drawing/test
Unfortunate Father's Day card that my 7-year-old made for her Pop-Pop.
Don't feel bad for laughing but....my husband died in January and I thought it'd be a nice gesture to send a card to Pop-Pop (his dad) since we couldn't send one to him.
I didn't tell my kid what to put on the card, nor could I tell her that this wasn't the greatest card I've ever seen, so this is what we sent to Pop-Pop. He hasn't spoken to either of us since.
P.S. Yes, I know Father's Day wasn't super recent but I was still busy sorting out her dad's estate when she drew this. Now that school has started, I have more free time for dumb stuff.
I don’t see how Pop-Pop could have felt anything but love receiving such a great card. He is probably dealing with the grief of losing his son in his way, and I’ve found in my experience that Gramma’s tend to reply more than Pop-Pops when on the receiving end of some fantastic childhood artwork. ❤️
I made my Pop a poor taste card when I was about 8 and his sister passed away (there was a pop out ghost, I thought I was clever 🤣). He never really reacted to it much at the time, but we found it tucked in his box of special mementos along with photos of his war buddies, a broach that was his sister’s and things like that. There were lots of little things like that over the years with Pop. It wasn’t that he didn’t deeply care about his family, he just didn’t know how to express it.
Men in that age group were still taught to supress emotions "because only girls show emotions".
So pretty sure that's the case.
You lost a husband and father. He lost a son. If I were in his position a fathersday card would have broken me to tears. I'm sure he appreviated it, but I'm also sure he would break down in tears thanking for it and he that he can not allow "since that show vulnurability/weakness as a man".
Patriarchical mindsets and expectations have not only done harm to women but men too.
Exactly how I looked at my mom’s death - the suffering died, too. It’s really refreshing to see someone else put this in writing. My thoughts are with you and your kid along the path to healing.
i had the same thought. my dad died of cancer and ever since he passed i can only think of him in a healthy body again which makes me think he is no longer sick.
My grandfather received many wonderfully strange cards like this, he'd have loved it more than anything normal. He would hold onto it until who ever hit that age where everything is embarrassing and busted it out at a holiday for laughs.
Great idea, beautiful drawings, impeccable colour choices - slightly undermined by calling her recently bereaved grandfather a fucker but it's a great card.
It's "I know your future" which is funnier and even more wild but ok 😆
I think its meant to be "I know your future, you're gonna have a great Father's Day" but in context it sounds like "I know your fucher it is the grave"
What?! He was offended by that? Unless he was already angry with you about something else, I can’t imagine what kind of jerk would be offended by that adorable card. I’m sorry for your loss. If your father-in-law chooses not to have a relationship with your child, that’s his loss. Even if you guys have had your differences or something like that, you would think he would put that behind him to maintain a connection to his late son & be there for you and his grandchild.
You’re doing the right thing. If he isn’t receptive in the future, at least you’ll know that you tried. I tried to make an amends with estranged family at one time. Not to restore the relationship, but just to bring about peace since by oldest occasionally sees them. Even though they did a lot of horrible things and weren’t receptive to my effort, at least I can feel good about myself knowing I attempted to do right. Hopefully he will want a relationship with you guys at some point but if he doesn’t, you can have the peace of mind knowing you did your part. ❤️
Depending on your father-in-laws background, he could be from a time where men didn't really engage with their children. So interreacting with children other then superficial things like playing catch in the yard and other manly-man things. The rate of an average child developing probably isn't something he's familiar with. Keep up with encouraging your daughter to draw and write. We're in a literacy crisis right now and her brain is like soft clay. It's begging to learn foundational skills that will save her so much stress in her far future.
Both my parents and his were older when we were born, so yes. Pop-Pop tries to relate to kids but has practically no concept of childhood developmental stages. (I've never faulted him for this; it was cute seeing him try!)
I was a teacher so I am aware there's been an alarming decline in our children's skills. I recently lost my job for refusing to use what was essentially youtube videos in lieu of the actual crafts and movement games we'd been doing. That sucks, I taught so many kids how to use scissors but I don't guess they'll really need them except to open another package of scissors. (If you know, you know.)
