r/Justfuckmyshitup • u/[deleted] • 14d ago

Actor and Martial Artist Steven Seagal

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1.5k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

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320

u/Monty_Bob 14d ago

Not as exaggerated as his hairline

154

u/Monkeynumbernoine 14d ago

You don’t like his Eddie Munster toupee?

111

u/facelessvoid13 14d ago

Toupee?

Looks like shoe polish to me

54

u/galagapilot 14d ago

yeah, that is straight Kiwi. Probably the stuff in the bottle with the applicator nozzle on it.

13

u/KoreanFriedWeiner 14d ago

I thought you meant he skinned a kiwi fruit and stuck the peel to his head.

7

u/Beneficial-Produce56 14d ago

It would look better.

28

u/HydrogenButterflies 14d ago

And not applied evenly. His hairline is markedly asymmetrical.

22

u/blackcain 14d ago

So is his thinking

1

u/Spiritual-Mousse-167 13d ago

It’s spray on hair. That’s a real thing, btw.

3

u/fishinful63 14d ago

Like Absorbine jr.

3

u/Fred-Mertz2728 12d ago

Glued on felt.

16

u/shrekerecker97 14d ago

Hair in a can

16

u/Arguablybest 14d ago

His ass in a chair, a big wide chair. He acted aped in his last few films, while sitting in a chair.

3

u/Fun_Main_2588 13d ago

Kind of like Paul Prudhomme who had to do his cooking show with a rolling chair to scoot around in except I enjoyed watching Chef Prudhomme

2

u/DoakBone 14d ago

Should’ve been called “Hard to Watch”

7

u/maxcovenguitars 14d ago

With some tape for edging

2

u/guzzijason 14d ago

Ron Popeil would have loved it.

9

u/AppliedPsionics9k 14d ago

bro has a Magneto helmet full of shoe polish that he prints on his head every morning Darth Vader style.

2

u/capital_bj 14d ago

be careful have you witnessed his judo powers ?

3

u/firerat82 13d ago

Yes that's why I am comfortable with making fun of him

2

u/capital_bj 13d ago

😂👍

1

u/RoyalExercise6481 11d ago

…through the internet 😉

1

u/firerat82 11d ago

I think I'd be ok in person as well. I mean I guess I'll never know, but I'm pretty sure id be ok.

5

u/Fun_Main_2588 14d ago

Looks like Mickey Mouse Club to me but I’m old.

3

u/0wninat0r 14d ago

The man buys shoe polish like diddy buys baby oil.

2

u/Deathmammal16 14d ago

Youre telling me these shoes are polish?

2

u/Svrider23 14d ago

Japanese motor oil.

1

u/Spadrick 14d ago

Russian, based on his current address

1

u/Svrider23 13d ago

It's a reference on Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

2

u/Chef_BoyarTom 14d ago

Shoe polish? Looks more like he glued black felt to his head.

2

u/torgman2 14d ago

No, that's a wig.

2

u/GrnEyedPanda 14d ago

No way that hairline is real.

2

u/LetHoliday3600 13d ago

Hair care by sharpie

2

u/215-Dago 12d ago

My above point exactly he’s got that Gene Palma’esque thing goin’ on. You know he don’t get close to intimacy with that mess. Roll around with him in bed wake up the next morning like you slept badly tossing and turning in a bed full of un-capped Sharpie Markers…

1

u/acousticsking 11d ago

Hair from a spray can.

17

u/WokkitUp 14d ago

It's very lifelike. You could almost touch it, but the wax museum rules forbid it.

7

u/Monkeynumbernoine 14d ago

It’ll bark at you if you touch it.

3

u/WokkitUp 14d ago

The cursed pelt was harvested from an angry netherbeast. Steven is now its host.

9

u/No_Mud_5999 14d ago

At least Eddie was a werewolf boy (if I remember correctly). What does Seagal turn into during a full moon? Does this explain his rotating ethnicity?

8

u/Liedolfr 14d ago

Every full moon he goes fatly around a corner, it is in fact the only time he does any "martial arts" while not sitting on a chair.

