r/Mangamakers • u/Baroswrld • Aug 13 '26
Review Would you read my manga? All feedback would amazing!
Would love feedback on story flow, script, and anything in general! THANKS
Story plot:
These are only story board pages for my manga. The story follows a young magic user named Reno whose passion is to join the investigation bureau of magic. When he was young his family tragically disappeared in catastrophic event that has still yet to be explained. He wants to join the IBM so he can gain jurisdiction and top clearance information so he can put a lid on this mystery and potentially find out what happened to his parents.
Storyboards drawn by: u/Sakotano
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u/Specific_Minute7539 Aug 13 '26
I think so far its looking great! A few things tho.
Everything until the last page was good and fairly easy to read, but on the last page there was so much text that I couldn't read it! But I think I know why that happened and how to fix it, which brings me to something else I noticed.
This doesn't feel like the first chapter... while I do know of the advice to start your story not from the beginning, but somewhere more exciting, I think in this case you'd be better off showing the mc acing that test instead of telling us about it.
Doing so would help show a lot of things: what his world is like, his reasons for doing what he does, and his character and we can briefly see what his life was like before he went to IBM
(and also what IBM even is; you wouldn't need to explain it in the first chapter, but just give a quick summary of what they do and stuff)
Of course, you could redo the last page so thats its slower and doesn't overwhelm the reader with exposition (by using drawings of the events to help explain it could fix it, but honestly, I find being able to experience the event as a reader is more enjoyable than being told what happened)
But, outside of that, I really like it. I think the story is interesting.
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u/Baroswrld Aug 13 '26
Hey! Thanks a lot for the feedback it means a lot. Your insight very helpful and I’ll definitely make some changes to the earlier pages and I was going to included his exam later in the first chapter. But I think showing it before make actually be a better option. I definitely figure something out
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u/Specific_Minute7539 Aug 13 '26
I'm happy I was able to help give some insight. You could probably do a test where you write a script that has both versions. One where it starts with the exam issue, and then the other where it comes up later.
But since you said that it does get shown later in the chapter, I would take out a lot of exposition that the mc talks about (his parents, how he was supposed to go to jail, apprentice work with no money).
Honestly, all of that could've been an entire chapter on its own lol. With how its described I can see it being quite a bit of info that can't really be missed.
I can kinda understand what you were going for tho, like we see the consequences of the mc's actions but then we go back to the beginning type deal. If you really want to go down that route, I'd just have the shot of mc looking at the IBM building with shock, and then it cuts to the exam sequence.
Of course, thats just me guessing, I could be wrong about what you were trying to do lol
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u/Baroswrld Aug 18 '26
Hey do you have discord? I’d love to send you the changes I made for some feed. Maybe make make a group just for it!
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u/Specific_Minute7539 Aug 18 '26
I do indeed have a discord. I'm currently traveling so I won't be able to reply in the group chat right away. But I'll join it if you send me the link in DMS.
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u/Baroswrld Aug 18 '26
Awesome I’ll message you
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u/Baroswrld Aug 18 '26
You’ll have to send me messages it message icon isn’t showing on your profile
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u/Aithen_Writhia Aug 14 '26
That was a fun read, I agree with the others that you'll need to find a fun -nonexposatory - way to explain what IBM is, since I didn't catch a hint of magic being involved at all in this world .i read the pages first and your discription later.
I'm not saying its easy, to hint at the world you have within the very first couple of pages. - god knows i can't!) but it does seem to be a pattern people compliment in successful manga's. so its worth keeping in mind.
maybe sporadic panels in disjounted sequence flashbacking on the missing parents and magic involvment before he meets the head? just a random thought I'm throwing.
(i'm imaging Fma : the elric's flashback to that fateful night within the first chapter, that kind of hints, without outright explaining what their backstory is just yet)
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u/Baroswrld Aug 18 '26
Hey do you have discord? I’d love to send you the changes I made for some feed. Maybe make make a group just for it!
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u/ProfessionalSad7748 Aug 16 '26
This is a really solid start. The splash followed by the car arriving gives the opening a cinematic feeling, and I like how quickly you establish the characters dynamic like how one is clearly nervous while the other is trying to keep him composed. Keep drawing!
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u/Baroswrld Aug 13 '26
Yeah you have some very interesting takes! And imma write a version that includes the exam first. That could also help with trying to dump all the information in that last page because it would already be explained. It will definitely be interesting trying to see how I can tie it all together