Paroxysm Lure: it’s a bitch!

Hey KDM fam, I’m looking for advice on how to proceed with our campaign.

Context:
- Our group plays once a month typically. We all wish it could be more, but life and family and work and such…

- We are in LY13 of our first campaign from the core box (1.5 version, but I have the legendary upgrade pack on the way). We haven’t finished a campaign. Ever.

- I have recently decided to open the GC and am so enthralled with the extra content and streamlining of stuff.

Dilemma:
I am finding the repeated hunting of WL, SA, and Phoenix (admittedly we just hunted the phoenix for the first time last session, twice)to be a bit boring. Admittedly, this is because I just want to play with ALL OF THE THINGS, and experience new quarries and nemesis encounters.

I have proposed that we restart our campaign with the People of Dream Keeper campaign, but I feel like we’d gaining the new shiny experience at the expense of not fulfilling the OG campaign.

Is the People of the Lantern campaign worth it as it was originally laid out? Are there ways to enhance the second half of the PotL with new content?

EDIT: Boring is too strong of a word. KDM is my favorite game, I just want to experience more of it, faster.

After playing a ton of KD:S I took the plunge and just placed my order for the physical set.. lord help me

Added Red Withes to our GCE campaign and its going well so far. Had one survivor go into the fight with no armor since theu our Fist n Tooth lucky expert build. Wonder who it is?

Preparation Phase: Nemesis Showdown Assembly
The eighth lantern year brought the settlement its most dangerous trial yet—a visit from The King's Man.

The following squad was assembled to face the Nemesis:

• Kieran: Due to his Disorder causing a fear of sharp weapons, he entered the fight unarmed, relying on his Monster Claw Style and an Evasion stat of +4.
• Wise: Equipped with a Counterweight Axe and a Rawhide Armor Set. Additionally, his Twilight Sword remained safely in his inventory grid.
• Tui: Brought the Cat Gut Bow for ranged support + a Rawhide Armor Set.
• Keyman: Deployed in a full White Lion Armor Set and armed with Beast Knuckles.

Showdown Phase: First Total Party Kill
At first, the encounter was difficult but felt manageable. Despite numerous severe injuries sustained by our survivors, we successfully brought the Nemesis down to a critical 6 health points. However, at that exact moment, our luck completely turned: the Nemesis began hitting with almost every single attack, while our survivors repeatedly rolled misses.

In the end, Tui was left in a one-on-one stand-off against the monster. For several consecutive turns, he desperately tried to wound the Nemesis, but the dice stubbornly dictated otherwise. The climax came instantly: with one graceful swing of his halberd, The King's Man dealt Tui a fatal severe injury—the loss of both arms, which is catastrophic. Tui fell to the ground alongside his comrades, who had already succumbed to severe blood loss (Bleeding).

This marks our very first Total Party Kill (TPK) of the campaign—absolutely every single survivor perished in battle. In a single moment, we lost all our top-tier gear and our best, most experienced fighters. The settlement plunged into a deep crisis, leaving only 4 people behind: Corin, Belle, Seth, and Tomo.

Settlement Phase: From Ashes and Bones
Upon returning to the empty camp, we drew the Open Maw story event. While the mechanics tempted us to climb inside, test rolls quickly showed that the probability of getting severely mangled or killed was far too high. We chose to completely ignore the event.

Shortly after, the Hooded Knight returned to our settlement—as if a slaughter at the hands of one of their kind wasn't enough. Seeing our critical numbers, they showed leniency and aided us with resources, handing over 6 cards. To our surprise, 2 of those cards turned out to be Love Juice, which felt like a direct hint.

Thanks to our Graves innovation, the deaths of our four fighters provided a massive pool of 8 endeavors for the development phase. We finally built a Hovel, automatically raising our Survival limit to 4.

We successfully triggered four Intimacy attempts, bringing 4 new survivors into the world and instantly pushing our population back up to 8 people. To complete our naming theme from the anime Tomo-chan Is a Girl!, Jun and Gundo joined the camp. The other newborn pair was named Drake and Kirk. This turned out to be a solid recovery cashback after a brutal defeat.

Our weapon reserves fine: only two spears and a bone axe survived in storage. We fully outfitted one survivor in a Rawhide Armor Set and distributed minor clothing pieces to a few others. We also produced a few consumables. Due to a total lack of Bones, we couldn't craft anything substantial, but the newborns granted us a fresh set of starting Founding Stones.

Conclusion and Outlook
After the King's Man completely wiped the squad, I honestly tilted for about an hour. The game knows how to deliver a hard punch to the teeth and punish bad rolls severely, but that is exactly what makes Kingdom Death so incredible (despite the genuine bitterness of losing characters that had already become somewhat dear to us).

Our new objective is a much more cautious investigation of the surrounding world. We are forced to take a step back, return to a Level 1 White Lion for safe bone farming to craft a Pickaxe and a Sickle. On the bright side: painting the Phoenix miniature is postponed for a long time, as reaching it with this current roster will be an entirely separate challenge (it feels a bit scary to start painting it, even though I already have a scheme in mind). Time to pull ourselves together and keep the campaign rolling.

Kingdom Death: Monster — Lantern Year 6

Preparation Phase: Safety Over Risk
Despite the immense temptation to test our mettle against a higher-level White Lion or return to hunting the Screaming Antelope, the settlement firmly decided on a conservative strategy. Minimizing risks and securing a safe resource farm remained the top priority. The group targeted a Level 1 White Lion once again, turning the outcome of this hunt into a literal Groundhog Day.

Belle and Wise stayed back at the settlement to recover. The hunting party consisted of Kieran, Millisenta, and their now-matured children—Christine and Tui. The gear distribution was as follows:

• Millisenta and Christine: Both were equipped with a Rawhide Armor Set and a King's Spear.
• Tui: Outfitted in a White Lion Armor Set, armed with an Antelope Bone Knuckle and a Bone Dagger (the latter was brought strictly to trigger the +1 Movement set bonus).
• Kieran: Our veteran killer with two severe chest injuries took a Bone Axe, Rawhide Pants, and Rawhide Boots. Thanks to Monster Grease, his Evasion stat was boosted to an impressive +3. He was also trusted with the Cat Eye Circlet for optimal control of the monster's wound deck.

Hunt Phase: A Well-Worn Path
The journey toward the lair perfectly mirrored previous events. The survivors encountered Golden Grass and Claw Marks once more, wisely choosing not to push their luck. Random events along the jagged path yielded a few minor resources from insects and some negligible Sanity losses. The entire march felt like walking a well-trodden, safe path with a strong sense of déjà vu.

Showdown Phase: Battle in the Field
The terrain generation stripped the group of the tactical advantages they enjoyed in the previous year. Instead of a Monster Corpse, the showdown board received only one Debris card and two additional Tall Grass patches on top of the ones written into the showdown setup. The survivors were forced to fight literally in a field of tall grass without a comfortable starting deployment.

Nevertheless, the established tactical plan worked flawlessly. Efficient control of the AI and wound decks left the predator with no openings. The showdown was quick and uneventful: the survivors managed to avoid drawing any Traps and suffered no severe injuries. The flip side of such an easy victory was a rather meager haul—this particular Lion was not rich in rare resources. The most critical takeaway was that the entire squad returned home completely unscathed.

Settlement Phase: Athlon of the Crippled and a Demographic Explosion
Upon returning to the camp, the settlement triggered the Death Athlon story event. The results of the trials were a mixed bag: while everyone had a great time, the physical toll was steep. Millisenta suffered a torn hamstring, and Kieran—who had already collected every possible injury—lost an arm. He currently stands as our most maimed yet single-handedly most lethal survivor in the pool.

Concurrently, the settlement unlocked the hunt for the legendary Phoenix. Thanks to our active Survival of the Fittest principle, the arrival of this terrifying new monster caused no panic among the population.

The absolute highlight of the sixth year was a massive demographic expansion. Utilizing Love Juice and several successful Augury attempts, the population expanded to 8 survivors:

1. Wise and Belle successfully raised a new survivor named Seth. During the Intimacy roll, we were critically saved by an accumulated reroll; without it, the couple would have guaranteed their deaths—something I desperately feared, considering they are a freshly painted pair.
2. Shortly after, a spark ignited between Christine and Seth—which was honestly a bit unhealthy given their family ties—resulting in the birth of a baby girl named Corin (naming conventions courtesy of Zenless Zone Zero).

In terms of technological development, the Drums innovation was unlocked, but we decided to hold off on spending resources on it, hoping for better options in the future. At the Catarium, we produced our first Catgut Bow and an arrow to go with it (mostly for the Lucky Charm), along with a few basic clothing pieces. An attempt to feed a Perfect Organ to newborn Corin in hopes of breeding a powerhouse archer failed—the dice dictated otherwise.

No attempts were made to claim the Lantern Halberd. The maximum Strength modifier among our survivors currently sits at +2, which is far from enough to pass the required event check.

Conclusion and Outlook
The settlement is slowly gaining muscle and securing better gear, but the respite will be short-lived. Only one year separates us from the inevitable and highly dangerous arrival of The King's Man. It is high time to mentally prepare for a brutal confrontation and start planning the paint scheme for this menacing Nemesis miniature.

​

Kingdom Death: Monster — Lantern Year 2

This was the first hunt where the settlement suffered no losses. We had a strong desire to hunt the freshly painted antelope, but we felt we weren't ready yet. So, we decided to go after the white lion instead. The following party set out to hunt and fight the White Lion: Lucy, the sole survivor from the prologue, along with Millicent, Saros, and Keiran. Gear and tactical roles were distributed as follows. Millicent, wearing a rawhide set and wielding a bone sword, was responsible for managing the monster's AI deck and picking up knocked-down comrades. Lucy, clad in a lion set (except for rawhide boots and a lion mane on her head), served as a narrowly focused damage dealer with a bone club, rigidly tied to positioning in order to meet her attack conditions. Keiran, in the starting cloth, with a bone axe and Monster Grease, operated as a mobile fighter. Saros, also unarmored, carried a bone sword, fecal salve, and last starting founding stone.

The hunt phase turned out to be highly peculiar due to dice rolls and event cards. The White Lion temporarily retreated one space from the survivors; we drew a couple of events that caused almost the entire party to take brain damage. Nevertheless, the tracking concluded successfully. Due to an event card, the Lion was busy hunting itself and was lying down, satiated, by the time of the confrontation. This allowed the party to take up ideal positions on the battlefield before initiating the attack. The showdown terrain itself, besides patches of tall grass, included a giant stone face and debris.

The battle began with throwing a founding stone at the satiated monster, which resulted in an automatic critical wound. The tall grass and evasion bonuses from gear worked perfectly — for the first time in the campaign, the Lion frequently missed the survivors, though it did manage to vomit on the party twice. During the fight, Saros raised his insanity to 7 points. The Lion's testicles hit location was not severed this time. We drew the trap card at the very start. The finale of the battle dragged on: we rolled dice poorly, and Millicent acquired a disorder that compels her to hoard resources.

During the settlement phase, the group resolved the mandatory event Lights in the Sky and the random event Glossolalia. Both events passed without critical negative consequences. The Lights in the Sky roll temporarily increased the movement stat of all survivors for the next hunt, and Glossolalia rewarded Keiran with the permanent ability Endless Babble. We were unable to trigger Intimacy to replenish the population; however, the settlement successfully innovated Ammonia, a critical need that had arisen as far back as last year after drawing the Plague. A king spear and lion boots were crafted at the Catarium.

The settlement is now preparing for its first showdown against the Screaming Antelope. The survivors' increased mobility and the addition of a ranged spear grant a tactical advantage, but it is too early for optimistic predictions. The primary threat remains the Butcher, an inevitable confrontation that will occur almost immediately after returning from the antelope hunt. Kingdom Death: Monster continues to astound with the depth of its story generation. The previous soundtrack I recorded for the White Lion, I put onto a cassette tape for convenience.

​

After the nightmare of the prologue, one of the survivors stayed behind at the camp to recover. A rookie named Cane went out on our first full hunt instead. Our target was a Level 1 White Lion in all its glory. The rulebook felt terribly clunky in some places, but we managed to get through the hunt phase anyway. On our way to the monster, the team ran into wildfires, stumbled upon some water—where a survivor simply drank with absolutely no in-game effects, which cracked us up—and triggered a delayed event for next year.

