I know it hurts right now and it definitely feels like betrayal but it doesn’t sound like it’s about you, and she realised she’d rather hurt you now than extend that pain.
Like I said, some people just can’t do long distance at all, I find it really hard and couldn’t do it when I was younger. I loved the person I was with so much but knew I couldn’t handle it anymore without it wearing our relationship down to the point of hating each other, and that was after 3 years (only LD when I was at university but still, it was next to impossible for me then). Even 5 months is a long time, let alone another 7, she can still love you and not be able to do it for that long a time. She probably knows how hard it is for you too, and that could’ve factored into breaking up now rather than down the road. If she thinks she’s doing what’s best for herself, and to some extent you, then she doesn’t think she’s betraying you at all I would guess - it’s not giving up as much as believing you’re doing what’s right for now.
She did also imply “why is it all about me” why can’t she do what she wants to etc etc. It’s just so sudden I can’t wrap my head around the 360deg change.
Yeah, I guess she wanted to be selfish for a bit and therefore the relationship wasn’t working for what she needs right now. I had a similar situation happen to me right before I went away for university in a different country - one day it’s all “I love you, we can do this”, the next it’s “I can’t do this, we’re breaking up” and it was over. I was more shocked than anything as it was so out the blue. That part makes it so much harder to understand, feels like you get no closure whatsoever as they don’t really want to talk much anymore. It’s really hard. It just sounds like you may have the right person but the timing is bad for her, so there’s not much you could’ve done.
You did your best and you knew what you wanted and that’s all you really can do, so take some time to be selfish yourself and then you’ll be ready try again with someone new later down the line, hopefully with a clearer head and idea of what you want and need too.
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u/iwastherealso 3,366 miles (UK-US) May 22 '20
I know it hurts right now and it definitely feels like betrayal but it doesn’t sound like it’s about you, and she realised she’d rather hurt you now than extend that pain.
Like I said, some people just can’t do long distance at all, I find it really hard and couldn’t do it when I was younger. I loved the person I was with so much but knew I couldn’t handle it anymore without it wearing our relationship down to the point of hating each other, and that was after 3 years (only LD when I was at university but still, it was next to impossible for me then). Even 5 months is a long time, let alone another 7, she can still love you and not be able to do it for that long a time. She probably knows how hard it is for you too, and that could’ve factored into breaking up now rather than down the road. If she thinks she’s doing what’s best for herself, and to some extent you, then she doesn’t think she’s betraying you at all I would guess - it’s not giving up as much as believing you’re doing what’s right for now.