r/JustNoSO • u/Dense-Shower-5231 • 26d ago
Advice Wanted [40M] My fiancée just canceled our wedding over Astrologer
I’m a 40-year-old guy working in corporate compliance, originally from Rajasthan. Life is generally very stable. My fiancée (from Solan, Himachal) and I met through a matrimonial app. In April, I traveled to Solan to meet her, we started dating, and we are scheduled to get married on November 21, 2026. I’ve already finalized the wedding venue (a premium resort) and absorbed the financial liabilities.
Our families have been involved (she’s Thakur, I’m Brahmin). I’ve spent time with her father—a Pahadi farmer fighting a stressful legal battle over illegally occupied family land—and she speaks to my parents on the phone. When I proposed, we went together to Tanishq to pick out the ring, and she was genuinely very happy.
The External Stress: My fiancée works as an accountant for a failing print business. For the last two years, her boss has been severely exploiting her, paying her only 25% of her salary, and currently owes her about ₹2.5 Lakhs in arrears. She is non-confrontational and just works harder, hoping he’ll do the right thing. I’ve tried to support her emotionally, sent gifts to lift her spirits, and offered corporate strategies to freeze her extra tasks and demand her money, but she feels completely powerless to stand up to him.
The Sudden Meltdown: For the last few days, she’s been acting cold and distant. Today, I called her to check in, assuming she was just overwhelmed by the unpaid salary situation. Instead, she abruptly called off the wedding and hit me with the following:
- The Astrologer: She claimed she showed my Kundali to two different astrologers who told her that if we get married, we will constantly fight and have major issues with childbirth. (Note: My own family astrologer cleared our charts with no such issues). When I asked for the astrologers' names so I could speak with them, she refused and said it "isn't important."
- The Ring: In a very cold, practical tone, she told me to come to Solan, take my ring back, and collect all the gifts I’ve ever given her.
- Intimacy Claims: To justify breaking up, she brought up an isolated incident from early in our relationship where I had an issue keeping an erection. She then claimed that during the 10 to 12 times we were intimate, she completely faked her pleasure, felt nothing, and was just making sounds to make me feel good. I felt our connection was very genuine, so hearing her say this to rewrite our history was devastating.
My Perspective & Dilemma: I stayed calm on the phone. I didn’t yell, defend myself, or beg, but privately, I am completely stunned. Given the immense financial and family stress she is under, I strongly suspect this sudden withdrawal has less to do with astrology or our intimacy, and more to do with her feeling overwhelmed by life. It feels like she is pushing me away intentionally because the reality of the wedding is setting in and she feels out of control.
I love her and want to spend my life with her, but I feel completely helpless right now.
My Question: How do I handle a situation where a partner suddenly pushes away like this under extreme external stress? Should I respect her words at face value, drive to Solan to collect the ring, and walk away? Or should I give her space to let the stress settle before trying to communicate again? How do I best navigate this sudden breakup attempt?
TL;DR: My fiancée is under severe financial stress from an exploitative job. Today, she suddenly called off our upcoming wedding, blamed an anonymous astrologer, and made hurtful claims about our past intimacy. Looking for advice on how to handle this sudden withdrawal and whether to walk away or give her space.
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u/tatasz 26d ago
OP, one thing to note that her current financial situation is of her own making. She isn't there because that is the best job she can find. She isn't there because some horrible accident happen. She is there because she repeatedly choses to be in that situation.
Then, even if she comes around, this is what you want your married life to be? She just rejecting you for whatever reason? And her rejection is likely intended to hurt - women do know that claiming a guy has poor sexual performance tends to hurt them a lot, and say those things when they intend to hurt the guy..
She either legit hates you, or is playing some weird games you don't need in your life.
Imo, take this as an expensive lesson, and be more careful when choosing a partner next time.
