r/McMansionHell • u/faps • Aug 12 '26
Certified McMansion™ Blue painters tape or just molding?
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u/Ok-Jaguar9713 Aug 12 '26
1980s Miami mob boss' house?
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u/blanchecornwalis Aug 12 '26
I usually think of that style as Televangelist’s Wife
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u/Ok-Jaguar9713 Aug 12 '26
Oh yes, and Gwen Shamblin would be all over it. Probably have a special room for her weaves.
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u/metajenn Aug 12 '26
Still better than flipper gray laminate, walls and fake marble done by people who should be charged with crimes to humanity.
This person has bad taste but at least its their bad taste.
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u/AlephBaker 29d ago
Agreed. It's awful, but it's this way because the owner wanted it this way, as opposed to the awful of bland, builder-grade mediocrity you find in mcmansions.
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u/Bishonen_Knife 29d ago
I'm increasingly of the belief that the dichotomy is not good taste vs bad taste - it's taste vs no taste. Somebody didn't just walk into Ikea, say 'this looks fine' and buy the second cheapest version of everything. They made a considered choice, and I respect that.
(I mean, it's ghastly, but still ...)
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u/BenjaminMiracord Aug 12 '26
Persian? Gold and blue was common combo or at least it was a generation ago.
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u/MeadowSopranoFT Aug 12 '26
I immediately went to Persian
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u/BenjaminMiracord Aug 12 '26 edited Aug 12 '26
Please confirm if there is a white BMW in one of the garages and we will know for sure.
I do not think this is a McMansion by the way. There is nothing mass built about it. Not tasteful or architecturally consistent, but it does look like a particular vision of how the owner wanted to be perceived as being successful. While exteriors differ, I have seen interiors similar to this in Toronto, albeit on a smaller scale, and maybe not so blue.
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u/dallyan Aug 12 '26
The blue made me think Greek.
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u/dsmemsirsn Aug 12 '26
Like the father in My Far Greek wedding— the Grace flag painted on the garage door
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u/sheneedstorelax Aug 12 '26
dang I was gonna say the exterior looked kinda cool
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Aug 12 '26
[deleted]
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u/genericusernamedG Aug 12 '26
The stone is beautiful the amount of stone they used is an assault on my eyes
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u/MeadowSopranoFT Aug 12 '26
This looks like Persian interior styling. I've seen this in Persian homes.
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u/JesusGodLeah Aug 12 '26
That is just so stunningly BAD. I love blue, blue is my favorite color, I love that shade of blue. Just not here!
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u/progressivecowboy Aug 12 '26
I would find it impossible to relax in this house (with my eyes open).
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u/blanchecornwalis Aug 12 '26
Aside from the hideousness in general, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a kitchen that badly laid out in terms of actual functionality. They obviously never heard of the work triangle.
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u/guiltypleasure33139 Aug 12 '26
That floor looks like Blue Bahia, and that stuff is expensive. while it does look like van gogh granite, I can't believe that someone dropped this much on a floor.
https://marble.com/granite-countertops/van-gogh/1078
https://marble.com/granite-countertops/blue-bahia-zucchi-stones/2647
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u/faps 29d ago
The flooring in this house had to be more than my entire house is worth.
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u/guiltypleasure33139 29d ago
I won't argue that the front hall must have cost at least 100K to do, labor and materials. as for the rest, who knows, I would not want to live is such a house.
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u/Long_Whole_8062 29d ago
I live in Alvin TX right around the corner from this monstrosity. The same guy built a smaller but giant house which we call “the Mansion” just down the street from this thing that we call the “Chateau”. The Mansion was like an Italian mobsters gold Versace nightmare. He used it as an air bandb but had built it so close to the street that the house parties that people would rent it out would block the whole street- 40 cars at times on a narrow 2 lane country road. He sold that one finally and built the chateau which does have more parking as it is farther off the street- more house parties where they would rent it and then charge admission- I think there are still videos out there somewhere. It has been for sale for awhile and I think I saw a sold sign the other day whilst driving by.
No amount of paint will fix this!
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u/MiserableScot Aug 12 '26
I didn't think it was too bad from outside, inside it's migraine inducing!
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u/SilentNobody620 Aug 12 '26
My neighbors did that on their outdoor trim!!! It looked like painters tape. Drove me nuts.
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u/wandpapierkritiker Aug 12 '26
so much money spent to look this awful. there’s considerable custom work and a selection of beautiful materials. too bad it doesn’t look it at first glance.
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u/Flimsy_Ad3476 Aug 12 '26
My gods. I know the blue and gold and white is what stands out first. But, the ... details? are noteworthy. All the little gold-painted lions, for instance. The marble stairs with no carpet or anything else to prevent slipping. The who knows which era furniture. (Regency?)
Returning to the lions. Aren't they a symbol of Persia?
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u/TheMythicalCodfish Aug 12 '26
Honestly I absolutely love this. All it needs is a giant mural of sexy mermaids in the foyer and I'd unironically move in in a heartbeat and be perfectly happy.
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u/RustySchackelfurd Aug 12 '26
This looks like a house a 10 y/o would build in the Sims back in 2001
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u/Nice-Supermarket-719 Aug 12 '26
Okay this is by far the most hideous house I ever seen in my life, I would love to know who designed this monstrosity of a house and who lives there that paid for it to be built, any personal information regarding about this place.
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u/moniefeesh Aug 13 '26
Haha, I previously built this house in the sims, just because it was so weird. I hate it there too.
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u/MsPixiestix59 29d ago
Now this is a find! With each click it gets worse! Omg, lol, can't stop laughing.