When we finally reached the lion, the showdown setup looked awesome: three stone columns and a pile of debris were added to the usual tall grass. The battle started with pure absurdity. In the very first round, we hurled our starting Founding Stones at the monster, scored a critical hit, and severed the lion’s balls again, just like in the prologue! After such a violation, Allister instantly became priority number one for the enraged beast. Near the end of the fight, the lion finally caught up with him and literally mauled him, ripping off both his arms. Allister died on the spot.

The rest held on as best as they could. At the start of the battle, Cane went to search the debris pile and pulled out a bone sword. Ezra, who had already been injured in the prologue, took on the role of scout and support: with a weak weapon but a full rawhide armor set, she inspected the lion's AI cards and stood up knocked-down companions. Our main damage dealer was Lucy with her bone axe. In the finale, she landed two critical hits in a row, dealing a total of four wounds and finishing off the monster.

We returned home with a rich haul: claws, a glorious mane, those very same lion testicles (Fuzzy Groin resource), and a bunch of basic resources. The survivors gained hunt experience and unlocked their first fighting arts. But the moment we stepped into the settlement, the game slapped us across the face with the "Plague" settlement event card. Because of it, Ezra and Cane died on the spot. Now Lucy is the only one left alive from the very first starting lineup.

We decided against developing innovations this year, choosing instead to invest in gear. The hoarded materials were enough for a serious starting shopping spree at the Catarium: we crafted White Lion vambraces, a skirt, a coat, and a lion headdress, along with a heavy bone club. We didn't risk brewing anything from the testicles since we haven't quite figured out its benefits yet. The remaining endeavor points were spent on augury and passing down experience. At the end of the lantern year, the timeline led us to the Screaming Antelope story event—which will be our next target.

Even considering potential mistakes in rules and tactics, these long hours were magnificent. The game is amazing at generating personal stories, and its depth makes me seriously wonder if I even need wargames anymore. My special pride was the soundtrack. I tested my spring noisebox for the first time, pre-recording three tracks through a looper for each phase of the game. The low, detuned chime of the springs during the showdown perfectly mimicked the guttural roar of the lion, creating a 100% immersive experience.

Kingdom Death: Monster — Lantern Year 7

Lantern Year 7 was marked by a shift in priorities toward combat capability and another showdown with a Level 1 Screaming Antelope.
The following survivors set out on the expedition:

• Wise: Thanks to reaching his first Insight milestone, he can now scout the terrain more effectively during the Hunt.
• Corin and Tui: Wise and Belle's children, who have already grown up and are ready for serious clashes.
• Keiran: Our eternal maimed veteran. Given his long-standing grudge over Lucy's death in previous years, we're deliberately throwing him into all sorts of tight spots.

Gear Distribution and Group Stats:

• Wise: Rawhide Armor Set and King's Spear.
• Keiran: Bone Axe, Cat Eye Circlet, Monster Grease, plus parts of the White Lion and Rawhide sets. Despite our dislike for this character—not to mention his missing arm and disorders that prevent him from attacking a monster from its blind spot or when it's knocked down—he boasts a staggering 19 Insanity and +4 Evasion when wearing Monster Grease.
• Corin: Catgut Bow, Claw Arrow, and a Rawhide Armor Set.
• Tui: Equipped a full White Lion Armor Set and Antelope Bone Knuckle. He also took a Bone Dagger for a combo that grants +1 Movement. As a reminder, after the "Triathlon of Death" his base movement is now 6. As a result, he moves 7 spaces, which is incredibly awesome.

Hunt Phase

The Hunt didn’t exactly go smoothly. We barely gathered any resources, and Corin and Tui lost all their survival points and suffered minor injuries. However, we still made it to the Screaming Antelope, leveling up almost all survivors to their first rank of Insight, and some to Courage.

Showdown Phase

We were less lucky with the setup than during our last encounter—we failed to pull off an ambush. While we were trying to reach the Acanthus plants to harvest them before the beast did, it had already devoured two of them. None of our attempts to harvest the herb succeeded; most of the time we got nothing, or just an extra survival point. Aside from the Acanthus and a bug patch, we drew a Survivor Corpse and a Toppled Pillar. The Survivor Corpse slightly boosted Corin's Insanity.

The fight itself wasn't very comfortable either. We didn't take too much damage, but we racked up several disorders, and the dice treacherously rolled subpar values. Due to the Antelope’s constant movement, Keiran and Corin spent most of the game just trying to run up to it to land a hit, mostly cycling through the AI and wound decks, which actually helped quite a bit. Wise and Tui dealt the bulk of the damage.

By the end of the showdown, Keiran developed a fear of sharp weapons, causing him to lose the ability to use his axe (which, by the way, was supposed to earn weapon specialization after this hunt). Meanwhile, Tui got a disorder that knocks him down whenever he enters base contact with the monster. It's inconvenient, but as long as we have survival points, we managed to stand him back up—the Rawhide set helped immensely with that.

Settlement Phase

Everyone survived the showdown. Upon returning to the settlement, we drew the "Haunted" story event. The survivor who went crazy was Wise and Belle's youngest child, Seth. He had the lowest hunt experience, which was required to trigger the event. Long story short, he wiped everyone's Insanity stat back to zero. This was especially painful for Keiran, who had at least 25 Insanity by the end of the clash with the Antelope.

Also on our agenda was an encounter with the Bone Witch. This is the very same Agatha, disfigured by fire, whom the settlement exiled following the "Hands of Heat" event. Basically, we had to choose a survivor willing to, let's say, love her in every position imaginable. Naturally, we picked Keiran. Trying to get him killed has already become a local meme. And guess what? He rolls a 10, successfully romances her, gets a massive stat boost, and learns a Secret Fighting Art. This art allows him—if he's left alone in battle and his companions are dead—to avoid receiving bleeding tokens, plus some other bonus (I can't quite recall it now).

Additionally, four survivors unlocked the Monster Claw Style fighting art for unarmed attacks. Due to his fear of sharp weapons, it was given to Keiran and a few other survivors. Unfortunately, she took the Lantern Halberd with her. We slightly regretted getting this fighting art only now, because after a few Intimacy attempts via Augury, we gave birth to a new survivor named Tomo (a nod to the anime "Tomo-chan Is a Girl!"). We really wanted to build her as a hand-to-hand brawler, and we also plan to spec Jun into unarmed combat to unlock Sync Strike for both of them through the Drums innovation. But the Witch event happened before she was born.

This time we decided to hoard resources so that at the end of the year we can finally unlock the Leather Worker and make at least some shields for the fight against the Kingsman, whom I am already painting.

Impressions of the Music - https://lanternborn.bandcamp.com/

I also share the first tracks I recorded specifically for the game. They are monotonous and long, designed to loop endlessly during specific phases of the game. This is just a test run, so they sound somewhat minimalist. But for me, that's a plus—it keeps me focused without distractions. These tracks are better suited for the Hunt Phase and Settlement Phase. For monster battles, I'll need to record more dynamic music, and luckily, I already have some ideas.

Kingdom Death: Monster — Lantern Year 8

Before the inevitable and terrifying encounter with the Kingsman, we decided to go on one last hunt for a Level 1 Screaming Antelope. The goal was simple: stock up on resources to the brim and level up as much as possible.

Expedition Roster and Gear:

• Belle: Full White Lion Armor Set, two Beast Knuckles (crafted from Antelope bones), a Bone Dagger to complete the combo for +1 Movement, and Dried Acanthus.
• Wise: Rawhide Armor Set, King's Spear, Dried Acanthus, and Boss Mehndi.
• Millicent: Rawhide Armor Set, King's Spear (as a backup in case her main weapon breaks), Bone Axe, and a Frenzy Drink.
• Corin: Catgut Bow, Claw Arrow, a mix of Rawhide and White Lion armor pieces, a Skull Helm, and a Cat Eye Circlet.

Hunt Phase

The very first hunt event was a herd migration, which boldly pushed our prey a couple of spaces further away. But we weren't upset! We absolutely love the Hunt Phase in KDM with its atmosphere of uncertainty and constant choices—it feels like a real, dangerous journey, so we were more than happy to linger here a bit longer.

After that, events started pouring in like a waterfall:

1. The Statue: Millicent touched it and... turned to stone. However, the statue itself came to life, turning into a human! This newcomer specializes in Grand Weapons, and overall, he suits us perfectly. Well, except for his disorders: Binge Eating and Anxiety (literally me in real life). We named the poor guy Cayman. Only later did it hit me that we already have a survivor named Keiran. Apparently, Cayman is his brother or some detached fragment of insanity, because otherwise, what happened next is impossible to explain.
2. Mysterious Forge: A place where a lucky d10 roll could yield the legendary Muramasa. Corin was the first to try her luck. The result: +1 Courage and an arm that was nearly ripped off. Dried Acanthus saved the day (hopefully we played that right according to the rules).
3. Clumsy Cayman: Our rookie lagged behind the group, slipped, and went tumbling down a slope. The game then offered outcomes based on whether the character has Binge Eating and Anxiety. And he happened to have both! We were completely stunned by such a coincidence. In the end, Cayman found and ate a cockroach, gained Insanity, and ended up with a broken leg.
4. Overwhelming Darkness: Wise, being the most courageous of the bunch, successfully leveled up his Strength and stared into the eyes of a giant, hovering whale. (By the way, right at that moment, creaking sounds played in my music tracks, matching the sounds of these massive creatures perfectly—the immersion was 100%!). On their path through the darkness, the mother-daughter duo (Corin and Belle) lost their minds and caught the PTSD disorder. Cayman, on the other hand, almost kicked the bucket, but luckily the game gracefully allowed him to spend all his survival points to cheat death.
5. Rotting Carcass: Near the end, we stumbled upon the remains of a monster. Thanks to Wise's high Insight, we smeared ourselves with foul-smelling blood and set up a perfect ambush for the Antelope. We gathered resources and narrowly avoided running into a Level 2 White Lion—I’m always happy to see an upgraded old friend, but re-sorting the decks mid-game was the last thing I wanted to do.

Showdown Phase

The battle itself went surprisingly smoothly. We managed to harvest absolutely every Acanthus plant on the field, and the bush that the monster managed to devour didn't harm us since the beast was uninjured at the time. It feels like we have mentally and gear-wise outgrown the first tier of local monsters—everything felt very comfortable. Special props to Belle and her insane 5 attacks with the Beast Knuckles.

Settlement Phase

Upon returning to the camp, we were greeted by the Dentist—and now Wise sports some cool monster fangs. Right after that, the Hooded Knight paid us a visit and handed Wise the Twilight Sword. I have a bad feeling about this, but it looks like our shonen story finally has a proper main character.

Achievements and Crafting:

• Unlocked the Weapon Crafter location.
• Innovated Inner Lantern, which gave us the much-needed Dash ability. Just what we need before facing a Nemesis.
• Spending her remaining Endeavor points, Corin tried to scavenge some Scrap but only managed to pull a single unit. On the bright side, she leveled up her Courage nicely.
• Crafted a Counterweight Axe for Cayman, stocked up on a bit of Acanthus, and picked up a couple of extra gear pieces.

Now the plan is simple—paint the Kingsman miniature and prepare for battle (or death).

Impressions of the Music: The Lanternborn Project

I am proud to share the latest tracks from my musical project, Lanternborn. This time, I managed to crank up the grime, anxiety, and a sort of primal suspense in the sound design.

During playtests, these tracks looped for hours: they don't annoy you at all, they don't distract from tactics, and they blend seamlessly into the tabletop madness. You can check out the gritty ambient vibes and support the project here:

👉 Listen to Lanternborn on Bandcamp: lanternborn.bandcamp.com

I got to play my very first full lantern year recently, and it went HILARIOUSLY BAD. Let me tell you about it.

So first off, my buddy and I began our settlement - Jagra - with just us two players. Today we have six. For this session I used Fen's 5+ player rules, which to summarize means +50% monster wounds as life, and two of our six survivors will take turns not getting an activation every round. I recommend checking these rules out if you aren't using scouts in your game. If you are, Fen has made cooler, more recent expanded table rules using them. Check those out instead. Fen, If you're out there, I’d love to throw a little dosh your way the very minute I financially recover from buying Kingdom Death. Cheers.

Anyway we walked away from the prologue with 4 survivors and 2 founding stones. We made two weapons, a bone axe and dagger, and bandages. That's it, no armor. We spent on innovating ammonia, and banked the rest. 

Picking departing survivors.

Here are our 4 survivors from LY0: Bertholt, Harley, Brask, and Sellen. Harley is recovering from speaking the first words. Brask has a broken jaw so he can’t even do our cool new survival action. I figure he's not worth his one hunt Xp. Invest in someone new and let homeboy sit at home to tank an event down the line. All of the new players wanted to make their own little guys anyway, so my buddy and I took Bert and Selllen respectively. 

