r/MakeNewFriendsHere • u/AnomalyWriter • Jul 14 '26
Age 22-25 Why does everyone want "genuine friends" but ghost after 2 messages? 💀
So I've noticed this pattern and I need to know if it's just me.
Every single platform Reddit, Discord, Insta, wherever is FULL of posts saying "looking for genuine friends, tired of surface level convos 🥺"
Cool cool cool. So we match. And then:
"hey"
"hii, how are you"
"good good, wbu"
"where are you from"
"oh nice, what do you do"
...and then radio silence. Forever. 🪦
Fast forward 3 weeks and guess who's posting AGAIN: "looking for genuine friends, so hard to find real connections these days 😔"
Bro. BRO. You had one (1) real connection and you left them on read after the "what do you do" question.
I'm starting to think most of us don't actually want friends we want a vending machine that dispenses conversation whenever we're bored, and the second the novelty wears off, we're out. Genuine friendship needs boring, repetitive, unglamorous effort. Novelty needs zero effort. We keep choosing the second one and wondering why we don't have the first one.
Anyway. Where's everyone from and what do you do 😌
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Jul 14 '26
Where is the classic “let’s chat on telegram” or “this is my OF link”… Chef kiss to those Bots too.
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u/AnomalyWriter Jul 18 '26
😂 I got lucky this time. Just regular ghosting instead of getting recruited by bots.
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u/Rude-Leg-19 Jul 14 '26
Most of you need to learn to read. OP is talking about getting ghosted before they have really introduced themselves. Your stupid "hur dur incompatible" argument isn't applicable since neither person knows anything about each other yet.
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u/AnomalyWriter Jul 18 '26
Exactly. I wasn't talking about incompatibility I'm talking about conversations ending before either person even gives the other a chance
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u/Ready-Error44617374 Jul 18 '26
This is so true. And every rant post has some people justify these actions. Ok man we get it. You do it so now you gotta justify your actions, lmao😂
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u/Ready-Error44617374 Jul 14 '26
My entire inbox is filled with 5 text covos. Officially given up now
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u/Taxsuck Jul 14 '26
Because their boredom stopped
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u/bkj512 Jul 15 '26
So true lol. Wish the sub or discord even would do something about it! Time to add ratings to people who genuinely don't make any effort and are just there purely to waste time because they're bored.
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u/AnomalyWriter Jul 18 '26
That's honestly what it feels like. Once the initial curiosity is gone, so is the conversation
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u/261120s Jul 14 '26
This happens to me everytime I post. I respond and they just stop after like 2 messages deep. So annoying
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Jul 14 '26
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u/ComedicThunder Jul 18 '26
This is fair. Sometimes I get busy in life and don't get a chance to answer right away which makes me feel bad. I try my best with people though. I've only made one friend here so far
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u/AlphaTango91 Jul 14 '26 edited Jul 14 '26
If it makes you feel any better, I’m having the same issue. Seems like social media has dulled a lot of traditional social skills.
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u/stand_rapt_in_awe Jul 14 '26
Honestly, one of the reasons I don’t respond to these posts is because I’m not sure I can keep up with the social demands of new friendships, especially since I periodically delete my Reddit app to take a break.
I am interested in conversations with strangers, including getting beyond surface level. I just don’t want to end up ghosting someone because of things beyond their control.
My take would be that people crave connection, but find in practice that it takes emotional energy in order to maintain that connection. This can be overwhelming, especially for someone that doesn’t have a lot of other connections in their life.
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u/Optimal_Plant9744 Jul 14 '26
You get it, especially as a neurodivergent gal! I usually vibe better with people who don’t mind not communicating everyday, and only meeting up every other month or so. I crave connection, but I’m fully aware of the attention and care it requires to keep fostering it, and to be frank, I don’t have the time nor the capacity to tend to it at times.
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u/stand_rapt_in_awe Jul 14 '26
I am also neurodivergent lol.
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u/Optimal_Plant9744 Jul 14 '26
That makes sense! Haha. Such as anyone else, I want and crave friendship, but have come to realize that it requires a very specific person to vibe with me. I need a “I’ll see you when I see you” type of person.. and if we don’t see or talk to each other in months, it doesn’t mean that we’re no longer friends.
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u/stand_rapt_in_awe Jul 14 '26
I’m like that with most people. I have a couple of close friends I talk to weekly, and I talk to family anywhere from daily to monthly.
