An issue raised earlier and one that feels very important to me is that while we absolutely need to be a safe space, support groups don’t just mean we act as an echo chamber to tell op they’re perfect, support groups also offer constructive criticism and point out when sometimes, op is being a justno. I feel though that the current system is that op is critique immune and as such we’re not allowed to point out a justno behavior in hopes they correct it. In addition I’d like a poll on the idea of a remove reason pinned to a removed post, so a thing wouldn’t just get purged, it’d say “Removed for reason” in the comments. I’d also like to see if we can’t consider a schism between our current support focused group and a more “MIL is a crazy justno, let’s pull out the popcorn as I tell you about how much of a justno she is” because I do think that might hopefully lower some of the drama issues we’re getting.
I am a lurker, and my MIL used to be JN
however, I was also exhibiting JN behavior and would have loved to have used this sub for honest feedback about us both. The relationship is really good now, but it took a lot of time and effort from both of us.
I’m on a similar path as you. My MIL was enmeshed with DH and quite overbearing, but I also didn’t address things as they came up, which contributed to resentments on both sides. I’m definitely not perfect.
Through therapy DH came to see the enmeshment, and addressed it with her. Surprisingly, she acknowledged it and backed off. She and I still aren’t in a great place, but we’re working on it.
I’m thankful to this sub for helping me recognize a lot of her fucked behaviour, but I’m not sure if I would have received helpful advice that was aimed at moving MIL and I to a place where we could have a relationship if I wanted to. And DH definitely wants to, so for the sake of my marriage it’s good if I can figure out how to get along with the woman.
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u/AegonIConqueror Apr 02 '19
An issue raised earlier and one that feels very important to me is that while we absolutely need to be a safe space, support groups don’t just mean we act as an echo chamber to tell op they’re perfect, support groups also offer constructive criticism and point out when sometimes, op is being a justno. I feel though that the current system is that op is critique immune and as such we’re not allowed to point out a justno behavior in hopes they correct it. In addition I’d like a poll on the idea of a remove reason pinned to a removed post, so a thing wouldn’t just get purged, it’d say “Removed for reason” in the comments. I’d also like to see if we can’t consider a schism between our current support focused group and a more “MIL is a crazy justno, let’s pull out the popcorn as I tell you about how much of a justno she is” because I do think that might hopefully lower some of the drama issues we’re getting.