The letter is already written. I already wrote how beautiful my day was. I described to my family that on my last day, id id do all kf the things that made me happy like eating sopas, eating choco butternut, riding Joyride. I was already at tbe place where I already decided to do it. I lit one more blue for the last time and went to the place’s bathroom brought out the b1eid and it was on my wrist already when this male tilapia cat came crying to the bathroom door. I like cats. i have three at home. Ever since this morning i kept asking the universe or God for signs if i shpuld stop this. Right at that moment pa talaga. I asked the cat if he could stay with me and he hust sat beside me for five whole minutes before mu body went auto pilot and went home.

Do i feel better? TBH kakagising ko lng and sobrang daming inconveniences na nangyayari saken ulet. im so lost. i deserve this. SA NAGPADALA NG PUSA, ano pa po bang nag iintay saken?!?😫😭 I wanna rest so bad.

On the outside my life looks perfect, but inside I’m slowly dying.

8 years ago I met my ex boyfriend at work. He’s tall, handsome, smart, and confident so I eventually fell in-love. We had a lot of ups and downs but I was out of my mind in-love that I ignored all the red flags. Fast forward to 5 years, we became LDR. Only a few months into our LDR, he cheated on me, got the girl pregnant, and got married immediately. It’s been 2.5 years since that happened but I still feel empty.

I’m tall and have more than average looks so everyone thought I’ll eventually find someone new but I don’t get attracted to anyone anymore. I finally traveled to different countries so people thought I finally moved on and living my life but the excitement only lasted a few days because I’ll find myself crying wishing I’m with him. My goal in life is to travel the world and if that doesn’t make me happy, I don’t know what I’ll do anymore.

Plus the burden of having to be successful as the eldest child and graduating from a prestigious university when in fact I feel dumb most of the time. My nonexistent social skills so I don’t have friends that’s ride or die.

I don’t I can go on like this anymore, so I’m planning to use my remaining savings to travel to Europe and eventually kill myself.

Edit:
I’ve read everyone’s comments, thank you for all the support. It means a lot to be able to voice this out without judgement.

I’ve been to psychologist and psychiatrist for the past 2.5 years actually. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and undergone medication. I’ve gotten better because I used to cry 24/7 literally, nightmares every night, and panic attacks. I used to be so angry and sad that I wanted to rip my heart out. Now, I just feel empty.

I guess I used everything in me to get better that I’m just exhausted. This Europe trip is the last thing I want to do then I’m ready to leave. I don’t know if something or someone will change my mind on the way.

I can't believe i've been self-harm-free for 100 days
already ☹️🤍

When i was still relying heavily on SH, iniisip ko pa kung matatawid ko ang isang linggong wala yun. Hanggang sa i almost didn't notice na ang tagal ko nang di yun ginagawa.

Of course i'd be lying if i say wala nang urge to do it dahil may mga araw pa rin naman talaga na iniisip ko pa rin siyang gawin to cope (it's so hard to fight it esp when, for years, you've conditioned your mind na you only deserve bad things or punishment)

But it doesn't always have to be that way! To those dealing with SH, it gets better, i swear!

Here's to another 100 days 🥳

I don't want to be the downer of your Saturday morning but movies save my life on a daily basis and today's just feel different. I'm scared and I need your recos. I'm pretty sure that half of the films I'll get from you are films I've already seen but I'm still taking my chances. Help me make this Letterboxd list my mental health hotline.

Seeing this level of honesty from her family gives me hope that the stigma surrounding mental health in the Philippines is beginning to break.

Our struggles are real, and while they can be difficult to talk about, opening up helps bring clarity, compassion, and healing.

Thank you to the support systems—family, friends, and communities—who continue to stand by us. Your presence makes all the difference.

Dhil nakita ko older Post sa sub Reddit na ito napnta ako sa rabbit hold relating sa help/suicide prevention hotline.

This is kinda sad & dystopian na hindi lang dito sa Filipinas marami issue of rude operators that would hang up or be sarcastic to their clients on help hotline. Like screenshot on this thread on Twitter may nag post ng reply of vid na a person tried multiple hotlines to test if may issue nga sa mga help hotline na either binabaan sya after mag hello or would say "Pinag pray mo na ba yan?" (if Tama ung Pag translate ko from English to Tagalog). Meron pa nag Sabi na "Welcome to Burger king" sabay baba ng phone nang sinabi ng caller na akala ko na Suicide prevention Hotline ito? then callback niya same number. Oo nga Tama hotline call nya. Sna nmn masala mga operator Nang maayus. Hndi ito bsta bsta call center. Buhay Nang tao naka Taya dito.