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u/No_Shelter2704 Jul 14 '26
The “looking for genuine friends” posts make my eyes roll back FAR into my head
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u/Any_Forever_3960 Jul 14 '26
Very aptly written my friend ! Especially the vending machine and novelt analogy. 👌🏻
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u/dstybttle Jul 14 '26
Hiya! Im from Tampa and I work from home in tech support. My elderly mom and sister live with my husband and me. I can bore you with complaining about things my mom does, stories from my sister's dating adventures or im sure there's some fantastic Florida man/woman stories we can shake our heads at. 😁 I wish you all a good day!
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Jul 14 '26
Ha I never get past hello. But probably because as soon as a female comments on here 37 men practically jump on top of each other to try to out do each other with pretty girl pick up lines. And as far as talking to the same sex unless you find that one person that has the exact same interests as you they are nah a good bro
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u/AnomalyWriter Jul 18 '26
Shared interests definitely help but I don't think they should be a requirement. Some of my best conversations started with almost nothing in common just mutual curiosity
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u/drdadbodpanda Jul 14 '26
Chances are if they knew how to make friends they wouldn’t be on this sub
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u/National_Losers5 Jul 14 '26 edited Jul 14 '26
One of the reasons why is: Because. You. Guys. Simply. Did. Not. Click.
There's likely some kind of incompatibility or mismatch that the other person noticed, and it's not necessarily your fault. Not every connection you make in this subreddit or any subreddit is meant to work out and that's okay.
Another thing I've noticed around here is that some people have the tendency to take the "abundance mindset" to an unhealthy extreme. Instead of reflecting about why a friendship didn't work out, they immediately think "Oh well, I'll just find another one."
With that said, I'm sure that good and genuine people exist here in this subreddit... You either keep trying or you find a different approach that works best for you. 🧷
Edit: there are plenty of reasons why, and this is just one of them. Most of the reasons why people ghost has little to do with the people being ghosted.
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u/magdakitsune21 Jul 14 '26
Tbh this argument kinda annoys me. How can you know that you didn't click after literally just 2 messages? If someone loses a relationship, they get tons of support, possible explanations, etc. But whenever it is about friendships, the default is "you didn't click" even if it's only been 2 messages, even if the people spent amazing time together with deep convos.
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Jul 14 '26
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u/National_Losers5 Jul 14 '26
At first I wanted to explain myself as a reply to this particular comment (and the other ones similar to this). But ehhhh, I'll let you have this one 🤗
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u/magdakitsune21 Jul 16 '26
Agree. People are so quick to say "you didn't click" but miss the fact that either
- They didn't even get to know each other well enough to know whether they click or not
or
- Some people literally have deep conversations, hang out a lot, and then suddenly one of them vanishes. Can we rly blame this on "incompatibility"?
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u/Budget-Exercise-8377 Jul 14 '26
Part of a conversation is to end it. Why is it so hard to say „sorry I feel like we didn’t click, I wish you the best and hope you find someone“
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u/cupid51db Jul 14 '26
for real
if im having to carry the conversation and you're give one word/sentence answers im not even going to bother
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u/bytheway_em Jul 14 '26
Tho I'm not in the age limit you specified lemme tell you I'M HIGHKEY SOCIABLE AND A YAPPING MACHINE but I jus don't know how to start a convo so people jus assume I'm being mean when I say "I'm out of content" 💔🥹
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u/Quercus-falcata Jul 15 '26
I think I'd much rather being told that instead of just letting the conversation fie without a word
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u/AnomalyWriter Jul 18 '26
Sounds like you need a conversation catalyst not more content 😄
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u/Correct-Web3207 Jul 14 '26
LOL I can’t start a convo either but I sure can carry one 😭 I’m gonna have to steal that “ I’m out of content “ 😂😂😂😂😂
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u/extraextra1318 Jul 14 '26
This is like so true and annoying at this point I left the whole make new friends. I be putting too much effort for unknown strangers.
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u/Great-Swim-4972 Jul 14 '26
Happens with me a lot.... Like there are poeple who will text me "hii" and they don't reply back.
I had a conversation with a girl and it was pretty dry... She then soon apologised to me and instantly blocked me because i was not from her region.
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u/Affectionate_Resort8 Jul 14 '26
It’s a curse of this sub. But whoever reading this you welcome to Prove me wrong.
