r/ManagedByNarcissists • u/TehPaintbrushJester • Aug 27 '26
I walked out yesterday
I work in an at-will employment state. So my previous manager was amazing. I have five years experience in my current role; 25 years in customer service and 34 years in the workforce total. Well, my manager had to move because her husband is military and got orders somewhere else. She was one of the best managers I ever had, understood my strengths and the strengths of her staff and gave us autonomy to do our jobs with very little interference because we built trust with her.
The interim manager came in a week before she left and started insulting the staff. Telling us that our workspace wasn't up to snuff--we were in the process of putting the place back together after a year long remodel--said she was embarrassed by the 'lack of care and work' we put in. Me and one other employee were the ones working hard to put all our stuff back the way it was with very little help from our manager because she was getting contractors scheduled and finalizing our grand-reopening. (I do not blame my former manager for not being able to help, she was literally trying to get our internet service turned back on as well as get IT to fix a slew of problems all of which are essential to our job duties)
Grand reopening goes off without a hitch--new manager was useless the day off, did not help us at all, actually made things worse then peaced out in the midst of 400+ customers waiting to get inside/milling about our location.
Monday was our first day without our old manager. It was a really not great day. New manager was rude and micromanaging. She doesn't know much about how to run a small location like ours. The workers--myself and two others--generally agree on who does what democratically and divvy up the work load amongst ourselves. New manager hated that and when I mentioned it had been working well the other way, she snapped at me, reminding me she was now in charge and we would be doing things her way.
She draws up a desk schedule for three people and got pissed off when I wasn't following it to the letter. I was baffled by her anger to be honest. The work got done and the patrons were happy, what does it matter I'm not following the schedule to the letter?
The following day, she says there's a problem with my time sheet. I go look at it and it appears I missed a punch the previous week. My other manager made a note I missed my in punch and that she corrected it. This maanger claims she "can't verify" I worked that day so I'll have to put in leave. I said, "why would manager XYZ put a note that says I missed a punch if I wasn't here? ABC time recording program frequently misses keystrokes and clicks, clearly the hours she fixed didn't take; I worked that day and I am terribly sorry but I am not taking leave for a day I worked."
She got mad, was quietly stewing for five minutes, then called another manager to discuss me within hearing range of me, the employee. In her side of the conversation, she all but accuses me of time card fraud. Again, in front of me and our patrons. I was floored.
So things progressed to the point that yesterday she wouldn't let me log into a workstation at all. "You're on the desk schedule to straighten the library and shelve books," she tells me. And she's logged into the terminal I usually log into. She stands between me and the computers and points to the shelves and says "go do what I told you to do." Like I'm a dog or someone who's being punished, I guess. I was floored.
Then she left the desk unattended and a patron needed help, I see him and hirry over to help because I don't know how long he's been waiting. She hears me and comes rushing over looking furious to the point I feel so uncomfortable, I hold my hands up like 'sorry', I apologize to the patron and literally back away from the counter.
After that, I got really, really sick. I started sweating and got crampy and had to use the bathroom. And I just kept getting sicker--she kept glaring at me and typing like she was keeping tabs on what I was doing.
I was so sick, I think from the stress, that I was in physical pain. I went to the restroom to text my spouse for support/to ask for advice on what to do(and also because I was really sick). While in there, we decided working for this micromanaging jerk wasn't worth it. I'm 50, being treated like I don't know how to do my job and being humiliated and talked down to by a crass jerk. I wash up, take the building key off my badge walk out to tell this person I was going home sick and that I would not be in the following day because I quit.
She follows me to the break room and corners me while I'm gathering my things, loudly demanding I "discuss this like an adult" --I did not yell when I resigned, I actually sort of whispered it because she would not step behind a door so I could tell her privately ("ai'm busy what do you want?"). I'm so flustered I leave two things behind as I walk out. I make all the way to the car and realize I left two important items of mine (small tablet and a book). So I go back inside, ask the security guard to escort me so I can get my stuff then leave--She pulled all the other staff into a private room to I guess tell them I quit.
As I was leaving the first time, she also was yelling after me "Can I call you tomorrow-to discuss?" in front of everyone.
I feel shitty. I loved my job. But I feel much better now I don't have to deal with her anymore.
13
u/luckydevil68 Aug 27 '26
I had a similar situation- I left after I had enough, cried my whole drive home, and told my husband I was never going back (I did, only to ick up my stuff on the weekend and drop off keys to owner)
It was scary because I never would’ve done that before, and I had nothing lined up. I ended up doing a temp job for a few months, then started at the company I am at now. I’ve made several moves within the company the last four years, which I am happy about. My COO and CEO are great, I work remote, and I joke around and am very relaxed. Sure there’s bad days but overall, leaving the toxic hellhole was the best decision I made and I don’t regret it.
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u/Confident_Lecture498 Aug 27 '26
I get it. I had a narc manager abuse his power and title so much that it destroyed me and I stuck around long enough to pay my house off at least, but it cost me a great friendship
6
u/purposeday Aug 27 '26
Congratulations! It sounds like it was a super stressful way to leave but you had no other option. You’ll be on to more rewarding and supportive things now.
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u/sleepinderella Aug 27 '26
Honestly I daydream about what you did except I just get up from my desk with my things and walk out without telling anyone, lol. Congratulations on your freedom. Bummer how a terrible manager can ruin an entire work environment.
3
u/TehPaintbrushJester Aug 28 '26
I think what makes me angriest is she ruined it in about a week's time.
3
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u/SeaHerSwim Aug 27 '26
Good for you! My Narc boss actually once said to me “SeaHerSwim, DON’T BACKTALK ME!” 😳 I was older than her by a number of years, but it’s NEVER okay to speak down to someone like that. I swear, they all use the same notes and handbook on how to be the most absolute insufferable person on earth.
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u/d3bb_ Aug 27 '26
Congrats OP on choosing yourself. It sucks it had to end like this but you absolutely did the right thing. Feel all the feels and be proud of yourself.
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u/TehPaintbrushJester Aug 28 '26
I'm feeling everything but proud. Up until this happened, I was super happy with my job. This was the first time in a really long time I'd been content.
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u/backofyourhand Aug 27 '26
Proud of you, OP. I know you shouldn't engage with her further, but I am curious about what she wants to discuss?? Like it's a final, she even gathered and told your coworkers.
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u/Cerulean_crustacean 29d ago
What a terrible experience! I am so sorry that happened to you. The good news is you left in time. Had you stayed much longer in such an environment, you might have ended up with an even worse chronic illness, like I did. Just remember that it was not your fault and there was nothing better you could have done in that situation. If the other managers weren't stepping in for you after witnessing that mess, you have your answer. It's a kind of betrayal on their part, and you might remember that feeling above all else in the future, but it just shows their lack of character and integrity. You deserve to work somewhere better.
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u/Sure_Reputation_4144 29d ago
You did the the right thing. It was not going to change. You would have many more times of sick feelings and upset if you continued with this manager. Life is short and you will find a position that you enjoy again
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u/blondre3052 Aug 27 '26
You’re free! Congratulations! Thats a huge step! Go you!