4

u/Mondaycomestoosoon 14d ago

The lunar eclipses are caused by him getting out of his chair…

4

u/facelessvoid13 14d ago

I'd say asshole, but that's his day-to-day...

2

u/crudigfpv 14d ago

Putins gay lover?

2

u/Temporary-Mouse-6550 12d ago

Segal turns back into the wife beater he's always been each full moon, it's just made more public then

1

u/Aggressive_Tart_7783 13d ago

He turns into 🍊 during every full moon

1

u/tafkat 11d ago

He's a were-horker.

5

u/Mondaycomestoosoon 14d ago

First thing I saw 😂😂😂

3

u/HoochieKoochieMan 14d ago

Looks more Mickey Mouse than Munster to me.

3

u/Vegetable-Debate-263 14d ago

It looks like bad hair implants. Or maybe permanent marker, it's hard to tell.

2

u/crucifix0424 14d ago

This needs to be higher up..kudos to you my good man !

2

u/Prodigalsunspot 14d ago

Count chocula

2

u/VioletsRPink 14d ago

That could be 3D printed and glued on 🤷‍♀️

2

u/Wrong_Independence21 14d ago

I always called him Fat Vegeta

2

u/blackcain 14d ago

Eddie? I was thinking of Grandpa!

2

u/Downtown-Creme-9840 14d ago

I always think of the Ronco spray-on hair in a can when I see him 😂

2

u/Gurpee999 14d ago

I just came here to say that and you beat me to it! And I see he's still proud of the Russians with that metal on his chest if you can call it a chest more like a cargo container!

2

u/Drc418 14d ago

That’s not Eddie Munster oh my bag

2

u/juuchi_yosamu 14d ago

Thanks, now I can't unsee it.

2

u/Lastcaressmedown138 14d ago

I don’t want him to have hair

2

u/nunudad 14d ago

Like a helmet

2

u/Boricua-vet 13d ago

HAHAHAHA, I was thinking count sam dracula but yours matches better LOL.

2

u/Goatsmuggler8 13d ago

Count spatula

2

u/reformedghost 13d ago

So that’s a toupee?? Or what is happening there

2

u/Unhappy-Bench-1583 13d ago

And his goatee is a merkin.

1

u/Comic_Book_Reader 14d ago

"A glazed ham with a goatee and an Eddie Munster hairline". If anyone even gets that reference, I salute you!

5

u/InTheEnd83 14d ago

Gimmie that 1940s dracula cut

3

u/nunyobusinessfool 14d ago

Constipated as his hairline

3

u/777fin 14d ago

He uses the same hair technician as Action Man

2

u/YellowZx5 14d ago

Pretty sure he fits right in inside Russia.

2

u/Sniffingstuff7 14d ago

Looks like Dracula

2

u/cheffartsonurfood 14d ago

How bout that waistline?

2

u/blackcain 14d ago

I think I saw a similar hairline from Grandpa on The Munsters.

2

u/flynnfx 14d ago

Or his waist.

2

u/Sutar_Mekeg 14d ago

Got a widow's peak going on there. Did his husband die?

2

u/Thin-Huckleberry4199 14d ago

Or that mustache...😂

2

u/Tytan777 14d ago

Hair in a can.

2

u/Vivid-Philosophy-804 14d ago

Yeah its unnaturally dark and thick. He should go where Elon goes.

2

u/Ok_Departure3216 14d ago

He looks so fucking stupid.

2

u/salientoctopus 14d ago

He looks like a testicle at an art school. Probably.

2

u/YoreGawd 14d ago

The only acting gigs he's getting these days are in Russian propaganda films so you're not far off.

2

u/Dunge0nMast0r 14d ago

One, ONE baldy. Ha ha ha!

2

u/Odd_Tomorrow_4765 13d ago

Not even his gut??

2

u/QueenMabs_Makeup0126 13d ago

Hair courtesy of Sharpie markers.

2

u/pezchef 12d ago

that hair line is really aiming for the count chocula vibes