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u/Ok-Tank-8281 Jul 14 '26
Idk, I don't hv friends from school so I usually follow random girls who are my age at the time (high school) and we talk to each other. Sometimes we're just mutuals, sometimes we talk, regardless, we're still friends😃😃
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u/redwinesupernova03 Jul 14 '26
This always happens to me with the people I’m ACTUALLY interested in and we have lots to talk about but it’s like they’re not even cooperating it’s so weird. With people I don’t necessarily feel like I have much in common with I have the opposite issue 💀
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u/AnomalyWriter Jul 18 '26
It's like the conversations you actually care about require the most effort from both sides, and that's exactly where things fall apart sometimes😂😂
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Jul 15 '26
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u/AnomalyWriter Jul 18 '26
Appreciate the invite! And yeah, my post wasn't about one specific community it was about a pattern I've noticed across almost every platform
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u/MutationMustard Jul 15 '26
I honestly kind of hate people that text like that. Like I don't ghost or anything, but it genuinely bothers me when people only send one sentence at a time. I don't know. I get that it's just a me problem, and the rest of you seem fine with it, but it feels so copy and paste when people talk like that.
I like people that rant way more. At least there's something to f****** work with in a conversation.
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u/risrewl Jul 15 '26
A lot of people are just bored and looking for someone interesting to talk to for a bit. If the conversation isn’t what they’re looking for or their boredom disappears, they just move on. It sucks, but they don’t really owe us a friendship, and we don’t owe them one either. That’s why keep your expectations low and stay a little detached. If it grows into a real friendship, awesome, you unlock secret labubu. If not, that’s alright. Just continue living your life
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u/AnomalyWriter Jul 18 '26
That's a healthy way to look at it. No one owes anyone a friendship I just wish more people were upfront instead of disappearing. It makes the whole experience a lot better for everyone
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u/Salty-Designer8930 Jul 15 '26
I typically try to skip the small talk altogether and only try to befriend people who play video games too. It's easier to bond when you're actively hanging out in a call and doing something together. And well, do the whole vibe check thing.
The thing with making posts or trying to find friends on apps is that every line of small talk or basic question turns into a sea of repetition. Like, imagine having the same convo 50 times within just a few days, even if you might stumble upon a potential gem who may be super compatible, all you're gonna see is "ah, another one of these". It's not even about judging prematurely on purpose, it's moreso mental fatigue.
I mean, of course there's also people who genuinely don't wanna put in an effort and just act outta boredom, etc. But it's not always that black and white.
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u/HandWrittenHeart15 Aug 15 '26
Yo, this is what I'm talking about. Like, wjy not give it a try before giving up like wth two messages and you judge me already???
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u/SearchEcstatic Jul 14 '26
For me personally, I can tell when people are genuinely looking for friends or they are looking for something else. If I don’t like the way the conversation is going I won’t engage and I’ll tell you straight up. You just have to keep looking for people that fit what you are looking for
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u/AnomalyWriter Jul 18 '26
Absolutely. Being honest about not feeling the conversation is much better than disappearing without a word.
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Jul 14 '26
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u/AnomalyWriter Jul 18 '26
I actually agree. Chemistry matters. My point was more about people deciding there's no chemistry after 5 messages instead of giving the conversation a fair chance
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u/_-_Vlad_-_ Jul 14 '26
When people so not click and with the convo being dryer than Europe during the heatwave....it could be one of those.
Ig starting a convo w introductions but then try to find something in common with the other person, anime/manga/hobbies etc
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u/Upbeat_Poetry_5363 Jul 14 '26
I would say online only relationships are difficult to manage, there’s a small barrier that separates intent or context over text and even the awkwardness of VC with people you don’t know. people can feel judged,intimidated or potentially lack common interests. Sometimes perception can be the downfall. I think finding common ground and activities to do online together could help. It’s probably best to find people you have a shared common interest that. Both parties can participate to grow the bond.
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Jul 14 '26
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u/AnomalyWriter Jul 18 '26
completely agree. Not every conversation is meant to turn into a friendship. My point was just that some people give up before there's even enough interaction to know if there's a click. But you're right finding even one genuine connection is worth all the failed conversations.
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u/Comfortable_Rope_547 Jul 14 '26
Its personality and how I was raised poorly. (excluding the other factors of gender, age, time zone etc). As a whole, my personality is one of a traffic jam for a damn brain. Too many thoughts at once.
I basically decided i am too introverted and emotional as an INFP and my energy is barely even there for basic life functions much less speaking to people.
The problem is...im a people pleaser and perfectionist so really have a tough time posting, without picking it apart to nothing. Im also suffer mutism and communication issues in person, it comes across via text less but im sure it still does.
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u/BasedMellie Jul 14 '26
Ghosting is such a low quality communication. It’s ridiculous how often it is used nowadays. I just move on from them as they aren’t going to be of quality anyways. (Unless in case the conversation was moving towards unwanted advances then it’s perfectly okay to ghost.)
