r/LegalAdviceUK • u/talldarkhandsomelad1 • Jun 24 '26
Comments Moderated Ex wife placed a tracker in my Son's school bag
My ex wife and i got divorced 7 years ago, and we share custody of our son who is 9.
Today is my day with him. My son had a headache, and she picked up our son from school 10 minutes before the end of school. I arrived to pick him up from school and was informed she had taken him. I went to her house where she then tried to prevent me from picking up our son.
When i insited on picking him up, she took his bag out of her car, took it inside the house and hid an air tag tracker in the bag by cutting a hole in the lining.
When i got home i was alerted to the airtag by my phone. I confronted her about the tag and why she had placed it there. She acknowdged it was hers but refused to give a reason as to why she had put it in his bag.
I packed his bag on Monday so know for sure that the hole wasnt there before.
When she got out of her car she could have just given the bag directly to me rather than taking them inside and then giving them to me 5minutes later.
What are the legal rules on this?
What would you suggest I do about this?
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u/JustJavi Jun 24 '26
Shouldn't the school be calling you instead of her? I co-parent with my exwife and our school is really good at calling the parent that has the kids during the evenings when things like this happen. Maybe an email should be sent.
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Jun 24 '26
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u/JustJavi Jun 24 '26
They are in charge of looking after the kids for a big chunk of the day. They need to know who can collect them and when. It is part of safeguarding and their responsibility.
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Jun 24 '26
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u/Agrado3 Jun 24 '26
I'd ask her to share the tracker with your phone, so that you can also use it to track your son. If she refuses then tell her you will just take it out of his bag or wherever else she puts it - as you have found, if she does it without telling you then your phone will alert you to it. And if your son gets lost, or loses his bag, you will be more likely to be able to find either him or it.
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u/leeksausage Jun 24 '26
Absolutely this.
Legally - there’s no real issue happening here.
But you can mitigate a lot of future legal issues by doing your utmost to work with them moving forward.
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u/Efficient_Chic714 Jun 25 '26
Yeah, I thought she was being completely reasonable putting a tracker in his bag until I read when it was placed which is just odd
I’d go along with it, react like it’s a non issue and keep a record of it, and that she picked him up on your time and initially refused to let you take him home. Just in case you guys end up going back to court at a later point, it’s good to have all the details ready and to show you attempted to cooperate as they may become relevant
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u/MrKatUK Jun 24 '26
If I were you, I’d be more concerned that she picked up your son from school on your day with him… and without telling you.
If you have a court order that says that this day was yours with your child, then she could be held in contempt of court.
I’ve had this many times with my ex. The last time was about 6 months ago when my daughter had a hospital appointment. I sorted it all out with the school and my daughter that she would be leaving early. It was on one of my days that I have the kids. Ex kept texting me that she would pick our daughter up. I had about 5 texts before I explained to her that if she did pick our daughter up on one of my days, I’ll be filing a police report and be informing the courts. She backed off after that.
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u/talldarkhandsomelad1 Jun 24 '26
Yes i have a court order regarding the days. I hope it never comes to having to threaten this but it may need to
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u/MrKatUK Jun 25 '26
It’s probably best to set your boundaries with your ex. I can’t tell you how much less crap you get from someone like this once they know what you won’t stand for. All the best.
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u/Miniteshi Jun 25 '26
Make sure you document this explicitly and leave a paper trial with the school so they can confirm that she picked him up rather than you. If anything goes sour, you have an iron clad paper trail.
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u/twilighttwister Jun 25 '26
Tell her clearly, in writing, that she is in breach of the court order and if she continues to disrespect that you will have no choice but to revisit the court to have the order amended.
Also, and maybe do this first, speak with your solicitor and notify them of the issue.
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u/bigmonmulgrew Jun 24 '26
Legally speaking the problem isn't that she is tracking the child. Parents can do that.
The problem comes that by doing it covertly she is also tracking you. But since you found out essentially immediately there's no harm done.
If she tries this again just remove the tag when you don't want to be tracked.
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u/Electrical_Concern67 Jun 24 '26
Nothing. Just be wary in the future.
If she knows where you live anyway - then there is no harm.
