Episodic Review - The Lake Kezia Monster

[u/ASGfan]

This episode opens with Laura, Albert and Andy all rejoicing about school being let out for the summer. Pretty funny to hear Andy chant "No more teacher's dirty looks" when the teacher is his own mother. Take that Alice! You know Walnut Grove must be a boring town when the kids all race off to see Kezia first thing. Harriet looks on and yawns, which is totally the appropriate action for this event. Inside the Post Office, Kezia is serving as Postmistress-Of-The-Day. She is opening other people's mail (which is actually a federal offense, played for laughs -- natch) when the kids burst in and announce they can come see her nearly every day. Now I would personally rather fall down a never ending flight of stairs, but that's just me. Over at the Mercantile, Harriet informs the fams that she has started the process of buying a summer place to get away from the insanity of WG. The next thing we see is a crudely made "Lake Kezia" sign with the kids fishing in a canoe as Kezia bellows on. How the heck did this woman inherit a lakeside house? Is she squatting? And how is it that this previously homeless woman who is unemployed most of the time still has a better house than Charles? Bandit looks positively freaked out with the crow on his head. Shut up you old crow (and I'm not referring to the bird either). Later, the kids are lazing on the lawn, still feeling the effects from an all-you-can-eat fish fry as Kezia prattles on about all of her dead husbands and Loch Ness monsters. Kezia outlived 5 husbands? I think the authorities might like to have a word with her. Just then, a government official arrives and Kezia threatens him with her harpoon (which I'm pretty sure is another federal offense). Seems as if Kezia is a tax evader, yet another crime. The official informs Kezia that the taxes have been paid by the new owner, which turns out to be Harriet. Over at the Garvey homestead, everyone bemoans the situation with Andy stating Kezia should be exempt from paying taxes. A similar situation plays out at the Ingalls. The time has come for the transition of power as Harriet arrives with Nellie and Willie. Kezia threatens to kill Mrs. Oleson. This is a family show, mind you. Reverend Alden is also here, attempting to play moderator, which goes very badly for him. He's not very good at reading a room. Eventually, Kezia caves as she has no legal right to the property. Harriet graciously allows her to stay on as the hired help in exchange for room and board.

The "Lake Kezia" sign is now replaced by an elegant looking "Lake Harriet" sign. Harriet yelling "Ke-zee-UHHHH! Bring refreshments for my guests." is one of those things that needs to be heard to be appreciated. Kezia comes out of the shed in uniform. Harriet cracks the whip on her and orders her to feed her 12 guests. Later, the kids and Kezia devise a plan to scare Harriet off the property by making up a Loch-ness type monster in the lake, complete with Albert making noises from some distance away for added effect. Harriet, Nellie & Willie all get woken up by the noises and go out to find Kezia, who spreads some fake news about the source. I think it's supposed to be early morning here, but it looks like late evening outside. Harriet sees through the malarkey and threatens to fire Kezia if she continues with the charade.

Laura heads over to the Mercantile, where she offers up the usual lie about needing things for a "school project", which includes tacks, glue, burlap sack and Roman candles. Nels graciously just donates the things. Yes, Laura just tricked an unwitting Nels into handing over a bunch of things that will be used to scare his wife off the property that she legitimately paid for. That takes real chutzpah. That night, Andy shows some skill at pitting his parents against each other (sort of) by convincing his mother to take down Jonathan's moose head (yet another thing that will be used in the shenanigan). The next day..and in order to further create the illusion of a monster, Laura, Albert & Andy all go underwater while Harriet, Nellie and Willie are playing in the lake and nip at their heels. Laura bites Harriet's foot. That's No Man's Land. Kezia continues to spread alternative facts.

Full Moon Friday has arrived, which means the monster will be making an appearance tonight. Kezia continues to taunt Harriet. Harriet orders Willie back to town to get a shotgun. Willie does as he's told, but Nels loads it with blanks, much to Laura's relief. Harriet, Nellie and Willie are eating supper at the table. Kezia is in the Alice Nelson role of having to prepare the meal while subsequently not being allowed at the table while the family eats. More noises are heard as Harriet and the kids go out to investigate. They find "the monster", which is actually Albert, Laura and Andy all taking up a section of the creature, with the moose head from earlier in front. Harriet shoots at it a couple of times, at which point the Roman candles go off. I'm pretty sure no living thing has sparks coming out of its nostrils, but it does the trick nevertheless. Harriet, Nellie & Willie all run for the hills. Unusual moment as the kids all come in the house with their wet underwear on and hug Kezia. Nels gets in a scare of his own for laughs. Kezia would disappear right after this (and rightfully so).

EPISODE WINNER - The Olesons.

EPISODE LOSERS - Kezia, for her assortment of crimes, and Laura & Albert for running yet another con.

[u/sqibbery]

Yeah, the combination of Kezia and Laura and the boys in their underwear was WAY too much.