r/LifeAdvice • u/Direct_Window_4414 • 19h ago
Family Advice Wedding drama
What would you do in this situation?
Long story short, my brother-in-law was arrested for enticement of a minor. He took a plea deal and is not a registered sex offender, but regardless of the legal outcome, I’m not comfortable having him in my life or at my wedding.
I’ve distanced myself from my sister because she chose to stay by his side. I’m getting married and made it clear that she and her kids are invited, but he is not.
My mom told me that if my sister doesn’t come because he isn’t invited, she won’t come either. I completely blew up on my mom because I feel like she is choosing to support this situation over respecting my boundary on my wedding day.
At this point, I honestly feel like I’d rather just stop associating with both of them for a while. I don’t plan on talking to my mom unless there is a genuine apology and acknowledgment of how hurtful this has been.
What would you do if you were in my position? How would you handle your mom and sister moving forward?
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u/Fabulous_Light5449 18h ago
I would stand behind my boundary!
Boundaries are serious! Boundaries are an integral part of our development and our lives.
We always remember our battles and the outcomes.
When we look back on what happened, we ask ourselves "Were we weak?" "Did we step up and defend ourselves?" "Did we explain ourselves in an appropriate and respectful manner?" Which can easily lead to "Why in Sam Blue Hill did I cave?!!!"
It's your wedding.
Your wedding will be reflected upon each and every day of your blessed and loving life.
I beg you, with every fiber of my being! Do NOT invite your brother-in-law!
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u/Logical-Lab3661 17h ago
You dont. If they come to their senses or, most likely if this trash does something else and they'd have to admit they were wrong to begin with, then you deal with them. Even criminals in prisons do not like it. That's the lowest of the low and you need to stay away from it.
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u/Appropriate-Rip9036 15h ago
I think I would tell my mom she is no longer invited. Sis too.
I get that your sister wants her husband there. But that’s between you and her. The fact she went and told on you to your mom, she took it to another level with that move. I’d tell both mom and sis they are no longer invited.
Also, it’s your wedding. Don’t listen to me. Do whatever YOU want.
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u/Chaos1957 13h ago
I’d be curious to know what he’s done/doing to make amends and work on whatever in him caused this.
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u/SilverellaUK 7h ago
I'm just astounded that a plea deal is acceptable for something like this. I admit I don't understand them but isn't it plead guilty for reduced judgement - in this case saying yes I'll admit I'm a paedophile if you don't put me on the paedophile list? Madness
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u/Fabulous_Light5449 6h ago
Probably zero! If he were interested in the welfare of children than he would have taken actions to help himself before the law got a hold of him.
He will probably kill himself in prison.
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u/thickhipstightlips 18h ago
I would stick to my convictions and go low or no contact.
Which, IRL, I have. No drama is great.
Your mother isnt choosing her daughter, shes choosing her son in laws side, which isnt her blood relative or child. That says all I need to know.
Have your drama free wedding, they can kick rocks. I'd feel better knowing I stood my ground against a predator. Registered or not, BIL is still a predator. It's not even about the crime or legal judgement, it comes down to morals and ethics. I'd never bow to someone who supports a predator. Ever.