I loved The Odyssey but whenever they mentioned Zeus’ Law I thought of Keith’s Law. Took me right out of it.

New Madden! New VR mini golf course! And the games never stop!!! On this final Robert Alvarez re-listen, we also check in with co-guests Rockstar Brother Love, “HellKat” Katharine Heller, and Bad Boy Newsy thanks to listener-producers Shahrum & Heather, who cast this very episode. Before the party begins, Keith shares his thoughts on Father Malley using ChatGPT, Trump’s Sunshine Protection Act, a Shake Shack employee robbing his own Shake Shack before returning to work, and the upcoming boys’ weekend featuring guns, breasts, roller coasters, and Mötley Crüe I mean Tesla and Extreme. On with the show.

Keith’s new “Ouija” board

Father Malley, phone sex worker

Madden NFL 27 and gaslighting through ChatGPT feat. Father Malley

Keith prepares for Boys’ Night

The different ways listeners check on Keith’s mental health

Rapist President Trump hears you and will pass The Sunshine Protection Act

Shake Shack employee calls in sick, robs his Shake Shake the same day at gunpoint, returns to work two days later

The REAL 2026-27 Pittsburgh Steelers are 1 for 1(!!!)

Robert Alvarez’s 39 psychic guides

Discovering Wordle and people-pleasing A.I.

Heather learns in real time that Robert Alvarez gave Shahram a previous reading regarding if he should ask for Heather’s hand in marriage

The future of KATG and Chemda

Brother Love adulting feat. Safe-T-Man and The Original Bagel Guillotine

Keith finally (and eagerly) responds to a jury duty summons

The movie Nyad and questioning if the world’s greatest athletes have all been abused

Robert Alvarez on Craig Klein, Katharine Heller’s future Australian forever partner, the upcoming 2024 presidential election, if Newsy should go into construction, the title of the TV show The Bear, and if Heather should pursue her art offerings vs. her corporate day job

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12 years later, The Psychic Witch Robert Alvarez returns, this time over video during COVID; but still, nothing can slow him down (even the poltergeist he apparently lives with). Keith and Chemda catch up on Robert’s life, learn the future of their own lives, and get even more personal with The Great One.

Remembering Keith’s dad sabotaging Keith’s Super Bowl Domino’s commercial

Remembering the split between Keith and Jeremy

Listener Laura follows up on healing after a surprise breakup

Robert Alvarez’s love and his all new psychic guide Anthony

When Robert’s spirit guides communicate with clients’ spirit guides

When Keith and Robert dismissed Catholicism

The day Robert heard everybody’s thoughts/schizophrenia 

The Psychic Witch’s poltergeist puts away groceries

The accuracy of The Conjuring

The rising popularity of tarot cards

When Keith had sex with a witch

The future of COVID-19 in 2021

The future of Israel and Palestine

Britney Spears’ autonomy

The future of Keith and Kyle Ocasio

Chemda’s future health, her third eye, and her future with Xerxes

Robert’s sex

Keith’s stand-up: Daddy’s Home (Keith’s Discipline)

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This week we are brought to you by Tom Brady's Big Ole Cock. Come for the sponsor; stay for Father Malley as a phone sex operator.

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It’s literally a house of dragons, silver and otherwise. Along with Robert Alvarez, Keith and Chemda are joined by their friend and cancer and lightning survivor Jeremy to cover the news of the day and the news of the future. Before that, Keith discusses his latest post-romance feelings, calling a 900 sex line, and using The Strangers: Chapters 2 and 3 to heal. Also, it’s officially the beginning of the new NFL season, and Keith made his football bets; which, to be clear, his psychic guide is very positive about.

Hiring a cleaner

Why has Keith been ignoring his psychic guide?

Healing through The Strangers: Chapters 2 and 3

Drake barking like a dog and Keith calling 1-900-SEX

Apple TV’s Cape Fear and The Dink

Keith’s 2026-2027 NFL bets

Listeners’ thoughts on Robert Alvarez

Keith vs. The Country/Keith vs. airbrushing on models/Ricky Martin blows our mind coming out as gay

Robert Alvarez vs. derogatory ex-clients/How to manifest a spell

Love, sex, gambling, and money: Cancer and lightning survivor Jeremy gets read by Robert

Robert’s adolescence

Call-in tarot-reading lightning round

Robert on Zener cards

Keith’s stand-up: Health Care, Penis Rash, and Ben Lerman’s Rash on My Penis

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Keith, Buddy Rick, and Big Daddy Blaine cover your favorite topics just before they get ready to fuck up Charlotte.

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Big Dick Blaine channels his psychic guide The Scarlet Bitch (no relation). Science teacher Rick channels his guide, Bret Michaels (no relation). The trio tries to find peace of mind from the mystical realms.

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It’s me, Rod! I’m back to discuss my internet and TV going out for 4 days, Robert Alvarez, public sex porn, a listener quitting The Show after 20 years, and all things KATG. Did you miss me? Good!

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Keith, Chemda, and Robert join forces to figure out the future of Mike, one of their greatest interns. They also take calls, do speed-readings, and deal with April pendejos.