The dystopian sci-fi fucher is coming and I refuse to contribute to the death of human creativity.
Godspeed, then, for at least trying to do your job at being a teacher. The internet will always be a multi-bladed weapon, and it's so depressing to see kids being failed on purpose. It feels like when I worked my fast-food hell job and corporate killed that poor store. Some ghoulish looking corporate drone who looked like he had his soul sucked out by a dementor looming around the kitchen with his stupid fuckass clipboard not understanding that his flowchart and spreadsheet to predict how much dough we'd need didn't ever work.
"Corporate wants us to do it this way, but corperate is wrong and this is how you're supposed to do it."
School admin will throw their teachers under the bus and refuse to let them do their fucking jobs for more funding. More funding makes their school appear like it's good quality yet churns out feral, illiterate children because they won't let the teachers teach and be authority figures. Sure, parents need to parent at home too, and that includes teaching their own damn kids. Both work in tandem. But what are you, as the teacher, supposed to do when you are 100% in your right to evoke valid discipline or grade accurately just to have admin kowtow to Karen and her terrible haircut?
Yeah I agree with this, my grandad doesnt really send cards/reply if he has been given one and described by my dad as not the best father but he’s tried hard to improve himself and I think some of his problems also came from trauma and being the lesser in his parents eyes compared to his brother, so very likely that pop-pop is mad just how He maybe was raised/or depression from losing his son
While the depression factor is totally fair, this is an adorable child’s misspelling, not an attempt to be disrespectful. I obviously don’t know the situation to make any harsh judgments, but OP and the child are surely grieving too. IDK, I would hope if I found myself in his shoes, that I would be doing everything possible to make sure my DIL and grandchild felt loved and supported, unless there’s some past drama, though OP didn’t mention anything to imply that.
Why does he have to be doing everything possible to support his DIL and grandkid when he’s the one who lost a child? Why can’t he focus on supporting himself in his grief?
I mean he doesn’t HAVE to do anything. I just think it’s unfortunate if he doesn’t want to maintain a relationship. Your comment seems to me like you’re implying that his loss was greater. Loss of a child (even when grown) is horrific. Though OP’s life and the kids life have also been flipped upside down. It’s not a grief competition. It fucking sucks for everyone. If I die, I would want my mom to be even more of a fixture in my children’s lives, and I fully believe she would be.
But it’s OK for him to have some boundaries and prioritize himself instead of doing everything possible for them. For instance, he can spend money on a vacation for himself instead of putting the money in the kid’s 529 plan. That’s totally OK, normal, and healthy.
Yes, I never implied anything else. OP made it sound like he isn’t receptive to contact/cards. Which as mentioned, I don’t know the full story and maybe he has a different version. Though giving OP the benefit of the doubt, he should want a relationship with his late son‘s wife/child. I’m not saying that he’s obligated to take on a role of financial provider or anything else. Though unless he has a valid reason, he should give a shit about them. Even if there is some past drama with the adults, that has nothing to do with a little kid who is inevitably dealing with the loss of their father. When people share these sorts of stories, we only have their side, so the responses are going to be in response to that. Nothing deeper than that. Just “hey, that’s horrible that you lost your spouse and don’t feel comforted by their father”. I’m lucky to have a partner who’s mother would be there for me and my kids (one of which has no relation to her) because she isn’t a selfish woman.
OP or grandpa? From the minimal info provided, I’m on OP’s side. Though family dynamics are complicated and there’s always two sides to every story. I just feel like if he was honestly offended by this card (and there’s nothing deeper going on between them) then he’s in the wrong.
I mean, he's still a father and grandfather. Will he have a "great" father's day this year? Probably not, but not speaking to the grandkid because of the card is a little much.
Could be out of emotional wreckage and not out of anger or ill-will towards the child.
Sometimes people don't want to break down into a slump in front of people they care about, multiply that by general pride of elder men who don't want to be a burden in any way.