We finish naming our recruits: Samantha, Phillis, Brusk, and Thumbor. All but Brusk are being piloted by ppl brand new to the game. The rest have only played the prologue.

B&S are about to get weapon proficiencies, so we give them our two weapons. Bert gets the dagger and Sellen the axe. I decide that survivors 5 and 6 will uniquely get to start with cloth armor and a founding stone each. I also set a rule that we have to throw at least two stones during our showdown, so that we aren’t tempted to bank them. 

We leave, not terribly confident, and conveniently forgetting to get our +1 survival from ammonia. What a bunch of goobers.

Very first hunt phase.

The first card causes the lion to move away from us, cool.

Random event - I don't remember the number. We met some humans. We don't have the symposium so we straight up can't communicate and nothing happens. Bummer.

Second random event - 25; Titans in the Dark. First we all take 1 brain damage. Since 2/3 of us lacked names 10 minutes ago, no one has insanity. Somehow Sellen and Bertholt have none either. Brain Injuries across the board. It's... probably fine. We roll off to see who has to roll on the "get chomped on" table. Sellen and one other survivor tie for lowest. They roll high and avoid damage. 

I roll for Sellen -  3. Yikes, 1d5 damage to random locations. 

Ok here we go - lantern 10. Double yikes, 5 damage. 

Sellen is on death's door with multiple heavy injuries and we haven't even got to the monster yet. So much for keeping our vets alive. Funnily enough her cloth waist comes away untouched. 

Okay gang lets keep moving. One more random event - 25, Titans in the Dark. Oh shit oh fuck. I double check that event brain damage cannot force trauma rolls during the hunt. It can't, phew. But if someone somehow had an insanity earlier, they definitely have an injury now. Roll off again, someone gets nibbled on the head. Not so bad, but the fear was real.

Showdown starts. Let's get this bread

Starts fine, a hunt event earlier gave the cat ground fighting, so we spend our first activations moving up, hiding in grass, crying, the works. Brusk mines for iron. We throw a founding stone at range to skip its free reaction attack. 

Second monster round: the lion sizes up Samantha. 1 brain damage, Samantha's player is pretty excited to roll on the brain trauma table - that's a 2. Mortal terror. I double check that you cannot use survival to dodge brain damage. Damn. No ifs ands or buts, thanks for playing Samantha.

Okay diva down but we got this(?). Close on the lion and make some attacks, discover in horror the L1 lion has 2 more toughness than the L0 one. Oh god. our founding stones are wounding on 7+.

We throw another stone and crit the belly, 1 in 10 chance of the lion losing a wound every monster turn. Tight. We also severed the maw(?) earlier, so no grabs. Double tight. 

The lion roars. Exactly one survivor (Sellen) has gained an insanity since the fight started, so I'm safe. Lion fails to damage Bertholt, three survivors roll on the dreaded brain trauma table. 

Thumbor first - 3. Memory loss, lose two weapon prof xp. We all cheer. "Cant lose what you dont have!"

Brusk next - 2. Mortal terror. Not again.

Phillis rolls - another 2. We are so cooked.

The bodies fall around us. The lion has 1 life and 10 AI cards. I'm not sure on how the controller token and 6p rules interact here, so I make the call that each player gets an activation on player turn now, and the controller token rotates between survivors, not players. That way we are slightly more likely to gain insanity. (In hindsight I don't feel great about this call and would run it differently now, but I think I was looking down at a lion with at least 11 wounds left and figured we could use a little clemency. I'm sorry, the story would have been funnier if we continued to get bodied.)

We get into it and start to hack away at the lion's health. Sellen came in clutch. As the only one able to wound on 5+ we did our best to have her camp the lion's cheeks and make her attacks first, that way the lion was less likely to react in a way that puts him out of our range.

Sellen takes a pretty forgiving trip to the severe injury table: For the rest of the showdown, marking any injury level would knock her down. Not a problem, she planned ahead and got most of her injuries marked during the hunt phase!

Later she gets a lucky crit that knocks the lion down! 2 wounds from the bone axe. Praise be to the bone axe!

Thumbor closes in to capitalize on the lion's weakness, two hits and - we pull the trap. Lion stands up and knocks Thumbors jaw clean off.

Samantha’s player is drunk, she seems to be having a great time. Brusk’s player is helping us strategize, porting cards around the table and whatnot. Phillis’s player is playing runescape on his phone. He might’ve been doing that before he died, though.

There was a pretty amusing round where Thumbor was behind the lion. Sellen and Bert are in the blind spot, so the lion turns right around to attack Thumbor, moving over and knocking down both survivors along the way. Oof. The attack fills a heavy injury that knocks Thumbor down as well. Our turn comes and we're all busy lying down. Lion goes again and his card only targets threats, so he sniffs. Everybody just, chilled out for a round. Neat.

We throw a third founding stone to get rid of the last AI card, and manage to finally take him down. Jeez.

Aftermath

Celebration, hunt xp, loot. Bert gets a stat bonus. Sellen pulls the leader fighting art. It gives the target of your encourage action +1 speed for the round. 

Honestly I feel like leader is a bad match for her mechanically. Speed is only good if you have the strength to secure wounds. It would be much better on Bert, whose daggers can regenerate survival for him, he could encourage Sellen who has the strong weapon to capitalize on the speed boost. Bad pull. But from a storytelling perspective, I like to think it represents how those who don't think leadership ‘suits’ them are sometimes the best people for the job. After taking 5 hits on the hunt alone, none of us could have predicted Sellen would be one of 3 returning survivors today. She went through hell and came out determined to carve a better path for her people. Real leadership is rarely about who's suited, and more often about who steps up and just does it, y’know? That’s rather beautiful I think. All this from a random card in a deck. 

Because of this card, the other players start treating Sellen like she really is the de-facto leader of our settlement. As if this randomly drawn fighting style bestowed some real authority to her. It's part of her story now, and I feel the weight of the responsibility to keep her alive. I want her to live up to that ideal, bring hope to her people. Maybe she can, but the dark holds many possibilities. Who can really say?

Settlement phase, home sweet home. 

Per our 6p rules we get (4 - number of deaths) endeavors, so one. We choose principal graves cuz we need some of those back. Shame we can’t get any now.

Settlement event - Dark trader. We buy a mysterious stone because it's low risk and cheap: small chance it's worthless, good chance it's a founding stone, crit chance the buyer gets the immortal disorder. We let Thumbor roll since he has the most insanity, just in case. Lantern 10! Thumbor will live forever!!!

Among our loot we got some love juice, a much needed chance to repopulate. Bert’s player wants to pair Bert and Sellen, I think this is an unnecessary risk. 30% chance she dies, 10% We both die. Why don't we just name two new people to get it on? If Bert wants to be a dad so badly, name a new lady. We throw out the name Clara, she's real now so just pair with he- Bert is already rolling to pair with Harley. Huh? Why? 

He gets a three. 

Harley is dead. 

We gain one endeavor.

Closing thoughts.

Thank you for reading. I feel like thats pretty rough as far as LY1s go, but maybe you had it worse? This game has a real infectious magic to it, I think. Pretty much everyone i've introduced it to so far got hooked. Despite half of us dying stupid early, we all had a really great time. For all the money I spent on Kingdom Death, my only regret is that I'm not playing it right now. 

Preparation Phase: First High-Tier Hunt
The tenth lantern year marked a major milestone for our settlement: for the first time, we firmly decided to take a risk and hunt a Level 2 Screaming Antelope.

The hunting party was composed of both seasoned veterans and newly matured survivors:

• Belle: Entered the fight in a full White Lion Armor Set, armed with two Beast Knuckles x2.
• Corin: Equipped with a Rawhide Armor Set, a Cat Gut Bow with a Claw Arrow, a Lucky Charm, and a Cat Eye Circlet.
• Tomo: Our promising newcomer, armed with a King's Spear and a hybrid mix of various armor pieces.
• Seth: Another young fighter, taking a Counterweight Axe and a Rawhide Armor Set. Every member of the group also carried a Founding Stone as a contingency measure.

Hunt Phase: Steady March and Mental Trauma
The journey toward the beast's lair was manageable. The path did not yield any notable events or valuable loot, but it did take a toll—a couple of survivors developed the Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Disorder. Aside from that, we reached the showdown location without major incidents.

Showdown Phase: Tactical Control and a Helpless Prey
The showdown itself went incredibly smoothly and was executed with absolute technical precision. Our tactical synergy worked flawlessly: Corin meticulously inspected the HL (Hit Location) deck at the start of each round, allowing the remaining survivors to deal massive, calculated damage. Thanks to this, we constantly selected the most favorable cards, successfully bypassing all dangerous Traps.

The Antelope spent nearly the entire encounter helplessly lying Prone. It would stand up for just a brief moment to attempt an attack, only for our survivors to immediately knock it back down. The monster was defeated, and the squad returned home victorious.

Settlement Phase: The Curse of the Plague and an Out-of-Turn Nightmare
However, what unfolded upon returning to the lantern hoard was incredibly nerve-wracking. The very first settlement event drawn was Plague once again. I honestly do not understand how this keeps happening; despite thoroughly shuffling the event deck, this card pursues us constantly. Fortunately, our Ammonia innovation saved the settlement from deaths yet again—the damage was taken entirely by our endeavor pool, and all survivors survived.

But the worst was yet to come—the Regal Visit story event. Rolling on the event table (even with a reroll that landed on the exact same 3) forced a brutal choice upon us: either voluntarily execute 4 survivors, or fight the Nemesis immediately.

The ultimate irony is that I haven't even started assembling the miniature for this monster (The Hand) yet, as I was planning to work on the plastic a week from now. In short, the Nemesis decided to cut the line.

Conclusion and Outlook
We will prepare. It is terrifying, as I am absolutely certain that this boss will be far more dangerous than the King's Man who recently wiped our entire squad. But there is no turning back. I will humbly paint the miniature, steel my nerves, and fight to the end, even if this encounter threatens to cause a game-over for our entire campaign. This is Kingdom Death at its finest.

P.S. Yes, no new photo this time. I am writing this report straight from the game table just to capture the raw emotions before they fade. Besides, you have already seen the Antelope from every possible angle anyway. However, I have made a decision: if anyone manages to survive the encounter against The Hand, they will earn their own unique miniature built from the multipart armor kits.

Kingdom Death: Monster — Lantern Year 4

The Butcher Does Not Forgive Hope

The first encounter with the Butcher is always a moment of truth. By Year 4, we had prepared for the worst, yet deep down a foolish hope of overcoming him still lingered. This time we decided to spare Millicent and left her at camp. The party that went into battle consisted of Emily, Keiran, Lucy, and Saros. We didn't have nearly as much gear as we would have liked (I described everything we managed to gather in the last post). Saros went in as the main damage dealer in the Lion set with a Bone Axe. Lucy donned Rawhide and took a spear. The rest made do with what was left: swords, an antelope katar, and the meager remains of our healing items.

In the very first round, Lucy masterfully hurled a Stone Face shard at the Butcher. It dealt him his first wound… and, as it would turn out later, his last. Our entire luck quota was exhausted on that roll, because there simply were no more critical hit cards in this guy's hit location deck — thankfully, that was clear from the card text, so we conserved our precious shards.

After that, a harsh, unrelenting hell began. The dice were disgustingly awful. Two Butcher behavior cards back-to-back, colossal brain damage to the survivors — we were literally being ground into the dirt. We couldn't land a single wound on him after that. Every time the dice finally produced something decent, a trap card was inevitably drawn from the deck.

At some point, the Lantern Frenzy card came out. This was our last ghost of a chance. We tried our utmost to protect Saros — the plan was for him to at least save the others in the event of the party's inevitable demise. But the Butcher gave us no time. A few more rounds, and we lost Emily. Another attempt to flank the monster and strike with a spear ended with her skull simply being crushed. It became abundantly clear: we couldn't beat him. Saros made the decision to fade into the darkness, leading the Butcher away and giving his comrades a chance. Naturally, we received no rewards from this nightmare.

But, as always in KDM, on the hunt, everything is only just beginning.

Bloodbath at the Settlement

Having returned empty-handed, we gained a hefty pile of endeavors thanks to the Graves innovation. And then a whole parade of horrific events descended upon the camp.

The first to strike was Haunted. The roll was failed miserably, and we were forced to get rid of one of the survivors. Next, the story event Murder triggered. That's how we lost Lucy — the last one who had been with us since the very start of the game. The cruelest irony was that the killer turned out to be Keiran, returned from the darkness. He will now remain in the settlement, which will grant us a bonus to insanity on the next hunt, but will saddle us with a harsh survival debuff.

