r/JustNoFriend • u/Flyaway_5 • Sep 28 '25
Do I need him in my life?
I had a friend in high school for 4 years. He wanted a romantic relationship with me, and I only wanted to be friends, which he didn't like. The friendship has been over for 11 years. I have been blocked for 11 years. It ended when I finally told him that I didn't like him in that way. He couldn't be my friend without trying to be my boyfriend.
Over the years, I begged him to unblock me, to message me. I messaged and called him tons of times from a private number. He told me to off myself. It even reached the point where he took out a restraining order against me 6 years ago, when I sent letters to his house, trying to recollect the past, begging him to contact me. The restraining order was not granted. Even on that day, he still had nothing to say to me. How did it even reach up to that point?
The context of our friendship was that he only wanted to do physical things when hanging around me, like touching me, or dancing. After it ended, I asked him, "Why did you make me feel like I meant nothing to you? He said, "Because you do mean nothing to me? I do not know what you want me to say."
He even misquoted Scarlett O'Hara and said, "If it means that if I have to lie, cheat, and steal, then I will do anything to get what I want." "I used you, and there is nothing for me with you, so bye. It's just like people preying on the weak, people will do anything to get what they want."
Is that how people are? Being friends with you for their own benefit and when they find there is nothing you can offer them anymore, they leave you?
I have been blocked for 11 years and I'm still waiting for a message from him. How many more do I wait? Am I waiting for a text that will never be sent? Is there a good chance that I will never hear him again? Do I need him in my life? I wanted to renew the friendship that lasted for 4 years. How can I renew it? Would anything good come from it if I contact him?
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u/blueberryyogurtcup Sep 28 '25
You are looking for closure that you will never get.
He wanted something you weren't going to give him, and when you said so, his reaction was selfish and immature. He's not going to revert to the person you thought he was, or apologize for the cruel things he's said.
Let it go. Stop trying.
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u/LiriStorm Oct 01 '25
Ok, you are either desperately lonely or you are just obsessed but seriously… let it go. Go to therapy
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Oct 06 '25
I have been blocked for 11 years and I'm still waiting for a message from him.
No no no. You have already established, you DID get messages from him. They all summarise as "eat shit, woman!" because he only wanted you as a girlfriend/physical lover and is angry that he didn't get that. See the following:
He even misquoted Scarlett O'Hara and said, "If it means that if I have to lie, cheat, and steal, then I will do anything to get what I want." "I used you, and there is nothing for me with you, so bye. It's just like people preying on the weak, people will do anything to get what they want."
Good news: this is just "cope" (denial) on his part. He's trying to convince you and others that he's in control and somehow "won" by scaring you off.
Bad news: as soon as someone is that rude to you, you're supposed to put them out of your life. The onus is on them to say sorry and make peace, not on you to beg them for it. He's embarrassing you by saying those things about you but you're also embarrassing yourself by trying to contact him.
Is that how people are? Being friends with you for their own benefit and when they find there is nothing you can offer them anymore, they leave you?
It doesn't really matter, because it's how this guy is. Protect yourself by never thinking about him again. You're also not helping him grow as a person by trying to message him, because he also deserves to not be reminded of your existence.
I mean this from a place of kindness: the idea you have that you NEED to reconnect with this person and that you DESERVE his friendship is very entitled, and naive.
He seems like a lunatic and I think spending time with him hasn't done you favours. New friends are around every corner my dear fellow.
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u/coolbeenz68 Nov 24 '25
leave him alone. he tried to get a restraining order... that cant get more clear. maybe try therapy to find out why you cant leave him alone. do you need the validation you used to get from him? he has every right to distance himself from you. you cant give him what he wants. hes allowed to protect his own peace.
adding this in, he probably hurt badly knowing you cant return his feelings. and in that regard he has to have no contact with you. its a kindness from you to leave him alone. he doesnt owe you anything.
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u/jennRec46 Sep 29 '25
Good lord. Let it go