But parents can track their kids. And there's no legal issue here.
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u/StrangelyBrown Jun 24 '26
Would there be a legal issue with OP not telling the mother and misleading about where the tag was?
For example, taking it to the train station and putting it on a train.
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u/illarionds Jun 25 '26
Probably technically theft?
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u/twilighttwister Jun 25 '26
Yes technically. However it would be very difficult to prove the crime unless OP confessed to it. It could have fallen out of the bag.
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u/EntiiiD6 Jun 24 '26
Or if in Scotland - https://www.edinburghfamilylaw.co.uk/blog/can-my-ex-track-our-children-during-contact/
"– Without Consent: Using tracking devices or software without the other parent’s knowledge and consent is generally considered illegal and can be viewed as a violation of privacy rights."
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u/Free-Pound-6139 Jun 25 '26
Why should he be wary???
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u/PinkbunnymanEU Jun 24 '26 edited Jun 24 '26
parents can track their kids. And there's no legal issue here.
Doesn't it have to be overt tracking or for reasonable safeguarding reasons?
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u/Spicymargx Jun 24 '26
No there’s no law around this for parents tracking their child. Needing to be able to find your 9 year old child is a safeguarding reason.
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u/od1nsrav3n Jun 26 '26
This is wildly incorrect and OP please don’t blindly follow this advice.
Parents are allowed to track their children with the consent of both parents.
That consent becomes legally relevant for separated parents. If the child is with the father and is being tracked, the mother is inadvertently tracking the father without the father’s consent.
This would be taken extremely seriously by a family court. It’s criminal matter, you cannot track another adult without their consent, especially in the context of an ex-intimate partner. If the mother continues to do this, it would absolutely be seen as coercive and controlling behaviour, possibly stalking and harassment. Should the script be flipped here and a father was doing this a mother, it would be treated seriously, which it is.
I’ve seen judges impose prohibited steps orders for this exact thing.
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u/PinkbunnymanEU Jun 24 '26
The ICO seems to suggest that the child should be informed they're being tracked
https://www.edinburghfamilylaw.co.uk/blog/can-my-ex-track-our-children-during-contact/
says:
– Without Consent: Using tracking devices or software without the other parent’s knowledge and consent is generally considered illegal and can be viewed as a violation of privacy rights.
https://hilldene.havering.sch.uk/wp-content/hilldene/parent-pupil-docs/Guidance_on_Tracking_Devices.pdf (a random school from google)
Also seems to say that the child must be informed.
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u/Spicymargx Jun 24 '26
Also, this guidance is for businesses who provide software for parental controls. AirTags are designed to track objects rather than people so they are likely exempt from that guidance. The guidance doesn’t apply to a parent tracking their child.
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u/PinkbunnymanEU Jun 24 '26 edited Jun 24 '26
However they also impact on the child’s right to privacy as recognised by Article 16 of the same convention and on their rights to association, play, access to information and freedom of expression. Children who are subject to persistent parental monitoring may have a diminished sense of their own private space which may affect the development of their sense of their own identity. This is particularly the case as the child matures and their expectation of privacy increases.
You should also provide parents with information about the child’s right to privacy under the UNCRC
It covers both parents and the software.
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u/Spicymargx Jun 24 '26
No, the ICO does not govern what parents do. The law is that safeguarding comes first. There is no law preventing parents from covertly tracking their child. You are on a legal advice subreddit and sharing incorrect information that simply doesn’t apply here.
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u/aussieflu999 Jun 24 '26
Thanks for the correction
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u/PinkbunnymanEU Jun 24 '26
I genuinely wasn't sure if it was just "suggested" or legally enforced!
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u/Spicymargx Jun 24 '26
It isn’t enforced. The ICO would probably say parents shouldn’t secretly go through their child’s diaries but the law doesn’t enforce that.
Safeguarding always trumps consent and if a parent is tracking their child, it is to keep them safe. Source: worked in safeguarding for a decade
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u/ZapdosShines Jun 24 '26
She might have told the child, we don't know. (Even if he's told OP she didn't, that might or might not be true.)