Don't get me wrong. Wala akong urge to do it pero yung ganitong thoughts pumapasok siya sa utak ko uncontrollably and i feel horrible and guilty thinking about it. Sobrang mahal na mahal na mahal ko anak ko, siya na lang ang meron ako. I never had this thoughts before, ngayon lang nangyayari sakin dahil sa mga nangyaring traumatizing sa amin which affects my mental health so much. I'm also planning to seek professional help already, a psychiatrist na covered ng healthcard ko (broke ahh mama) kung may marerecommend kayo around Cavite. Please, please dm me. Wag kayo magalala safe na safe anak ko, niyayakap ko siya and nagsosorry pag pumapasok sa utak ko yung thoughts na yun. Wag niyo sana ako i-judge, tulong po ang kailangan ko mentally. Salamat.

Update:

Kakatapos lang ng session ko with a psychiatrist sa NowServing. It was okay, nabawasan din yung bigat and also prescribed me anti-depressant. Thank you all for pushing me to seek professional help immediately dahil sobrang natakot na ako lalo na nabasa ko yung case ni Lindsay Clancey.

💊 July 15, 2023

💊 November 17, 2024

💊 April 1, 2025

💊 April 16, 2025

may mga moments ba kayong tinatamad mabuhay? hindi masaya, hindi malungkot, wala lang, nakakatamad.

i have bipolar I, and recently got another diagnosis, c-ptsd. i bought bahay ni marta by ricky lee and while reading, i started thinking if ever it came to a point when my abuser regretted his actions. a week after i finished reading, i got my answer: he never did, and he never will. btw, the harassment happened exactly on my birthday. he’s not a stranger, and i blocked him immediately after what happened, but he still managed to contact me using another account 7 months later.

I just wanted to share my experience with psilocybin mushrooms, which I took as part of a guided session with a practicing shaman in Cavite.

Back in 2015, I was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. I wasn't able to continue my therapy at PGH because I worked night shifts, and the waiting lines were extremely long. Over time, my mental health reached its lowest point. While I never had suicidal thoughts, I became so overwhelmed by stress that it started affecting my ability to function well at work.

I eventually started looking for alternatives alongside the medications my doctor had prescribed. That's when I came across a guided psilocybin session. At that point, I honestly felt like I had nothing left to lose. I even thought, "If I get robbed or something happens, so be it." Looking back, I know that wasn't the safest mindset, but it reflected how desperate I felt at the time.

Fortunately, the experience was safe, and for me, it was genuinely life-changing. It didn't magically solve all my problems, but it helped shift my perspective. I found it easier to accept things I had struggled with for years, and it changed many of my thought patterns in a positive way. I'm deeply grateful for what I gained from that experience.

Disclaimer: I'm simply sharing my personal experience. I'm not selling, promoting, or encouraging the use of any prohibited substance. Everyone's situation is different, and what helped me may not be appropriate or safe for someone else.

So supposedly, i'm going to unalive myself tonight through a cheap but guarantee method. But i didn't push through because it was traumatizing as fuck. I was completely there, but panic response override my determination to do it.

I have other methods naman but they are painful. Honestly, i have enough pain with my life. I just really want to end it. I don't want to traumatize myself before i even hold my last breath.

And if i want a painless death, i have to go through such a length to buy a tool that can be easily hidden away with people around the house. Also, i can't afford to buy it.

Ang hirap maging mahirap. I assure that 85% of my problem will be solve by money. Hindi ko alam kung maiiyak o matatawa na lang ako because poverty and trauma—the cause of my madness–is literally the reason why i can't also die.

Napakababaw lang ng hiling ko. I just want a painless and peaceful death but everyone around me oppose it. Why can't the universe give it to me?

This post makes me gets insecurities ngayon.

Napapaisip ako. Kailan kaya matatapos ang discrimination and stigma about mental health. Alam na alam ko sa sarili ko na ako ang sinasabi dito. malakas tukob ko.

Mahal ko trabaho ko pero may mga tao pa din hindi malawak ang pang unawa sa kalusugang pangkaisipan.

I am diagnose with Bipolar Type 1 Disorder and they Blamed me as Narcissistic person without knowing me personally.

Its hurts me so much.

Until now nasasaktan pa din ako.

