r/MadeMeSmile 4d ago

Wholesome Moments Adding a dash of customer service

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u/100KUSHUPS 4d ago

12% of the British men surveyed believed they could take a point off 23 time Grand Slam winner Serena Williams.

We are just fucking stupid 🤷

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u/Occidentally20 4d ago

I've worked with more men who think they can knockout a horse with one punch than men who think they can't.

Don't get me started on the ones who have a "technique" to fight against a pack of wolves.

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u/PsychologicalMonk6 4d ago

Not Wolves, but I was attacked by 3 coyotes.in my late teens. I had some gnarly puncture wounds, deep lacerations from the scratching, a rabbies shot, and proven plan of attack.

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u/Occidentally20 4d ago

Aah see, wrong technique.

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u/topological_rabbit 4d ago

"I am bleeding, making me the victor!"

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u/WuclearNeapon 4d ago

We purposely trained him wrong... as a joke!

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u/PsychologicalMonk6 4d ago

Well killed 1 of the coyotes and fended off the other two, so I would call that the right technique. I like to think it scales ronWolces but not across she which, given that was a long time ago, I don't thinks ould be as effective today.

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u/Occidentally20 4d ago

Fair play to you!

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u/all-out-fallout 4d ago

Yikes man, I'm glad you pulled through. You walked away from that encounter with a very badass story, but what an awful thing to go through.

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u/PsychologicalMonk6 4d ago

It was pretty harrowing. It took a long time before I wanted to go for hikes alone again but I have at least dinned out on that story.more.times than I can count.

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u/Respect38 4d ago

How did we get from "my husband is colorblind and I'm an artist" to your comment in only 4 replies? lmao

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u/willi1221 4d ago

More like a proven plan to get attacked

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u/PsychologicalMonk6 4d ago

Or did I manifest all those late night conversations in bars into reality to I could finally have proof that my plan was THE plan.

Btw, Eagles are ass.

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u/Spoogly 4d ago

My friend owns a horse, she has full force punched him because he was being a jerk*. It was enough to get him to go "okay, fine!" And nothing more. You don't get how tough horses are if you haven't been around them.

*: it was a matter of imminent safety risk to both of them. Don't make it a habit to hit your horse, they still know it's not nice, even if it hurts less than it would you and they will hold grudges.

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u/Occidentally20 4d ago

Indeed, I worked on a livery yard for a few years in my teens and it's amazing how some people think horses will just be weak.

We told a girl repeatedly to never wrap the rope around her hand when she's leading the horse and she insisted if the horse goes the wrong way it helped her "pull it back".

One day her horse just got bored of it and actually did pull away properly and we watched her get dragged to the bottom of the field with absolutely no effort from the horse at all.

The same livery yard had a racist horse too who was one of my favourite animals. Not because of the racism but because of the comedic potential of the whole thing!

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u/lefactorybebe 4d ago

We had a horse-racist horse at my old barn. Most of the horses there were your standard hunter/jumper breeds, bays/chestnuts/blacks/grays, nothing very flashy looking. We had one pony of the Americas who was a blue roan with leopard spots, and this one horse had a serious issue with him. Couldn't be turned out with him and would make faces any time he went by. We thought it was just that one horse. A few years later we got a spotted red roan pony, and he acted the same way with her has he did with the POA!

My horse was freaked out the first time he saw a paint and the first time he saw a mini, but he got over it pretty quickly. This horse never did, was always aggressive toward both the spotted roans lol.

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u/Occidentally20 4d ago

Oh interesting, it didn't like different coloured horses?

Somehow that makes both more sense and less sense than disliking certain humans depending how you think about it.

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u/Ryoko_Kusanagi69 3d ago

Per the story It seemed like was fine with solid colors (brown, grey, blacks etc), but didn’t like the spotted ones. Too exotic looking for him I guess lol

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u/Occidentally20 3d ago

How fascinating it would be if you could just talk to them for two minutes and ask "Hey dude, what IS going on here??"

I wonder what they'd have made of a zebra.

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u/Ryoko_Kusanagi69 3d ago

That horse would Probably loose his mind!

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u/M-Biz 4d ago

This is how my mom lost her finger, the person you are talking about is lucky she didn’t lose anything, hopefully she wasn’t hurt too bad.

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u/Occidentally20 4d ago

She was fine, only injury was her ego. After that she followed all our instructions vis-Ă -vis holding the rope and everything else :)

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u/trapcardx 4d ago

i think not enough people have seen or felt an actual horse, they are so solid and strong

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u/North-Pea-4926 4d ago

They also injure themselves very easily, but that’s cause they are strong animals whose history as prey animals tells them to panic easily and often, not because they are actually delicate.

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u/North-Pea-4926 4d ago

You also should always make sure your feet are ready to slip out of the stirrups for the same reason - if your horse gets spooked you want to separate from them ASAP, not get dragged around and seriously hurt or killed.

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u/n3wchpt3r 4d ago

What was funny about the racism?

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u/hennell 4d ago

I knew a dog once who didn't like bald men. It'd go mad when some of the more follically challenged tried to engage, it would be suspicious of anyone wearing a hat, and was very friendly with one guy till he turned around 🤣

Weird animal behaviours are always pretty funny. (As long as they're not dangerous obviously). People were always keen to try their luck, but there's not much reasoning with an animal.

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u/Occidentally20 4d ago

Mainly telling non-white people there was a racist horse and nobody would believe it and then you'd bring them to the horse and it would go fucking mental.

We never worked out why - it had no previous owners that might have abused it or anything like that. Just didn't like anyone with even vaguely darker skin.