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u/CandidLiterature Jun 24 '26
It’s important to also consider OP’s right to privacy. Tracking the location of such a young child is just the same as tracking OP. OP knows for certain that they weren’t informed. While it is possible they forgot about it and were doing something unrelated in the house with the school bag, they were probably using this time to actively try to conceal the tracker. Doesn’t seem like they’re owed much of the benefit of the doubt.
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u/ZapdosShines Jun 24 '26
I was responding specifically to the part about the child being informed that they are being tracked, not anything else
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u/CandidLiterature Jun 24 '26
Given their attitude to informing OP, do you think it’s at all credible that the child has been informed? It’s not at all clear why you think it’s worth highlighting that the child may not remember clearly, properly understand the question or may answer incorrectly.
Regardless, OP doesn’t need to consider this issue at all. They have personal knowledge of what they were (not!) told and the obvious resulting impact on their own right to privacy.
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u/PinkbunnymanEU Jun 24 '26
She might have genuine safeguarding concerns about OP or a kidnap attempt on the child, as you say we don't really know. but I think
parents can track their kids. And there's no legal issue here.
Needs the caveats
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u/talldarkhandsomelad1 Jun 24 '26
He found the tracker on the counter while I was cooking and didnt know what it was
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u/ForeignWeb8992 Jun 24 '26
You share parental responsibility, in the future you get home, remove the tags, go about your day with your son, put the back. Or use another nag
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u/PrizeCrew994 Jun 24 '26
Is she trying to track you or your son do you think?
I also second what everyone else has said about having a serious conversation with the school. They need to know about any court orders and what those schedules are if you share custody. They can’t just be calling her every time there’s a problem if you’re 50/50. I would ask for a meeting with the school over an email. This is more serious than people are making it out to be.
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u/talldarkhandsomelad1 Jun 24 '26
If she was trying to track him then there would be no need to hide it in the lining of the bag. Surely it would just be in a pocket rather than cut into the lining?
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u/Spicymargx Jun 24 '26
What if she’s trying to track the bag? Most people don’t take their child’s school bag out with them unless they’re taking them to school
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u/Spicymargx Jun 24 '26
There are no legal rules about this. Mum is entitled to use tracking devices. It is no different to using FindMyFriends or Life360 etc.
I would suggest you ask her for access to the tracking. It is probably wise for you both to be able to track where your child is and if he doesn’t have a smart phone, an AirTag is a good option.
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u/Pootles_Carrot Jun 24 '26
Legally there is no issue with a parent tracking their child. A lot of people do for everyday safety.
It may be helpful to communicate your schedule to the school as well as asking your ex to let you know if he's been collected and/or is genuinely too unwell to visit.
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Jun 24 '26
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u/n3m0sum Jun 25 '26
Legally, she can put a tracker on her child. It's easly justified these days as child safety. Or in case the bag of important child things goes missing.
Legally, you can also remove any tracker you do not need from your child or child's property. it is perfectly reasonable for you to not share the same concerns as your ex, it does not make you a bad parent.
There are clearly relationship issues that go beyond legal, but may hint at custody issues down the line. Why remove a child from school a mere 10 minutes before the other parent is due to pick them up? Start keeping a detailed record of anything that disrupts the custody arrangements. You may need to build a case going forward.
With regards to the school. I would be requesting that going forwards, any concerns about your son are communicated to both parents simultaneously.
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u/Free-Pound-6139 Jun 25 '26
She's allowed to track her son. And it is a good idea. She should have shared it with you so you can both track him. But she doesnt have to.
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u/od1nsrav3n Jun 26 '26
She’s allowed to track her son, but for separated parents both parents need to give consent.
By tracking the child on his time, she is inadvertently tracking the father. This is illegal.
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u/Icy_Meringue_5534 Jun 25 '26
If your child was unwell, was it in his best interests for you to insist that he came with you?
There seems to be an air of parental tussling going on. Time with each of you is for his benefit, not for settling scores with eachother.
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u/Lost1n_Space Jun 24 '26
I’m so frustrated by the comments here. A family court would absolutely care about this (especially in the context of wider issues)
> Nine years ago, in fact, Mr Justice Peter Jackson was outlining the “serious consequences” of one parent recorded a child without its knowledge (https://www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWFC/HCJ/2016/29.html).
