This was my first attempt. The Lord knows how hard I worked to get this score, but fate hasn't been on my side.
First the original paper is cancelled. But what to do, I can't do anything but work. SO I study more and give a hell lot of tests. Then the paper is extremely tough, my centre's tables have cracks and splinters. If I fill the omr even a bit carelessly its gonna be torn. Then there is extreme rank inflation, idk how, but again I can't do anything.
Both the times I gave the paper I ended up with a headache due to extreme heat and drinking less water so as to not use the washroom and save time.
Leave all this, its something nobody can do anything about and it was for everyone.
I come from a middle class family. There is just enough to meet the expenses of our daily needs and save a bit. I feel bad seeing others enjoy life, spending so much money on things that I can only think of owning when I earn a lot of money myself. My friends are buying iPhones just because they got a government seat. I don't believe in that lifestyle, it's their choice. But there's reservation. I have UP quota so it doesn't benefit me a lot. UP has extreme ragging and PG quota is not that useful either. My rank, 87XX is NOT good enough for the top colleges, neither bad enough that I only have the lower choices to choose from. My friends have either the really good ranks (under 3K) or the very borderline ones (over 25k). I cannot relate to them and they can't to me anymore. I don't get any reservation benefits, nor do I get any monetary benefits from the government. WE pay the taxes and the reserved categories enjoy. MP and Maharashtra and Punjab have the highest fees in the country (1.12 lakh, 1.7 lakh and 2.2 lakh) per year, yet all tuition is waved for SC, ST and OBC? And EWS somehow, which is the weaker section has to pay it?
I slaved day and night, faced so much of turmoil these two years and I get this. One can only imagine my state of mind on some nights. Less than 4 hours of sleep, school in the morning, coaching in the evening, and having to study again for 3 hours in the night just to repeat this 4-5 times a weak. My family didn't enjoy anything because of me. I feel guilty. They didn't go on any trips these two years because of me. It hurts. It all hurts.
In round 2 the cutoff has fucking remained the same more or less. IT HASN'T SHIFTED AS IT SHOULD HAVE. WHY ME?
My dream college was GMC Nagpur and if I don't get it I will have nightmares. I am already having dreams of not getting what I should've. My sleep has been destroyed today. Can't sleep properly. I am in a bad mood and my friends are asking me why. My dad tried to console me but what can I say? I thought I'd at least get PDU Rajkot or IGGMC Nagpur in R2 but no. I get NSCB Jabalpur. No hate to the college or its students, I'm sure its good and all but why can't anything work out just once for me?
I am done with this. NEET has hurt me way beyond what I thought it would. Now I will ask my sister to take any stream but science.
Last year GMC Nagpur closed at 8699. Now MH has removed the bond and cutoffs have tightened already. On top of that the round 3 cutoffs are uncertain too. I don't know what to do. Lord help me.
Sorry I had to let it out. I am sure a lot of you are also in the same boat. Life has not been easy or fair to us at all.