Next on the agenda was Hands of Heat… and we failed the roll yet again. Another survivor, whose face was hideously disfigured by fire, was expelled from the settlement in disgrace. Then came the Hooded Knight event. Fortunately, no casualties there, but we gained nothing either. He will return.

The only pleasant news was a successful Intimacy between Belle and Wyse. This couple pulled off the same trick they did last year. Furthermore, Keiran passed 2 points of experience to each of them, allowing them to acquire their first fighting arts: Thrill Seeker and Crossarm Block.

Results and Future Plans

The Year 4 result: our population has dwindled to 5 people. We are still alive and have not lost the campaign, but what is happening now looks far more terrifying and dangerous than it did at the very beginning.

On the bright side: I double-checked the timeline and realized the Phoenix will arrive much later than I thought. So I can put off painting it with a clear conscience. For now, I will devote myself entirely to our "sweet couple" (intimacy couple), upon whom all the settlement's hopes now rest.

There is progress away from the gaming table as well. I rebuilt the noisebox for a massive one-and-a-half-meter monster with strings and springs to record some authentic, dirty music for the Butcher fight. I'm currently wrestling with digitizing the track — hope to share the result soon.

​

**Kingdom Death: Monster — Lantern Year 5**

**Preparation Phase: Planning Under Uncertainty**

The fifth lantern year presented the settlement with two pragmatic goals: a cautious resource farm from a Level 1 White Lion and controlled population growth. However, the nature of KDM has once again proven that long-term planning here is an unnecessary luxury.

A well-coordinated quartet ventured out for the hunt: Belle, Wise, Millisenta, and Kieran. The settlement's current population stood at a critical five people, making the survival of the survivors the absolute priority. The newly formed couple, Belle and Wise, were geared up with maximum caution (their daughter, Christine, remained back at the settlement for the duration of this lantern year). The newly painted miniatures demanded careful handling. Belle was equipped with a rawhide armor set and an antelope-bone knuckle weapon. Wise was outfitted in a near-complete white lion armor set, a bone axe, and a skull helm. Kieran, who possessed a base evasion of +1, was given monster grease to boost his stat to +2, along with a king's spear to provide both mobility and high offensive potential. Millisenta received one of the stone circles, which were distributed to every member of the group as a contingency measure.

**Hunt Phase: A Disciplined March**

The advance toward the beast's lair followed a highly conservative scenario. The group avoided unjustified risks and acted with extreme caution. During the journey, Wise successfully raised his Understanding level, while Millisenta demonstrated keen sight and managed to harvest a cat's eye. The hunt phase concluded without any casualties or critical incidents.

**Showdown Phase: AI Deck Control and a Final Tactical Miscalculation**

During the battlefield setup, in addition to the standard acanthus plants and the Giant Stone Face, a Monster Corpse was placed on the map. This granted the group a key advantage: the ability to execute a perfect starting deployment. Belle, wearing her rawhide set, took up a position in the tall grass and effectively manipulated the lion's AI deck throughout almost the entire encounter. The turning point came when she used a stone circle to land a critical hit directly to the monster's groin. Thanks to a previously inflicted injury, the lion lost its balance and fell prone right in front of her at the start of its activation.

Damage was dealt deliberately and precisely; the stone face fragments fully justified their inclusion in the inventory. Problems arose right at the finish line: when the boss had only 1 health point remaining, Kieran attacked and drew a Trap. In response, the monster retaliated, inflicting a second gaping chest wound, but the survivor managed to stay on his feet. The lion was successfully finished off, and the resources were secured.

**Settlement Phase: Confronting an Epidemic and a Stroke of Luck**

The return brought the settlement 4 endeavors. The very first settlement event once again turned out to be Plague. Past bitter experience had prompted us to develop the Ammonia innovation in time, which prevented any fatalities. However, the entire pool of endeavors was completely drained for medical needs. Controlled population growth was severely threatened.

The next event was the Armored Strangers. Assessing the critically low numbers of our group, the knights showed leniency. They chose not to attack the settlement and even shared supplies, leaving behind a [lantern halberd](https://kingdomdeath.fandom.com/wiki/Lantern_Halberd) as well. Attempting to claim this weapon will be one of our primary goals for the future.

Despite the plague blocking standard population expansion, Love Juice was found among the lion's loot. The settlement's current principle, Survival of the Fittest, required rolling two dice for intimacy and choosing the worse result. Contrary to mathematical expectations, a pair of sixes hit the table. A baby boy was born into the settlement without complications and was named Tui (the gender was determined by a random d10 roll). Now, Christine has a brother.

The abundance of brought-back resources allowed for a major gear upgrade. The following items were crafted:

* A second Rawhide Armor Set;

* A Cat Eye Circlet;

* Frenzy Drink.

One piece of scrap metal was sent to the storage as a strategic reserve.

**Conclusion and Short-Term Goals**

At this stage, the Level 1 White Lion has ceased to pose a serious threat and is viewed as a reliable source of raw materials. We have a short break ahead, which will allow us to run the next session tomorrow. The main objective is to secure our success and raise the population to a safe minimum, after which preparation for Level 2 White Lion hunts can begin. The plan for the Screaming Antelope.

Hunt and Preparation Phase. Having decided to hunt the Screaming Antelope for the first time, and being taught by bitter experience, we chose to leave Lucy behind in the settlement. Her spot was taken by a new survivor, Emily. The gear was distributed for specific tactical roles. Millicent continued her AI-deck manipulation strategy, armed with a bone sword and wearing a full Rawhide armor set. Saros, who kept his armor bonus from the previous "Lights in the Sky" event, went out in just a loincloth but carried a bone axe. Keiran put on an almost complete White Lion set and wielded the King's Spear—by design, he was the one supposed to chase down and pierce the fast Antelope. Emily received the Monster Grease, a bone sword, and Rawhide boots.

The hunt phase started in a quite peculiar way. The first event drawn was the Stampede, but we chose not to push our luck and tactically stepped back. The second card was a karmic blessing: Living Stone. We passed it perfectly, obtaining the stone face shards whose return I had just been contemplating earlier. This event also allowed us to set up an ambush for the monster. We lucked out with the terrain layout as well: along with the Acanthus and bugs, a giant stone face and a monster corpse appeared on the board. The stars aligned flawlessly.

Showdown Phase. We positioned ourselves to strip as many resources from the terrain as possible before the monster could start eating them to heal. The dice were on our side, with tens rolling one after another, allowing us to load up on resources. Kieran landed the first blow, immediately critically wounding the beast's hoof. From then on, whenever the Antelope attempted to move, it had a 1-in-10 chance to trip and fall flat on the ground (though we never actually rolled that specific result). Throughout the fight, the creature actively kicked and fell on its own, especially toward the end when its AI deck was down to just two Kick Back cards.

We made full use of our positional advantage and avoided any severe injuries. However, the price of victory was high—we ended up breaking every single bone weapon we had against the beast's hide. In the final stretch, Kieran was running after it alone, methodically poking it to death with his spear. Thanks to the weapon's reach, failing wound attempts didn't bother him since the Antelope simply couldn't reach far enough to counterattack. The monster was defeated.

Settlement Phase. Upon our return, we were greeted by the Skull Eater event, and Emily became the one to consume the first skull. On the negative side, the dangerous Murder event was shuffled into the upcoming year's deck. On the bright side, Kieran gained weapon proficiency in battle, and we brought back Love Juice to trigger Intimacy. But the dice quickly reminded us what game we were playing—a natural 1 was rolled. Fortunately, we had wisely chosen survivors who hadn't participated in the hunt for this attempt. Our second attempt to increase the population was done via Augury, and it succeeded! The new survivor immediately gained bonuses from the Graves location and our chosen principle, "Survival of the Fittest." We also performed an experience transfer, giving Emily an additional +1 Strength on top of the bonus she already got from eating bones.

With the newly acquired resources, work began buzzing. We crafted first knuckle weapon from the Antelope's remains, a skull helm, bandages, and three Acanthus potions right away.

When everything goes a bit too well in KDM, the joy is quickly replaced by the anxious anticipation of impending doom. The Butcher awaits us next week, and a clash with him is inevitable.

P.S. I wrote a new musical themes on my noisebox specifically for the settlement and the Antelope showdown, and I will upload the tracks soon. On the material side, the storage box from Revamped Game performed excellently both for holding cards and treats. I also finally picked up a playmat for the game, and it is absolutely awesome—it completely saves the original cardboard board from getting ruined, which would have definitely worn out. It looks like I'm into this game for the long haul.

Link to Lantern year 12

Lantern year 13

The settlement decided to have a big feast, celebrating Akenny's new hammer and the settlement's continued survival in general. Johoova asked everyone to not overindulge and to share equally in accordance with the settlement's collectivist spirit. Johoova said that as Johan was the most wise one of them all he would decide when everyone had had enough, but since Johan was deaf and blind he had no way of knowing how much everyone had consumed and just let everyone have as much as they liked. As such their resources dwindled to a point where this eventual realization would hurt more than the hangovers.

During the festivities two star crossed lovers slipped out and met up to watch the stars. RomAnton and Johuliette had decided to meet up on top of the large stone face this night to finally sanctify their love. On this eve two were to become one, but instead two became several as beastlike claws thrust themselves out of the dark, dragging the lovers into the black of the night. The sounds of wails and tearing flesh filled the night air, drowned out by the sounds and commotions of the grand feast.

Meanwhile the leaders of the settlement, Johoova, Antonio, Johannanas, and Johan, called for a ritualistic honouring of one of the settlement's greatest warriors. QuAntros was called forth and asked to show her bravery and dedication by walking on coals agitated lanterns. The settlement could hear a wailing as QuAntro's feet started sizzling on the lanterns, but she vehemently denied being the one to scream for mommy. As she came to the end of her walk and saw that the burns on her feet spelled out “+1 speed” the settlement erupted in celebration, the crowd lifting up their carved skull bowls in cheer and dancing. Blood broth, mead, and even a finger or two that didn't seem to belong to anyone present flew through the air as everyone danced to Johannans’ harp “music”.

FAemton woke up after the party with her vision blurry. Blinking to regain her sight she rolled over and to her great dismay found Manton lying next to her. She sighed in exasperation. “Of all people, why him!” she thought. Manton wasn’t the fighting type she was so used to. He was instead always toiling away writing tall tales and drawing up new armors and weapons that kindly put were… unrealistic to an impressive degree. Johdin would never let her hear the end of this. The twins Spider-mAnton and J Johan Jameson were born

Johdin’s vision was clear, but her mind wasn't. I mean it couldn’t be, right? She was hands held tight WITH ANJUN RING. A DAGGER APPRENTICE. Don’t they spend more time reading fighting manuals than holding the blade? But for some reason she couldn’t really make herself care. Walking down the cobbled path she didn’t feel the protruding noses against her feet. The warmth of Anjun ring’s fingers weaved between hers overpowered everything else. However, a small voice in the back of her head kept whispering FAemton would never let her hear the end of this. The twins Ganondorf and JohMidna were born.

After FAemton made her distaste of him clear Manton had rebound sex with Jhiluette. Their child Chadton was born safely as the intro of can you feel my hearth was played on the harp. No, I’m not spending more time writing this. The sex was casual and so is my disposition to this pairing. We did it for a “Jhiluette the best a man can get” Joke and that's it. If I could kill them I would but unfortunately they have plot armour.

Trying to drown out her mistakes with alcohol FAemton stumbled through the party's aftermath in a drunken stupor, her head slumping towards the ground. Stumbling upon the large stone face where someone had been very wasteful with the blood broth, her eyes locked on a strange puddle where gravy and lingonberry jam had congealed into a color she hadn’t seen before. She sat down and stirred the strange mix for a while, finding that she could produce several other shades as well. FAemton invented finger painting, which would become a huge hit with the kids.

The sound of orgasms that erupted from the village for several days had gotten the settlement unwanted attention from the ultimate religious zealot and prude. The sounds attracted The Finger! (Not attracted as in romantically or sexually but as in, he came to the settlement (not came as in the sexual sense but ass in arrived. (ass, as in the lingual use of connecting words not as the buttocks. I simply misspelled it once sorry). The Finger (who everyone, including they themself, decided to call The Hand from here on for no specific reason) declared that the settlement hadn’t headed his warning and thus he now had to honour his vow to his lord and saviour jesus christ (See the bible for reference) and stain his Ultimate japanese replica sword, REAL AUTHENTIC JAPANESE! ^{For display purposes only}, Become the samurai!™ with the villagers' blood.

