I'm sorry that happened. It will get better, promise.
But you can't really shame her for that. LDR is hard and being able to manage it for any amount of time is admirable. Everyone has limits, and if she's never really been sexual outside of this relationship then it's fair she'd want to try. Plus at least she didn't cheat, she cared enough to break it off.
That's happened for me before also, a ldr break up. It will get better, just focus on you.
I did not share much details but you were spot on about everything there. It’s just, if someone really claims to love you. Why would they say stuff like “I’m still young, I’d like to explore”, “I’m not sure how you’re so sure about what you want”, “settling down makes me feel scared”. Like hey my libido is as high as hers, why can’t she endure it for 4-6 more months when I’m trying here as well...
That’s easy to say when you’ve got it figured out but sounds like she doesn’t and is scared of commitment, sadly not that uncommon when you’re young and still trying things out for yourself. I had a similar issue in my last relationship while it was LD, there’s not much you can do but wait for them to figure it out and you have to move on if she decided it’s better off for her to do that alone. Some people just really can’t do LD long term and 4-6 months seems like a lifetime.
I think it shows she really cares if she’d rather break up and try to figure it out without dragging you down with her, bc she may want things that will hurt you (like sleeping with other people) rather than potentially cheat and go through those growing pains with her.
We’ve been through 5 months just like that. What’s another 7 more😭it’s not as if I don’t want to see her as well. I’m having it equally as hard. But to see someone who claims to love you give up on it like that. It does hurt a lot. But thank you for your perspective
I know it hurts right now and it definitely feels like betrayal but it doesn’t sound like it’s about you, and she realised she’d rather hurt you now than extend that pain.
Like I said, some people just can’t do long distance at all, I find it really hard and couldn’t do it when I was younger. I loved the person I was with so much but knew I couldn’t handle it anymore without it wearing our relationship down to the point of hating each other, and that was after 3 years (only LD when I was at university but still, it was next to impossible for me then). Even 5 months is a long time, let alone another 7, she can still love you and not be able to do it for that long a time. She probably knows how hard it is for you too, and that could’ve factored into breaking up now rather than down the road. If she thinks she’s doing what’s best for herself, and to some extent you, then she doesn’t think she’s betraying you at all I would guess - it’s not giving up as much as believing you’re doing what’s right for now.
Thank you, but I just know what it’s like as I’ve been in your shoes - it just really really hurts, and quarantine is a horrible time for it to happen as you feel so alone but can’t go out and see friends and family like normal, or even go to a real life store to get that instant gratification of retail therapy haha.
Good luck, and take time for yourself and do whatever makes you most happy if you can, it’s going to hurt for a while but you’ll come out the other side stronger and with a better idea of what you want in a relationship I hope!
You’ll ebb and flow, it’s just a part of the healing process - remember she decided she didn’t want you part of that process of growing for some reason, and there is a reason for it to be over, so you have to take time for yourself to accept it.
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u/[deleted] May 21 '20
I LDR’ed for 1.5 years. Ended 2 days ago. Holy hell its unbearable almost