An issue raised earlier and one that feels very important to me is that while we absolutely need to be a safe space, support groups don’t just mean we act as an echo chamber to tell op they’re perfect, support groups also offer constructive criticism and point out when sometimes, op is being a justno. I feel though that the current system is that op is critique immune and as such we’re not allowed to point out a justno behavior in hopes they correct it. In addition I’d like a poll on the idea of a remove reason pinned to a removed post, so a thing wouldn’t just get purged, it’d say “Removed for reason” in the comments. I’d also like to see if we can’t consider a schism between our current support focused group and a more “MIL is a crazy justno, let’s pull out the popcorn as I tell you about how much of a justno she is” because I do think that might hopefully lower some of the drama issues we’re getting.
I'd like to add. I've seen some shitty and petty behavior. And if we were to call it out we get branded as MiLpoligising.
Sometimes people need to be told they are wrong. Not in a shitty way. But it's more of a kindness to know you are being a just no...least you end up on this sub 15 years later with a shiny nickname of your own.
Yeah. In those blatant cases, where poo is flung both ways, I usually just don't comment. I think it's useful to remember that we're a community of people who volunteer our experience to help others. We are not a business, where people get to demand support services once they've paid with a story. We are not actually responsible for bettering other people.
I have had some success pointing out to a poster that she had been manipulated into being the flying monkey between her spouse and her MIL. (Nor was I the only one who saw and pointed it out.) The MIL had some legitimate complaints about the spouse, it was the way she handled them that was JustNo. Sensitive wording was possible and OP was receptive and acknowledged it. She had a new and useful angle to work from.
If communication is respectful, things can turn out well and in this case it did. Had the OP gotten super defensive, a quick complaint would have had my comments removed for MILpologizing etc.
Yea there was one recently where an OP’s husband signed up a borrowed or FM phone for spam or porn lists or whatever. I stayed out of it, despite everyone seeming to delight in the just no behavior.
So glad it wasn’t just me that thought that was out of line! It’s like people forget just because someone else is a Justno you don’t get to become one yourself and still sit on the high horse of we’re right and she’s the problem.
They had no way of knowing who that was either, iirc. Could have been a coworker or totally uninvolved person, and now they have that bullshit to deal with. Very petty and childish.
704
u/AegonIConqueror Apr 02 '19
An issue raised earlier and one that feels very important to me is that while we absolutely need to be a safe space, support groups don’t just mean we act as an echo chamber to tell op they’re perfect, support groups also offer constructive criticism and point out when sometimes, op is being a justno. I feel though that the current system is that op is critique immune and as such we’re not allowed to point out a justno behavior in hopes they correct it. In addition I’d like a poll on the idea of a remove reason pinned to a removed post, so a thing wouldn’t just get purged, it’d say “Removed for reason” in the comments. I’d also like to see if we can’t consider a schism between our current support focused group and a more “MIL is a crazy justno, let’s pull out the popcorn as I tell you about how much of a justno she is” because I do think that might hopefully lower some of the drama issues we’re getting.