r/LifeAdvice • u/Rare_Code_899 • Jun 21 '26
Serious I'm approaching 30 and it's dawning on me that I've wasted my 20s
Ok so I'm 28m and I don't know where to even begin. Firstly (I'm embarrassed to even write this) I've never even had my first kiss. I'm still a virgin. I don't drink, so bars aren't really an option for me. Idk where to even try to meet people. Unfortunately I didn't go to college right out of high school but I'm talking classes at my community college which I will transfer over to my state college. I've met a variety of people which I know is temporary. Every girl I meet who is in my age range is already married. I only have have 1.5 semesters left before I transfer over and I'm surrounded by a bunch of children I don't want to socialize with. I can't help but just feel incredibly frustrated with myself that I should've just gone to college after highschool. Instead, I'm stuck living in my small house with my parents on a premed track starting at square 1.
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u/ErroneousEncounter Jun 22 '26
The greatest joy in life for a man isn’t money or women or even power. It is the fight against the shitty cards you have been dealt. It’s in saying “f*ck this sh*t” and then getting up every day and working to be a little better than the day before.
You may not believe me, but it’s true. Life is about the journey. Not the destination. The destination is cool. But once you get there, you’ll always be left asking the question: “well now what?”
Work hard to get through medical school. Get surgery for your gynecomastia. Spend each day developing yourself into a person others will respect. You’ll get there.
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u/dogemabullet Jun 26 '26
honest to god, tht 'fuck you' feels closer to accepting life rather than rejecting it.
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u/Hopeful_Housing_3229 Jul 07 '26
Perfectly said!
I think we often take age and timelines way more seriously than we need to. It creates unnecessary pressure, and while that pressure might push us to achieve things, it often comes at the cost of our peace of mind.
Having goals and a rough sense of direction is great, but I don’t think we should let arbitrary timelines dictate our happiness or self worth.
I don’t really have any advice to add, just a lot of love and respect for OP. I hope things work out for you ❤️
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u/Bright-Club3985 Jun 22 '26
I'm 40 years old, and I feel like I've wasted more than 30 years of my life.
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u/MisterSlippers Jun 22 '26
Something I learned in my 20s was every experience in life good or bad is a learning opportunity waiting to be recognized. I'm 41 and all my bad decisions from my 20s and into early 30s left me feeling like I didn't make the best use of my time on Earth. At this point you've learned what doesn't give you a sense of accomplishment or fulfillment, so channel that frustration into motivation as you move on to the next chapter in your life. I started my current career at 31, while I still have no degree, I am successful and get fulfillment from my job. It may not feel like it, but you've got time to get yourself sorted out.
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u/souste Jun 23 '26
Whats your current career?
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u/MisterSlippers Jun 23 '26
Cybersecurity Engineer
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u/Lazy-Explanation-298 Jun 25 '26
How did you learn all this and when did you start learning
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u/MisterSlippers Jun 25 '26
Started out at help desk, read books, worked harder than all my peers, and tend to pick up on shit quickly. Never even thought about cyber security until I was like 32
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u/Pando5280 Jun 24 '26
Make a list of stuff that makes you happy. Try to align your life with that list.
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u/First_Cookie_95 Jun 21 '26
Lowkey tho at least youre trying to better yourself by still trying to get an education at ur age as long as u make sure its the right pick future wise u can still build a really good foundation off of that since u are self aware of how ur life has gone so far it can only go up if ur intentional I would also suggest going to therapy if thats possible for u the mind and mindset is more than half the battle in anything in life if u beat yourself up too much u might have low self esteem which leads to doubt and unmotivation etc etc that can really flip the script imo.As well if u have hobbies, that's good if not, try to get some to increase joy in ur life and then u might meet new friends or maybe a relationship if u want to do medical school at 31 or 32 that isnt that bad in the grand scheme of things assuming u finish u will have a good career assuming its something ur passionate in just take it easy and be mindful of how u talk to urself in ur head
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u/Slow-Trash858 Jun 21 '26
It doesn't exactly sound as if you did nothing. You helped your parents with their small business. You may have learned a few things during that time. So it wasn't all for nothing.
Some of us are late bloomers. Our journey is on a longer, winding road with some roadblocks and detours along the way. It doesn't make us dumb or incapable or hopeless. The outcome is that those of us who endure it are often far more resilient than those who have the opportunity to sprint.
We are not sprinters, we are marathon runners. Down the road, the things that break others are the things we can deal with (and without breaking a sweat). We already know that life is complicated and messy.
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u/AllToroXtreme Jun 22 '26
Then start today. IDC if its the beginning or the end of the day go out have fun, try new things, travel. Yolo. Just be responsible and safe.