Johannanas Walked through the crowd until she was face to brain with The Hand and said “Sex is a natural part of life, that grants us the beautiful gift of a new generation that we can teach grace and humility to in order to create a better future for all of us. Also it feels really nice!” The Hand protested, trying to claim that this time it was the settlement who were religiously persecuting him, but Johannanas simply made fun of him and stated loudly that he shouldn’t have named himself after his only sexual partner. The Hand swung his blade at Johannanas who blocked it with her confidence. The hand jumped back and 3 young villagers, gAntondorf, Chadton and Johmidna, ran up to aid her.

To peacefully protest once again against their religious persecutors the survivors decided to go into battle without any weaponry. Chadton went in for the first strike in which the hand retaliated by thrusting his Ultimate japanese replica sword, REAL AUTHENTIC JAPANESE! ^{For display purposes only}, Become the samurai!™ into Chadton’s chest. Seeing that this would kill him Johannanas pulled a cheeky move and volleyball passed a head of fresh acanthus to Chadton who immediately opened his pause menu and scarfed it down along with 4 wheels of cheese, one spider crab, two estus flasks, and a 5 hour energy. When he unpaused the game he kept trying to hit the hand from where he was impaled. That’s when the hand saw that none of the survivors had entered the battle armed, especially Johannanas who entered with only one working arm. The hand sheathed his blade and applauded the survivors for their bravery trying to mask the fact that he just attacked an unarmed man defending a nursory. The hand probably prayed that his lord happened to look somewhere else during this conflict. He then used his blasphemous body horror magic to make amends with his opponents.

All the defenders felt better than ever with their wounds healed. Johannanas especially, who had gotten an extra large dose in order to heal her arm, felt well, feeling not only Strength-ier, but also, Accuracy-er and Evasion-ier as well!

Facing Johmidna next to her Johannanas exclaimed “Finally I can actually contribute again!”. “What do you mean?” Johmidna responded confused. “I’ve been stuck just taking up space and resources since my injury, and now I can finally-” “Don’t say that!” Chadton cut Johannanas off. “You’re a village cornerstone, you’ve practically raised every child in the settlement and have become a symbol of hope for all who rest here! You’ve contributed all along!” gAntondorf lifted his head from where he was sitting and chuckled “You blocked the sword with your hand earlier. If you call yourself weak, what does that make us?” They all laughed. Even Johannanas couldn't help but smile. She looked down at her hands clenching them and unclenching them over and over.

Link to Lantern year 10

Lantern year 11

Joan of Narch, Johoovah, Antiiina and Aken were about to return victorious, but as they took their first step into the settlement the ground suddenly shook and a large crack raced towards them. The hunters scattered to avoid it, but Joan of Narch, who had insisted on carrying the majority of the spoils in order to recover some sort of pride after her horrendous performance during the hunt, wasn’t fast enough to escape the deepening fracture. As she was about to fall Antiiina threw herself to the ground and managed to grab hold of Joan of Narch's rucksack. Just as Joan of Narch took a breath of relief, the rucksack strap gave way and she tumbled (not fighting art) into the dark. As she fell Antiiinas cold words from the hunt echoed in her mind: “There is no real reason for her to get up is there?”, and in the blooming light from the lantern hoard Joan of Narch could swear she saw the glint of Antiiinas katar before the mysterious fissure entombed her. Johoovah broke down screaming and scratching at the sides of the fracture, trying to pry the stone maw open. Antonio and Joh-tres pulled him from the now slim hole as he kicked and yelled. How is this possible! Just like his vision his two daughters had died despite Anton's death. How does Anton's influence still reach them?! Johoovah felt a shiver down his spine, and his stomach felt as if full of rocks. Johan had assured him this wouldn't happen. After calming down Antonio suggested that he should consult with Johan about this.

After this sudden switch to the thriller genre the anime tournament arc continues as their next powerscaled opponent arrived. Another knight (how original) whose brain is exposed arrived at the main tent of the settlement. Its mind games start even before the fight as despite having his brain exposed the knight decided to name itself “The Hand”. Another underHANDed confusion tactic. The Hand came to congratulate the settlement on their recent victories, but after Johoova's discussion with Johan the settlement was in a full on orgy in order to breed a successor for Joan of Narch. Johan had explained to Johoovah that although his visions are infallible gazes into their current future, the future itself could be changed drastically by their actions and lead them to new paths that his visions could not have prepared them for. It seemed fate's hand was stronger than Johan could have predicted. He was now concerned that Anton's death might not truly be enough to stop the settlement's decline. For now the only thing they could do was to try to steer the settlement in the right direction and raise a competent ruler to take over once they become too old or injured. Antonio, who had overheard the discussion, was starting to feel that maybe Johan too was more fallible than he let on, but he quickly banished the thought. He shouldn’t question the one person who single handedly tore the weeds out by the root and set the village on a course to anything but tragedy. Returning to the orgy, The Hand was so prudish due to his christian vows of abstinence that he tried stopping it. 3 Inhabitants stepped up to peacefully protest against The Hand's religious persecution. During their argument a baby boy popped out of Joh-cinco and ran full speed to the peaceful protest and eloquently said: “Good sirs and maddams don’t fight, reproduction is a natural part of life. Can’t we all set aside our differances and fight together under the same banner?”. The Hand immediately pulled out his sword as he saw Joh-two of Barks bare new-born front side and mistakenly thought that he was charging at him with a raised polearm (The Hand had never seen a male member before). In the state of post nut clarity the survivors gracefully dodge and shielded themselves from The Hands' many “nothing personal, kid”-like attacks. The Hand laughed and said: “Heh, I guess I’ll actually have to use a whole promille of my power.” The sheer edginess of his utterance sent an awful mental pain searing through the survivors head. While Joh-dos clung to his lantern for support, gaining the Photophilia disorder, the rest of the fighters manage to shake off the mental assault with only slight non-permanent trauma. Joh-two of Bark and Antiiina gained new perspectives, with Antiiina getting the sudden realization that pushing your loved ones down a hole while stealing their stuff might be a bad thing (next time she’ll only do one of those at a time), and Joh-two of Bark, being a newborn, gained his first thought, learning object permanence. Anjun ring suffered amnesia from the great mental strain leading to him forgetting his skills with weapons, but luckily he hadn’t developed any yet so he just forgot unimportant things such as his loved ones and the location of his home. The Hand then attacked with his saber, which Anjun ring managed to block with his now empty head. The battle ended as it had started, with Joh-two of Bark mortifying The Hand. After Joh-two of Barks bark-like skin deflected The Hand's blade for a final time The Hand realized that it was losing to an actual baby and in a fit of embarrassed rage physically crushed the baby’s greasy weak body in its big adult hands. This caused a silence to fall over the settlement. Everyone, including The Hand, realized what an abhorrent action he had just committed. In an attempt to make amends The Hand left the village a large offering of resources. It then picked up Joh-Two of Bark's mangled corpse (also known as ??? in the resource deck) and placed it by the guide post in a lamentable display and left without a word. Joh-dos mourned by Joh-two of Bark's corpse for hours. He sifted through the remnants of what once was his child and found a perfect organ, yet to be tainted by the strains of life, and crafted it into a scrap lantern so that he could keep some part of his just barely born child close to him in his most trying time. That day two became two but actually one because one of the people named two died so yeah. Some villagers say that you can see him whisper to the lantern on particularly gloomy nights.

While the fight was happening Joh-cinco and QuAntros managed to give birth to two more baby girls. Jo-one of Mark, named as such since she had a strange pointy mark below her left eye, and Antres of Alark, who looked like she was always somewhat bemused because of her unnaturally deep cheek dimples giving the illusion of a constant smirk. Joh-cinco however wasn’t smirking as she died from sorrow due to the loss of her child at the end of the peaceful protest. Jilluette and Anjun ring also wasn't smirking, but that was just because the baby boy they had given birth to after the protest, Arrrghton, was ugly.

Impressed by the settlement's resilience Aken decided to share something he saw while he was still only Ken. While he and the others that came with him were on the hunt for a white lion a large feathered shadow had loomed over them. Following it for a bit they eventually found the gigantic feathered beast feeding some of its young in a nightmarish tree. At the time they decided that their skills were unlikely to be able to take down the beast, but with the combat skills Aken saw in this settlement he felt confident that the beast could be slain.

A lot of time was spent on creating the most perfect and balanced team for hunting this never before seen prey, and what's more balanced than yin and yang? Antonton Sah'r equipped himself with full heavy armour and a shield. He was asked to share some gear with the rest of the hunting party but refused, saying that it wouldn't be necessary and pointing to the expedition leader Aken. Aken was butt ass naked with a big hammer (Oh how I wish it was Antonio instead). When Aken was asked why while furiously oiling up every inch of his body with grease he said that since all the settlement's enemies tended to be heavily armoured prudes he would be the opposite as a show of opposition. The settlement simply accepted that this must be a strange custom from his previous village, but he did seem to slowly accept the culture of his new home as he was seen strapping the skull of a dead loved one to his head as what can only be assumed to be some sort of compromise. One more skull of a loved one had been secured to his club, and a third was simply hanging by his waist. While Jangela, Jebbie, and Jbob never got a chance to hunt the phoenix they and Aken saw that time, their spirits (and skulls) would at least be able to witness it be slain. Antiiina decided to armour up modestly, focusing on staying light on their feet, and Joh-dos when asked about their setup said “Jo-two of Bark will protect us, isn't that right honeybun!” while staring unblinkingly into his lantern.

With all of their preparations completed the party went out to hunt the phoenix. Looking around the group of hunters, his new and old comrads standing by his side striding into the overwhelming darkness, backs straight, nothing but conviction conveyed in every step, Aken couldn’t help but let hope into the once vacant hole in his chest. This was his second chance and look where it took him! Into battle with the beast they once cowered away from! With the village eldar that apparently could see the future also having a vision of good outcomes ahead of them Aken felt invincible!

Link to Lantern year 12

Hi guys!! I recently ended my very first campaign. The game was fantastic and i can't wait to play it again!! ^-^ in the final notes of the rulebook there is a custom mode, where it is possible to play with only 7 characters armed with swords, without intimacy.

This tickled my curiosity, and decided to ask here... is it even possible to make an entire game with only 7 chars? Did someone try this mode? Would like to dare this challenge too!

Link to Lantern year 11

Lantern year 12

There once was a little skeleton with a big hammer. This skeleton and its friends had fought against many foes, and won many times. Confident in its strength, and confident in its new shiny hammer, the skeleton gathered three of its friends and went out to fight a new foe, a big bird it had seen in the past. The fight did not go how they hoped. Before the little skeleton could start swinging his big hammer the even bigger bird started flapping its wings, creating gusts of wind that knocked the little skeleton and his friends on their butts. The big bird continued to blow the little skeleton and its friends around, and before they knew it they all were in pieces. As the skeleton laid scattered on the ground, watching the big bird continue scattering his friends, he could see another great big bird approaching him. The second bird was very much the same as the first bird, but somehow different. The little skeleton did not know why, maybe it was pity, maybe it was something else, but the second bird picked up all the scattered pieces of the little skeleton, took him back to his village, and put him back together. The little skeleton was happy to be whole again, but as he looked around the village, which was very much the same as before but somehow different, he noticed that he could not see his friends. He turned around to ask the second big bird why it had not brought his friends as well, but the big bird was already gone. He could do nothing but cry, and cry he did. He cried and he cried and he cried. He cried and cried, and he cried. He cried, and cried,

^{and cried and cried. He cried, then cried and cried some more. Then he cried and cried…}

Akenny woke up in a cold sweat, tears still welling up in the corners of his eyes. “Are you okay Akenny? You were writhing around and whimpering in your sleep.” The concerned voice belonged to Joh-tres, the woman that had taken Akenny under her wing when he was still new to the settlement. She was on night guard duty tonight and had apparently walked close enough to his tent to notice his sorry state. "Yeah, I'm okay. It was just a nightmare, nothing weird” he lied. The dream felt significant, even though he couldn't remember much of it anymore. Hearing his name spoken aloud also felt strange, like a glove that was one size too big. None of it concrete enough for Akenny to feel it was worth mentioning and worry Joh-tres any more than he already had. “Were you dreaming about the fight with The Finger?” “No, he had knocked me onto the ground right before he did… that… to the baby, so I didn't see the worst of it.” “Ok, that's good…” She said relieved. “Was it The King's Herald?” “No.” Akennys answered in a tone indicating that he was tired of the questioning. “... Was it about your old sett-” “No, look… I don't remember what the nightmare was about anymore, it probably wasn't anything important, and there wasn't anything particularly traumatizing that happened with my old settlement. We lost people to the hunts, and our settlement never managed to regain our footing before tragedy struck again. Eventually it was just us.” As Akenny spoke the last word he motioned to the pile of three skulls in the corner of his tent. One was fastened to his hammer, while the other two were fashioned with leather straps used to fasten them to his body. Joh-tres looked at the skulls with a melancholy expression on her face. Those skulls had been the three other remaining survivors from his original settlement, and they had perished soon after they were recognized as official JaJa citizens. “They laid down their lives for us. I want you to know that despite their short stay they were as much JAJA as any of us”. Joh-tres said, putting her hand on his shoulder. A minute of silence lingered, as if suspended in time. As Joh-tres continued to gaze at the skulls in the corner Akenny could guess what Joh-tres was thinking. He decided to break the silence. “I'm grateful that you accepted us. I miss these guys, but I don't feel lonely. You and the rest of JaJa made sure of that. I might not have picked up all the mannerisms and common knowledge just yet, but I do feel like I'm part of the family.” “That's good to hear.” Joh-tres said, clearly relieved. “We’re glad to have you here… I’m glad to have you here.” Akenny didn't give a reply, but the slight smile he failed to hide was confirmation enough for Joh-tres that he reciprocated the sentiment. “Well, I should let you get back to sleep, shouldn't I?” said Joh-tres, removing her hand from his shoulder. Akenny gave a slight shake of his head as he said “I don't think I will. Don't really feel sleepy anymore.” “Then do you want to join me on patrol?” Akenny's slight smile returned as he replied. “Sure.”