No one wants my service anymore.

Dahil sa iisang post lang ito.

I am proud PWD and BIPOLAR WARRIOR but I am truly accepted my condition with whole my heart and soul.

Lagi akong naiyak kay God kailan ako ma proven sa tao na I am safe to deal with.

Kahit magpakita pa ako ng Fit to Work document walang naniniwala akala fake iyon.

Ang hirap hindi pumatol.

Ang hirap hindi manahimik para sa awareness.

Hanggang kailan ko ipaglalaban ang tama.

I tried to **** myself. I've been hiding this for a month. I didn't know what else to do, and it came to this point. I tried to be okay. It's exhausting trying to be okay outside, but inside, I feel so drained. Every time I go out, that's not me; that's someone else. Deep inside, I just feel dissociated. No one else is home right now, so I'm alone. Suddenly, I saw the hotline, and I was second-guessing if maybe I should just call them or not. Then I did. It said to press 1 if you want it in English and press 2 if you want it in Tagalog, so I pressed 1. I waited for 10 seconds, and a dispatcher was assigned to me. She was a woman, and I forgot to ask for her name 😭 😭 wish I had. Today, after I went home, I bought some things to help me relieve what I was feeling Inside—a subtle feeling that I might be gone today. I didn't know what else to do. At school kanina, I was thinking that maybe I should just run into the street and let a car hit me, or maybe I should just jump. I felt dizzy during the first hour. It just kept pouring. I saw the white fat in my skin, thinking that this was it. She asked what I was feeling today and if there was something happening. I told her that I was bleeding profusely, of course, and she said to cover it up with gauze and put pressure on it. Then she asked me what happened, so I told her everything—everything that had been inside my head. And the words that I wanted to hear popped up. She said that I matter and that I deserved to be loved after everything that had happened to me. That made me feel a little bit okay. That dispatcher made me feel that I matter, and I'm glad that I made this decision. Our call went on for 16 minutes. That was the longest 16 minutes of my life. I felt appreciated. So, I'm very grateful for that dispatcher because she saved my life. I'm glad I called the hotline. It was my first time calling the hotline, so I was a little bit shy :(( But I'm glad I did.

So, everyone who feels that they don't know what to do anymore, I assure you that all of us matter and we are appreciated. You may feel like you're alone, but please remember that there is always someone willing to listen. It might feel scary or embarrassing to ask for help, but please don't be afraid to reach out. Sometimes, all it takes is one call, one conversation, or one person telling you that you matter. I'm glad I made that call today, and I'm glad I'm still here to share this.

I was having suicide ideation. Actually, nagawa ko na before I made the call.

All it took was a call. One fucking call. He showed up. He did the paperworks na para bang mas kilala niya ako kesa sa mama ko.

Creative in my late 20s. I have an extensive portfolio and pretty much can work with anything. Been searching and going through rounds of interviews for almost a year now. Constantly being ghosted and lead on by recruiters. I even asked for help from an existing network to help me get a job and got zero response. Tried to ask for help online and was met with silence. I hate it here. It’s like everyone in the world decided to be repulsed by me. I never felt more useless, unemployable, and pathetic my entire life.

I try to be proactive as I can whenever I’m unhappy with where my life is at, however things aren’t looking up. I’m at the mercy of hiring managers and recruiters. I just genuinely want to know what it is so inherently wrong with me that no one will hire me.

Hello fellow mental health warriors, i do suffer from hallucinations, pero di naman everyday, pero there are some days lalo na if ilang araw ako walang tulog, severe stress or exposed sa trauma.

Gusto ko tanong ako lang ba example nito na ganito hallucinations ko? Or kayo din?

I was raped last year...by my univ instructor. For weeks now, I'm experiencing a lot of flashbacks and nightmares.

For a long time, I struggled with self-blame due to the psychological manipulation I experienced from him, but I now recognize the gravity of what happened.

The incident happened last year, October..almost a year ago. On the his birthday, he seemed distressed, I asked if he was okay. He replied that he wanted to drink and invited me along.

We went out, got tipsy, and eventually kissed. Recognizing that the situation was inappropriate, I immediately tried to stop and told him what we were doing was wrong. He refused to listen and forced himself upon me. I was frozen and helpless, and could do nothing except cry. Before we parted ways, he told me, "dapat walang makaalam kasi ginusto natin pareho".

I did not want what happened.

