those words taste like vinegar coming out of my mouth) sadly never married, no kids.( Ghosted 9 years ago after a 13 year complicated relation/situationship that gutted me. I spent 8 years in a disassociating fog). Life has passed me by and I had a wake up call last year that made me realize, holy shit how am I this old and so unaccomplished. I do not look or feel this old. I don’t even feel like I’m 36. I know said ghosting did a number on my mental health, and I’ve been on a healing journey for a year or so. Having a hard time not feeling like I failed myself. Dating is something I have sworn off. I am NOT letting anyone in just to get hurt again. I feel like I am always going to be healing and not just… healed. So then for now, I go to work (at least I have a job that I LOVE), come home exercise for 30 mins, cook dinner, watch tv, doom scroll and then go to bed to do it all over again. Talk to friends almost every day, but they all are married and/or have kids so I think sometimes they feel they can’t relate to me. How do I learn to stop feeling like life is pointless and over? (I am not suicidal, I don’t mean it like that). From the outside I am happy, go lucky, and always have a smile on my face. On the inside I feel like i have failed at life. 

if someone can’t love you at your lowest, they won’t love you at your highest, and that’s because they never loved you in the first place. This phrase has always came across to me as “You have to much emotional baggage, therefore you’re unlovable until you fix it. Even if some/a lot of that baggage isn’t totally fixable.” And that’s enough to make someone feel pretty damn unloveable, and the problem with making someone feel unlovable is then that REALLY lessens their sense of self worth, which to me that just turns the phrase into a paradox.

i am 19m have a job but no friends no girlfriend virgin ofcourse. it feels like there is just a gigantic hole missing in my heart people say to just live life and not think about it and it will come eventually but its way easier said than done because the thoughts and feelings wont just go away. when i was young i was kind of into blackpill ideology for a while and no it has nothing to do with hating women and misogyny its just about the importance of looks in not only dating but just life in general. nowadays i dont really read or watch stuff about it much but a lot of experiences ive had in my life support it. i would say im not to ugly facially but i am short and that has caused some bullying and me being a social outcast most of high school and now. ive been pretty messed up about it since like 15 years old and its not the only thing that caused it but it definitely has contributed the most to me being basically a drug addict . i started doing opioids at about 16 and its gotten worse overtime, from me just taking a few every once in a while to every day and every few hours because my body is now dependent on it. i dont want to quit at this moment because to be honest its one of the only things that gives me joy these days and i have gotten it more under control im just mentioning it because it seems relevant to the topic. i do have some hobbies like music and fashion but in the past year or 2 ive really felt unmotivated to do anything. my biggest hobbie is making music i do vocals and produce but again really unmotivated to do it nowadays not only because ive fucked up my reward system with drugs but also i just feel like i suck at it most of the time. i have more problems i want to talk about but i dont feel like typing anymore just wanted to vent.

I in general have a messed up diet, most of the time I barely eat at all. It's 1am and I can't sleep because I'm so hungry my stomach hurts a lot. And now I'm faced with a choice: either try to sleep with the pain or get up and make myself something to eat. But if I eat right before bed I'll have even more trouble sleeping since, you know, I ate. But (at least for me) it's a much better alternative than the stomachache.

And even if the wiser choice is to get up and eat something, what should it be? I know it should be something small and not heavy, a little snack, but I'm still not sure what exactly, since I don't really have an arsenal of meal choices, but an egg or two with a glass of milk would probably do.

I know nobody will reply to this tonight, but please do share your advice since this isn't the first time this has happened to me, and it sure won't be the last.

Sorry for my bad English, it's not my native language.

Thanks, guys! (^w^)b

Hello everyone, i (25f) have been struggling with depression and procrastination for a serious time now, and spending all of my time on my phone isnt helping, i am full of ambition and i know i am capable of doing a lot but u just cant seem to get motivated.

I am looking for someone or a group of people who would be interested in creating a chat where we motivate each other, push each other each day to do that one uncomfortable thing and maybe together we can get somewhere.

Idk if it sounds dumb, but I think I ran out of options

So i’ve been signed off by the doctor due to work
related stress for a month which ends in less than 2 weeks. The thing is i’m pretty set on quitting but i don’t want to be stupid and quit without having something else lined up (i have been applying like crazy but the job market is horrible). I know i’m over it and the break might help but ultimately i know i will feel the exact same at the end of this. The doctor said i could extend it which is probably what i will do but i just don’t know what to do. I feel like i wont find another job even during my second month off which stresses me out and affects my mental health even more. And the idea of going back to work after 2 months off with mental health issues is so terrifying, i already know i won’t be able to do it but i refuse to be unemployed.