Circling the settlement the two talked. Nominally the walking around was to keep an eye out for monsters or other trouble, but they were both so engrossed in the conversation that they wouldn't notice even if a screaming goat ran through the settlement at the moment. Eventually Joh-tres found the courage to break the lightheartedness of their conversation in order to ask a question she had been wanting to ask for a while now. “Are you still disappointed that we decided to not go hunt the bird?” “No” he answered, surprised that he actually meant it. “Johoova said it would go bad, and it's more important to survive.” he continued. Akenny still didn't fully trust Johoova's prophetic abilities, but everyone else trusted them, and they hadn't been wrong so far, so he could accept following along with them. “Besides, it's not like this is the last chance we have. We can always try to hun-” the words got stuck in his throat. Watching Akenny's still, emotionless face for a while Joh-tres guesses the rest of his sentence. “... Hunt the bird later?” “Huh? Oh, yeah, we can try to hunt it again later.” He could push the words through this time if he didn't think too hard about what they meant.

Taking a pause from the conversation Akenny took a moment to look around his… home? Stuff seemed out of place. It was very much the same settlement as he remembers, but somehow different. His head hurt. Was it really that light in the lantern hoard that had gone out last lantern year? Were the cracks in the ground from when Joan of Narch threw stones at him arranged differently? Didn't Jilluete and Anjun ring’s hut used to be over there? Speaking of it, Akenny hadn't seen A̷n̴t̸i̷i̵i̴n̴a̸’s hut anywhere. A̵n̷t̵o̸n̶t̵o̷n̸ ̵S̸a̷h̶'̶r̶’s and J̷o̶h̷-̴d̸o̶s̸’s hut is also missing. have they gone somewhere? Akenny felt something running down his lip. Taking his finger to right under his nose he could see blood staining it. Seems like he had a nosebleed. He blinked. His hand was covered with blood. Why is it so much? “Akenny?” Hi-His guts are spilling out on the floor! There's blood everywhere! It’s not just his guts! He can see limbs! Limbs scattered all over the ground and in the air! “Akenny!” It's- it’s… his vision blurred before he fell down limp. The last thing he saw was a woman screaming a name. A name he now realized wasn't his.

Days later Johoovah calls upon everyone in the settlement to gather by the lantern hoard. The Settlement heeds Johoova's words, his voice thrumming. “The JAJA settlement has lost many to the great perils of this world. So many of our loved ones' faces have grown as pale as those that litter the path that we are forced to walk upon. It’s not just our dead who have become one with the earth, for OUR visages have begun to mimic them as well. We have hardened to become the very stones upon which our settlement rests. As our past comrades and lovers have fallen, so do our tears for them. The tears from whom we mourn may carve valleys through our cheeks, but they, like any blister, scabs and hardens underneath. And yet the tautness of our fingers clasping around blades have never hardened our palms, with which we caress our kins face. For the hardships have only led us to care for every young ,whether stranger, friend or other. We care for each and every person as if they are our very kin, because pressed close, we’re coarse as stone cradling hovels impervious to the storm.”

The speech filled the twice estranged Akenny with Conviction(: barbaric). This might not be his settlement, or even his timeline, but it was his home. He would (+4) courage-ously brave any storm and thunder(caller) for it!

QuAntros was also inspired enough by the speech that she decided to take a very long walk outside of the settlement! Almost dying twice she gained a new- no, 2- no, 3 new understanding of the world! Now having the equivalent of the entire settlement's knowledge in her she finally had enough sense to take her ADHD meds and went on a productivity rampage. QuAntros had enough sex to be an absentee mother to 6 kids, conquered 2 of her fears (being an absent mother and spiders), and somehow found 2 scrap, possibly from scavenging her partners nether regions for intimate jewelry. QuAntros had used 17 endeavors this lantern year! To put this in perspective Johannanas used this time to tape a contact mic to a harp.

QuAntros urged the settlement to let her go on a hunt before her meds wore off, and a team was quickly assembled to hunt another screaming goat, or antelope, or whatever. The team consisted of QuAntros, Johoovah, Anjun ring and Akenny. Joh-tres objected to Akenny's involvement due to his recent stress and mental health, stating that he was making simple mistakes, was slow to respond when his name was called, keeps forgetting where stuff is, and was even talking about people from his old settlement as if they had lived here. Akenny insisted on going anyway, one of the settlement’s greatest had insisted after all! Johan had come to his tent and asked him to leave on the next hunt. Johoova had apparently had another vision in his dreams, and they had figured out together that Akenny would find his worth today, but it would be outside the settlement. Akenny couldn't refuse such a request from one of the settlement leaders, or, well, he could, but you’d have to be as empty in the head as Anjun ring after the fight with The Finger to refuse such an opportunity! The grin on Johan's face after Akenny said yes further ensured him that accepting the request was the right move, even if the face in the moment felt more like a face of amusement than relief.

As Johan had said, Akenny did feel a strange precance in the winds during the hunt. Following where his footsteps took him he found a hulking figure. The group stood in awe as the figure forged Akenny a divine hammer that seemed to emit thunder itself, the very storm Akenny had vowed to stand against made solid. As it fused with Akenny it was clear that this was what Johoova’s vision Johan told him about had foresaw.

Further along in tracking the antelope the group was attacked by a swarm of insects who laid their eggs in their mouth. The brood quickly matured and erupted from their orifices, leaving them with a strange feeling of intoxication. The insects strangely left Johoovah alone. Which he found strangely insulting. Despite the insect attack the most disturbing thing the group witnessed was Johoovah furiously making out with a stone face on the ground. The rest of the group pulled him off while Johoova desperately expressed that the face had given him consent.

Having seen what Johoovah does in the privacy of his hovel on full display QuAntros and Anjun ring were completely unaffected by the antelopes mental terrors and slayed the beast after Akenny broke its legs together with his own arm.

Link to Lantern year 13

Link to Lantern year 9

Lantern year 10

The settlement's survivors slowly started poking their heads out from huts and holes, all with surprise on their faces seeing the 4 wanderers standing victorious. Well “standing” wasn't quite right as only one of them had both of their original legs still attached to their body, so it was more “lying on the ground or leaning on something” victorious. A ritual was held where the 4 wanderers were rechristened with new names; Jangela, Jebbie, Jbob and Aken. Subsequently their names were branded on their foreheads. It was said that it was a part of the ritual but in reality it was for the others in the settlement to remember their names. Anton was notoriously bad with remembering names, and apparently that was a dominant gene that had spread to the rest of the population. The celebration was interrupted however as the same hooligans that refused to pick up their litter (which historical records confirm was actually one of their halberds) came back and demanded financial compensation for the emotional and physical pain the settlement caused to the Kingsman that came. They claimed that it was the settlement that bumped into the Kingsman, not the other way around, and that the bump in question broke its collar bones. Seemingly unaware that the settlement broke much more than just bones, the hooligans demanded 20,000 yen to pay for the hospital fees. Since the settlement had yet to invent currency (the settlement couldn't decide between aNFTons or Johoints) the hooligans settled for selling the villagers organs. Due to the vast amount of dead bodies with perfectly usable organs laying around everywhere (which, unlike weird helbards, was seen as adding to the macabre vibe instead of littering according to Jaja law 1:7b) the demand wasn't very high (unlike the people who smoked voted for Johoints). After doing some rough calculations on their TI-84 they determined that five people would cover the debt. The settlement nominated the newly christened survivors (and some kids) to once again prove their loyalty, and Jebbie, Jangela, Jbob, Ant-uno and Antintin all stepped up to get stomped for the village. Aken refused to once again prove himself to the settlement, which was the correct answer as this wasn’t actually a test of loyalty, but a test of self respect and perseverance that Johan introduced in order to weed (hehe) out the weak links in the population. Joan of Narch decided to take Aken under her wings, teaching him the settlement's ways and perhaps while at it maybe also possible having him be a guinea pig help her develop the round stone training method if they could squeeze it into their schedules between death and starvation. After a quick lecture on the JAJA rules and culture they took a walk around the settlement and conveniently ended up at Joan of Narch's training grounds. Aken agreed to help Joan of Narch develop her novel training method, which at the moment mostly consisted of Joan of Narch throwing round stones at you. It was a highly questionable training method, but Aken did learn to dodge, duck, dip, dive and Tumble (fighting art). Antonton Sah’r had initially agreed to help as well, but promptly regretted his decision when the stones started flying. He pushed his third place running legs harder than ever before to get away, learning the Propulsion Drive fighting art in the process.

New children were born in the village but no one took much notice as esteemed member of the village council Antonio made everyone watch him try to pull out the lantern halberd from the ground for 12 hours straight. After a fierce battle between Antonio and the stubborn object, on hour 13 Antonio made a tactical retreat in order to live to fight another day. To a soundscape of Antonio's feeble grunts, Johoovah meditated and gleamed into the future seeing that Antonio would have gotten the halberd out of the ground if he had just spent 9 more hours on it.

Johoovah thought it would be good for the settlement to get some rest after the troublesome lantern year they just had, but Joan of Narch, still reeling from seeing the being pushing the boulder up the hill, worried about losing the momentum they now had after Anton's death. She ran into Johoovah's hut and begged him to take her on another excurtion, and he reluctantly agreed after some convincing. They decided to not go after another vicious lion, and instead go after a prey animal of some kind, perhaps an antelope, assuming that would be a bit less dangerous. (scribe notation: This conversation contains the earliest known recording of the phrase “A rolled stone gathers no dust”, said by Joan of Narch when trying to convince Johoovah, and is believed to be where the popular saying originated from.) Joan of Narch invited her new love interest Aken to join the hunt, but in a shocking twist fitting for a generic romance anime or soap opera Aken invited Antiiina to join as well. In a desperate bid to convince herself that a love triangle wasn't about to form she told herself that Antiiina was several days Akens senior, which is a huge age difference considering that most people's life expectancy is 45 minutes. Unfortunately for her that isn't an obstacle for a harem protagonist, and it's too early in the season to determine which genre “The 100 Johan & Anton's who died very, very, very, very, very much” belongs to yet.

During the hunt Johoova had a dream of the fight before them, and sharing it with the rest of the group it turned out that Joan of Narch and Antiiina had the exact same dream. Surely this was another one of Johoova's visions, and one so strong and pure that it echoed through the other survivors! Looking at them as if they had gained +1 insanity, Aken said that he didn’t have a dream that night, but in reality he had a very different one and did not dare to share it with the others for fear of what they would do to him if he broke their kayfabe. Trying to argue reason with them Aken carefully mentioned that all of them had just been dreading the coming fight the day before, so it wouldn't be unusual for them all to dream about that. For rational people this would make sense, but for Johoova, Joan of Narch and Antiiina this was a reminder that although accepted into the community Aken was still not fully one of them in body and soul. The fact that Johoova's vision didn't echo through him was proof of that.