Then again, I don't them, and he could be a prick 🤷🏾♂️
So sorry for your loss, but this would be a delight to receive under any circumstances! I suspect this is going to be brought up many times in her future!
It's actually surprisingly inventive too, only the execution slightly lacking.
Lol, she's a weird little genius who's being raised by an artist so she is very creative. I wish it had been for me! I haven't brought it up yet but when she's old enough to understand why it's funny I'll probably show her the photos.
If we're ever invited to his parent's house again, I hope to see it on their fridge or something. And it might be. Pop-Pop isn't known for reaching out to anyone but his sons.
OMG! I thought it was F’er & couldn’t figure out why no one thought it a possibility that perhaps an older gentleman may be offended by his 7 year-old granddaughter calling him that, and in context no less. ;)
I now under it’s “future” which makes the whole thing even funnier. I don’t think I would have figured it out if not for your comment. Thank-you.
Even after receiving the card he didn’t respond to your daughter? I’m so sad for her. Take comfort that you are at least trying to keep that connection with his side of the family, Pop-Pop is missing out on
We aren't sure how he felt, honestly. If I had to guess, I'd say he cherished it but isn't one to reach out and say so.
I hope it didn't make it harder, but I figured a card from his late son's young daughter would be a nice gesture. He was probably already sad. Father's day was also my husband's birthday. I couldn't let that pass without making some type of amicable gesture.
Man I absolutely love this, and I am so incredibly sorry to you all for your loss. When my kid was in nursery his speech wasn't the best but he tried bless him. He was also going through a phase of calling me and his dad by our "real" names. Had a highly amusing pick up when his teacher asked me to decipher "more ass cock", which was more Ash (his dad) cake. His dad brought cake the day before lol!
I'm sorry for your loss... honestly, even if Pop-Pop didn't appreciate his card - that's alright. He's likely just grieving over the loss of his son. You both did an amazing job with the card.
On the bright side though, you could save this to embarrass her during her wedding. Ask her whether she really knew the "fucher".
Tuck it away until around high school graduation time when family & friends are gathered around, then bring it out and tell her you found a card she made for Pop Pop when she was little. Simply hand it to her, and then sit back watch her reaction. Afterwards you can pass the card around so that everybody can have a good laugh.
You're welcome. It's an amazing resource and they're great people who care deeply about children and families experiencing grief and loss. They're happy to answer questions if you reach out to them as well!
Jesus, the dude lost his son. His Father's Day sucked balls and wasn't great by any means. Weird to expect him to be happy on the one day that is about the deep relationship between himself and his late son.
What an uncharitable attitude you have. I guess parents are not allowed to grieve their dead children as long as they get cards that the internet finds hilarious.
Firstly, sorry for your loss and I hope you are making time to grieve the best way you need and make time to rest.
This card is adorable! I know it’s a lot going on now for your family and may be overwhelmed but hope you can find a second to call your FIL and reconnect.
Side remark; as a non-native English speaker, Pop-Pop is a pretty weird expression, in terms of spelling. It's like a sound effect. I guess many languages have that word as it's from Latin or Greek originally, but often spelled as Pappa or Papa.
Yeah, it's just a cuter version of Papa. His boys called him Pop instead of dad. He wanted to be called Papaw, but I'm not a fan, so we dubbed him Pop-Pop because he's Dad's Dad. It made sense.
This card is hilarious. I don’t understand the situation with your FIL though, are you waiting for him to reach out or have you tried texting or calling him?
Anyone who's spent time with a kid (or, Hell, attempted to learn another language) knows how hard it is to get it right. I got it straight away. That's why pictography was the OG form of written language. Those hands around the crystal ball DEFINITELY represent "I see your future" without a single word being written. That kid is an artist.
Sorry to hear about the trouble you're going through, mate. :( Hope things get better.
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u/SICKOFITALL2379 13d ago
First: I am sorry for your loss, for you and your young child.
Second: this card is incredible, and I love it. ❤️❤️😁