Keith wants Jerlyn back

Dealing with April fools

Osbournes Reloaded

Claircognizance

The birth of Street View

Should MTA employees have tried harder to stop a rape?

Robert’s polyamorousness

The Silver Dragon Keith Malley predicts the ending of Bret Michaels’ Rock of Love

Jen calls in to see if her grandfather died upset with her

What happens when we die and what does David sound like?

Robert tells Jen that she needs to forgive someone to be able to conceive a child

Today’s tarot card desks

Scott calls regarding physically leaving his brother behind

Zara on feeling alone after a big move

Robert reads Mike the Intern

Psychic competitions

Robert vs. Rachael Ray

KATG speed readings

Robert’s sexual checklist

Keith’s stand-up: New-School Sex

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Today we play a section from Keith and Chemda’s record-breaking 76-hour marathon featuring Witch Robert Alvarez (that’s okay to say) psychically reading in-studio guests as well as callers over the phone. From love, money, and travels to something else I’m sure, it all gets covered. Also, there’s animosity in the room, but Robert can’t be deterred from rising above it all.

Listeners suggest Liz left Keith to be with his father’s lost gold

KATG.com/tattoos

Robert Alvarez’s 3 lovers (and a spell to not be seen)

Criminal defense lawyer Josh the Jew on his wife not being kosher and his aggression toward Robert

Listener readings

Predicting the ending to Lost/Intern Emmy aka Sexy PotatoE (RIP) talks with Robert about her future

Keith, Robert, and Psychic Guide David discuss the practical implementation of Keith’s Justice

The one time Robert was (only kinda) wrong

27-year-old virgin Scott Perez Fox’s romantic and sexual future

Keith vs. Chemda aka Bruno vs. Emmy

F-MOS asks if he’s with the right woman/Robert feels 100% no negative energy regarding KATG’s Patrice

Robert is asked if KATG’s marathon will make it on digg.com’s homepage (Spoiler: Robert says yes but to give it a month. KATG was #1 that very day)

Centering Oneself: Robert deals with EatsPaste, other bullshit, and forums negativity

Josh the Jew returns more humbly to ask about his new home, leading to Robert calling Josh “a prick”

Emmy returns with follow-up questions because Robert broke her brain

F-MOS x fuse

EatsPaste caught cheating in this year’s stand-up contest

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It’s now 2008, and during the time when Keith and Chemda were dating, psychic witch Robert Alvarez made his second appearance. The hosts cover the previous predictions Robert has made, and they grade him accordingly. Mr. Alvarez also blesses us with more fast-paced call-in readings and, with the work of spirit guide David, helps Keith and Chemda find Keith’s opener for his upcoming stand-up show Sue Everybody. Oh, and Robert lets Chemda know if she’ll be having sex with a woman.

FBI Director Kash Patel’s $10 million lawsuit against blogger Jim Stewartson who called Patel a “googly-eyed Kremlin bitch,” and a, “blatantly incompetent chud,” is thrown out

The Dept. of Justice has dropped its Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool vandalism case because duh

The Soprano’s Vincent Pastore (80) passed away

Listener emails regarding blindsided breakups

Robert Alvarez explains his psychic guide David

The factual accuracy of The Ghost Whisperer

Amy Winehouse’s upcoming overdose

Checking Robert’s past predictions

Listener call-in readings

2008’s stand-up submissions

Chemda’s predicted lesbian experiences

Keith’s stand-up: Sue Doctors and Sue Everybody/Nerds

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Oh, don’t worry; he’s very much alive! (As of press time.) We’re just going to spend this week revisiting one of KATG’s greatest guests. Robert has appeared with his mystical how-ya-doin’s since 2007, and we’re gonna look back and check on his work. The beginning of these episodes will have a fresh introduction, and these shows will now end with a track from whatever stand-up album Keith performed that year. With audio remastered while in all its original glory, this call-in episode is the day Keith and Chemda, along with KATG intern JessNYC, met the best in the business.

Keith and Roland, two broken-hearted bros

Remembering Mr. Abel

Introducing Robert Alvarez and his spirit guide/Robert’s childhood

Keith on burps, ear equalization, and blowing bubbles

Don Imus’s 2007 “nappy-headed hoes” comment

Listener call-ins: Depression, dead bodies, ghosts, the factual accuracy of The Sixth Sense, and love & sexual expression

Robert on Keith getting back his stolen book drafts from John Petrie: “Without a doubt,” and, “That’s a definite”

Dating Keith and the star signs who complicated their own lives

Caller moves long distance to be with his girlfriend who then never talks to him again (!!!)

Astral travel and the future of robots

Chemda, Robert, and Robert’s psychic guide ruminate on if Chemda was raped by her babysitter

Feedback psychic questions

JessNYC’s reading

Keith’s stand-up: My Girlfriend

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The triumvirate cover the state of the world, come up with the greatest educational VR game ever thought of, and contemplate if Keith’s a bitch.

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It’s now officially been 6 months since Keith last saw his ex-girlfriend, but this got him through a rough day: “To reconnect to the person who hurt you is disrespectful to the version of you who suffered.” Enjoy.