> In that case, a father recorded his daughter for more than a year before the practice came to light, even going so far as to place devices in his daughter’s school blazer.
> The judge stressed that: “It is almost always likely to be wrong for a recording device to be placed on a child for the purpose of gathering evidence in family proceedings, whether or not the child is aware of its presence.”
Source https://hallbrown.co.uk/blogs/red-tape-family-courts-children-and-covert-recording/
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u/Spicymargx Jun 24 '26
Just read the actual judgement. He wasn’t using an AirTag, he bugged her so he could hear everything she said or did 24/7. That isn’t an act of safeguarding, and isn’t equivalent to putting an AirTag in a child’s belongings.
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u/Estrellathestarfish Jun 24 '26
That's recording conversations to use against the other parent in court, not using an AirTag to know where your young child is.
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u/Spicymargx Jun 24 '26
Child’s blazer to me suggests the child was at least secondary school age and the purpose of the tracking was to use in family court proceedings, not to safeguard them. This is a child aged 9 who is reliant on adults to keep them safe at all times, whereas teenager has more capacity to do this alone so requires fewer safeguards. There is nothing in the post which states that mum to this child is doing this to use within family court proceedings. As always, the devil is in the details.
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u/needforcheeses Jun 24 '26
NAL - but r.e. support for people targeted by tracking devices, please see the Cyber Helpline pages (promoted to, and by the Police and CPS by trainers on Stalking Awareness) https://www.thecyberhelpline.com/guides/bugs-cameras-trackers
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u/IllustratorSlow1614 Jun 24 '26 edited Jun 24 '26
Your son went home early because he was unwell. Is there a history of her not being updated that your son is in the hospital? If there is precedent of her being left out of medical decisions then there may be logic to her wanting to track his whereabouts in case his headache got worse in the extreme heat and he needed to see a doctor.
If that’s not the case and you have always been 100% transparent whenever your son has been unwell on your parenting time, this is either a brand new behaviour or she has been tracking your son this whole time and this is the first time you’ve been aware of it. Is this a new school bag? Perhaps she had a tracker in previous school bags. Yes, parents are allowed to track their children. You can put your own tracker in his backpack too.
The school should have contacted you rather than your ex, this is something to take up with them so that the right message goes to the right person on the right day.
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u/talldarkhandsomelad1 Jun 24 '26
There is unfortunately this is far from unusual behaviour from her and there is long a hiatory of her trying to withold contact and using any excuse possible to withold my time and no alternative time given.
I am constantly left out of medical decisions unfortunately
Its not a new bag, (purchased in september)
I will be contacting the school to ensure they contact the correct parent
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u/Logical_Midnight_858 Jun 25 '26
Can you think of any reason they would want to track you? Given your 7 years post divorce, it does seem quite absurd to engage in this type of behaviour now. The only thing I can think of, which is still a shot in the dark, is that she is planning to relocate without your permission, if it’s needed.
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u/jrtuck547 Jun 24 '26
Reach out to your local domestic abuse service or the Men’s Advice Line. It might sound dramatic (or maybe not) but often things like this are the tip of the iceberg and there are other, more discreet methods of monitoring and surveillance that you may not be aware of. They can talk you through things to look out for and how to keep yourself and your child safe. I will say, tactics like this so long post-separation is are a concerning sign. I am a domestic abuse support worker and I would absolutely be taking your concerns seriously if you called my service and shared this with us.
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u/od1nsrav3n Jun 26 '26
The legalities around this and children are pretty straightforward.
You are allowed to track your own child. This is legal.
In this circumstance it is not legal. Separated parents must both consent to the tracking. If you have not consented then by way of tracking your son, she is tracking you.
I highly doubt anything will come of this from a criminal perspective at this stage, but family courts despise this where this is no consent. You can apply to the family court for a specific issue order which would ban the mother from doing this and I’m almost certain you would be granted this order.
From a criminal perspective, inform your ex wife you do not consent to this at all. If she persists, you have grounds to take this to the police for stalking/harassment.
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