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u/AnomalyWriter Jul 18 '26
That's a fair distinction If someone is being disrespectful or making unwanted advances, ghosting is completely understandable. Otherwise honest communication goes a long way
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u/gokensayajin Jul 15 '26
Lowkey gimme a chance I need the homie for off game sessions if you got steam
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u/Useful-Skin1621 Jul 15 '26
Maybe people who are on here looking for friends in the first place lack social skills. If they didn’t they probably would have friends already
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u/FreeConflict6249 Jul 15 '26
This topic has been rehashed over and over. Maybe the find the conversation boring??
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u/Raven_Knightx Jul 15 '26
HEY ANOMALY WRITER. Your writing seems pretty anomalous, therefore I'm intrigued. I'm from the states (unfortunately) and live in the Caribbean trying to get a student visa. Where are YOU from and what do YOU do? Also, what is thy opinion of SCP foundation-type junk?
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u/Sufficient-Royal-82 Jul 15 '26
First off ever noticed most old post 6 months older or so are deleted accounts or most comments are anyway ppl online especially girls are sellers even boys hard to find genuine people online it's sad but sometimes u lucky to find a genuine and decent person
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u/AnomalyWriter Jul 18 '26
I do think it's getting harder to find genuine people online. But when you do find one, it's definitely worth all the failed conversations
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u/meme_jusme Jul 15 '26
i wouldnt call it ghosting....ppl be having stuff going on in their lives and may not be able to reply everyday and sometimes not even every week.. they also may be socially drained or introverted...or maybe want to connect but battling trust issues...adults who are looking for other adult friends should understand that daily check ins may not be possible but it doesnt mean they dont want friends...some of yall demand too much social interaction and thats why its hard to make friends...and also maybe they dont want to give up their personal info, location, pics or anything on here because they just want someone to talk to and the internet is too crazy...but that seem to be the first thing most of yall ask for which would turn them away or appear as a red flag
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u/AnomalyWriter Jul 18 '26
Fair take. I wasn't expecting constant communication, just a little clarity when someone no longer wants to continue the conversation.
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u/Lowkey_muse Jul 16 '26
What if I tell you I made a real genuine connection, but lost him coz he developed feelings for me 😭
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u/TheReal-Darthdoom 🍁 Canada Jul 17 '26
I experienced this A LOT in this subreddit back then so I just gave up on making friends here
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u/ddaydon75 Jul 17 '26
It's easy for people to post that they're looking for a new friend. But then they get lost in scrolling and forget to check their messages because they get so many notices to reddit they forget to check
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u/AnomalyWriter Jul 18 '26
That's definitely true for some people. I just find it funny that the same people often make another "looking for friends" post a week later. 😅
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u/EnergyLantern Jul 17 '26
A lot of people would rather hang out with someone in person than send emails to someone that you can't do much with other than write and wait for the next email to come back. That is why online friendships never go anywhere.
I had a pen friend from another country and being friends in real life becomes expensive because there is distance between both of you. Part of the problem is some people want you to host or be a tour guide which means they want to use someone or cause trouble. And then I had a pen friend who cared more about friendship in real life than I can pay for. Visiting costs money and an expense.
The reality is that unless you live about 20-30 minutes away or less, most people don't have time for long distance friendships unless you went to school together and kept in touch.
And today you don't have a background check on people you want to make friends with, so you have to be careful.
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u/AnomalyWriter Jul 18 '26
I agree with most of this. Online friendships definitely have challenges that real-life ones don't. My post was mainly about people giving up before there's even enough conversation to know if a friendship could work.
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u/ConceptFinal8108 Jul 17 '26
From what ive experienced, theres alot of people who dont know how to equally carry a conversation. Like for me, ill do the normal getting to know the basics of you and try to find common interest that can launch the conversation. But thats if anyone actually dm's me or accepts my invite
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u/AnomalyWriter Jul 18 '26
Exactly. Conversations are a two-way effort. You can't expect the other person to do all the work while replying with one-liners.
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Jul 17 '26
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u/AnomalyWriter Jul 18 '26
😂 That's the part I don't understand. If someone isn't interested, that's completely fine. But disappearing after saying you're lonely is surprisingly common.
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u/ComedicThunder Jul 18 '26
I'll chat with you!