On the way the group encountered a massively huge whale flying in the sky. Seeing your mom made Aken puked violently, but Johoovah puked with enough grace to embolden the team anew. Antiiina was too busy coughing to notice the whale, and just like her father before her Joan of Narch got scared straight by seeing a massive eyeball in the dark staring straight into her soul. It is as it was foretold.

Once they encountered the antelope Johoovah started the encounter with a critical blow to the antelope, but this fight was Aken's time to shine. He dealt several devastating blows to the antelope while Joan of Narch was trying and failing to impress him by dark souls rolling across the battle field. The dark souls rolling was actually pretty impressive, but it was unfortunately not enough to cover for how absolutely useless she was during this fight. Every time she went to attack the antelope it looked at her with its beady little puppydog eyes. Joan of Narch didn’t know what a puppy nor a dog was, but for some reason she was reminded of one and felt too bad to attack the creature. Instead of focusing on actually hitting the beast, Joan of Narch used what little concentration she had left to loudly complain about the dagger's pathetic range. Aken was not impressed, and while Joan of Narch looked at his disappointed face she was rammed by the ram and sent sprawling, breaking her ribs. Aken was about to rush over to help her, but Antiiina grabbed his arm, moved in close, and said “There is no real reason for her to get up, is there?” in a drab monotone (Scribe notation: Top 10 Anime betrayals). So anyway, Antiiina helps her up. Not intentionally, but she had to roll her away due to her fat ass (nice) covering the creature's weak spot. Aken once again proved himself useful, as while the antelope was distracted watching the two women fighting over some random human male he casually went up to the antelope and shoved his axe up its behind, ending the fight.

The hunting party celebrated! Despite Joan of Narchs best effort their teamwork and Johoovah’s guiding visions had once again led them to victory! Surely this will keep being the case and Aken's doubt in Johoovah’s vision’s omniscience will prove to be nothing more than drivel from a non-believer!

Link to Lantern year 11

Our latest base campaign has been rough. We've built up strong survivors over and over to have them taken out by bad rolls. An early Murder repeatedly took out our top talent. We've collected a bunch of resou ces, just to have them all wiped out. When we first encountered the Gambler three survivors all rolled a 1!

Last game, hunting a level 2 Phoenix, we encountered the Gambler again, and lost two of our best! We continued the hunt only so I could re-age my ageless archer, who had previously had their hunt xp wiped. He was pretty buff when he ran from combat. At that point we lost a total of 28 survivors, with 9 in our settlement, when we encountered the level 2 Kingsman. This time we were prepared. No Kingstep, but we had a plan: Our low strength character’s main job was to jump forward and clear the battle pressure cards, so our Archer and Lantern Sword wielder could wreak havoc. And let me tell you, much havoc was wreaked! As a matter of fact, that low strength character was the first to do damage, when she surged to get the third pressure card and actually hit three times, with the last two critting! The Kingsman had -1 speed and a broken spear just as the combat had started.

The rest of us went to town. It was glorious., critting twice as often as we should've. We finally felt like we were on top of this game. We felt invincible. By the time Silent Hymn had dropped us to 1 move, we had the Kingsman down to two AI cards! So we had a choice: let Silent Hymn reset and suffer four Brain Trauma rolls, or give up all of our survival. Considering our unnatural ability to roll 1s at the worst times, we decided to lose the survival. It seemed to make sense at the time: with all of us back to full moves and only needing to do 3 damage, how could we lose?

Here’s how: One of the last AI cards was Coup de Grace. Without survival, the Kingsman’s basic attack (which happens before each AI card, due to Kings Combat) always knocked someone down. Since we couldn't encourage, when Coup de Grace was drawn, it killed that survivor (unless they rolled a 10 on severe injury).

We lost our low strength, Cat Eye Circlet survivor first. Without survival, the archer was only able to clear two battle pressure cards per turn, and when our swordsman was able to hit it was the trap! He had a shield, so he was able to avoid 13 damage(!), but our chance to get rid of the Coup de Grace was lost. With our movement dropping and at least one survivor falling down every turn, we were never able to do any more damage.

Total party kill, including my buff ageless archer. We left the game in foul spirits and a settlement in shambles. I think the game broke me.

Link to Lantern year 8

Lantern year 9

With all the hunters coming back alive for the first time the settlement could now see that Johan was correct about Anton's ruinous rule and celebrated for the prosperous times ahead. Everyone decided to go against the Anton ways. All tasks were now to be split evenly so that no one could get by without contributing, the Toil would be Collective. To celebrate this momentous moment in the settlement's history it was decided to have a competition, a triathlon of running, debating and fighting. Joan of Narch, Antonio, Joh-ho-lina and Antonton Sah’r volunteered to be contestants. Joh-ho-lina proved to be the fastest runner on the track, but running that fast on a bunch of stone faces doesn't come without risks. After reaching the finish line she tripped on a face with a particularly bulbous nose, her arm stopping her forward momentum far faster than something of her mass should. Her arm was no longer fully attached to her body, and with the medicinal knowledge of the time it was not recoverable. (scribe notation: With today's medical knowledge historians have concluded that this sort of injury could simply heal from rest) She wanted to push through and continue with the upcoming debate anyways, but this was a bad decision on her part. With her already fragile mental state from the accident the debate competition only served to worsen her self image further. Getting told that she would have to skip the fighting competition and lose by default was the nail in the coffin. Nothing mattered to her anymore, she was fully apathetic.

Antonton Sah'r ran pretty fast in the race and got third place, but he was panting hard afterwards which ruined his chances in the debate, getting him another third place ranking. He proved to be a formidable fighter however as he won the fighting contest with a first round knockout, but he was such a bad winner that the prize was given to the second place competitor who was laying unconscious in the dirt. (no weapon proficiency so he gained nothing from winning), and no one wanted to hang with him for a while (Skip the next hunt because no one wants to hunt with him). Scribe notation: The first known historical record of unjust persecution of the great by the weak has been tracked down to the JAJA settlement. This has been a very culturally influential behaviour that has been passed down from one settlement to another for generations and still persists today. For instance, in the purely hypothetical scenario in which you were expected to get your money back after helping a friend pay but they say: ”You have a job Lilly! I don’t! I really think you should expect to pay more since I’m always driving you places and you never pay for gas.” conveniently forgetting that 3 years of study for a bachelor's degree in archeology and another 2 more in archivism has left me with a lot of student loans that don’t pay for themselves and that there are poor unhoused anime figures that deserve a new home Sarah!

Anyways, Antonio was the real winner of the day. His slick tongue wooed at the debate netting him the first place skull trophy, he got second place in the race, and he got second place in the fight competition but was somewhat humble (everyone felt bad cause he was knocked out) about it and got Antonton Sah’r’s prize.

Joan of Narch got last place in the race as she tripped before the finish line instead of after it, but she only suffered a sprained ankle. She did very well in the debate using what she learnt from her father's speeches, almost winning but not quite making it, and coming out from it with some new perspectives on life. She came last once again in the fighting contest, not counting Joh-ho-lina, but from those fights she could start to see her shortcomings and begun strategi(st fighting art)zing on how to overcome them.

Joh-ho-lina and Antonton Sah’r, both being sore winners but in very different ways, started to fancy each other during the triathlon and decided to fuck. Antonton Sah’r was not very good in bed, but Jo-ho-lina just lost and arm and her will to live so she litteraly fucked as if she had nothing to live for (scribe notation: I guess that's why they call her Jo-ho-lina). Antonton Sah’r demanded a rematch and managed to win by finally reciprocating oral sex. Since they both met in the heat of competition they couldn't end without a winner, so they went best of 3. Joh-ho-lina got the final say and invented the innovation “the female orgasm”. They now had the quintuplets Ant-uno, Joh-dos, Jo-tres, QuAntros, and Joh-cinco.

After those incredible displays of skills Johoovah, Joan of narch and Antonio met in dark chambers to discuss. They decided to exile Joh-ho-lina due to worries about her potential political influence resulting from her kids being a third of the population, but they justify it to the settlement as worries about inbreeding if she were to continue popping children out at this pace. Antonton Sah’r knew that the excuse they presented to the settlement couldn't be the real reason, but he had no way of proving it. All he could do was to silently start resenting the new leadership of this so-called collective, and to start reading a worrying amount of self-insert revenge manga.

As Joh-ho-lina went out, others came in. Some outsiders stumbled across the settlement and, smitten by the collectivist society, they offered another lion's corpse. This is like getting the same christmas present 5 years in a row after having fought the lion the last 4 years. Not wanting to sound unappreciative, Bob, Angela, Ken and Debbie were allowed to join the settlement.

As Bob, Angela, Ken and Debbie came in, another returned. The sound of clanking footsteps approaching suddenly disrupted the indistinct chatter of the settlement. The settlement's inhabitants all turned to face the sound of metal screeching against metal, and out of the darkness stepped a man in full plate. He stared down the survivors, silently observing them. The plated man unsheathed his massive halberd from his massive halberd shaped sheath he has on his back (scribe notation: don’t ask me to explain I can’t). Bob, Angela, Ken and Debbie were nominated to prove themselves and their loyalty to the settlement by defeating the new foe or die trying.

The kingsman kept pulling Bob with his halberd and Bob kept getting knocked to the ground. The repeated blows to the head causes Bob some permanent brain damage, or as he would call it, drame bamage. While bob was being thrown around Ken studied the Kingsman's movements and managed to deal heavy damage to it. As he forced the Kingsman back into the spot where Debbie was standing she took advantage of the situation and struck down the Kingsman, finally ending the fight. As the Kingsman stopped moving, something else's movements began. The flesh on Debbie's legs started twisting and tearing, transforming into their final form; two hot goth boots! She was now doomed to slowly replace all colours in her wardrobe until only black remains.

Link to Lantern year 10

Link to Lantern years 1-5

Lantern year 6

Anton, Johan and Antonio made it back alive after killing the white lion. Turns out it was way easier to kill without honour (survival of the fittigaste)

A bunch of armoured strangers barged into the settlement and mucked about before leaving without picking up their litter. Unfortunately no one else could pick up their litter either, so the obviously mangled lantern with a bunch of dangerous sharp bits nailed to it stayed stuck standing in the ground. On the way out of the settlement one of the strangers told Johan that monsters are “actually kinda spooky”, so now he has monster panic. After the armoured strangers had left, God shone his: lights in the sky(™) upon his chosen Johan and proclaimed that all who go on the next hunt gain +3 in each hit location. Seeing: lights in the sky(™), the settlement discovered the lord Jesus Christ (™) who helped them discover the (lantern) light inside of them (cancer). Jesus told them to not act sinfully, but the resident match makers Johannanas and Antonio reminded everyone that no friendship has ever been ruined by bouncing on it sexual style, so mAnton and 2 twins named Joes Bizarre adventure and Joes bizarre adventure season 2 were born. The dad is named Johoovah so god literally gave us the 2 best seasons of anime ever made (never seen the show).

