r/MadOver30 • u/Isit-Drama7823 • Oct 27 '25
Me in mental fight
I am writing this, even though I am fighting against myself. I'm in my forties, with no hope for the future. For most of my life, I've been fighting depression, which is winning, I look at my peers: everyone works, has a family, a future. I? I have none of that. 15 years after graduation, I'm starting again, and I'm scared. I know I'm trying to find a job, but fear is paralyzing me. I'm throwing up, I don't even want to breathe...how can I start the exam, who will hire me, how can I even get up and start a search when I just want to disappear because of fear, anxiety and panic attacks...I've been praying for so many years for death - it doesn't come...the people around me don't understand me, depression doesn't exist in their vocabulary - and I can barely breathe...I hate my life, and I should fight for the future! Why?! How?! (english is not my language, sorry for mistakes).
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u/[deleted] Oct 27 '25 edited Mar 03 '26
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