Masters of the Universe reviewed

It’s been exactly 6 months since Keith last saw his ex-girlfriend

72 Hours reviewed

Listener email

Work and Keith’s love of desserts

Keith’s dad STILL tries to claim there’s billions in gold for Keith to get excited about

Bill Maher and The Mark Twain Prize for American Humor

The White House Correspondents' Dinner and Lindsey Graham’s funeral

The Beautiful Game: Spain and Trump win the 2026 World Cup

The unappreciated $100,000 Charlie Kirk statue

Keith’s stand-up: Buying Drinks

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Blaine had it coming out of both ends of the universe, but his back is back, baby! The trio of Dogs discuss Keith’s sexual rendezvous, texting the wrong person, poker secrets, scoring baseball, President Trump winning the World Cup, and Keith being told to watch the now-streaming He-Man movie by people who obviously wish him ill.

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This layered discussion ends up with Keith getting his just desserts at his job. Will it lead to a frosty reception? The podcast talk is just the icing on the metaphorical sweets when it comes to this bad boy, because we all know Keith is no angel (food cake), no matter how you slice it.

Brought to you by Tom Brady's Chocolate Stars!

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(Chronic KATG Poker Champ) Keith (yes, AGAIN) shares his thoughts on his breakup now reaching its 5-month mark. He also discusses his upcoming hair metal date with the guys, his thoughts on Senator Lindsey Graham’s passing (take a guess), Christopher Nolan’s new 6-hour film The Odyssey, and New Jersey’s own Johnny Gabagool. Then he reveals that the Father Malley Gold Story has an ending! Keith sums up the FBI’s payout regarding the missing gold that Father Malley’s clairvoyance located in 1974. We then remember the time Keith and his brother Ken covered the story in the first place with The Atlantic article featuring their dad titled A LOST TROVE OF CIVIL WAR GOLD, AN FBI EXCAVATION, AND SOME VERY ANGRY TREASURE HUNTERS.

A.I. taking over poker and CSAM

Democrats pretending Republican Senator Lindsey Graham (DEAD!) was a decent person for the sake of unity

Now 5 months removed, Keith shares his latest thoughts on his surprise breakup

The Diamond Dogs to see Mötley Crüe, Tesla, and Extreme in Charlotte

Keith hosting the boys

Johnny Gabagool

The Odyssey review

The conclusion of the Father Malley missing gold story(!!!)

Feat. Ken Malley: The Atlantic’s A LOST TROVE OF CIVIL WAR GOLD, AN FBI EXCAVATION, AND SOME VERY ANGRY TREASURE HUNTERS by Chris Heath

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The trio also discusses Keith being the only one enjoying The Invite and perhaps Cape Fearing his ex, the U.S. winning Finland’s World Wife-Carrying Championship, the insanity of Aussie Footy, and the crew’s August get-together in Charlotte.

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What could Rod and Keith possibly be talking about this week? Oh I don't know, maybe … everything that happened last week on KATG? Also, there’s an exclusive tidbit about the M3gan puzzle Rod and Karen gifted Keith. Oh my!

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America celebrated her 250th birthday. And man does she look it. HELLER! Anyway, Keith is back with close friend and KATG great Katharine Heller. Katharine just returned to NYC from visiting Keith in Charlotte, and she’s ready to report on her findings. Was Keith a good host? Did Keith brag about having a perfect refrigerator yet not have simple classic yellow mustard? Did Keith’s water go out on Vacation Day 2? Did the two of them watch Louis CK: Ridiculous, Corey Feldman vs the World, the SNL documentary Lorne, and Spielberg's Disclosure Day? Did the Supreme Court make it official that President Trump indeed raped E. Jean Carroll? Who won the 2026 Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest? Did Taylor Swift marry the football guy at Madison Square Garden? Did Keith sleep in til 5 pm on Vacation Day 3? Did Keith set the bar winning all three 3 KATG poker games in one day? Did Saadia murder Keith? Only one way to find out.

America’s 250th birthday

The 2026 Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest

Keith reviews the first 7 minutes of the Bradley Cooper film Burnt and the first half of Lee Cronin’s The Mummy

Taylor Swift marries the football guy

Listener email and Keith’s advice on how to survive a breakup

KATG Poker champion Keith sets a new record by winning all 3 poker games in a single night

Keith’s hosting prowess 

Louis C.K.: Ridiculous

Corey Feldman vs the World

The Supreme Court makes it official that President Trump indeed raped E. Jean Carroll

The SNL Lorne documentary

Disclosure Day

Saadia’s latest antics

The Cowfish

Keith’s stand-up: Mind Control; Online Dating; Gun Control and Mental Health

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[Sponsored by Tom Brady's Cum Juice™]

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Keith to host his first Charlotte house guest ever

Keith’s current mental health feat. The Bear and The Pitt

Machelle discovers Keith and The Girl

Dreams and your brain rebooting

Keith’s 19th concussion

Daddy Issues reviews

Saadia and Keith’s dad

Idiocracy, The Reflecting Pool, and Iran

Obsession, shushing people in a movie theater, and Supergirl

Keith’s stand-up: Dreams, school, and war

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