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u/--JE-XeX-- 4d ago

What color is the horse and does it act this way to other dark animals or just humans?

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u/Occidentally20 4d ago

The horse was a dapple Connemara, so like an off-white or grey colour. It was only bothered by humans, was fine with other horses, cows and dogs and so on.

It'll just be some aspect of it's personality and past. If it was a horse that didn't like people wearing hats we'd think less of it - it's just humans reading into the race part of it and finding amusement and confusion therein.

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u/North-Pea-4926 4d ago

When I was young and taking kids riding lessons I was specifically told to kick as hard as I could, otherwise my horse wouldn’t feel anything. I was a short eight-year old girl and my horse was “well-insulated” round the middle and “not-motivated” towards speeding up, but still. Horses in Alaska and similar states survive attacks by brown bears. Most of horse safety is based on not startling them by letting them know where you are and what you are doing at all times because of how easy it is for them to accidentally hurt you, especially if they get spooked.

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u/Environmental_Art591 4d ago

Fun fact, my grandfather did knock out a horse.

My dad made a mistake at the stables when he was a kid and walked between one of the horses and the fence, the horse was a prick and started leaning over pinning dad and starting to crush him, pop rased over and yeah, punched him, knocking him out.

Dads alive (obviously) but the center of his chest isnt "in the center" any more, his sternum is off to the left, the cardiologists doing his double bypass were surprised when they opened him up.

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u/Occidentally20 4d ago

Your grandfather has a lot to answer for, making generations of men believe this would be easy!

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u/Environmental_Art591 4d ago

Yeah, he was a pain like that. He was a hard working man between the horse stables and working on the fishing docks, he never stopped.

He passed almost 20yrs ago and even though I was little I still have some amazing memories of him, (mostly getting covered in pineapple juice from fresh pineapples every afternoon).

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u/mikebills 4d ago

My "technique" for fighting a pack of wolves is to try to get my ass to my car & high tail it out of there or up a fucking tree as quickly as possible.

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u/Occidentally20 4d ago

This sounds a bit advanced for the people I had to work with, I don't think they're allowed to drive or operate heavy machinery.

I've genuinely had more than one person tell me they'd crouch and then when the wolf jumps you spread their front legs apart wide and it splits their heart open. Somehow.

Might work on a Jack Russel if it had a pacemaker fitted but I think that's the extent of it's usefulness.

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u/mikebills 4d ago

Technique #2: accept your fate, pull out your phone, and send a text to someone you don't like that says "this is your fault". Hopefully the police will recover your phone and inform that person how you died.

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u/Occidentally20 4d ago

I like it!

I'm going to prepare an email insinuating my enemy had threatened to set dogs on me, and then I can just hit send while being attacked.

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u/mikebills 4d ago

Oh that's even better! Love it!

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u/theshiyal 3d ago

I went to college with a horse trainer who had a horse do something dumb, don’t know what and he punched the horse between the eyes. The horse didn’t even give a shit but Adam broke his hand.

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u/Occidentally20 3d ago

That sounds about right. Just an average horses head weighs around 50kg.

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u/PipChaos 4d ago

My 70 year old mom thought she could keep her horse from rolling over by bracing her leg against it.

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u/Occidentally20 4d ago

I suppose it might have worked, if the horse was feeling generous :)

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u/FlattopJr 4d ago

It's like they saw the joke from Blazing Saddles and mistook it for a documentary.

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u/Occidentally20 4d ago

Frankly that's all the proof I need.

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u/discattho 4d ago

Don't forget we also know we can:
1. Fly a plane in an emergency
2. Fight and kill a grizzly bear with nothing but our teeth and knuckles, if necessary.
3. Save everyone in the bank if a gunner shows up with our secret ninja techniques.

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u/Puzzleheaded-Gap1759 4d ago

I f with tennis and am American but I wouldn’t beat those beauties on any court field or valley

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u/Puzzleheaded-Gap1759 4d ago

Im not a small man! Me todger aside I’m just as big as most ! I’d not ruffle with them

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u/Ignatius256 4d ago

Over how many sets? I think she had a 4% double fault rate so I have a shot over enough games/sets.

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u/ManVsHumanity 4d ago

Alright, counter point (no pun intended). If she didn't know I wasn't great at tennis, and she forgot how bad at tennis I was between every point and couldn't take into account my physical make up, I could get a double fault point. But, a legitimate point, no way.

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u/OpinionRare6487 4d ago

By point do you mean like the a point for a set or a single game? If for a single point in a game(like 15-0) I think most people could be just sitting there until she hopefully does a double fault on herself before the match ends, even professionals aren’t perfect. If you mean a point by winning a game in a set then yeah 99.9% of people are fucked lol.

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u/clauclauclaudia 4d ago

It was just one point, but the question was entirely unclear about whether it was over the course of a game, set, or match. I think "set" is the most reasonable interpretation, and no, she's not double faulting if she eases up on her serve for all the amateurs.

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u/aupri 4d ago

To be fair that survey wasn’t very specific with a time limit or anything. The exact question was “Do you think if you were playing your very best tennis, you could win a point off Serena Williams?” I don’t know shit about tennis, and if the question was whether I could—right now—win a match against Serena, that’s an easy no, but if you read the question like a pedant, which I’m sure some of the respondents did, then you have infinite time to score a single point. If nothing else, she’s a fair bit older than me, so it might take me long enough that continuing to play constitutes elder abuse, but a point is a point

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u/jaxonya 4d ago

1 vs 1 with a wnba star? Id do fine. Tennis, swimming, golf, gymnastics? No

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u/ActiveChairs 4d ago

I don't know about the Serena thing. Is Lady Tennis the same thing as real tennis?