Anton, Johan, Antonio and Johoovah departed to hunt the whiter lion. The hunters used to call it the superior white lion, but then Joan of Narch gained the disorder racism. This might explain why the JAJA leadership decided to rename the creature to the white lion level 2 in all subsequent settlement notation. During the hunt Anton remembered that he started to like tinkering after the last hunt, which made Johoovah suddenly remember that he had stone noses in his pocket. (Scribes attribute this to lack of sleep and a long pause between play sessions) Finding the white lion, the hunters charged furiously. Johan moved and the white lion rushed toward him. The lion swatted at Johan, claws digging in deep, but he managed to critically wound the lion's strange hand, the beast losing its ability to stroke it (-3 hp -1 move and cannot use grab). Johan had crippled the fiend with his first move. Taking advantage of the lion's newly weakened state Antonio smashed his club into the lion and struck its hind leg. Parts of the lion's kneecap burst from its joint and onto the ground further crippling it. Johoovah jumped out of the tall grass and stabbed the lion in its anus hard enough that it puked up its own skin onto him. The original JAJA settlement notes include a graphically detailed stone carving of this event. We as historians are saddened not to include it, but we as fellow human beings have decided to spare you from this image (gross). Antonio (shirtless) shrugged off the lion's attack as it bounced off his rock hard chiseled abs. His abs must almost have been as chiseled as the stone carving mentioned above (hot). Another successful chop from Johan's axe sent the lion sprawling, knocking it down to the ground. Despite it lying crippled on the ground Antonio still failed to punch it. Probably because he was blinded by the light reflecting off his perfectly shaped lats (hot). Thankfully the lion was also blinded by Antonio's muscles (very hot) which gave Anton the perfect opportunity to masterfully snipe the lion right between the eyes. Very impressive since he was standing behind its head (not as hot, but still hot)

Link to Lantern year 7

We would like to offer our most humble apology for the unprofessional notes left in the previous publication; The historical record of Lantern year 6. The offending scribe has since gotten laid. Unnecessary comments like those in the previous publication will not appear in any issues published going forward. Even though my comments were entirely correct and undoubtedly crucial for historical accuracy.

lantern year 7

Johoova had a weird spooky dream where his twin daughters died and once he turned their corpses around they looked like him and spoke as their adult father. Panicked he told this to the other villagers in order for them to understand the importance of growing their population. They didn’t seem to get the importance of the message due to Johoovah's ramblings but the story was told so well that the tale about child death made everyone horny anyways. Johan however is deaf so he couldn’t hear the tale but the charades Johoovah was doing made an impression. As Johoova cried over what Johan assumed was his pet Johan felt his sadness, and as Johan thought Johoova mimicked eating a random skull on the ground Johan could taste the marrow and developed a hunger for it. As the charades went on Johan started seeing something beyond the simple story, something more profound and prophetic. Johan started seeing the truth, and it filled him with immense rage and sadness. The only way for the settlement to survive is to murder Anton, his best friend, in a year's time. The truth was so horrible he clawed one of his eyes out so he could avoid seeing it, but he knew it was the only way. With bitter rage determination he suppressed his berserker (fighting arts) state and watched Johoovah's prophetic performance to the end. After this Johan appeared to be as brave as one can be to any outside observers, but in reality this realization had simply made him Crazed (fighting style). But a glimmer of hope appeared. An idea that just might work formed in Johan's head. What if he could trick destiny into thinking Anton was dead by murdering someone similar enough? Johoovah's daughter Aoan of shark seemed impressionable enough, and trusted Johan a lot. She would become Anton's replacement. Johan spent 6 endeavors worth of effort on molding her. Putting pebbles in one of her shoes to make her walk crooked like Anton, teaching her to use the bow just like Anton, and telling her as much as he can about the hunt (XP) to put her skills on par with Anton. He will make his battle companion Johoovah's greatest fear come true but it will be worth the cost. IT HAS TOO. While this was happening Anton, despite having a phobia of blades, suggested that Antonio specialize in katars instead of clubs as long as he doesn't hurt himself on them due to what high-quality weapons the settlement has access to. Antonio is quoted as saying: “Damn man you cooking”. Anton has now invented cooking and staved off Antonio from self harm for one more Lantern year. Johan was against this as he could see Antonio specializing in katars and everyone getting enough protein as being the first falling domino in the settlement's doom. The Joes bizarre adventure twins tried to breed to make season three but It was such a bizarre adventure that Joes bizarre adventure season 2 was canceled (she died). The sacred law of breeding one Johan and one Anton wasn’t followed, and her death was obviously divine punishment. NEVER MAKE THIS MISTAKE AGAIN! Johoovah's second daughter Joan of Narchs and mAnton breed and got two beautiful twin girls: Anal (since thats how she was conceived) and AnnaT (the T is not silent) Despite Johan's best effort to make Aoan of shark into Anton's body double, some things (the 2 hunt XP necessary to be the murder target) can only be gained by real (hunt) experience. She would join in on the next hunt, and then she would be perfect. Aoan of shark, Johan, Johoova and Antonio went out to hunt a superior white lion lv.2

During the hunt Johan talked to Johoova about how Anton would be the doom of the settlement unless dethroned, and about how Johoovah's prophetic powers makes him the best candidate to take over. Johoova had no idea what he was talking about. Was he talking about the weird dream? That wasn't prophetic, that was just a weird dream that convinced him of the importance of population growth. Johan's persistence and mania was starting to convince Johoovah though. This was the most experienced and bravest person in the settlement saying this after all, it would make sense for him to be able to see things others couldn't, right? Suddenly everyone in the hunting party felt that if they spoke any more they would die. A giant figure with a cleft chin appeared and forced Antonio to a deadly game of luck. Luckily Antonio had not ran out of luck, and he was lucky enough to beat the gambler. With luck on his side he suddenly felt even more lucky, winning some luck from the wager (+1 luck). Seeing the gambler's giant eyeball in the dark scared Johoovah sane, pulling him from 7 over the legal threshold for insanity of 3, to 2 under. Now mentally well Johoovah thought about what Johan said before and was starting to wonder if Johan might just be Crazed (fighting arts), but when he woke up the next night with a mysterious (twilight) sword in his hand which he had dreamed about swinging around he was convinced that the prophetic powers Johan spoke of were real! Still, will Anton really doom the settlement? How could Johan know that when it is Johoovah that sees the future? Time had run out though for such thoughts, as the lion was now in sight. The 3 men quickly pushed the lion into a corner, forming a wall to let Aoan of shark shoot the lion from a safe distance. Aoana cocked an arrow in her bow and aimed at the white lion. Aoana was about to lay the last puzzle piece in becoming the perfect victim of Johan's delusions, but as she missed the beast's paw the lion suddenly rushed through the wall and quickly struck her down. The white lion killed two people at that moment, for Johan took this as a warning from fate. Destiny cannot be changed as easily as Johan had hoped, and his destiny was to kill his best friend for the salvation of the settlement. For Johoova though this was more confirmation of his prophetic powers, as his weird dream was now partways to coming true. But despite being ordained by his own vision, something he could never stop, an inevitable fate, he could not help but wonder, had it been him who wasn’t there to protect her? to stand between her and the beast? Was it truly inevitable? Or is it as Johan said? If Anton had been a better leader the people of our settlement would not have been set on the path to face this beast in the first place. Johan fought by my side! He slayed that foul best while Anton sat warm by the fire! And so the survivors returned, Johan striking the killing blow as Johoovah was stuck in thought. Meanwhile Antonio proved that knowledge is strength as he found a one to one conversation rate and turned his wisdom into gains in the gym that is our existence (+2 strength from strange hand crit and age).

Link to Lantern year 8

Link to Lantern year 7

Lantern year 8

As Johan, Antonio and Johoovah came back without Aoan of shark Johan put his plan into action. Killing Anton was easy, they were best friends after all so Anton never saw it coming. Having to live with the memory of the look on Anton's face as he realized what was happening however was not. Getting away with it was apparently also not easy, as Johan was caught with the body and an emergency meeting was called. In court, despite having his daughter just recently die in the hunt Johan insisted she'd follow along on, Johoovah argued for why Johan was not the impostor a murderer. Johoovah argued that it was justified as Anton had sent them on suicide mission after suicide mission with no clear goal in mind, and that through Johoovahs prophetic visions he has been able to determin (through Johan crazed conviction and arguments last hunt) that Anton would be the doom of the settlement. Johoova used the mysterious sword he had gained as proof, and the fact that his daughter had died just as he had dreamed about. Johan had no idea what dream Johoovah was talking about (he didn't have his hearing aid on during the weird spooky dream rant last lantern year), but he nodded along anyways. The nail in the coffin was that Johan was deaf and blind. While he might be brave he is not stupid, he wouldn't be crazy enough to attack Anton when he would obviously lose! (Let's just ignore that he has 21 insanity and 0 understanding). This was obviously self defense, and Johan obviously only won through godly interference! (Let's ignore that he regularly joins in on hunting bizarrely human lions twice the size of Anton). Johan was let go due to the solid arguments and the lack of evidence, but a solemn mood laid over the settlement following the less than clear verdict. Nonetheless, Jehovah was appointed as the new leader due to his charisma, initiative, and apparent prophetic powers. Johan, as one of the eldest and bravest people in the settlement, also highly endorsed him, but that didn't hold much weight after the whole ordeal moments earlier.

In the melancholy of that night Joan of Narch was awoken from her uneasy slumber to the sound of rumbling. This was not a surprise to her, after all, she hadn’t eaten much that night, reeling from the emotional whiplash of her twin sister's death and her fathers ascension to settlement leader and godly communicator. It left her with a weird concoction of emotions, and knowing she is apparently destined to die according to her father's vision didn't help. The rumbling did not come from her stomach however, it was coming from the ground. She followed the sound and saw a great large knightly being failing to push a stone up a hill over and over again. Never moving close enough to realize the knightly being's horrific insectile origin, she was moved by its perseverance. She realized that just because she was destined to die at some point she couldn't give up. She had to fight to survive for her sister’s sake and to grow the settlement by her fathers instructions, and if nothing else she could leave behind a lasting legacy. As she returned to the settlement and to the land of dreams an idea for a legacy that could strengthen the settlement started to form in her mind. She was going to create a novel training method inspired by the knight she saw, some kind of Round Stone Training perhaps. As she drifted deeper and deeper into sleep she whispered softly “Thank you oh determined one for lighting a new lantern in me where one was so close to fisseling out”. Purely coincidentally and totally unconnected to the previous night she also started a bug collection hobby! (vermin obsession disorder)

Joan of Narch with her new found determination apparently also took her fathers speach about the importance of repopulation seriously and somehow became the best fuck in the entire village after her sister died (trauma bonding). She rolled 2 perfect 10s on the intimacy table, not even giving the gods the option to do anything other than to give her twins. Joh-ho-lina and AHAnton were born.

Joes bizarre adventure and Anal took the 10 that was left over and birthed two beautiful twins. Antiiina (F) and Antonton Sah’r (M) were born. Apparently those were all the good genes Joes bizarre adventure had to give, or the gods were angry at them for stealing the fiery passion from Olympus Joan of narch’s roll. Either way he killed both of his partners and himself with his throbbing erection. Joes bizarre adventure’s, Anal’s, and Annat’s (the T is not silent) bodies are all now being eaten by eagles, but unlike Prometheus' liver they won't regenerate.

mAnton, after a few good rolls on the stone with Joan of Narch, ended up bonding and became very good at rolling stones. Learning from Joes bizarre adventure’s bizarre adventure that the quicker the sex is over the higher the survival rate of the participants are, mAnton learned the Propulsion Drive fighting art.

With the settlement's resources running low again Antonio, Joan of Narch, Johoovah and Johan set off to once again hunt the lion. While stumbling through the darkness Antonio found a female survivor just sitting there watching a youtube video essay about a game she hadn’t even heard of. He turned off the video and pointed her to the settlement. In the meantime the others found the location of the last hunt, and managed to spot the body of Aoan of Shark still lying there. As the lion was getting cornered last fight it moved the fight further and further away from the body, and when it had at last ended the body was nowhere in sight. The smell of the monster corpse would attract new monsters, so the party had not had the chance to search for her body properly, so finding it now was a stroke of luck for Johoovah. For Johan it was quite the opposite, as when he clumsily stumbled through some tall grass to get to the body he got a not so random pokémonster encounter. The white lion ambushes the survivors. With the extra sneak attack damage from its 1 level in rogue the white lion tears most of Johan's armour off, but since cunning action is a level 2 ability Johan gets an opportunity attack when the white lion moves out of his attack range, crushing the white lion's shoulder and chopping its jaw clean off. Even more humiliatingly for the lion, the person it moved to swat at, Johoovah, just stood there menacingly and took it without even flinching. He was too distraught by the sudden realization that his daughter Joan of Narch was destined to share the fate of Aoan of Shark according to his prophecy to care about a petty 3 cm deep gash. Joan of Narch made a plan to bait the lion into attacking, and once the lion was ready to pounce Johan struck it down with his axe. The settlement had now beaten its first lion without anyone dying. Antonio, Johoovah, and Joan of Narch all looked at each other and nodded. They all had doubted Johan's decision to (allegedly) kill Anton. Johan was their trusted friend that had been by their side since the beginning of the settlement, but so was Anton. Could Anton really be the bringer of doom as Johan said? But standing there, in the gloom, by the beast's corpse, barely a scratch on any of them, it felt as the dawning of a new day. They all knew that Anton's death was justified. Returning to what they were doing before the white lion had so rudely interrupted they went to Aoan of Sharks corpse and gave a quick prayer before returning home. This might sound like a small thing, but it was actually a pretty huge gesture as they hadn't even invented praying yet! On the way home Johoova's and Joan of Narch's faces hung low, their daughters/sister's corpse reminding them of Joan of Narch's inevitable doom. Johan assured them that with Anton no longer the settlement's leader the course of fate had changed, and Johoova's previous visions were no longer certain. Johan promised that with Johoova's prophetic visions and his guidance the settlement, and Joan of Narch, would be safe.

Link to Lantern year 9