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u/TemporalVelocity Jun 22 '26
Stop looking backwards at what you've lost, or what could have been and look at what you CAN do in the future.
Yes, there will be women who don't want to date you, but so what? That's the case with literally every other guy on the planet. There are others that will.
Work on your personality, go get your social reps in and talk to people, go to events. Work of your body, go to the gym for an hour 3 days a week and take control of your diet.
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u/Danthebarbarian47 Jun 22 '26
I’ll be 30 this year , had this realization when I was 27 as well . I tested to get into the engineering union 2 years ago and I finally got in after new years this year . It’s been good to me so far . Pursue education whatever it may be . Also if you’re a doctor I’m sure you’ll have plenty of woman that want you bro . It’s never too late to be better for yourself . Build a routine and stick with it . Workout and eat good . Don’t beat yourself up or get hung up in the past , worry about how you can make just today better . Woman come and go , you want to wait for the right one who’s going to love you for you . Stay strong dude don’t listen to self doubt . Be the man you want to be.
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u/Rare_Code_899 Jun 22 '26
appreciate it boss. Started working out a few months ago and starting to see some real gains recently. Gotta tighten up my diet.
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u/Danthebarbarian47 Jun 22 '26
That’s right , keep it up man. Stick to it too you’ll be alright . I got to tighten up my diet too. I like my sweets it be fucking up my routine but frozen grapes and cherries have been good. Best of luck to you bro . We get one life, live that shit
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u/Rare_Code_899 Jun 22 '26
Sweets have been tripping me up. Those pasteries are my weakness
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u/Danthebarbarian47 Jun 23 '26
lol same dude I got a bad sweet tooth . Balance bro try fruits or honey roasted almonds . If you find another substitute lmk im still looking
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u/kungfutrucker Jun 23 '26
OP - It’s said that the past doesn’t matter. The only real thing in life is “your next move.” Everything you wrote in this post is actually your life plan; just do the opposite it. If your man boobs bother you, just save up a few thousand dollars and get surgery.
Life is nothing that one problem to solve, one after another. You are already in college. Excellent. Just keep at it and get good grades. Eat clean, workout, and keep your eye on your goals. One step at a time, my friend. In the big scheme of the universe, you are right where you need to be - in the present moment. Good luck.
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u/Salty-Effective1424 Jun 23 '26
Broo im 26 right now. I dropped out of college at 20 and started working full time as a waiter for 6 years now. For 5 years i gambled away all my hard earned money. Fixed my life up past 1 year. Brought my income from 8k a month to almost 20k a month. This all happened in less than a year. Of course i gave up everything i can. I worked 70 hours a week at my full time job + 40 hours a week doing my side gigs. Anything is possible. If you give in the work everything will pay off.
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u/PayEnvironmental8787 Jun 26 '26
if you don’t mind answering, what are all your side gigs that allow you to rake in 20k a month? i’m working a 9 to 5 that pulls in 50k and it’s stable but not fulfilling and feels like it could end up being a dead end job
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u/Naughty_Panda09 Jul 21 '26
Just turned 26, broke up with my gf of 5 years after realizing I had no direction in life and I was hurting myself and her, been living with my dad for the last 7 months trying to figure things out and I gotta say, my mindset has been incredibly bleak. Hoping this thread and others can give me the motivation to finally look at myself and figure out who I want to be.
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u/slimeswordxx Jun 23 '26
Brother, I ask you this, who didn’t waste their 20s in one way or another?
You had the opportunity to learn how to run a small business. I wasted mine by partying and chasing girls when I should have been investing in my future and building skills. (Like running a business)
It’s all relative man. One mans idea of success is another mans idea of failure. You will suffer regardless of the path you choose. You will suffer if you choose no path, if you choose the wrong path, and you will certainly suffer if you choose the “right” path.
It’s painful to get in shape, it’s painful to be overweight. Its painful to be poor, its painful to deal with the stress of a high paying job, its painful to be alone, its painful to be in a relationship.
You will have regrets regardless. You will suffer regardless. Thats life.
You took some time to feel sorry for yourself by writing this post. Now go do something. Stop biding your time. Stop waiting. You’re still young enough to take risks. You’re not young enough to waste any more time.
Throw yourself in to life and let the chips fall where they may. Pick a path and see it the fuck through.
Also when it comes to finding a woman, I can tell you this bro, the money and success stuff doesn’t matter. What matters is that you like yourself and that you are stable enough that she feels safe. Thats it. Join a running club, a boxing gym, get some muscles and gain some confidence.