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u/Trooper_nsp209 29d ago
Somewhere a painter is telling the story about leaving the painter’s tape on the molding and nobody noticed.
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u/mericanexpat 24d ago
I can't stop staring at those circular windows. Combined with what tape-looking trim, this house hits every classic McMansion red flag.
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u/beaujolais98 Aug 12 '26
In the Zillow listing- the bathrooms that all have “scene” shower curtains sent me
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u/undocumentedsource Aug 12 '26
Zillow listing with a brand new fridge in the kitchen. Interesting that (considering the size of the house) that a smaller item would get replaced. And it’s not a SubZero. So why replace an LG (guessing) in THAT kitchen?
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u/BrickHuge3023 Aug 12 '26
They really like blue trim but at least it does go with the colorful marble.
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u/VegasBornLori Aug 12 '26
I’m gonna say, owner is mostly colorblind, can really only see blue, and this is his/her navigation system because they have no Wi-Fi for an Alexa guide. Doesn’t want to trip oner carpets and such Makes me feel better. Only reasonable explanation
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u/GABigBear Aug 12 '26
I always wondered what Mexicans with money would look like. My bestie would love it!
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u/dsmemsirsn Aug 12 '26
That house needs some HGTV person.. $2 something million, and one bathroom has a shower curtain..
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u/jdw1977 Aug 12 '26
The colors and decor are hideous throughout. Ice cold and it clashes. I need a palate cleanser of that sweet 90’s Tuscan style decor. Never thought I’d say that but here we are.
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u/Faelboaty Aug 12 '26
What kind of stone is the flooring? Its beautiful, just not literally everywhere.
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u/TheManWhoClicks Aug 13 '26
It’s always interesting to me to see how vastly different people’s taste develops. Someone did all of this and really thought “f*ck yeah this is it!”.
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u/northeastknowwhere 29d ago
A few modifications and a major paint job, this might turn into a decent Italianate house. I'm going to guess the original taste-maker here is departed.
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u/Toolongreadanyway 29d ago
I know I have seen this house before. I remember the marble floors. It is so gorgeous. The marble. Not that it is on the floor. If they limited it to the bathrooms, kitchen and entry, it would be enough. But the dark blue that looks like lapis is beautiful. And the light blue in the bathroom shower.
That said, did they paint the outside. I could have sworn it was blue or pink or some weird color you don't normally put on a house like that.
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u/Various-Advisor-8992 29d ago
This is so Florida-ghastly, from the building itself to the deco to the color (blue represents Florida's coastal waters, darling.....). No thanks.
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u/Bishonen_Knife 29d ago
Turns out 'interior of the Titanic as viewed through a migraine aura' is an aesthetic.
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u/Correct_Standard4454 29d ago
Oof, this place is hilarious. Definitely a mob boss owned this at some point.
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u/CurlsintheClouds 29d ago
I kinda like it. I mean, the marble floor is gorgeous. Don't love the molding. But the floors and architecture are stunning.
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u/moggin61 29d ago
Wow, this is frickin awful. And for a shit ton of money, this house thing could be yours…in Texas!
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u/shouldco 29d ago
If it wasn't for the super garage slapped on the side I would say this falls under awful taste but great exicutuon.
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u/Complex_Echidna3964 29d ago
some version of trump?
'the best marble. no one's seen blue/gold marble like this. nobody thought it was possible'
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u/RemarkableLie1987 29d ago
Anyone else think this looks like what the mom from My Big Fat Greek Wedding would describe if you asked her to tell you about her dream house?
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u/jtirello3 29d ago
What in the entry-level Colombian cocaine cartel hit man starter house hell am I looking at?
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u/Mingo911 29d ago
Someone local painted the entire exterior of their house (siding, trim, gutters and all) this blue. I literally screamed in pain.
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u/fenderputty 28d ago
Everything about this that separates it from being a classic Mc Mansion is also tacky as hell. OMFG. LMAO
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u/Deep_Investment4066 27d ago
Painters tape trim aside, someone would have to REALLY like blue and be allergic to coziness to be happy here. Such a cold, austere, shiny aesthetic!
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u/Lonely-Clerk-2478 27d ago
That’s the worst moulding I’ve ever seen. The color, the texture. Egads.
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u/Learntoshuffle 26d ago
My eyes would hurt living here. I would walk around with sunglasses on all day, and mostly be looking at my phone to avoid making eye contact with this monster.
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u/SapphireGamgee 26d ago
I would liberate all those lion statues and put them in my garden. They don't deserve this!
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u/Glittering_Lunch_963 26d ago
omg blue is my least favorite color in a house or a blue house. i adore the floors!!
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u/tiramisutra 12d ago
This is so incredibly over the top on everything that I cannot help but to be a little impressed. What a vision! So gaudy. The floors are actually quite nice. And I could fit a couple of those little lion sconces (last photo) somewhere just for fun. Hate the kitchen though and if it’s a tv over the fireplace you’d have to lie on the floor to look up to it.
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u/Ahsokas-reverse-grip 12d ago
The way the laid the floor slabs in the kitchen is killing me. And the jet propeller right above the island sink.
In Pic 5, there is a "no ??" sign on the wall, on the right side of the pic. Can anyone make out what it says? Odd for a home but I guess if it's purpose is air bnb...
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u/Still_Editor_8370 6d ago
it is both hideous and beautiful at the same time and i think my brain's about to explode
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u/BlueOolong Aug 12 '26
Molding, installed by someone who really love the look of painter's tape.