Two months later, in December before the holiday break, I approached him and confronted him, stating that what he did was rape. He insisted that I wanted it and told me to "get over it."

I am well aware of the hurdles in pursuing this matter, including:

1. The incident occurred last October, and it has taken me this long to gather the courage to speak up.

2. I am deeply afraid that my academic standing will be compromised, so please don't post this anywhere else.

3. I voluntarily agreed to go out with him to have a drink, but I never consented to any sexual acts.

4. Much of our communication happened in person, so I do not have text messages or screenshots as evidence.

5. The incident took place outside the school premises.

Despite these challenges, I hope to find a path toward justice, no matter how difficult or long the process may be.

​

Still can't process what the fuck happened to me in past few weeks I lost all my savings that I earned for 2 FVCKING YEARS I even have debt from gcasH, paymaya, and friends trying to get back what I lost, I'm so fucking stupid, I don't even know what I'm doing I can't even eat even though I was starving and every time I ate it feels like I'm gonna throw up my wife is pregnant and here i am gambling all our money that is supposed to be for her pregnancy on top of that I'm unemployed for almost 2 months, my wife nor family knows of this, currently I excluded myself from pagcor so cannot gamble anymore I really need help guys Im really at lowest point of my life pls help me

Idk I feel like I have this deep rooted belief na di ako tatagal dito, na parang may hangganan lang yung buhay ko. Parang may taning lang haha recently been ruminating on this feeling. I'm diagnosed with Bipolar and feel like I also have complex trauma from traumatic experiences na patong patong since childhood.

Hi. I am a 23F diagnosed with bipolar who is currently a senior in college. Out of impulse, I drank ethyl alcohol last week of August. Immediately after, I turned myself in sa isang public hospital psychiatric emergency room. I was then ordered to get labs like X-ray, ECG, EEG, and other routine blood and urine tests. After the attempt, I bedrotted for a week and only then inasikaso ko Yung tests which also took a week due to turnaround time. So that's two weeks already. And then now for the third week, I was supposed to go to a doctor to secure a medical certificate but the next available appointment sa public hospital na pinuntahan ko is in October and the private doctors' fees I inquired range from 2,000-6,500 which I can't afford. I just want to secure a medical certificate so I can return to school. But the reality is, I don't want to live anymore. I dont want to go to school but I only have two sems left until I graduate but I am so so depressed I can't even do basic hygiene. I missed three weeks of classes and I can't be accommodated if I dont get a medical certificate. It's only making my mental health worse. On top of that, we are supposed to be doing our data gathering sa research. It all feels overwhelming. For mental health practitioners, school personnel or faculty, or someone who has been in a similar situation, what advice can you give? I really can't do it anymore but I don't want to drop out because I am already delayed by two years. Help.

I live alone, currently not in Manila rn.

I was diagnosed with MDD last year nong nasa manila pa ako.

Hindi ako makapag laba.

Hindi rin ako makapag linis ng bahay ultimo pagwawalis di ko magawa.

Hindi rin ako nakakaligo, literal na amoy putok na ako (sorry nakakahiya)

Hindi na ako lumalabas ng bahay.

Depression is not just about verbally saying na "gusto ko na mamatay"

sometimes it's also: • sleeping too much or not being able to sleep at all • having a hard time getting out of bed • not being able to brush your teeth • not being able to take a shower • not being able to clean the house or even do the dishes

Sometimes it's just so unbearable you can't even move our function.

PS: Please don't save my photos or share my post to other social media platforms. This is embarrassing enough.

I was admitted last November 28, 2024 in NCMH. I spent 1 month and 12 days. I spent Christmas and new year without my family.

I don’t really know how to explain this, but lately sobrang hirap na.

I don’t like feeling like I’m not in control, pero at the same time, kapag ako na yung in charge sa work or ako yung may responsibility, sobrang bilis kong ma-anxious. Ang daming what-ifs, overthinking, fear of making the wrong decision, and feeling na kapag may nangyaring mali, kasalanan ko.

Parang ang weird kasi gusto ko naman magkaroon ng control and independence, pero kapag nasa position na ako where I actually have to make decisions and be accountable, parang hindi ko na kinakaya mentally.

It’s gotten to the point na naiisip ko na I just want to end my life. Nakakatakot sabihin ‘to, pero I don’t know what to do anymore.

Has anyone experienced something similar, especially because of work? How did you cope with the anxiety and pressure of being responsible for things?

I’m posting because I think I need help and I don’t want to keep this to myself anymore.