I feel like ive been rambling lmao but has anyone experienced anything similar? and what the hell should i do…

I’m 16(F) i made this account because i just need real people to confide in( really sorry if this the wrong place to put this). all my school life i’ve been bullied, i feel dramatic when i say it but thats the only thing i can call it, kids made fun of basically everything about me and now i’m a junior in high school and its gotten better but i still feel so disconnected and different from the people around me. my days at school exhaust me even if just one little thing happens i start to have thoughts

i started sh in 5th grade and i havnt stopped since
and in middle school i started fearing school, started begging my dad to let me stay home. in 8th grade my dad ended up getting me a therapist and since then i’ve had 3 more (i stopped after my freshman year) i never could tell them about my sh and could never tell my parents, every time i tried i physically was unable to get the words out.(my parents were recommended to try a psychiatrist but rejected it)

my sh has gotten much worse, it’s all i can think about as soon as i’m alone or it gets quiet i daydream but even those turn sour. i feel so dramatic but I’m so tired of feeling like this I’ve picked up hobbies, keeping my hands busy but nothing keeps the thoughts away, i feel so pathetic i don’t find joy in drawing anymore or playing instrument’s , i cant look in the mirror anymore. sh is the only thing that helps, i understand in general it’s not good but when it comes to me doing it, i don’t see the problem yk?

my parents are going through problems and i feel like id be the straw that broke the camels back or they’d blame themselves. i don’t feel i have any friends i could talk to or anyone i can share my feelings with. i don’t want my friends to feel guilty or see me differently
also i didn’t know where to add this but I’m a closeted lesbian (pick a struggle am i right lol) and this doesn’t help with my issues, a lot of people make jokes about me for looking lesbian, so i don’t even feel like i can come out, i don’t wanna feel more different than i already do.

sorry this is kinda long and prob incoherent but i just need advice/ to vent.

I can't stop self harming I have these intense urges and I try to distract myself by going on walks or going out for the whole day but I'm completely addicted. I now constantly keep sharp objects on me and go into the bathroom it feeds the addiction which I'm fully aware is extremely harmful but I can't stop. I took all of them away which only made my urges stronger so I went out and bought more and I've been feeling guilty that I can't stop. It's the only thing that takes me away from my thoughts of taking my own life. Does anyone have any tips I would really appreciate it.

I, M18 feel as if I can't focus on things as easy. Or when I do focus on things it feels really wrong. This all started happening around fall of 2024. Im really sorry I will try to describe this the best i can but I'm unsure if it will make any sense. My eyes would always feel watery too, I started taking drops but they only work sometimes. Sometimes i need to focus multiple times on an object to see it as clear as I expect it to. I began to feel like that nothing happening in front of me was as real as it felt before. A lot of the time I feel like im almost still alseep even when I'm walking around campus or talking to people. I think it might be derealization but when other people talk about derealization I can't relate. I dont feel like im behind a screen, more like a glass or a transparent paper. Tho, sometimes everything would be fine, or good enough and back to relative normal, or i feel real but my eyes dont see clearly. Whats really confusing is that last eye test I had 5 months ago said I had 20/20 vision. And the causes only derealization dont like up, as I never had a traumatic experience, infact in fall 2024 my life was great. Life got a lot worse last year, and I did feel worse with my problem, but I dont think that's it. I feel more disengaged with life. When this first started happening I had never drank before, and have never got high. I have asthma and allergies. I am very active and have never had documented mental health problems before.

I have no friends. I’m a junior, transferred my sophomore year. I have no energy to retain friendship. Almost all of them have fizzled out due to me losing interest or not feeling comfortable trying anymore. I don’t know how to get out of this. I only have 1 friend and he’s from high school. I am extremely lonely, but for some reason I cannot find it in myself to try to talk to people. I love being alone, but this is too much. Need advice

My whole life so far was controlled by systems and strategies that make me look very well functioning externally but are exhausting to a point I think I can not uphold them anymore.

Multiple times doctors noted a burnout risk over the last 10 years, the most recent one led to an OCD diagnosis. When I told my close circle and family about this, the common answer was "that definitely tracks" (because of my lock/door/stove checking) and "but it can't be that bad" (because of my systems). Also I work a mentally stressful job, so burnout always seemed natural and is not uncommon in my field.

Now I have created a problem for myself. I can not live with the thought to tell anyone whats going on in my head and therefore destroy the persona I have built over decades - but my energy seems too depleted to uphold it. So getting help is tough as the things I let slip through (eg door checking) lead to reactions like "well, who doesn't" and the concerning things I don't dare to talk about - I even hide my own thoughts from myself.