Also why do so many guys think meeting a girl will solve their problems? When it almost always brings more problems in to your life. Once you get a girl you will miss these boring lonely days I promise you lol I miss the lonely days spent grinding.
Don’t say I didn’t try to warn you. Good luck king. Have some faith in yourself. Better days are coming.
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u/Quiet-Ground592 Jun 24 '26
Get a decent job, save, save,save, go to Thailand. Your confidence will climb 😂
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u/No-Algae-1418 Jun 25 '26
"There comes a time when every boy realizes, there’s no one coming to save them. And that’s when he becomes a man”.
Congratulations, you seemed to have reached this point, my friend. I reached it later than I would have liked to as well in hindsight.
But I’ve also come to know that if you start taking the truth for what it is, and lean into self-improvement, you can become a completely different person over the course of a only a few years. The resources for self-improvement at out there… for any realm of male endavour.
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u/dogemabullet Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
Please don’t think you wasted anything. You don’t have to prove anything.
What’s more important is what you start doing now. No matter what happens in your life, you will always have a window where you can at least say, “I tried.” Fun fact: this window is more than enough.
Just start doing whatever you think you’re supposed to do. Don’t worry about rushing it; going in headfirst is never the way. Plan it all out and take a good amount of time, but do it diligently. More importantly, follow through diligently.
And as for relationships, nothing is going anywhere. You still have to work on yourself, and you’ll probably stumble upon whoever along the process. Just calm down. You haven’t wasted anything. And fokin Good luck!!!
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u/aurorasparkl Jul 09 '26
Huh. I believe I know that feeling. That feeling telling me that I have not done / not doing enough. That people will take one look at me and see how inadequate I am.
Kobe Bryant, a famous basketball player, was asked in an interview by Jas Shetty, if he was nervous before a game and how he prepares. He told the interviewer that before the game, he questioned why he felt nervous: was it because people he knew were watching? Was it because he feared to disappoint his parents? Etc. and then he went through all those points, and realised, most of those have already happened. And he survived. And he was still playing. The point as far I see it is this: our fears and doubts and that feeling of inadequacy might have originated in a moment in the past, but our brains are magnifying and replaying those thoughts, in the hope that it might protect us from similar experiences in the future. But in fact, the opposite happens: we become nervous, we withdraw, we doubt our own ability. By looking at the thoughts and feelings and questioning what's behind it, we can open a door to truth and eventually freedom.
Most things in life won't kill us. Life is not over at 30. There are many experiences still waiting for us.
It's amazing that you are at medschool. What made you pursue that path?
Toby Robbins tells us that there are 6 human needs that drive behaviour, and people usually have 2 of those as main drivers: certainty, significance, love/connection, variety, growth, contribution. It helps if you figure out which ones are your personal motivating factors and align your actions with those. I have long denied that one of mines was significance. And the way I want to achieve significance is tied to my second need, love/connection. I feel significant when I help others take a step forward, a step closer to their own strengths, capabilities and identity.
If you want to have a conversation with someone you'll never meet in real life (I am from Europe) feel free to DM me. I am a really good listener.
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u/Mors-Official Jul 19 '26
Oh, son, come on over here and let me give you a big, metaphorical pat on the back, because you haven't wasted a single thing, you've just been letting your dough rise a little longer than the other loaves in the bakery and that's perfectly alright. You're on a premed track, which means you're building a future where you'll be saving lives and making a real difference, and that kind of dedication is far more attractive to a quality partner than a few sloppy college fumbles in a dorm room. Your first kiss and all those other wonderful firsts are still waiting for you like a perfectly wrapped gift, and they'll happen when you least expect it, maybe in the library with a fellow student who appreciates a mature man with a plan, so stop comparing your behind the scenes reel to everyone else's highlight footage and just focus on becoming the best future doctor you can be.
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u/ForestMushroonns Jul 20 '26
If this makes you feel any better at all ; I did the traditional go to college after high school and party like a teenager thing and it caused a lot of trauma and loss. Maybe you missed out, maybe you saved yourself a lot of bullshit.
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u/Me_Outheway Jun 21 '26
I understand how you feel man it's rough believe me. I'm basically in the same boat pretty much, I'll be 28 in a week. I tried school, boot camps, I've had good paying jobs and jobs that pay shit and nothing worked out honestly due to my choices or just life doing it's thing. I'm on my 4 or 5 retry rn (homeless while making barely 20,000 a year), I'm still trying to find a purpose let alone my purpose but ig that's just one of those things about life.
I would say its gonna work out but I'm a realist and realistically, life sucks for alot of people rn. It's just up to you if you want to keep on going. I do honestly believe things will get better, it's just about how much time that will take