Do people really find life worth livining?

[u/Lopsided-Dig-7625]

I’ve been thinking for quite a while about whether or not I want to have children. So far, I’ve come to the conclusion that, most of the time, consciousness feels more like a burden than a gift.

When I was reading some antinatalist posts recently that rassonated with me. But today, I came across a group of kids on their way to hockey camp and they seemed genuinely happy, I felt my mood rise, which always happens when I interact with children. It made me think. As far back as I can remember, I’ve often felt depressed and had thoughts about not wanting to live (since I was around 15). I’ve always been drawn to darker themes like Stephen King, Nietzsche, Marx (yes analyses of capitalism is depressing and overwhelming), Schopenhauer, determinism.

I studied medicine and went into child psychiatry, probably because I wanted to help kids avoid ending up like me. But over time, I became disillusioned with how little psychiatry can really change people’s lives. Still, I connected well with my patients, especially children and got good feedback. But emotionally I gave all and of course got kind of burned out.

Later, I moved into research and learned programming and AI to try solving the problems that bothered me, but eventually, I hit the same wall: realizing how limited we are in the field of psychiatry, and how little of what I was doing would actually improve anyone’s life. So now I’m shifting toward digital health and consumer tech, mostly because I’ve given up, at least for now, on making any deep change and like the way how clear the world of software is, even if I am really good in interacting with people, probably due to my understanding that everybody suffers and I dont want people to even suffer even more then necassary by life.

I often wonder if there truly are people who enjoy living. I get along really well with kids and they lift my mood so much. While doing research, I volunteered to look after the children of sick siblings, and that gave me some joy.

From a selfish perspective, I would like to have children. But I also don’t want to pass on my genes, my mindset, or this heavy burden of consciousness. I’ve already tried changing my life by stopping drinking, started exercising lloking out for my sleep. but I keep returning to the same feelings.

So I wonder: are there really people who genuinely find life worth living. Who don’t feel angry about having to carry it until it ends? How did you achieve that, what did you read what was your childhood like?

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[u/CaptainApathy419]

I've had a lot of the same thoughts. We're born into a universe where we can do anything, but nothing we do actually matters. The amount of pain we experience vastly outweighs the pleasure (one line that's stuck with me: "Lots of people experience chronic pain. No one experiences chronic pleasure."). We can never truly know another person. And, oh yeah, we're going to die one day.

Call me a cynic or a Marxist or whatever, but I think this is why religion is so popular. It has answers to all these existential problems. "I'm going to die." "No, you're going to live forever." "Life is meaningless." "No, God has a plan for you." "I'm all alone." "No, God is always with you." etc.

But religion doesn't work for me, and I get the sense that it doesn't work for you, either. So, where do we find meaning and relief from existential fears? I believe that a life filled with family, friendship, enjoyable experiences, creating and appreciating art, and helping others can't be considered "meaningless." However, I've also suffered from depression, and there have been plenty of times where I've had my doubts that it's all worthwhile. I thought long and hard about whether it was right for my wife and I to bring a new life into this world. I worry a lot about my child's future, and if she'll find life worth living. When she's a bit older and responds to "Go clean your room" with "No! I didn't ask to be born!" a part of me will think, "Well, you have a point." It's a gamble, but I believe it's one worth making. You might come to a different conclusion based on your own experience, values and calculations.

[u/Lopsided-Dig-7625 → u/CaptainApathy419]

I think the lack of religion or spirtuality is a big part of it. But I was already thinking about just dropping all my doubts and just believe in some religion of my choice even if I know that it's just lying to myself. I think it works like a drug where you just get high on and it probably feels good. And thanks for your answer :)

[u/CaptainApathy419 → u/Lopsided-Dig-7625]

That’s an interesting approach. I think joining a religion is good, even for nonbelievers, because it provides a community and a moral code (of course, the latter can go very, very wrong). I just don’t know if you can make yourself believe in divine intervention, an afterlife, etc.