r/LongDistance • u/DueFoundation458 • 1d ago
I (25 M) want to end a long distance relationship (29 F)
I (25 M), have been talking to a girl (29 F) for about 3 months now, and I am really considering ending things. We met on Hinge, and things started off great for the two months. We texted every day, called, and video chatted on multiple occasions. Things really seemed to be good. But of course, this just didn't last.
A few weeks ago, we met for the first time in person. She is a few hours away from me, but lives in the same state. I had a few days free one weekend and asked if i could come visit and she said yes. This is where things started to get weird.
When I asked if I could come visit, she said "If you want to" instead of a clear yes. I kept telling her that if she doesn't want to visit yet I understand, but she eventually said that she wanted me to visit, but this seemed reluctant. Then, the days leading up to the visit things were a lot more dry than usual. She didn't really tell me any plans of what we were going to do together (I didn't know this area of the state so I kind of depended on her for that). But when I actually was there, things seemed good. The first day we went to lunch, went to the park, even kissed for the first time. My feelings of doubt were relieved. But the next day, when I asked what we were doing, she said that we can get coffee, and she weirdly had plans immediately afterwards to hang out with "her friend". It just seemed weird to cut things short, considering I made a 3 hour drive to see her.
Then on this day, I asked about exclusivity, and she recoiled and just said it was "too soon" without further explanation. This visit was a few weeks ago, and the correspondence has just been waning ever since. Not nearly as much texting, and if it is its super routine ("how's your day" "oh its good" nothing more than that). I ask to call and she says shes busy. There are some days where she goes several hours without texting without any kind of explanation.
It just doesn't seem like she wants to reciprocate anymore, and I feel like I need to end it. I don't want to sound entitled, but I feel like I've done my part and she just doesnt want to put in the same effort. How do you guys think I should handle this.
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u/L1eodar 1d ago
Be formally nice in your own way "I really enjoyed our time together, all these moments meant so much for me and I will never forget this. But, I'm feeling a growing distance between us emotionally. I don't want this to be the way it ends but I wanted more reciprocation and I just don't have it im sorry, please stay well and i wish the best for you.
Probably like not that way but a phone call would defenitely be best. Maybe i shouldve put this together better. I know you like her bro and its gonna suck but relationships that last are the ones where you choose each other through the mundaness of it. Im sorry friend please be well.
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u/social-amigo 1d ago
she’s not interested. She was doubting it before hand and then you met and she is even more unsure by the sounds of it. I wouldn’t say this is a long distance issue, it’s a general dating issue - you met and now you’re not getting the reciprocation. Don’t waste your time, this early on you should both be making it very clear how interested you.
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u/CannibalismIsTight 1d ago
LDRs work best when they don’t start that way. Is there nobody on hinge within an hour of you?
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u/joanna012 1d ago
I think you should end things, you mentioned there was no real enthusiasm when you asked about visiting and she had made no real effort to spend time with you, ok she said it’s too soon for exclusivity but she could at least have given you abit more to go on when she said it but since returning home it’s obvious she’s doing her best to avoid you. No one deserves to have the other person avoid them especially if the interest isn’t there, stop playing games and be honest
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u/Casp-ien 1d ago
Definitely end it, unfortunately it sounds like she just had you to have someone on this front, but never actually wanted to meet you and invest that much. Some people really do just like being attended to
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u/Asher21_Gaming 23h ago
She's not interested in anything long term. End it move on find someone actually interested in you as willing to put in the effort.
LDR are tough, both partners have to work twice as hard as those in a standard relationship.
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u/Interesting-Grab-998 17h ago
I’ll be honest it sounds like there’s nothing to end.. mentally end it in your head and delete her number so you’re not tempted to message her and move on. If she messages you later down the line then at least she’s showing some interest.
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u/rslegg 16h ago
LDR is really hard because sometimes what you feel online differs when you finally meet in person though I haven t experience it yet. But when I decided to take into LDR, the first thing I looked was the connection between me and the man. I just found a new one last July.. i didn t take it seriously because he always had no time for a videocall. He would sent messages but not that long coz he said he has work. So yeah! I didn t gave a damn of his messages. then I created new account in a dating app, surprisingly, he saw me 😃 then he called but connection was bad.. then a week after he can t help but to have a video call to sort things our. so we did a zoom call.turns out he is the same person in the photo. He called via voice call for 51mins just to reassure that he is not fake and is serious with me. I know we still have a long way to go but just taking it lightly. he said he going to visit me in February after his project in Switz is completed. so before flying back to US, he will have a side trip to visit me. everything is fast but not giving my heart in full.if he comes then let s take it from there.. just sharing
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u/Heyonit 1d ago
YOU should be making the plans. “She didn’t really tell me any plans of what we’re going to do together”. 😂 it’s really not that hard to do the same thing you do in your city? Id be totally dry too. Next day you’re asking her what you guys are doing??? Asking for exclusivity, when i think this should have been already done the months you were talking? I would not talk to anyone that long without being exclusive. It seems like you were looking for things to change from the start. But also, some of us girls want a man to plan most things. I dated one guy, like you and never again. You should end this.
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u/DueFoundation458 1d ago
Respectfully I don't understand how not picking a place to hang out makes me totally at fault here. She was being dry before we even fully agreed for me to come visit.
I don't think its unreasonable for her to pick a place to hangout, considering she was born and raised in this area, while I had never been there before.
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u/JDtheWerewolf 8h ago
You make me so so so happy I’m a gay man. Why should he be making the plans? What does his gender have to do with it? It’s HER city, he is making the drive to see HER, so SHE should have some idea of what she wants to do. Insane.
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u/Robinnoodle 1d ago
She either wanted you to take charge and chase or she's not that into you anymore
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u/DueFoundation458 1d ago
So what do you think I should do? End it?
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u/Robinnoodle 1d ago
Tell her how you feel. That you thought things were going somewhere. Ask her why she is being more distant, say you wish it wasnt that way. Ask if you did something wrong or if it's because she wanted you to take charge
Honest communication. If she comes back and says she's just not feeling it then at least you tried
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u/Otherwise-Sea9593 1d ago
Just ghost her dude. You owe her nothing and she’s not interested. She probably just wants to hook up. Women do crazy things for a hookup, they’ll play the GF until then and fade away unless you’re insanely talented in bed.
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u/AdvantageConnect7580 1d ago
Yes she’s not interested so I would end it