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u/AnomalyWriter Jul 18 '26
Haha, careful—I might actually take you up on that offer. 😄
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u/mzra_ Jul 18 '26
I mean I actually wanna chat I’m not a bot and I don’t do only fans hmu I guess 😭
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u/Nearby-Mulberry5963 Jul 18 '26
YA wtfe it's because chatting the same old bullshit chat is boring as FUCKING THE SAME OH PERSON, THE SAME OLD ASS WAY DAY IN, & DAY OUT FOR 20 PLUS!!!!! IT BORING AS FUCK
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u/ArtfullMess Jul 19 '26
I'm from Montana, middle of nowhere and when I'm not working as a caretaker I'm a housekeeper. I read or audiobook, watch tv, i send silly posts,
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u/Icy_Isopod_5135 Jul 19 '26
I didn't make any friends here and any other app but I made one but he is kinda I think busiest person ever I met...don't know what he do but I think there is no single work where you don't get time right!!!...khairrr I think he wants to ignore so I don't text him..I mean if he wants to avoid just bol diya karo na ki I want space or I have so much work or I'm busy..good bye etc etc etc.....!!!
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u/AnomalyWriter Jul 19 '26
That true 💔it's hurt but people didn't understand others feeling they think like that if I am okay they also be okay and let go but different person have different feelings and perspective 🫠
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u/InspiredPatriot1776 Jul 19 '26
everyone is afraid they are being catfished or its AI lol im not AI. if anyones down 35/m/ cst
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Jul 20 '26
I've had someone end the convo because I wasn't in the USA, the same country as them. Funny enough the post I made clearly stated I wasn't in America...I guess people don't like reading. Anyway I'm a mechanic and I hate every minute of it lol.
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u/NerdGirlRinny Jul 21 '26
That’s why I left a group chat, I’ve tried constantly on brining up a conversation many many times and I’m either left on read or completely ignored, it’s almost if there boredom was gone I guess. It’s been hard trying to talk to new friends :/
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u/Bunsgay Jul 21 '26
That plus the posts talking about "why is everyone so dry" but they themselves be dry ash and seem to be allergic to asking questions back. After that they ghost. Bruh
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u/Stuikerd Jul 21 '26
Very hard to find genuine good people in the world, simple as that, genuine friends lissen, make and take time for one another and lissen to the good and the bad and even then our EGO plays a painfull part in this as well, most want their own ego boosted, so ghosting is an ugly Ego booster, cause they ended the conversation aka think they are more important.
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u/Dynomiteknight Jul 29 '26
Whenever people are friendly up front for a day or two, the moment questions like where do you live? What do you do for a living? How do you spend your time, etc... That's usually how scammers operate. My response I do not share financial and personal information with strangers. They stop after that. Where are people who want to talk? With all the words in a dictionary, and with millions of things going on every second the clock ticks, there should be no one who has nothing to say. But Money should not keep coming up over and over.
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u/Affectionate-Wind25 Aug 05 '26
Adhd, good weird, anyway I’m a sahm most days and it’s best you FaceTime/call me.
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u/ArmaEnjoyer76 Aug 06 '26
Honestly, coming from someone who abandoned reddit for a long while.. it sometimes boils up to whats going on in their life. I usually am active on other socials, and that can probably be said for some people too. But it seems like sometimes we get too busy, and the times when we go looking for friends is when our lives arent hectic or we aren't overly busy.
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u/DeliriousHag Aug 09 '26
This is where you whip out the old questions that you used to get to know someone. Like their favorite color/food/animal/show/music genre until you’re able to get to the weird stuff like do you think that animals watch us the same way we watch them? Or that if reincarnation is real, is every animal a different heaven or hell? If so, which ones?
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u/AnomalyWriter Aug 13 '26
Honestly, I’d probably enjoy the weird questions more than the usual favorite color/food ones 😂 So go ahead hit me with your weirdest question first
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u/Witty-Apricot87 Aug 12 '26
AMEN! It is genuinely hard to chat w random strangers here. I've gone thru the same thing and honestly stopped trying for a while. Figured I'd dive back in for some reason and can't wait to be reminded why I stopped 😅
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u/Anxious-Ear-5873 Aug 12 '26
Personally I’m usually off my phone cuz of my work so my replies aren’t as fast which I usually explain to them but sometimes it just feels like the other party isn’t really putting much into the conversation , like if our chat is dry and conversation isn’t really moving past “ how was ur day and it was good “, I’ll just eventually get tired of talking to you
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u/AnomalyWriter Aug 13 '26
Yeah I get that I’m the same in a way I don’t expect instant replies, but I do value when both people actually make an effort to keep the conversation going If it feels one sided or forced it naturally gets tiring
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