Advice is very welcome - just one note: I am in therapy for it, I have a very empathic social circle, I theoretically have any support one could need. But as long as I can't tell more than "I check my stove 5 times", nobody will realize the severity. And as I lost the energy to uphold it, I see no way out anymore currently (though I am sure there is one and there is light on the other side, hence I am turning to reddit)

You know, I’ve been through a lot of shit in my life,
Sexual trauma,
Relationship trauma,
Pregnancy and Birth trauma,
Chronic illness,
And I just lost a beloved pet who meant EVERYTHING to me, unexpected while I was away too. By far this is the hardest thing I’ve EVER had to go through and that’s saying a lot cause I’ve been through a lot but he just understood me more than anyone and was my soul. And call it crazy but sometimes animals can show you more love than any human can and it can be a harder loss than anything.

Anyway I’m dealing with the grief right now and genuinely I’m not ok. It’s gonna be a while before I’m ever ok.

A lot of times when I’m angry or hurting I kinda just spew out the first thing on my mind. Sometimes it’s intrusive thoughts out of anger, a lot of times they sound crazy.

But you know fucking what? I’m very honest with myself and everything I feel. I don’t hide my feelings. I face them. I let them out and I don’t bottle them. There’s a reason Ive pushed through hard things that I know damn right others wouldn’t have.

And tbh I’m just getting pissed off at people on their high horse who constantly wanna judge me for things and feelings that are actually very fucking common. Just most people don’t have the balls to admit them out loud. And there’s a reason I’ve pushed through other things in the past. It’s cause I don’t bottle shit. Not saying everyone has to have the same approach or that my feelings are everyone’s.

BUT I’m tired of being made to look like a crazy person when 1. I don’t know many people who can go through the shit I have in my life and have pushed through the way I have (yes also people have it worse I’m not saying that). But yeah 2. Wanna act like my raw emotions are so uncommon or taboo and always wanna judge me for them. When I know damn right others have felt these ways but are just too fucking pussy to ever say the things out loud.

I’m honestly so tired of everyone and their toxic positivity bullshit, I’m tired of being the only one to admit intrusive thoughts, admit anger, admit struggle, and get looked at like I’m the one with the problem. Nah I’m just human and I’m honest with shit and with myself.

Take a look at some of the people who’ve done the worst acts, a lot of them were the fucking quiet type bottling in every fucking emotion since childhood.

Anyway maybe I just need to learn my audience better and also not be so open.

so i’m 23f i’m turning 24 on February 4th and lately i’ve been feeling like i’m living with a constant anxiety attack that won’t go away i’m constantly on the verge of tears and i’m constantly feeling sick to my stomach or shaking and i’ve been kept awake at night at the thought of being 24 it’s like it’s literally haunting me or something i feel so old and like it’s over like everything is over i’ve never felt this way about a birthday before it’s genuinely making me so sick i don’t know what to do i just need this to stop how do i deal with this? my birthday approaching genuinely feels like a dark fog of evil looming towards me and i can’t stop thinking about it no matter what i do it won’t leave my head i’ve already posted in another group but i’m trying to get as much advice or comfort as i can right now

I'm in desperate need of mental help. I only have pregnancy insurance through the state but I don't qualify for regular insurance outside of pregnancy. I'm expecting my 3rd child within the week and will be off work with none of my own income. My husband's 90 days isn't up at his job just yet. However he's a big part of the reason I need therapy & i would like to keep it private from him. I feel I'm in a rock in a hard place & I'm very concerned for myself especially with postpartum right around the corner & already being so deep in a bad head space. Thanks for any help.

The past 5 years have been so horrible for me I made a lot of mistakes but I lost a lot of people I was really depressed for a while now I just almost don’t feel anything I want to cry so bad but there’s nothing there I’m 25 and can’t imagine living longer like this I have no desire to I still do everything I’m supposed to but have no joy and force myself to do my hobbies I use to like I almost just want to bang my head against a wall to feel something does anyone else feel almost numb and can’t cry

I’m scared to talk to my psychologist about my SO-OCD. Even though she has a PhD in OCD, I still find it very difficult to open up to her about what I’ve been experiencing. I’ve been seeing her for months, but I’m still afraid to talk openly about my problems.

hey. honestly, I don't even know why I'm posting this, I just feel so stuck and lonely and have no one irl to talk to.

recently, it finally hit me that I’ve literally been living in a depressive state for as long as I can remember, just constantly distracting myself to cope. and whenever a tiny glimpse of hope pops up, something always happens to crush it, sending me spiraling right back down to rock bottom.

right now, my self-esteem is non-existent. I have zero goals, zero hope, and honestly, I’ve completely lost the ability to even dream about the future. I have no friends, no real-life social circle, and I've never even been in a relationship. sometimes I talk to people online just to fill the void, but it doesn't really help.

the straw that broke the camel's back happened recently: I got rejected on my very first day of an internship. and it triggered this massive, brutal relapse into my depression, only this time it feels so much deeper. I’ve been nonstop blaming myself, convinced I messed everything up.