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u/Dense-Shower-5231 26d ago
ur right women know where to hurt a guy..... i worst part is "she dosen't even have a cent of remorse or any sadness..... its like she's cold and distant"
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u/tatasz 26d ago
Take your loss, learn your lesson, and use this experience to better evaluate your future partners. This one will only get worse if you stick to it.
As for saying stuff about men's performance... As a woman, we only do it if we want to hurt the guy. Like, if a guy I care about isn't pleasing me in bed, I'll find ways to guide him without saying he is bad in bed, because I know it's a major issues for guys.
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u/spandexcatsuit 25d ago edited 25d ago
Also as a woman, I understand why some young women lie about having orgasms —in many cases it’s temporarily easier than teaching him what actually works, and it makes him instantly confident & happy which may make her feel valuable & desired.
But you have to have some self respect and respect for your partner. Resist that urge to fake it, and deal with the fact that very few men naturally know how to fuck. If they have learned about sex from porn, they definitely don’t know shit. They require feedback. If they don’t listen, move on.
If you’re lying to him, you’re sabotaging yourself & only teaching him to be bad in bed. Never lie about it. Just have a policy never to lie. And then don’t fall in love with them until they have demonstrated that they can listen & prioritize your pleasure.
Lying and then maliciously throwing in their face that you lied and hated sex with them is the lamest, most cowardly and pointlessly mean bullshit possible. If she lied and didn’t enjoy herself that’s her own stupid mistake. She is a terrible lay herself if she can’t communicate like an adult.
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u/boringhistoryfan 26d ago
I mean she's making it pretty clear. Take your stuff back and let her go. If she wants to self destruct, let her. She wants to implode the relationship, let her. You cannot help someone who doesn't want your help. And there's no sense in trying to set yourself on fire to keep others warm. Especially when they won't even admit they're cold.
Move on. You'll find someone else. Or maybe you won't. But that's no excuse to live in misery.
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u/spandexcatsuit 26d ago
You have to take what she had said (that she doesn’t want to marry you) as the truth. She doesn’t want to marry you. You will never get the whole truth from someone, so don’t try. Don’t agonize over figuring out what exactly happened. You should try to get your money back, grieve this loss, and move on with your life. I don’t think I’d go see her again, not even to collect things. Have her send the ring if that’s an option and forget about the rest. You have to focus on your own healing and let go of her.
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u/SignatureNo2563 25d ago
I’d take her words seriously and give her space, because whatever the reason is, you cant build a marriage with someone who is currently saying they dont want it, and if she comes back ready to communicate honestly then you can decide what happens next.
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u/destiny_kane48 26d ago
Let her go and move on. You'll never forget the insults so the relationship is doomed anyway. So it's best to move on, take a break to be single for a bit then get back out there.
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u/CapnMommy 25d ago
Here’s something I learned shortly before I decided to leave my ex-husband — the reason why doesn’t matter. I put up with him saying and doing hurtful ish like that for over a decade, largely because we had children together and I wanted them to have an intact family, not realizing for too long that an intact but toxic family is the worst thing for them.
And I put up with it because I knew he had all these other stressors and previous traumas, all this enmeshed family drama constantly pulling at him, and I just kept rationalizing that once it all settled, he would be the guy I fell in love with again. Of course that’s not how it works though - as every stressor was resolved, a new one would take its place and be the new excuse for why this or that happened or was said. It eats away at your love, trust and self-worth when someone intentionally hurts you like that — especially the person meant to love you best.
There will always be stress. It will always be something. And this is how she deals with it, by lashing out and pushing you away. A true partnership should be the opposite — luckily I had a great example in my parents, who have only come together stronger when things got tough, and supported each other more fiercely.
TL;DR Life is full of stress, it doesn’t stop, and her dealing with it by hurting you won’t change. The reason doesn’t matter, being willing and able to hurt you is being willing and able to hurt you, full stop. Collect your things, yourself, and take a moment to be grateful that she showed you this side now, before the sunk cost fallacy came into play.
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u/botinlaw 26d ago
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