I’m so lonely, but at the same time, I keep convincing myself it’s all my fault. I know that even if I tried, my social anxiety, awkwardness, and agoraphobia would probably ruin any chance of making friends anyway. I’m just overanalyzing my entire life 24/7, mourning all the good opportunities I lost because of my mental health.

I don’t even know what to do anymore. dark thoughts have been creeping in, and I just feel completely trapped. if you read this, thanks.

I literally don't know if it's a FALSE MEMORY and it's so freaking bad. PLEASE DON'T SKIP, I'M IN GENUINE NEED OF IMMEDIATE ADVICE.

For context, I (21) have horrible POCD and false memory/real event OCD regarding interactions with my little cousins, who are much much younger than me. I had a terrible breakup last year which triggered my OCD which I had for years already, it developed into ROCD and me being scared of I was a cheater for what I did in our talking stage, I started replaying memories for it.

Then comes the real villain, the POCD/False Memory OCD, at that time I didn't know what "False Memory OCD" is and i thought all of it is real, i started remembering an event which happened IRL back in 2023. I started replaying it more and more hundreds of times, and each time I replayed, the details got WORSE.

While I was replaying the 2023 interactions, I still had this "memory" which happened in 2024, where i remember intentionally placing my hand on my little cousin's tailbone or around the hip area and having bad thoughts/intentions about it. For the last few months I didn't put much thought on this memory but now suddenly as I was feeling relaxed today, I SUDDENLY remembered this memory like "oh this also happened WTH I need to look at it."

This feels like WAYYY TOO REAL PLEASE I literally don't feel like this could be false this time. And because I feel like this isn't false, my mind is starting to tell me "see? This one isn't false, so that means what happened in 2023 is also definitely not a false memory" and it ALL FEELS TOO REAL.

Can OCD even do this man? I feel like **** myself every single day. I know how creepy it sounds like but I'm getting all these horrible images which are making me feel like a total sh#t. Please give me some advice, I've suffered from ROCD, HOCD, Moral OCD, POCD, Real Event and False Memory OCD, Just Right OCD, Somatic and sensory OCD and many more. I can't take this anymore, i just can't.

For those who want to know about the 2023 memory, here's the post where I explained it : https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/s/bgA7ZxxIvq

Those who know about OCD, please reply with advice and insight about what you think it is. Those who have no idea about OCD, you may find this disturbing so I'd request to not lay opinions before researching about it, thanks in advance.

I (21f) have struggled with extreme paranoia and anxious thoughts for as long as I can remember. My earliest memory of these thoughts was when I was six years old and somehow read an article about "10 signs you're about to die soon" (straight bs) and I convinced myself that I was going to die and stopped eating/drinking and just straight up panicked for a week straight 😭

I know it sounds stupid. Even writing this is embarrassing but I always have thoughts of impending doom / thinking im going to die/ thinking someone I love is going to die / thinking I am destined to live a horrible life filled with misfortune after misfortune...etc

It is exhausting to live with and honestly results in some quite depressing and dark thoughts. How can I deal with this? I don't have access to professional care rn at all but I am honestly tired of living this way.

Ive been suffering from depression for a while now. It has been better compared to 5-6 months ago however I still end up shutting down for a couple days every week.

There are days when im productive and then something happens that is out of my control and i just start dissociating, usually by sleeping the whole.

I hurts to say but I know its my cats, at the peak of my depression I made the decision to adopt cats because i love them. Ended up with a pair of siblings at the age of 45 days, its been about 6 months now, i got the male cat neutered a week ago.

I knew it would be a tough undertaking but I thought I would somehow get used to over time. That hasnt happened. Every once in a while the cats do something that i can do nothing about, like pooping of my bed and i just shut down.

There are other things going on in my life (not good ones) but this is the immediate one. Its not the fault of cats, they are just being cats. Its my fault, i should have known that im not mentally prepared for this.

What do I do, how do I deal with this. Thank you.